64: Chains of Hate

Haldir and Gwilwileth led their guests to their modest home situated one courtyard away from where they had met and in a short while, Gwilwileth, with Netilmírë insisting on helping, had put together a simple repast and they were all enjoying themselves. At first, they kept the conversation light and spoke of minor things, such as the drier than usual summer and the hope for a wetter than usual winter to offset the dry season. Finally, though, Haldir broached the subject that they had all been avoiding.

"How is it that one who sports Doriathrin warrior braids is dressed as an elf of Aman and speaks Quenya?"

Sador shrugged. "I learned Quenya in Lórien and I have been living in Tirion since my Release."

"But why?" Gwilwileth asked. "Why did you not come to Tol Eressëa to live as all the other Sindar have, unless they choose to remove to Alqualondë?"

Now Sador smiled. "I was released into the custody of King Arafinwë, who has taken me into his household as his Ward. I’m being trained to be a diplomatic aide to Prince Findaráto, who is also my otorno."

Haldir and Gwilwileth stared at him in wonder. "The King of Nargothrond is your otorno?" Haldir asked.

Sador nodded. "As is Lord Glorfindel. They... they’re the ones who initiated me." He lifted one of his braids in explanation and both elves nodded in understanding. "King Arafinwë saw that I also had a talent for making pottery and apprenticed me to Mistress Netilmírë. We only just realized after all these weeks that her daughter is my grandmother."

The two Tol Eressëan elves stared at Netilmírë, who gave them a shrug. "I’m afraid I would not have accepted a great-grandson I had never met had I been told of it earlier. The Valar apparently thought it best for us to learn of our relationship on our own. We only put all the pieces together last night."

"So what brought you to Tol Eressëa, then?" Haldir asked and Sador explained about the guildmasters’ meeting and about his own investigations.

"We’re going to Tavrobel tomorrow with Gilvagor," the ellon said as he finished his tale. Haldir and Gwilwileth nodded at Gilvagor’s name, the ellon being well-known among the islanders. "I’m hoping to find out if what has been told me is true. Anammë wants to see if anyone there remembers my parents or grandparents, for I had no luck here in Kortirion."

Haldir frowned. "I have only been here for two weeks myself, so I cannot say if what you have heard is true or not." He looked sorrowfully at his wife. "I did not realize how deep the resentment for the Amaneldi is here until today. I cannot believe anyone could be that cruel."

Netilmírë shook her head. "I had no idea any of our people had done such a thing. While I admit I never really gave any of you a thought, neither did I wish you ill. I apologize on behalf of those of us who may have caused you deliberate pain. It was unconscionable."

Gwilwileth smiled. "I am glad not all Amaneldi hate us."

"I don’t think it’s a question of hate," Sador said wryly, "as much as it’s a question of not thinking you’re worthy of their attention. Their real focus of late has been on the Reborn in their midst. The Noldor of Tirion have been less welcoming of us than the Tol Eressëans or the Teleri have been."

"But why?" Gwilwileth asked in confusion. It was Haldir, though, who answered.

"Can you not guess, beloved?" his voice was tinged with bitterness. "They hate us for betraying them and the Valar. As far as they’re concerned, dying is too good for us. Even my own family refused to meet me at the Gates of Reunion. You had to come and fetch me."

Gwilwileth looked down at her feet, her face pale. "I almost didn’t come."

Haldir looked puzzled. "Why not?"

His wife looked up and her expression was so grim it tore at their hearts. "All I knew was what I’d been told. All I saw in my mind was you being chained and I didn’t want to see that in reality. I didn’t want to see you... humiliated."

"What changed your mind?" Netilmírë asked gently.

Gwilwileth looked at her husband whose own expression was almost too painful to endure. "I... loved you too much not to come. Then, when we finally met you were so..."

"Lost?" Haldir suggested.

"Shy," Gwilwileth corrected him. "You didn’t really know me. I was so afraid the... Valar had broken you. I didn’t understand. I’m sorry." She started weeping and he took her into his arms.

"You know differently, now, don’t you, Gwilwileth?" Sador asked with compassion. "While Judgment is terrifying, especially for the Noldor who must endure all the Valar, not just one, it is meant to heal, not destroy; to bring about reconciliation, not separation from Eru. Those who told you your husband went to judgment in chains spoke either out of ignorance or wishful thinking."

