“The View From the Bank”

“It’s far too hot out here today,” Merry sighed, leaning back on the grass. “Even the shaded areas are too warm.”

“Seems all right to me,” Pippin objected, sitting down between Merry and Frodo, both of whom were lying down in the grass on their backs.

“Well, it isn’t all right,” Merry grumbled, putting his arms behind his head and closing his eyes.

“Maybe we should have stayed inside for a while longer and let the sun go down a bit more,” Frodo suggested, eyes closed against the afternoon sun.

“We’d been inside for ages all ready,” Pippin frowned. “It’s beautiful out here today. It would be a shame to miss a minute of it.” He looked out at the little pond in front of him and watched the sun reflect on its surface.

The three hobbits were sprawled on the grass under a small grove of shade trees within a few feet of the small pond’s edge. It wasn’t a deep pond and it was not a suitable place for fishing but small hobbit children often came here to wade in the water that came up to Frodo’s waist at the deepest point near the center. The children would catch frogs and minnows and splash about happily. In fact, Frodo could remember bringing Pippin here when his younger cousin had been the right age for frog hunting. Frodo had sat with a book in his hands under these very trees and watched as Pippin had splashed about in the pond with some of the local Hobbiton lads. Now Frodo yawned, the afternoon heat sapping his energy, and stretched his legs out on the grass. “I have never considered time spent in doors with a good book to be a waste of an afternoon, Pippin,” Frodo said, wishing that he had thought to bring a book along.

“You can read any time,” Pippin sighed. “How many days are there as fine as this one for just being out of doors?” Pippin picked up a small stone and tossed it into the pond. “Look, I made it skip!” he smiled as the stone skimmed the surface three times before going under.

“Skip them all you like but try to do it quietly,” Merry said. “I feel a nap coming on.”

“As do I,” Frodo agreed.

Pippin groaned and looked from one older cousin to the other in disgust. “When did the two of you become so lazy?” Pippin asked, skipping a second stone. “Why I remember when I couldn’t keep up with either of you and now the two of you can hardly stay awake in the afternoons.”

“You still can’t keep up with us,” Merry said. “You are behind on your napping, Pip. Frodo and I are starting without you.” Merry shifted a bit on the grass and got as comfortable as he was able to get outside.

“So you’ve both come out here to nap?” Pippin asked, getting more disgusted by the minute.

“We would be napping if you weren't yapping,” Merry said with a slight chuckle. “I made a rhyme, Frodo. We would be napping, if you weren't yapping, so kindly shut your mouth. Lay down on the grass or I’ll kick your little a-“

Frodo cleared his throat loudly just then. “Merry,” he said, trying to hide his own amusement. “That will do.”

“Well, at least you’ve done something besides lay about, Meriadoc,” Pippin snorted. “You’ve made up a rather poor rhyme. You should be proud of yourself. I doubt that you have the strength to do more than that, let alone kick anyone’s arse.”

“Do not tempt me,” Merry said, opening one eye for a minute and glaring at Pippin.

“It is too hot for all of this nonsense, lads,” Frodo said, wearily. “Now, behave yourselves and let an old hobbit sleep.”

Pippin folded his arms across his chest and sat there between his two cousins in the afternoon silence. Nothing was stirring about today. Merry and Frodo were not the only ones taking a lazy day it seemed. Pippin didn’t even hear any birds. He stood and stretched and looked down at his two cousins. “So this is what it will be like now that both of you have grown too old to stir about much?” Pippin asked.

“Old?” Merry frowned. “I am not old. I am mature.”

“Old is how you seem just now,” Pippin said with a shrug of his shoulders.

“That is only because you are too young to understand the value of a nice nap under a shade tree,” Merry said.

“I’ll bet your bones creak when you walk too far,” Pippin taunted.

“Do sit down or wander off and bother someone else, Peregrin,” Frodo sighed, draping an arm over his eyes.

“Well, I suppose that I can understand it all in your case, Frodo,” Pippin said, sitting back down between his older cousins. “I mean after all, you are getting on in years. I suspect that before too much longer you won’t be able to make it out to your own gate to get the post without help. I had heard that the Bagginses held up better than most hobbits in their golden years, but I am beginning to suspect that was not accurate in the least.”

