Pippin is 7, Merry is 15 and Frodo is 29

The General is still in the kitchen with his Advisor and the Old Campaigner. The three of them are having lunch at present and we are standing watch. The General may be gone for quite a while but we will not shirk our duty. We will wait for his return and our new orders. We are supposed to be engaged in fighting The Battle of the Five Armies which we have done many times before. This time, our mission was interrupted when the Old Campaigner called our General to his noon day meal. So now we wait.

The sound of small feet tip-toeing across the battle field can be heard and I know at once that the Intruder has returned. Some of our number will soon go missing, I fear. The Intruder is moving among us now and making his selections. Just two ranks in front of me I see him remove four of our brave troops from their posts. Now, he is moving to the rear flank and has taken two more soldiers from our finest dwarf army. As he scurries between our rows, he occasionally knocks over a few of my comrades. He is careless and he cuts a path through our center and takes one more soldier from our newest members. He is spoiling our line of defense! The General will be very angry. I fear that we are all in for a very unpleasant afternoon. The Intruder has just taken five more brave souls from our right flank and is now fleeing the field of battle.

Several of my fallen comrades call to me. I know that they are all right, but still, I worry at what this random removal of troops will do to our defenses. Many of our number now lay scattered on the field. We look disgraceful at this moment and I am ashamed. We have broken our ranks. We are now open to attack. The General will not be pleased.

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"I’ll be in the parlour, Frodo," Merry calls to his older cousin as he leaves the now empty table. "I have a battle to finish and my troops are waiting for me." Luncheon is now over and all Merry can think of is returning to his wooden soldiers. He has them all positioned and ready to go. Now that he is well fed, the battle can begin in earnest. He plans to re-enact The Battle of the Five Armies. As an after-thought, he turns back toward the kitchen and calls out, "Bilbo, would you like to watch my armies do battle? You can help me to get it just right."

"I think I’d like that very much, Merry lad," Bilbo says, with a wink to Frodo. "Frodo why don’t you put the dishes away while I supervise Merry’s battle."

Frodo nods and smiles at his beloved Bilbo. "I can do that, Bilbo. You and Merry go ahead." He turns to the dishes on the table and prepares to go to work. He is nearly jarred into dropping one of the plates when he hears the yell from the other room.

"Pippin! Where are you?" Merry is shouting. "When I get my hands on you, you are going to be one very sorry little hobbit!"

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General Brandybuck has returned and he is not pleased. He, of course, spots the breaks in our ranks at once. His eyes grow wide with alarm and then narrow with anger. He knows that the Intruder has been here. He looks around at those of us that remain at our stations and then at those of us who have been knocked from our ranks and are scattered about the field. He is sounding the alarm and I can hear the Old Campaigner as he makes his way into our presence.

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"Now, Merry, don’t take on so," Bilbo says as he enters the room. "Everything can be righted." He frowns as he looks at the small, wooden armies. Many of Merry’s soldiers have been knocked about and kicked out of place and he can see one underneath the edge of the sofa.

"I’ve told him to leave my things alone," Merry says, loudly so that his voice will carry to where-ever Pippin is hiding. "All I ask him to do is to stay away from my things! Look at this mess! Look! They’re all over the place! Everyone is out of their rows and now the entire thing is off! It was perfect when I came in to luncheon!"

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I am deeply ashamed. Our General is displeased with us now. We don’t pass muster at all. It must be very embarrassing for the General and in front of the Old Campaigner too! I would hang my head in shame were I not at attention. No point in making things worse. I must try to maintain the dignity of my position. Let the others panic if they must, but I am the General’s favorite Lieutenant. I can’t let the troops see me at less than my best. The General has enough trouble now.

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"Now, Merry," Bilbo tries to soothe him. "Don’t worry. I’m sure that with a bit of work the armies can be restored to their proper locations in no time."

Merry looks over at Bilbo in dismay. "He’s taken some of them again, Bilbo. Some of my best soldiers are missing!" Merry then turns and yells. "You have five minutes to bring back my soldiers, Peregrin Took, or I am coming after you!"

