Title:  “Chain of Fools”

Fandom:  “Lord of the Rings”
Characters:  Merry and Pippin
Rating:  PG-13 for language
Brief Summary:  Pippin’s practical joke goes a bit wrong leaving him and Merry to suffer the outcome.  This one is all dialogue.

“How long has it been up there now, Merry?”

“About two hours, give or take.  Does that matter?”

“I just thought it might give us an idea of about when it plans to come down again.”

“I don’t think it plans on coming down any time soon, Pippin.”

“It has to, Merry.  I mean if it doesn’t then what will we do?”

“I suppose that we will be forced to wait here until someone comes along and rescues us.”

“Well, I hope that someone isn’t Frodo because he is going to tease us something awful, Merry.”

“Yes, Pippin, he will, but I would much rather he found us than others I could name.  At least Frodo will get us out of this mess.”

“I didn’t think that it could fly.  I mean, I know that Partridges do fly, but I thought it was injured because of the way that it just walked over to the key so calmly.”

“Well, it would seem that you were wrong, wouldn’t it?”

“Yes, I suppose so.  It flew up into that tree quite well, didn’t it?”

“Yes, right after it swallowed the key.  It was as if the evil thing knew what it was doing!”

“Ouch, Merry don’t pull so hard.  That hurts.”

“You are very lucky that I don’t try to pull you between these two trees and knock some sense into you, Peregrin Took!  Of all the ridiculous things to have done, this is one of the worst!  When I get out of this, you had best start running as fast as you can, because I will be chasing you with the intention of nearly killing you.”

“It was supposed to be a joke, Merry.  When I did it, I had the key.  I was only going to chain us together for a minute or two and then I was going to unlock us, only I dropped the key.”

“I remember that part in detail.  You had the cuff snapped on your own wrist and then you reached between these two trees, grabbed my wrist, and snapped the other cuff on my wrist.  Then you laughed.  Tell me, Pippin, is it as funny now as it was two hours ago?”

“No, I suppose not.”

“I didn’t think it would be.  No, after spending the last two hours chained to you, I am not the least bit amused either.  Why did you decided to run the chain between this pair of trees?  If you hadn’t done that then we could have simply walked away from here, found an axe or a saw, and gotten ourselves free.  Tell me again why you chose to do this?”

“Well, these trees are so close together, that I knew that you couldn’t get to me if I were on one side and you on the other.  I planned to tease you a bit and then unlock myself and run.  I figured the trees would give me a head start is all.”

“So, do you feel as if you will be far enough ahead of me once we’re rescued?”

“No.”

“Smart of you to know that.  There is no length that I would not go to in order to catch you and repay you for this one, dear little cousin.”

“Merry!  Look!  The partridge is moving about in the tree!  Do you suppose it might fly down and land near us?”

“If it does, how do you suggest that we get the key?  It swallowed it, remember?”

“Well, it will have to, well, you know, at some point.  I could try to grab it and hold it still until the key comes out.”

“Sadly, that is the best plan that you’ve had all day, Pippin.”

“Well, if I hadn’t dropped the key, then the bird wouldn’t have eaten it and everything would be fine now.  We’d both be laughing about this.  I was trying to unlock us when you jerked my arm and I dropped the key.  Then the bird strutted over here and ate the key!  In a way, Merry, this is entirely your fault, you know.”

“I was thinking that if we were rescued soon, I might forgive you, but now that you’ve come up with that bit of logic, I seriously doubt that anyone can keep me from killing you.  In fact, if anyone hears the entire story, I am sure that they will consider me justified.  They may even help me.”

“Look, Merry!  It’s moving again.  No, it was just preening a bit.  I thought it meant to fly.  I guess maybe as long as it stays up there, we can hope that the key will fall down within reach eventually, when it, well, whenever it has to, you know.”

“If there is any justice in all of this, it will shit on your head!”

The End

G.W. 12/26/2004