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Trust a Brandybuck and a Took!  by Grey Wonderer

This story takes place in Gondor and in The Shire.  Just a bit of silliness in which Merry , Frodo, and Pippin remember an incident when Pippin was 8 and Merry was 16.  Sam is hearing the story for the first time.

                                 "The Story of Poor, Unfortunate, Toffin"

Oh, fine!” Pippin pouted as Merry, Frodo, and Sam returned way after dark, grinning and talking. They had found Pippin sleeping earlier after his first full day back on duty as a knight of Gondor. Their young friend was only recently recovered from the injuries that he had sustained during a battle with a mountain troll. Deciding that the rest would do Pippin good, they had covered him with a blanket and left him to sleep while they went in search of supper. Pippin was leaning on the door frame now in his night shirt and giving them all his best sorrowful look. “I guess you all had a wonderful evening without me.” He now folded his arms over his chest and looked at the floor.

Merry and Frodo laughed and Sam shook his head. “You need a new injured look, Pip. That one is starting to fail you,” Merry informed him, walking into the room and dropping into one of the chairs near the fireplace.

Pippin scowled at Merry and continued, “I woke up on my bed in the dark, no less, and no one was here. No note, nothing,” Pippin accused and now he was glaring at Frodo.

“Don’t tell me that a knight of Gondor such as yourself is afraid of the dark, Pippin,” Frodo said, trying to look shocked, and joining a smirking Merry by the fire.

“I am not afraid of the dark, but it simply isn’t polite is all,” Pippin frowned. “I was never afraid of the dark.”

“No, that wasn’t you. You weren’t afraid of the dark, or thunder storms, or Mistress Bracegirdle’s chickens, or-“

“It’s bad enough that you leave me here alone in the dark to starve,” Pippin sniffed. “Now, you insult me? I was not afraid of those chickens.”

Merry and Frodo were laughing and Sam was grinning. “I don’t think I know this story, the one with the chickens, I mean,” Sam said, looking interested and settling himself into one of the over-sized chairs in their rooms.

“Oh, Pippin never told you about the time-“ Merry began and Pippin rushed over and tried to put his hand over Merry’s mouth.

“Merry, no,” Pippin pleaded, as the two fell to wrestling on Merry’s chair.  Merry was trying to be careful of Pippin's newly healed injuries, but they were wrestling all the same.

“I don’t tell it as well as Merry does, Sam, but since Merry seems to be busy at the moment, I might be persuaded to give it a try,” Frodo said, as Merry wrapped his arms around Pippin’s chest pinning his younger cousin’s arms firmly to his sides. Pippin, who was now sitting on the floor with Merry crouched behind him continued to struggle.

“Frodo, you wouldn’t,” Pippin moaned. “Let go, Merry!”

“Come on now, Peregrin,” Merry said. “You are a knight of Gondor and I am only poor a knight of Rohan. You should be able to escape.”

“You surprised me,” Pippin complained. “Also, I think you’re cheating.” Pippin continued to struggle, but Merry was holding fast.

“Cheating? How am I cheating?” Merry laughed. “Do I seem to be cheating to you, Sam?”

“Not as I can see, Mister Merry,” Sam admitted. “Of course, I don’t know much about what’s proper for knights and such as I am just a poor gardener.”

Frodo laughed, and Pippin broke into a grin in spite of himself. “Fine, embarrass me to death if you must, but get this wicked Brandybuck off of me.”

Merry laughed and released his hold on his younger cousin. He then resumed his seat in the over-sized arm chair, leaving Pippin on the floor. Pippin slid over and leaned his back against Merry chair and sighed. “I don’t know why I speak to any of you.”

“Probably because no one else in all of Middle Earth can put up with you, which is largely my fault and Frodo’s fault,” Merry admitted.

“My fault, Meriadoc?” Frodo objected.

“You don’t plan to sit there and say that you had no part in the spoiling of this knight of Gondor, do you?” Merry asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I suppose I can’t deny that, can I?” Frodo laughed.

“So, which of you two spoilers is tellin’ the story of the chickens?” Sam asked as Pippin blushed and averted his eyes.

“I think Merry should do it as it was his fault that the incident even happened,” Frodo said.

“Very well,” Merry said. “I suppose this needs telling.”