Frodo abandons the dishes and comes into the parlour. "Now, Merry, you have to remember that Pippin is just a little lad and he doesn’t understand all of this," Frodo says. "He’s too small yet to realize how much work this was."

"He’s taken some of my soldiers, Frodo," Merry objects. "He knows what he’s doing! I’ve told him not to touch the armies without my permission. I’d let him help but he won’t do it properly. He keeps trying to put them in a circle or mix up the different colours. He spoils it!"

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The General is taking this latest attack on us personally and I am proud to be one of his soldiers. His Advisor simply doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation. His Advisor is too diplomatic for my personal taste, but I have no say in this matter and must leave it to our General to see to our well being. `He will defend us.

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The small soldiers were Merry’s pride and joy. He loved them dearly and each year for one occasion or another, Bilbo would gift Merry with more of them. They were hand carved and hand painted by the dwarves of Dale. Each soldier had a detailed face and each had a small weapon in hand. Some of them were green, some were painted in blue, some were clad in yellow and the newest of Merry’s armies were all painted in red. Merry was very particular about the way his armies were lined up. He kept colours together and he was always trying to stage The Battle of the Five Armies as accurately as he could. Often this meant filling out the ranks with chess men or Draught pieces as there never seemed to be enough soldiers to suit Merry’s plans. Pippin had not touched any of the Draughts, but he had removed the white King and one black pawn.

"I should have known when he left the table before us that he planned to do this," Merry said. "He ambushed my armies!"

From down the hall a voice called out in response to these charges, "No, I didn’t!"

"I am getting my armies!" Merry declared and fled the room before either Bilbo or Frodo could stop him. "You’re going to be very sorry, Pippin!"

There was a squeal from down the hall and then the sound of little feet running across the wooden floors of Bag End. Bilbo sighed and looked over at Frodo, "Go after them, lad and try to see to it that they don’t kill one another. I’ll wait here. Bring them both to me once you’ve caught them."

Frodo nodded and with one last look at Merry’s armies, he left in the direction that Merry had gone.

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Looks like the Old Campaigner has sent the Advisor to help the General bring back the Intruder. The General doesn’t need any help, but it is always a good thing to have someone that you can trust guarding your flank. Now the Old Campaigner is rescuing some of the fallen. He is sitting some of them back on their feet and dragging others out and placing them as best he can. He was not here before and so he does not know how our General had us arranged, but he is doing his best. The General will be back soon enough to over-see the Old Campaigner’s efforts. The rank containing the Draughts who were bravely standing guard with us is in ruin. The General had them arranged in small piles. He was using them in stacks of three, letting each stack represent a soldier.

I must admit that I had my doubts about his usage of the Draughts at first, but as always, the general’s reasoning proved sound. The Draughts have done their part in other battles and have earned the respect of most of us here. Some of the older, more judgmental soldiers still will not accept them, but most of us trust that they will do what they must.

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"Ow! Let me down, Frodo," Pippin wailed as the three of them returned to the parlour. There had been quite a scuffle in the back bedroom, but now Frodo was in charge. He had Pippin under one arm and Merry was following behind them, gloating. "Frodo, I didn’t do anything!"

"Don’t make it worse by lying," Merry said. "You took my soldiers and I demand them back!"

"I did not!"

"You did too!"

"Did not! Frodo, let me go," Pippin wailed.

"If I let you go, you’ll run off again, Pippin and it’s time for you to face the music," Frodo said, sternly.

"Make him give back my armies," Merry said. "Then punish him. He deserves it."

"I do not reserve it," Pippin said, fiercely.

"You do too! And it’s not reserve it’s deserve."

"Do not!"

"Yes, you do!"

"Hold on there, lads," Bilbo said. "I’ll decide who deserves what. Frodo let put Peregrin down."

‘He’ll take off again," Merry objected.

"If he does, than I shall send for his parents and he can go home early," Bilbo said, quietly.

"I don’t wanna go home early," Pippin whined. Frodo sat the little hobbit on his feet, knowing that Bilbo’s threat would keep the little imp from running off. "I’ll be good, Bilbo. Please don’t send me home. I don’t have anyone to play with there. I wanna stay with Merry and Frodo."