Merry snickered as Pippin continued. “No, I suspect now that was merely a rumor in much the same way that there are rumors about all of that gold that is supposed to be buried in the hill about Bag End. Bilbo must have been a rare case among Bagginses to have stayed active and vital for so long,” Pippin sighed. “I can see that you are nearly done in just by our short walk here.”

“You are about to go too far, Peregrin,” Frodo said in a warning tone of voice as he uncovered his eyes and glared at Pippin. “And I can hear you snickering over there, Meriadoc. Contrary to what some young pups say, I am not deaf nor am I on my last legs.”

“Of course not,” Pippin said, leaning back on the grass on his elbows. “With you, Frodo, some failings are understandable. It is really Merry that I am worried about.”

Merry grunted. “You should be worried about your own safety just now.”

“I mean it, Merry,” Pippin said, sounding sincere enough at this point. “Since you’ve turned thirty you’ve become so tired all of the time and quite boring. It pains me to watch you go down hill at such a rate. I did hope that you had a few more good years left.” Pippin sighed deeply and looked up at the tree limbs above. “It makes me dreadfully sad.”

“Ignore him,” Merry said, to Frodo. “Maybe he will take the hint and go away.”

“He never has before,” Frodo said with a long-suffering sigh.

Pippin fell silent for a few minutes and then just as both of his older cousins had begun to think that he had given up, Pippin spoke again. “Why don’t we walk into Hobbiton and get some fresh rolls? They bake them today and it would make a nice walk. We could eat the rolls on the way back up here.”

“We are here now,” Frodo said. “Besides, I am quite full from luncheon.”

“You would walk a bit of it off and have plenty of room for the rolls by the time we got into Hobbiton,” Pippin said, brightly.

“I don’t want to walk all of that way in this heat for rolls,” Merry groused. “Besides those rolls are never quite as good as the ones that Sam makes.”

“Well, no they aren’t that good,” Pippin admitted. “But Sam is away this week and so he shant be making us any rolls at all. We might do well to go into town and get them this time if we want any.”

“I don’t,” Merry said.

“You don’t what?” Pippin asked.

“I don’t want any rolls,” Merry said.

“Well, maybe Frodo-“

“I do not want any rolls either, Pippin,” Frodo said, yawning.

“Oh,” Pippin said. He waited a half a second and then said, “We could see if the candy apple cart is in there today. It would be a nice way to fill up the corners, wouldn’t it?”

“No!” both Merry and Frodo shouted.

“Well, you don’t have to be so very hostile about it all,” Pippin said. “If you don’t want candy apples then you merely need to say so. You don’t have to shout. One might think that neither of you had any manners at all.”

“Yes, well, speaking of manners,” Frodo sighed. “It is very impolite to keep others awake when they are trying to sleep. I might also question your manners on this point.”

“Tell him, Frodo,” Merry agreed.

“I am just trying to keep the two of you from wasting this lovely day,” Pippin scowled. “There are so many things that we might be doing if the two of you weren’t so busy complaining about the heat and napping like two old gaffers.”

“No one has been able to nap thus far,” Frodo said, irritation plain in his tone.

“I do hope that I don’t become old and brittle when I reach your age,” Pippin frowned.

“I suspect that one of us will kill you before you reach Frodo’s age,” Merry muttered.

“I mean seriously,” Pippin said. “I shouldn’t want to be boring and tired all of the time like you two are. Poor Frodo is only forty-four years old and all ready all of the life has gone out of him. And you, Meriadoc are nearly as bad. I never thought that becoming thirty would do this to you. I really do hope that I am never so old and cranky as the pair of you are.”

Frodo and Merry exchanged looks behind Pippin’s back. Their younger cousin was sitting up and leaning his chin on his knees while he spoke. Pippin stared out at the lovely little pond and sighed deeply. “It didn’t used to be like this. I miss the way both of you were back when you were young and cheerful.”

Merry grinned over at Frodo as Pippin continued. “I never thought that I would say this, but the two of you are boring. That’s right! You’re boring and completely uninteresting. You’re like a couple of old cows in a field. You’d like nothing better than to just lay down and sleep the day away under a shade tree. In fact I suspect that you wouldn’t even bother to swish your tails and drive the flies away.”