“I don’t know how you figure that,” Pippin grumbled.

“It needs telling because it keeps you from becoming too big for your breeches,” Merry said.

“I am afraid that the Ent draughts have already made me too big for them, but you can try to keep me from getting any bigger if you like,” Pippin smiled.

Merry smiled and began.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“But our chickens at home don’t do that, Merry,” the eight-year-old lad frowned up at his older cousin. “I would have noticed that.”

“Well, Mistress Bracegirdle’s chickens are a bit different from your family’s chickens, Pip,” Merry said. “They do it all of the time.”

“I don’t believe you,” Pippin said. “Chickens don’t run after you unless you’ve got feed for them. Then all you have to do is drop it and they just eat. They aren’t dangerous and they don’t bite.  I don't think they have teeth, Merry.  They will fly at you now and again, but if you know what to do then you're fine.” The youngster was quite serious. “I live on a farm, you know.  Pervinca was flogged by one once, but they can't kill you." 

“I know you live on a farm,” Merry said, bending down and looking the child in the eye. “That is why I find it so hard to believe that you, of all hobbits, have never heard about this sort of thing happening with chickens.” Merry’s tone was quite serious and he seemed a bit shocked by Pippin’s lack of knowledge. Pippin began to wonder about this. He didn’t want Merry to think he was stupid, but he just didn’t know anything about attacking chickens.

“I don’t know, I might have heard something,” Pippin said, frowning. Maybe he should pretend to know about this in order to keep from being teased. Merry was bad to tease and he didn’t let up on you once he found something to tease you about. “My papa may have said to watch out for chickens, once.”

“I’m sure he did and you just don’t remember it,” Merry said. “Most lads even younger than you are have heard that story about the hobbit lad who was eaten alive by attacking chickens.”

Pippin’s eyes were wide with shock at this pronouncement. “Eaten alive?”

“Well, I guess your folks thought you were too little to be told,” Merry said, getting to his feet and starting to walk away. “We better get back to the hall as it’s nearly tea time.”

With a last nervous glance at the chickens in Mistress Bracegirdle’s yard, Pippin charged after him. “I’m not too little. Tell me, Merry. Tell me about that lad and the chickens.”

“I really shouldn’t, Pippin,” Merry frowned. “Why if your folks or mine found out, they’d hang me for sure. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”


“But, I won’t tell, Merry,” Pippin pleaded. “I won’t tell anyone, I promise, please?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam groaned. “You were a wicked lad, Mister Merry.”

“Yes, we are all terribly proud of him,” Frodo smiled.

“It wasn’t funny,” Pippin objected while the others continued to grin at him.

“Oh, yes it was,” Merry laughed. “You see, I had this bet with Fredegar Bolger that I was trying to win. I had told Fredegar that I could get Pippin to believe anything that I told him, no matter how fantastic it was. Fredegar made the mistake of doubting my skills.”

“So, to prove his skills, he tried to frighten the life out of an eight-year-old,” Pippin said, sighing.

Sam laughed. “So, you told him this awful story?”

“Well, not right off,” Merry said. “I had to build it up a bit, because he wasn’t stupid, just too trusting.” Merry mussed Pippin’s hair and Pippin swatted at him.

“Just get this over with,” Pippin said, slumping against the chair.

“I let him beg for the story for a few days,” Merry said. “It was brilliant, really. He followed me around and asked me to tell him the chicken story, but I wasn’t giving in. That made it seem more like a real, forbidden story.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Please, Merry? No one is around and I really should know,” Pippin begged.

“You don’t need to know this, Pip. It would keep you awake nights,” Merry said, as the two of them sat in the library of Brandy Hall watching it rain. Merry was holding a book of children’s stories on his lap and Pippin was sitting beside of him. “Why don’t you let me read you a story that little lads are supposed to enjoy?”

Pippin jumped down from the sofa and glared at Merry. “I am old enough to hear that story and I don’t want to hear any little children’s stories. That’s what Pearl always reads to me because she thinks I’m a baby and I’m not a baby, Merry,” Pippin assured him. “How will you feel if something happens to me because you wouldn’t tell me bout those chickens?”

“What do you mean, Pip?” Merry asked.

“What if, when I get home, our chickens do something to me? I won’t know how to stay safe if you don’t tell me anything,” Pippin said, seriously.