"Send him home," Merry growled, folding his arms over his chest and looking away from Pippin who was now sniffling. "I don’t want to play with him if he can’t behave."

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Our General has returned with the Intruder! Hurrah! Now the Old Campaigner can hand down punishment. If the Advisor doesn’t go soft and try to mediate a truce, then the Intruder may well be removed from our midst completely. The Intruder is crying! He is not very military and he is no match for our General. We must wait now to see what is to be done. I only hope that our missing troops are returned unharmed. The memory of another attack is still fresh in my mind. We lost two fine soldiers when a large animal carried them off. We were on a mission out near the barn on our home soil in Buckland when the great beast carried them off. The General gave chase, but it was too late. I hope that it is not too late to save the soldiers that were taken prisoner by the Intruder.

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"Don’t be angry, Merry," Pippin was saying between sniffles. "I just needed to borrow a few of them for a while is all." Pippin was standing next to Merry and tugging on his older cousin’s shirt sleeve. "I just needed them."

"What for?" Merry demanded as he glared at Pippin. He was still angry.

"I needed them for my boat, Merry," Pippin explained.

"You still should have got Merry’s permission before you borrowed his soldiers, Pippin," Frodo said.

"But Frodo, Merry never lets me borrow them. He won’t even if I ask," Pippin objected.

"He didn’t borrow them," Merry put in. "He stole them!"

"I did not!"

"Yes, you did!"

"No, I didn’t! They wanted to come!"

"Now that’s enough of that, lads," Bilbo said, stepping between the two youngsters. He then turned to Pippin. "If you didn’t have Merry’s permission to use his soldiers, then you took them on your own, Pippin. Now, what is that called when you take something without permission that doesn’t belong to you?"

Pippin fidgeted and bit his lower lip. He looked at the floor and mumbled something.

"What did you say?" Bilbo asked.

"Stealing," Pippin said, softly, still looking at the floor.

"I told you he stole them," Merry said. "And he made a mess of the rest of them."

"I didn’t mean to make a mess,’ Pippin said. "I just needed some of them for the boat is all."

"These are armies,’ Merry said. "They don’t belong in your boat. They march. They don’t sail."

"Some of them sail,’ Pippin said. "I think they like to, Merry."

Merry said, "These are my soldiers and you will bring them back now!"

"I’ll go and get them," Pippin said, sadly. "But I did need them." He looked over at Frodo thinking to gain some help but found none.

"You should go and get Merry’s soldiers now, Pippin," Frodo said.

"But the boat will be empty if I do," Pippin said.

"Then you need to put some of your farm animals into it," Frodo suggested.

"Farm animals don’t go in boats," Pippin said.

"Why, they can if you want them to," Bilbo said.

"No they can’t,’ Pippin said. He then turned to go and get Merry’s soldiers while muttering. "None of you have ever seen a cow or a pony in a boat on the Brandywine."

Bilbo and Frodo were smiling in spite of themselves. "I don’t believe that I have seen any ponies in boats," Bilbo said softy so that Pippin wouldn’t hear.

"He knows not to take my things," Merry said, still trying not to be drawn into all of this business about whether or not farm animals went sailing. He didn’t want to let Pippin win this one. True, he’d never seen anything as ridiculous as a cow in a row boat, but these were soldiers! They were not sailors or pirates and so they didn’t have any more business being in a boat than Pippin’s wooden farm animals did.

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I wonder at the wisdom of allowing the Intruder to go alone to retrieve our missing men, but the General seems willing to allow it. I was very proud of the way that the Old Campaigner managed to get a confession from the Intruder. I can see why the General has such regard for him. I was also relieved that the Advisor didn’t make trouble. Sometimes he can be too forgiving when it comes to the Intruder. I only hope that our missing troops are still in one piece. We are sturdy soldiers and very well-made, but the Intruder has broken other items before. I am reminded of the Old Campaigner’s favourite tea pot and an ugly incident with a rather large cake. Ah, he returns! Now, there will be justice!