Frodo grinned back at Merry, his eyes sparkling with mischief as Pippin went on with his string of rather insulting observations. “No, sadly both of my favorite cousins have become dull in their older years,” Pippin said. “I do hope that I shall have longer before I become a hopeless bore. I used to think that being older would be wonderful but now I am ever so glad that I still have my youth and am still interesting.”

“That’s it!” Merry said and in one swift motion he reached over and grabbed both of Pippin’s wrists.

“Merry! What are you doing?” Pippin demanded. No sooner were the words out of his mouth than he realized that Frodo now had a firm grip on each of his ankles. Pippin squirmed a bit but his cousins held fast. “Frodo, what are you doing? Let go!”

Merry laughed a bit wickedly. “What’s the matter, Pippin? Don’t tell me that us two rather boring old hobbits have surprised a young intelligent lad like yourself. That isn’t possible is it?”

“Merry, quite teasing me,” Pippin said, trying to break free of both cousins and failing.

The two older hobbits stood up with Pippin suspended between them and Frodo said, “You know, Merry?”

“What Frodo?” Merry asked, looking innocent.

“Put me down!” Pippin shouted.

Frodo ignored him and answered Merry. “I think that it is a shame that it is so very hot out here today, don’t you?”

“I do,” Merry agreed. “But what can we do about the heat?”

“Put me down!” Pippin shouted squirming but still unable to break free.

“Well, the pond looks cool in spite of the heat,” Frodo said.

“No!” Pippin yelled. “Frodo you wouldn’t! These are my best trousers! My mum will kill me if I ruin these!”

“What’s that Pippin?” Frodo asked. “You have to speak up a bit. At my age, I’m a bit hard of hearing.”

Merry grinned. “That pond does look nice and cool, doesn’t it?”

“No, Merry, you know what my mum will do to me if I ruin these trousers?” Pippin pleaded. “She told me that if I ruined any more of my clothes that she would make me wear Pervinca’s hand-me-downs!”

“I’d pay to see that,” Merry laughed.

“Put me down!’ Pippin shouted again.

“Oh, we plan to,” Frodo said, smiling at Pippin.

Frodo and Merry moved closer to the little pond still holding Pippin between them and swinging him back and forth ever so slightly as they went.

“I’m sorry, all right?” Pippin said, quickly. “I didn’t mean that you were boring, honestly I didn’t!”

“You compared us to cattle, Peregrin,” Frodo said.

“I like cows! I meant it as a compliment!” Pippin said. “They are very gentle animals and very intelligent.”

“You called us old cows that wouldn’t even bother to swish the flies off of themselves,” Merry continued as they swung Pippin a bit higher in the air.

“Please?” Pippin begged. “Put me down and I promise that I’ll behave.”

Both older cousins laughed and Frodo said, “I do believe that I have heard that one before, Peregrin. In fact, I may have fallen for that ruse several times, but now that I am old and boring I don’t have time for that sort of foolishness.”

“You aren’t old, Frodo!” Pippin yelled as they swung him higher. They were standing next to the pond now and when they swung him out into the air, Pippin could look down at the water. “Don’t do this!”

“Can’t hear you, Pip,” Merry said with a laugh. “I’ve become too dull to listen to much of anything. It is strange though, my bones are hardly creaking at all even though I am moving about a great deal just now.”

“Merry!” Pippin shouted, and then he felt himself sailing through the air.

Frodo and Merry stood on the bank and watched as Pippin hit the water with a rather loud splash and landed somewhere near the middle of the pond. They stood there laughing as Pippin sat up, water dripping down his nose and soaking wet hair hanging in his eyes. They continued to laugh even harder. "Ah, to be young and interesting again," Frodo smirked.

Pippin got to his feet and began to head for the bank with a fierce look in his eyes. “Now you are both in trouble!”

This made Merry laugh even harder right up until the mud hit him in the side of the face. Merry looked at Pippin with complete surprise and now Frodo was the only one laughing. “I am going to kill you when you reach the bank, Pippin!” Merry said. “If I were you, I’d stay right there in the middle of that pond with the other toads until I croaked because the minute that you reach the shore, I am going to toss you right back into the pond!”