"Why didn’t the Valar..."

Haldir answered her. "Lord Námo is correct in saying that our problems are our own to solve, though Eru knows he seems to interfere often enough where any of the Reborn are involved."

Sador grinned wickedly. "That’s because he has a vested interest in our well-being."

"How do you mean, Inyo?" Netilmírë asked.

"If we’re ever stupid enough to end up on his doorstep again, Anammë," her great-grandson replied with a laugh, "the Lord of Mandos will be mightily vexed."

"To say the least," Haldir joined Sador in laughter. "He actually told me point blank that he never wanted to see me inside his Halls again. ‘You will not enjoy the consequences if you do, best beloved’ were his exact words."

Sador sniggered at that and shared a smirk with Haldir that left the two ellith looking bemused. "You don’t seem terribly impressed by Lord Námo’s threat, my love," Gwilwileth said.

"Oh no, on the contrary," Haldir protested, "I’m very impressed. One doesn’t spend centuries in the Halls of Mandos without learning to be impressed by Lord Námo. He means precisely what he says at all times."

"But we also know how much he loves us," Sador added, "and that makes the difference."

Gwilwileth shook her head. "I can’t imagine the Lord of Mandos loving anyone. He seems so... forbidding."

Haldir put an arm around his wife’s shoulders and gave her a hug. "Well, like I said, you don’t spend centuries in the Halls of Mandos without learning a few things about its lord."

Sador nodded. Both Gwilwileth and Netilmírë looked thoughtful.

Later, as they were taking their leave of the Tol Eressëan couple, Haldir took Sador aside. "Be careful, mellon nîn. There are dangerous undercurrents here on this island. Do not seek for news of your family. I will do it for you. It will be safer. Take your anammë back to Tirion instead."

Sador shook his head. "I want to check out Tavrobel, at any rate. My Atar still needs the information."

Haldir gave the younger Sinda an odd look, brushing his hand along Sador’s braids. "Strange to think of the Noldóran having a Sinda for a son."

Sador smiled. "Not to mention one Balrog-slayer and the former King of Nargothrond. Makes life rather interesting for him, to say the least."

Haldir gave a light laugh. "Thank you, youngster. You’ve made my problems seem petty."

"If you hear anything about my family, send me word."

****

Tavrobel was a busy seaport and quite confusing to Netilmírë, though she noticed that Sador seemed to have no difficulty navigating his way through the twisting streets and alleys. He grinned at her.

"The Havens of Sirion weren’t nearly as large as Tavrobel, but it was a port nonetheless. I spent many a day with my friends watching the ships being built and the fish being sold. I often sat on the beach while my sister and her friends played in the waves. Lady Elwing would bring her little ones down to play as well."

He smiled at a memory and Netilmírë and Gilvagor remained quiet, not wishing to disturb him. They both knew how painful thoughts of his sister’s fate were for him. That he was able to recall a pleasant memory of her was heartening to them both, for Gilvagor had come to admire the younger ellon and appreciate his quiet strength and compassion. The lad might never wield a sword again, and indeed showed no inclination of ever wanting to, but Gilvagor considered Sador to be no less a warrior than he and was proud to call the younger elf ‘gwador’.

Gilvagor led them to an inn that was a favorite of his and located not far from the docks. "Though far enough away that you’re not disturbed by drunken sailors or the smell of rotting fish," he told them with a grin. Sador laughed, and Netilmirë just looked bemused, but took the Noldo’s word for it.

Netilmírë agreed to meet the ellyn in the common room for lunch after freshening up and soon they were all seated, enjoying glasses of wine and waiting for the stew they had ordered. Gilvagor looked at Sador with a questioning expression on his face.

"What happened yesterday?"

"What do you mean?" Sador responded.

"I heard talk about you helping to convince some ellon to come out of a tree."

Sador shrugged. "And so? He didn’t want to come down and his wife was beside herself with worry and embarrassment. No one else standing about was helping, so I decided to."

"And what’s this about being chained? Who was chained?"

Now Sador grimaced. "No one, as far as I know. Apparently, when the elves of Endórë arrived here they were greeted by some of the elves of Aman."