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Pippin entered the parlour at that moment with his head down, moving much slower than he normally did. In his hands he was cradling a very sturdy little red sail boat. He held the boat close to his chest and peered at his cousins through his curls. The boat had been in water somewhere in the smial because Pippin was trailing little drips of it behind him as he walked. This was another violation of the rules. Pippin was not allowed to fill up the bathing tubs or anything else with water unless he had permission and supervision. Pippin could do a great deal of damage with nothing more than water.

Merry scowled at his cousin and said, "My soldiers had better be all right and they had better all be there. I’ve counted and so I know how many you have."

Pippin made his way over to Merry and extended the small boat out toward his cousin. "They’re all here."

Bilbo was wondering what room in Bag End was now wet from Pippin’s afternoon of boating but decided to wait until Merry had regained his armies to ask. Frodo sighed and looked at the trail of water which led into the hall. He hoped that Bilbo wouldn’t send Pippin home.

"One of us should have been watching him a bit closer," Frodo remarked in an attempt to shift a bit of the blame from Pippin.

Merry took the small boat and began scanning its contents. "They all seem to be here. You are very lucky that they are."

"They all made very good sailors, Merry,’" Pippin said, hopefully. "They all stayed in the boat most of the time. The King fell out once or twice, but I think it was his first time in the boat. You should be proud of them."

Merry had begun to empty the boat of his soldiers and Pippin stood there with his hands behind his back, rocking on his heels and waiting.

"Are they all accounted for, Merry lad?" Bilbo asked.

"Yes, they’re all here," Merry admitted, handing the boat back to Pippin. This was not the first time that Pippin had pulled this trick. Merry had lost soldiers to his seven-year-old cousin before. They were always returned once it was discovered that they were missing, but each time, Merry examined them as if he feared the worst.

"The boat looks so empty," Pippin said, softly, pulling it close to him again, protectively.

"It had better not get filled up with my armies again, Pippin," Merry advised.

"I t’s very hard to sail an empty boat," Pippin explained. "It goes off course without anyone to steer it and your soldiers were having so much fun."

Merry was trying not to smile. He bent down on his knee to be eye-level with Pippin and sighed. "My soldiers were having fun?"

"Yes, Merry," Pippin said, looking at him seriously. "The ones in the green were really enjoying it before you spoiled it."

"Peregrin Took! These are my soldiers and I didn’t spoil things. You are the one that has spoiled my battle," Merry pointed out. "I was going to do the Battle of the Five Armies with Bilbo’s help before you wrecked things."

Frodo started to say something, but Bilbo put up a hand to silence him. "Let them work it out, lad."

"The green soldiers and these yellow ones are a wee bit tired of the Battle of The Five Armies, Merry," Pippin said. "The King is probably glad to be back, but these ones there were having an adventure at sea."

Bilbo and Frodo were smiling. The small lad said all of this as if he’d talked it over with these tiny soldiers and was merely repeating their opinions. Merry was softening also, though he was trying to remain stern.

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Imagine! How traitorous can they be? I have never fully trusted the green troops to begin with and now I see that my suspicions may have been well-founded. The intruder has convinced them to disobey orders willingly. It is true that he captured them in the first place, but if they were actually enjoying themselves in that boat of his, well, I only hope that the general will make them regret their treason. I have new respect for the White King now. I hope he will be rewarded with additional rank for his bravery.

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"Pippin, you can’t just take what you want without asking," Merry said.

"I needed them, Merry," Pippin said. "How am I to command my ship properly if I don’t have a crew?"

"You could make a sailors out of the little farmers that you have. You have three of them for your wooden animals and they could be your crew," Merry suggested, smiling now.

"The farmers get sea sick, Merry," Pippin said, forcing Frodo to bite his cheeks to keep from laughing. "I’ve put them in the boat before and they get too sick to sail so I won’t make them go any more. Besides, the animals need them. Papa says farming is a big job and takes all of your time. They don’t have time to go to sea."

Merry laughed. "Well, I guess you’ll just have to be the Master and Commander of your ship on your own, Pippin."

Pippin frowned and nodded. "I’ll just pretend that it has a crew." He looked sadly at the small boat. Then he looked over at Bilbo. "Are you going to send me home now?"

"Not if you promise to behave," Bilbo said. "I do need to know what room you’ve been sailing the boat in because that is also not allowed without permission."