Well, when you put it that way, I suppose that I should tell you,” Merry gave in. “I would never want to see you hurt. I suppose I can tell you for your own safety.” Merry put aside the story book and Pippin crawled back onto the sofa next to him.

“This happened a long time ago, when my father was about your age,” Merry began. “He had this friend, a lad named Toffin and they played together all the time. Toffin was a bit like you are in that he was sort of small for his age.”

“I’m not small,” Pippin objected and then he asked, “Did he have hair the same color as mine?”

“I don’t know. That wasn’t mentioned,” Merry said. “Anyway, one day my father and Toffin were playing near Mistress Bracegirdle’s chicken yard. It was her folks chicken yard at that time because she was a little lass then.”

Pippin nodded. “Go on.”

Merry looked into the serious, rather nervous face of his trusting younger cousin and almost decided against this. Almost.

“Well, Toffin wasn’t afraid of anything,” Merry said. “He was very brave, poor lad, and he was teasing the chickens with a stick. He was waving it at them and they got angry. Papa told him to quit, but he wouldn’t stop. He just kept doing it because he thought it was funny. The chickens were getting angrier and angrier and soon there were all kinds of them closing in all around Toffin.” Merry paused and looked at Pippin seriously. “Are you sure you want to hear this?”

Pippin swallowed and then nodded. He inched closer to Merry on the sofa and bit his lower lip.

“The chickens began to close in all around him so that he couldn’t get out of the middle of them and papa got awfully worried and so he ran to the Bracegirdle’s door and knocked and knocked, but no one answered. Suddenly, he could hear this terrible screaming behind him and he turned and the chickens had knocked Toffin down and were attacking him. Toffin was screaming something fierce and so papa began to knock harder and to scream too, but no one ever came, not until it was too late.” Merry sighed and shook his head. “It was too late to save poor, unfortunate, Toffin and Papa never forgot it.”

Pippin was as pale as a ghost. “Poor Uncle Doc. Did the they kill those chickens?”

“No, that’s the odd part, Pip,” Merry said. “No they kept them and they continued to raise them so I suppose that some of those killer chickens might be the parents of the chickens that the Bracegirdles have now. That’s why you have to stay away from those chickens. Now promise me.”

Pippin nodded and tried to find his voice, “I-I-I promise, M-Merry. I won’t go near those bad c-chickens.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sam and Frodo were laughing and Pippin was blushing. “Well, I was only eight.”

“Killer chickens?” Sam grinned.

“He was scared to death of them all summer,” Merry said. “And Fredegar had to give me three whole Shire pennies and a pouch of old Toby.”

“It worked really well until Uncle Doc found out,” Pippin smiled, over-coming his embarrassment.

“I wasn’t going to tell that part of the story,” Merry objected.

“No?” Pippin smiled. “That’s my favorite part. If you don’t want to tell it, then I will.”

Frodo laughed. “That seems only fair.”

“Fine, tell it, but you don’t look too bright in this bit either,” Merry reminded him.

“I’ll risk it,” Pippin said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I think we should get some, Sara,” Esmeralda said, as Merry and Pippin came into the kitchen.

“I don’t know, Esme,” Saradoc said. “They can be a lot of trouble and the dogs might not leave them alone. We wouldn’t want the dogs chasing them.”

“Well, of course now, but having the eggs would save us considerably,” Esmeralda said, and then she smiled at her son and his younger cousin. “I suspect that you lads will be wanting lunch.”

“Yes, please,” Merry said.

“What are you going to get?” Pippin asked, frowning. He had heard the mention of eggs and he was now a bit worried.

“Well, I thought it’d be nice if we had some chickens about the place like you do at home. I thought that the Bracegirdles might sell us a few to start us out. We get most of our eggs from them,” Esmeralda said, and watched as all of the color drained out of her young nephew’s face. “Pippin darling, what ever is the matter?”

“He’s fine, mum,” Merry said, looking quite pale himself.

“”Please don’t get any of those chickens, Aunt Esme, please?” Pippin begged, still very pale. “They’ll eat the poor dogs. Uncle Doc doesn’t like chickens either do you?” Pippin said, sympathetically, going over and hugging his Uncle.

