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All That Glisters  by Lindelea


Chapter 44. Questions and Answers

If the hobbits expected to learn about the mithril flask, they were to be disappointed over the ensuing week. Merry was perhaps the only one not consumed by curiosity, and that because he remained in the healing sleep. Elladan and Elrohir had plenty of questions, but they weren’t answering any.

Diamond was asked to tell all she remembered of Jack, as was Hilly (though he proved too shy, in the face of the Fair Folk, for them to get much out of him—in the end Pippin had to question him and carry the answers back to the children of Elrond, though they wouldn’t tell him what they were about, either). Arwen even took little Faramir on her lap and plied him with sweets as she casually chatted about little Rob, Will... and Jack.

Towards the end of the week, curiosity was eclipsed by growing excitement: Merry was to be awakening soon! A feast was planned to welcome him back to the world. (“We ought to include platters of liver,” Pippin joked.) Better yet, Elessar had told Pippin when that hobbit’s questions grew too pressing, the mystery of the mithril flask would be revealed at the feast.

 ‘You wouldn’t want Merry to miss it,’ Pippin said later, as he was chatting with Hilly. Posey had gone off to the market square with the other hobbit wives.

 ‘You’re taking their side?’ Hilly retorted. ‘After they’ve badgered me no end, and made my life miserable? I’ve had half a mind to return to Tookland!’ 

 ‘They asked you a handful of questions, none of which you answered,’ Pippin said. ‘Elladan told me you wouldn’t even meet his eyes. Have you something to hide?’

 ‘No—yes—no,’ Hilly said, turning away.

 ‘Hilly,’ Pippin said more softly, placing a hand on his cousin’s shoulder.

 ‘I cannot face them, Pippin,’ Hilly said. ‘Their eyes, so wise, so—so—knowing, somehow. As if they know what’s going on inside of me, and judging it, and weighing me and finding me wanting.’

 ‘I know the feeling,’ Pippin said softly. ‘I felt it first in Lothlorien. It was as if the Lady Galadriel offered me peace and safety, and all I had to do was abandon the Quest... abandon Frodo. All the reasons why I should do so were there, passing before my eyes. It would have been so easy, and yet... somehow I knew I could never take that step away. I could never live with myself, after.’

Hilly remained silent. Pippin squeezed the stiff shoulder.

 ‘They know all right, Hilly.’ His cousin shuddered, and he held tighter. ‘They know that you find yourself wanting. You never quite measure up, in your own eyes, and that is what they see.’

 ‘It’s not true,’ Hilly protested in a whisper.

 ‘O’ course it’s true,’ Pippin said. ‘You measure yourself against Mardi, against Tolly, against Ferdi... never against “Hilly”. You don’t give yourself credit for what you do do...’

 ‘You’re not making sense,’ Hilly said, but his heart wasn’t in it.

 ‘And when you do look at your own feats, you’re always picking fault... what you might have done differently... what you might have done better.’

 ‘And if I do—what’s the terrible wrong in wanting to do my best?’ Hilly said, half-turning.

 ‘Naught,’ Pippin said. ‘You always do your best, Hilly. I can count on that. Just do me a favour, will you, cousin?’

 ‘What favour?’ Hilly said, finally meeting Pippin’s eyes.

 ‘Give yourself some credit, Hilly,’ Pippin said. ‘It’s hard to be the youngest in a family, always looking up at the others. But some day you have to realise, you’re all grown up and you have to stand on your own feet. You cannot be measuring yourself against the older ones any longer. You’re a hobbit in your own right.’

 ‘You’re not making sense,’ Hilly said again.

Pippin clapped him on the shoulder. ‘You think on it,’ he said, ‘and when you start seeing “Hilly” for his own sake, and not as Tolly’s younger brother, you’ll be able to look the Fair Folk in the eye and hold your head up with the rest of us.’

***

At last the great day came. Merry opened his eyes, to find Estella gazing into his face. ‘What?’ he said. ‘When will they begin?’