“Try it!” Pippin said, flinging another handful of mud and hitting Merry’s waistcoat.

Merry was livid now. His grey eyes narrowed dangerously and he clenched his fists while Frodo continued to laugh. Frodo laughed right up until Pippin aimed a hand full of pond mud at him and hit Frodo right in the mouth. Both older cousins exchanged looks and then began to wade out into the pond.

Pippin backed up a step and sat down hard on the bottom of the pond. He quickly filled his hands with mud again and got in two quick throws striking Merry in the chest and Frodo in the face again, before they reached him. “You want to play in the mud, Peregrin Took?” Frodo shouted, and with that he bent down and grabbed a hand full of mud and rubbed it into Pippin’s hair. Pippin kicked him in the chest and that is when Merry shoved Pippin under the water several times.

Two little lads watched from the other side of the pond as the three cousins wrestled about in the water flinging mud at one another and dunking each other. “What are they doing?’ the smaller one whispered.

“I think that they’re fighting, Nipper,” the older one said, whispering also.

“What do you suppose it’s about?” Nipper asked as he watched one of the hobbits in the pond pick up another one and toss him.

“Don’t know,” the older one responded. “Could be nearly anything I suppose.”

The little lad looked down at the bucket in his hand and frowned. “I don’t suppose that we will be able to catch any frogs at all today will we, Hal?”

“Not with all the stirring about that they’re doing,” Hal agreed. “I suspect that they will have scared off all of the good ones.”

Three other lads joined them and looked out at the fight that was still continuing out in the pond. The smallest of them announced, “We ought not to get too close.”

“Why not?” Hal asked.

“That one in the middle there what just rubbed mud in the little one’s face?”

“What about him?” Hal asked the new arrival.

“That there is ‘mad Baggins’ and they say he ain’t right in the head.”

“Really?” Nipper frowned.

“I heard tell that his uncle was a crack-pot, but I never heard it of him,” Hal said. “Are you sure that’s a Baggins?”

“Hard to tell with all the mud, but I’m pretty sure,” the lad replied. “Anyway, if it is then he’s a real nutter according to my papa and we shouldn’t go about him.” The five lads looked on as Merry took off his own waistcoat, rolled it up tightly and then smacked Pippin on the back with it.

“They’ll kill that little one,” Nipper said, in a nervous whisper.

“No they won’t,” Hal said. “At least I don’t think they will.”

“What if they do?” Nipper asked, looking up at Hal who only shrugged his shoulders. He wasn’t sure what they should do in a situation like that.

“If they do, then we run like the wind till we find a shirriff,” one of the others said. “We don’t want to get mixed up in no killing.”

Just as Frodo was pulling a cussing Pippin out of the water by his hair, Merry spotted the lads on the far bank. “Frodo,” Merry hissed.

“What?” Frodo said, still holding onto Pippin’s hair while Pippin continued to call his older cousins names that would have shocked half of Hobbiton.

Merry tapped Frodo on the shoulder and pointed to the bank. Frodo looked over at the lads and quickly covered Pippin’s mouth with his hand. “Hush up, we have an audience.”

Pippin looked toward the bank at the lads and Frodo let go of him. The three combatants stood there in the middle of the frog pond, dripping wet and covered with mud and looked at the group of youngsters now gathered on the bank. There were at least eleven of them now and all of them were looking out into the pond with a mixture of confusion and fear. Pippin raised a hand and waved, pasting a big smile on his face and Merry and Frodo quickly followed suite. The effect was not the one that they had been hoping for. From the bank there came a shout, “Run! They’ve seen us!” and the entire group of lads took off as fast as their legs would carry them.

Frodo, Merry and Pippin exchanged puzzled looks. “What do you suppose was the matter with them?” Pippin asked.

“I don’t know,” Merry frowned.

“That was rather odd, wasn’t it?” Frodo agreed.

Merry sighed and shook his damp curls. “I guess I am getting old. I just don’t understand children anymore.”

The End

G.W. 07/04/2005