Saradoc Brandybuck was often confused by the things that Pippin said and did but this was something new. “Now, Pippin, chickens don’t eat dogs.” He hugged his nephew and tried to reassure him even though he had no idea what the child was worried about.

Pippin tightened his grip on his uncle and looked up in shock. “I’m not a child, Uncle Doc. I know all about the chickens and about your poor friend.”

Merry laughed a bit weakly, “Come here, Pip. Let’s you and I go-“

Saradoc fixed his son with a stern look and then bent down and picked up Pippin who was shaking all over. He sat the little hobbit on the edge of the kitchen table and said, “I know you’re not a child, Pippin. Why don’t you tell me what you’re afraid of?”

“I-I-I, well, you know,” Pippin said. “You saw it all and I know you don’t ever want any chickens. ‘Specially those ones that the Bracegirdles have. Not after what happened to your friend.”

“My friend?” Saradoc was completely puzzled by this, but he knew from the look on Merry’s face that his son most definitely had something to do with it. He turned back to Pippin and encouraged him. “Pippin, why don’t you tell me what you know and then maybe I might be able to make you feel better about it all?”

“I don’t think you should listen to any of this, papa,” Merry objected. “Pip is only teasing you, aren’t you Pip?”

Saradoc looked over at the tear-streaked face of his nephew and frowned. “I don’t think Pippin is teasing me, Meriadoc. Go ahead and tell me what you’re worried about, Pippin.”

Suddenly as if a dam had burst somewhere, Pippin began to pour out the entire story of little Toffin and how he’d been eaten by killer chickens. Saradoc’s eyes widened as the story continued and Merry slowly began to attempt to back out of the kitchen while Pippin had his father’s full attention. Esmerelda Brandybuck caught her son by the scruff of his neck and held him in place. “Oh, no you don’t, Meriadoc,” she hissed.

“So, Merry told you this story, did he?" Saradoc asked, handing Pippin his handkerchief.

Pippin blew his nose loudly and then said, “He didn’t want to, but he had to so I’d be safe, Uncle Doc. Don’t be mad at Merry. He only told me for my own good. He didn’t want me to be eaten by those chickens, did you Merry?” Pippin looked over at Merry.

Right now, Merry thought that it might not be a bad idea if chickens ate Pippin. He knew that he was in a great deal of trouble no matter what he said at this moment. “No, Pip, I don’t want you to be eaten by chickens," he muttered.

“So, you were trying to save your little cousin’s life, were you, Meriadoc?” Saradoc asked, arching an eyebrow. “You were concerned for him and so, even though you knew it might give him nightmares and make him nervous, you graciously agreed to tell him this terrible story.”

Pippin nodded. “See how much Merry tries to protect me?”

Merry groaned as Pippin smiled over at him, proudly. His father glared at him and then said, “I think maybe you and I might need to have a private conversation about your concern for Pippin.”

“But, I was only,” Merry faltered, knowing that it was hopeless.

“Yes, if this is the way that you are planning to protect Pippin, then I think we need to discuss it in my study,” Saradoc said, grimly. “Esme, darling, why don’t you give Pippin some lunch and see if you can straighten this out while I reward our dear Meriadoc for his recent behavior?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Sam laughed. “I would be willin’ to bet that you got the seat o’ your breaches worn clean through for that one, Mister Merry.”

“He couldn’t sit down for a week,” Frodo laughed. “I had just come for a visit and Merry spent the first week that I was there standing and the next two weeks cleaning the barn.”

Merry grinned, a bit embarrassed. “I also had to pay back the Shire pennies to Fredegar and buy him some old Toby.”

“I bet you didn’t speak to him for a long time after that did you, Mister Pippin?” Sam asked, winking at Mister Frodo. 

Pippin sighed, “I was an idiot, Sam. I tried to sneak out and help him clean the barn.”

Merry leaned over and kissed Pippin on top of the head. “Poor little hobbit was a bit attached to me.”

“Like I said, I was an idiot,” Pippin grinned. “Apparently, I still am because I can’t seem to stay mad at any of you for deserting me the way you did.”

Frodo laughed, “There’s a basket of food for you on the table over there if that will get us back into your good graces.”

“Yes, Pip,” Merry grinned. “I believe there’s some chicken.”

The End





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