 ‘When will they begin what, beloved?’ Estella answered, bringing his hand to her lips.

 ‘Why, Strider said I’d sleep and then they’d bear me to the room where they’d see what they could do, but truth be told, my love, I don’t feel the least bit sleepy.’

Estella laughed in surprise. ‘It’s all and done, beloved,’ she said. ‘You slept, and they did... what they did, and you’ve been in a healing sleep for two weeks now.’

 ‘Not possible,’ Merry said. ‘Are you having me on?’

A shadow crossed Estella’s face as she said anxiously, ‘Merry, beloved, are you still in such pain?’

Merry grew thoughtful. ‘No, as a matter of fact,’ he said slowly. ‘You have the right of it, my love. The pain is... why, it’s nearly gone!’ He closed his right hand into a loose fist and opened it again. ‘I can move my fingers! I can feel them—they’re not numb and tingly!’ A great smile spread over his face.

 ‘And your shoulder?’ Estella said. ‘No,’ she added belatedly, ‘Don’t try to move it.’

Merry had winced, and now he took a shaky breath. ‘The shoulder, yes,’ he said, ‘it is painful, but a different sort of pain than it was. I don’t know how to explain.’

 ‘A healing pain, I think, rather than a crippling one,’ Elessar said from the doorway, where he’d hovered through Merry’s wakening. ‘A sort of stretching pain—you’ll have more of that as we accustom the arm and shoulder to motion again. But at the moment it’s firmly bound, and bound it will stay. How do you feel?’

 ‘Hungry!’ Merry said at once. ‘I haven’t eaten in two weeks?’

 ‘O you’ve eaten!’ Estella said, convulsed with laughter.

Merry looked at her, puzzled, before his face cleared. ‘Ah yes,’ he said, ‘I remember. Elladan explained that there were ways of feeding a sleeping patient.’

 ‘Hilly Took calls them “pony draughts”,’ Estella said.

Merry laughed. ‘Pony draughts!’ he said. ‘The very word!’

 ‘There’s a grand sound!’ Pippin said, entering the room. ‘Bless me, Merry, but it’s good to see you awake!’ He’d wanted to be there from the beginning, of course, but the healers had explained that a slow and quiet awakening was the best course, and so he’d hovered in the hallway behind the King until Elessar had waved a hand behind his back to signal Pippin to enter.

 ‘Did you miss me?’ Merry said.

 ‘Not much—well, perhaps a little, but really, it is time for you to get up out of the bed. The feast is laid, and the smells of roasting meats and baking breads have been driving us to distraction half the morning!’

 ‘We cannot have you driven to distraction,’ Merry said. ‘Where are my clothes?’

With Estella’s help, and Pippin’s, he was soon dressed. Elessar watched closely as they helped him to his feet.

 ‘How strange,’ Merry commented.

 ‘Strange?’ the King asked.

 ‘I expected to be weak and dizzy, after two weeks abed, but I feel remarkably strong and well,’ Merry said.

 ‘Must be all the liver,’ Pippin said. ‘Made your blood thick and gave you strength.’

 ‘Liver?’ Merry said in horror. ‘You fed me liver unawares? You're not serious!’

 ‘If you say so,’ Pippin answered serenely. ‘In any event, they used up all the liver that was to be had, while you were sleeping, for you seemed to like it and so they poured more and more of it down your throat. I’m happy to report there will be no liver at the feast.’

Merry put a hand to his throat and swallowed cautiously. ‘Thank goodness the taste doesn’t linger,’ he said.

 ‘I could send out for some liver, if you miss the taste,’ Elessar said helpfully. ‘There might be some to be found in the market square.’

 ‘Very kind of you, I’m sure, Strider,’ Merry said, ‘but don’t go to any trouble on my account.’

 ‘It would be no trouble,’ the King said with a twinkle in his eye.

 ‘Really,’ Merry said emphatically. ‘It would be much too much trouble, Strider!’

 ‘As you wish,’ the King said with a bow.





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