"I was sailing it in a wash basin in Frodo’s room," Pippin confessed.

Frodo groaned softly and Merry grinned at this news. "Looks like he got you too."

"Yes, and your sympathy is very touching," Frodo sighed. "Pippin, did you spill water all over my room?"

"Oh, no, Frodo," Pippin said. "Not all over. I only spilt a wee bit here and there but not on anything but the floor. Are you angry now too?" Pippin looked over at Frodo and gave him his best pleading look.

"No, I’m not angry, but you will be cleaning it up," Frodo said.

"I will," Pippin said. "I just don’t want you and Merry to be mad at me and not play with me or for Bilbo not to send me home is all. I was only trying to have an adventure at sea like they say Isengar Took did is all I wanted to do." Pippin then looked over at Merry again. "I’m sorry that I wrecked your armies, Merry."

"I suppose that I can forgive you this time if you will do me a favour," Merry said.

"I will Merry," Pippin said, eyes lighting up. He wrapped his arms around his older cousin and Merry picked him up. "I’ll do the favour, Merry. What is it?"

"Well, if Bilbo doesn’t mind, I think you should take a bath, Pippin," Merry said.

"Am I dirty again?" Pippin asked. He wasn’t really surprised by this news, but it wasn’t the favour that he’d been expecting. Folks were always telling him that he needed a bath. It did seem to be a strange favour.

Merry laughed. "Not really, but if Bilbo will let you bathe this early in the day, after you’ve cleaned up Frodo’s room that is, then I will sit with you and you can sail you boat properly."

Pippin smiled at Merry and then his lip protruded and he sighed. "No, thank you, Merry. It isn’t any good without a crew to command."

"Then I suppose that you will have to point out the soldiers that were enjoying themselves and you and I will have to let them sail in your bath," Merry said.

"Really?" Pippin fairly squealed. "Really, Merry? Can we?"

"Is it all right, Bilbo?" Merry asked. "I can do The Battle of The Five Armies for you after supper tonight when the green soldiers return from their adventure at sea."

"That sounds like an excellent plan to me, Meriadoc," Bilbo agreed. "After all, these are your soldiers to command as you see fit."

"Is that a yes answer?" Pippin asked, hopefully.

Merry nodded and Pippin grinned in triumph. "Do you hear that, lads?" Pippin crowed, looking over at the green soldiers who were laying on the arm of the sofa presently. "We’re going off to sea again and this time, Merry’s coming too!"

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I am shocked by the General’s leniency toward the Intruder! Both he and the Old Campaigner have not followed through in this matter. As for the green soldiers, well, their behavior has been appalling in this matter! Now, we will have to wait here all afternoon and into the evening while that lot of traitors go sailing! I must resign myself to this as I know well that orders are orders. Surely the General knows what he is doing.

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Merry reached down for one of the blue soldiers and said to Pippin, "Do you think we should take my best Lieutenant on our voyage?"

Pippin frowned a bit and shook his head. "I don’t think he likes me very much, Merry and I don’t think he’s very nice to the green soldiers either. Maybe you should leave him here this time."

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What nerve! Speaking unkindly of me to the General! The Intruder has gone too far this time.

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"Well, if you’re sure, Pip," Merry said, starting to return the soldier to his place in the ranks.

Pippin cocked his head to one side and then said, "Well, if you think we can trust him."

"We can trust him, Pip," Merry grinned, going along. "He’s one of my finest soldiers." This one had always been a favorite of Merry’s and he wondered why Pippin didn’t like it.

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At least the General has recognized my true worth! The Intruder has not swayed his opinion of me in the least. I am over-come with pride.

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"All right then," Pippin agreed. "But he has to follow my orders or I’ll have him put ashore."

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The Intruder must be a very stern commander indeed. Perhaps, I have misjudged him.

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"You certainly have, soldier," Pippin said, looking at the Lieutenant and smiling as Merry handed him the little figure. "But we all make mistakes." He whispered this last. He would keep this between himself and the Lieutenant. A good commander does not discipline the troops in front of one another. He would be a good commander and make Merry proud of him.

The End

Sorry about the "Master and Commander joke. Well, not too sorry, but maybe a little sorry. LOL