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Agape's Attempts  by Agape4Gondor

Ch. 33 - Frodo and the Ugly Chair – A Quadrabble and a Half

(in response to a challenge beginning 'Frodo stared, aghast…' sorry for the silliness!)

Frodo stared, aghast, at his right hand; he could see through it, to the arm of the chair beneath.

Well, he really couldn’t see through his hand, just through the spaces between his fingers, but that was enough to scare the pants off him. The chair was the ugliest thing he had ever seen; he wondered who the carpenter was who conceived such a hideous object. He hadn’t realized he spoke the thought aloud, when a bellow washed through the hall as the owner of the chair roared into the room, knocking down the door as it came through.

‘How dare you criticize my chair, you little pipsqueak?’ it cried. ‘Son of a halfling!’

'Hey!' Pippin yelled. 'Be careful how you use that phrase!'

Frodo was appalled. How could anyone call him such a thing, slur his dear father? He strode towards the troll who had been distracted by Sam’s lovely curls, and tapped it on the knee.

‘My dear fellow,’ he said politely, as all Hobbit’s tend to be polite. ‘What you said of my father was not very nice. We prefer the name Hobbits to halflings, and I would have you remember that.’

‘Aaarrrrggggghhhh,’ the troll roared again. ‘You have the taste of an elf!’ he screamed, at which comment Legolas stride forth, arrow ready in his bow, with a retort on his lips.

Aragorn pulled him aside and turned to the troll himself. ‘What say you?’ he asked, and asked, and asked.

Legolas apologized for his friend. ‘He gets like that sometimes, stuck on a phrase that he happens to like.’

‘What is this,’ the troll screamed, ‘a diversion?’

‘There are older and fouler things than Orcs in the deep places of the world,’ said Gandalf, ‘and that chair is definitely one of them. I must agree with Frodo.’

‘I think it is quite lovely,’ said Pippin. ‘It reminds me of the cheese and sausage omelet that Sam made on Weathertop.’ He sobbed at the memory of the lost omelet.

‘Fool of a Took,’ Gandalf snarled. ‘Throw yourself into its cushions and rid us of your stupidity.’

The troll slammed its huge body into the chair. A contented sigh escaped its lips.

‘What new devilry is this?’ Boromir demanded.

‘In a little while, I will take you on a nice tour of my abode, but for the moment, I must rest; all this bellowing has tired me out.’

‘Your abode,’ Gimli sputtered. Legolas immediately placed his hand over the Dwarf’s mouth and pulled him out the door. The rest of the Fellowship tiptoed out.

‘Don’t look at your hand again, will you dear Frodo,’ Merry pled. ‘I couldn’t stand the thought of what you might see next.’

~*~

A/N - I think I must have eaten some bad mushrooms when I thought of this one!





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