"Yes, I know," Gilvagor nodded. "I did not come until some centuries later myself."

"Well, from what I’ve been told," Sador continued, "the Amaneldi greeted the Noldor and Sindar by telling them that they were living on Tol Eressëa on sufferance and that their loved ones who died in Endórë went to their judgment before the Valar in chains."

Gilvagor went absolutely white. "They said what?" he whispered. Both Sador and Netilmírë winced, for they realized that those words would have been screamed in other circumstances.

"I do not know if it was a case of deliberate cruelty or just wishful thinking on their part," Sador opined but Gilvagor shook his head.

"It was deliberate, of that I am sure." He took a deep breath, closing his eyes to center himself. "Well that certainly explains a lot of things."

"Like what?" Netilmírë asked.

Gilvagor shook his head. "Too numerous to mention, but Lord Laurendil noticed right off that there was a great deal of tension and even downright hostility whenever anyone from Aman came to the island, even the Teleri. We put it down to lack of leadership, but now...."

"Now, it’s something deeper, more insidious and more dangerous to the welfare of all of Aman," Sador said. "I wonder if Atar is aware of what was told the Tol Eressëans who first arrived?"

"If the rumors of higher prices are also true," Netilmírë said, "that will just add fuel to the fire that’s already smoldering and has for centuries."

All three looked grim. After a moment Netilmírë sighed, rubbing a hand over her eyes. "I still cannot believe the Valar allowed this to go on for so long," she said with a sigh.

"They remember what happened the last time they tried to interfere in our lives, Anammë," Sador said. "Perhaps they knew that it would take the Reborn themselves to counteract the lies of the Amaneldi. They may have decided it was best for people like Haldir and myself to speak up and tell everyone what actually happens during Judgment. That’s why I did not mind telling everyone in that courtyard about my own Judgment."

Gilvagor looked at the younger ellon appraisingly. "I often wondered what happened. I looked at Prince Findaráto and... he was one of the best of us... a natural leader and well-beloved by everyone. The thought that he would be dragged to the Máhanaxar in chains...."

"But he wasn’t," Sador said quietly. "None of them were. The Valar are not that cruel."

"Yet Melkor was chained," Netilmírë said quietly, a pensive look on her face. She thought of her daughter and the horror stories about the wrath of the Valar she apparently had told her grandchildren, for Sador had later told her all the stories he had heard about what would happen to them if they died. She fervently hoped that Ezelmiril had not suffered too much from her own judgment. Sador must have divined her thoughts, for he put a comforting arm around her shoulders.

"Daernana has since learned the truth about Judgment, Anammë. It was probably very terrifying but also very healing and now she remembers none of that in Mandos. She knows only joy and sorrows touch her not. Whatever pain she suffered in judgment, take comfort in the knowledge that she is free from it now and that Lord Námo loves her and his Maiar servants care for her as a mother cares for her child."

Netilmírë nodded, feeling oddly comforted. In some ways, Sador seemed so much older than she, for all that she had been born only a century after her parents arrived in Aman from Beleriand. Perhaps dying matures a person in ways that cannot be fathomed by those of us who have yet to experience death, she thought to herself.

Gilvagor was now steering the conversation towards their original purpose for coming to Tavrobel. "Where do you intend to look first?" he asked Sador.

"At the docks. I wish to interview the harbormaster and customs officer. They will be in charge of seeing that all goods from the mainland are properly placed in the warehouses until they are to be distributed."

"Is there any mutual trade between Aman and Tol Eressëa?" Netilmírë asked. "I don’t recall if I ever saw anything in the markets of Tirion that was said to come from Tol Eressëa."

Gilvagor shook his head. "No. As far as I know, trade is only one way. Not even the Teleri trade with us all that much. Apparently, the Amaneldi have decided our goods are either not needed or not good enough for them. Plus the Teleri remember the Kinslaying and are reluctant to have anything to do with us."

Netilmírë sighed. "That will explain the attitude of the guildmasters. I wish now I had never agreed to the Noldóran’s plans. We were doomed to failure from the very beginning."

"Perhaps, Anammë," Sador said with a nod, "but one thing has come out of all this that no one can take away."

"Us?" Netilmírë asked with a small smile.

Sador smiled and nodded, leaning over to give her a kiss. "Us."