Autumn

The window of Merry's study looked out over a garden, quite a pleasant view in warmer weather. Now in autumn the grass was brown and all the greenery nipped by frost. The more delicate plants had been covered with large pots by the busy gardeners of the Hall, and leaves lay piled around them, gold and red, like a dragon's hoard.

Merry turned away from the window and back to his desk. It was covered with drifts of white paper, torn and folded into vague flower shapes, and Merry smiled to look at it. Estella wanted a bridal garland of violets for her hair-rather impossible to come by this time of year-and so he thought he would surprise her with these fragile paper blossoms. They were parchment white, not nature's deep purple that went so well with her dark hair, but he knew she would laugh and happily thread the silly things together and wear it with her veil, just because he was fool enough to make it for her, and she loved him.

There was a quiet rap at the door, and Merry started a little, he had been so lost in his thoughts. Gracious, how his mind was wandering. But then again, he told himself, a hobbit didn't get betrothed everyday. "Come in," he called, and Pippin peered around the door. "Pippin, how splendid to see you! We have so much to talk about, do come in and sit down."

Pippin came in, but he didn't sit. He looked sad, almost grieved. "Hullo, Merry."

Merry was concerned. His plans could wait. "Is everything all right in the Tookland?" Mercy, he hoped Diamond was well, she was still a young wife, but you never know...He put his hand on Pippin's shoulder." Is it Diamond?"

Pippin's face fell even more, and when he spoke his voice was thick. "Everything is fine, Merry. It's you I'm worried about."

Merry laughed. "Me? I'm quite all right, Pippin. Well, aside from daydreaming a bit too much: Instead of tending to the Hall's accounts, I've been making this love-gift for Stella, to go with her veil and her bridal-posy. It's silly of me, I know, when there is so much else to do-"

"Merry, Merry," Pippin said, and now there were tears in his eyes. "Look at me, come back from wherever you've gone and really look at me."

His cool hands, his aged cool hands, weathered and knotted, came up and cupped Merry's face, and Merry was afraid, something was going on, something terrible. He didn't want to be here, he didn't want to think about it, he didn't want to see, but the years were flying by him like leaves..."'Stella-"

"She's gone, Merry." Pippin's hair was white again, not the rich red-brown of moments ago, years ago. "Do you remember now? It was very quick, she wasn't feeling herself, and she went to bed and just couldn’t get up again."

"Yes," Merry said, and he felt so old, so weak and cold. His arm ached. He would fall down if Pippin weren't holding him up. He remembered holding her hand, and though he had pressed it to his lips, it never got warm again. "She left me, Pippin."

"But she didn't want to," Pippin said, petting his cheek, wiping his tears. "It was just her time, and she had to go."

"But you won't leave me?"

"No," Pippin said, and he managed to smile. "I'm right here in your pocket again, just like old times."

Merry took a deep breath. The children and grandchildren had come, he remembered that, too, and they must be so frightened now. They had lost their mother and grandmother, and he had left them alone in that cold room where she was sleeping.

“I’m so sorry. I...I don’t know what I was thinking. It was good of you to come fetch me, Pippin.” Merry rubbed his head as if it pained him, and then turned back toward the desk. "She wanted violets," he said vaguely.

Pippin scooped the parchment flowers up and poured them into Merry's hand, then gently folded his fingers around them. "Then let's go give them to her, cousin."

He put his arm around Merry, and he leaned heavily on his shoulder. Together they left the study to go to the place where the children and grandchildren had gathered, where Merry's love was waiting for his farewell kiss.

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tbc...