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Fiondil's Tapestry  by Fiondil

SKIRTS: Fashion-sense

SUMMARY: Two Valar discuss the latest in fashion.

WARNING: You know the drill.

****

Late in the Seventh Age:

What is that?

It’s called a kilt.

Looks like a skirt.

No, no. Not the same thing. Neri wear it.

Neri!? You mean Mortal men? I don’t recall seeing any ellyn wearing that.

Hmm...

Who are these paragons of fashion anyway?

Call themselves Scots.

Scots?

Yes. If you squint... they’re distantly related to the Rohirrim and the Men of Dale.

No Rider worthy of his spear would be caught dead in one of these. They’d look bloody ridiculous!

Oh, I don’t know... I can see someone like Thengel or Éomer getting away with it.

Manwë, why are you giving this to me?

Come now, Námo. I just thought you might want to try something a bit more... er... modern.

Says he who thought houppelandes were silly looking.

Not the same thing. Now, are you going to try it on?

No. You think it’s so great, you wear it.

Fine, fine.... There! What do you think?

Excuse me while I think myself to the next galaxy over before I start laughing.

Hey! It’s not that bad. Varda thought I looked rather dashing.

Varda wears stars in her hair. She’s not exactly the right person to ask about these things.

Better than those togas and more colorful.

Please! Don’t remind me... an entire nation running around in bedsheets. I still have nightmares.

So you’re not going to even try it on?

Look at the color combination! Are these people color-blind?

Well, I admit it’s a bit garish...

Manwë, there’s nothing wrong with what I wear.

You’re always wearing black.

Am not.

Are too.

Am not.

Are too.

Well every time I turn around you’re always in blue!

But blue is a pretty color. Everyone likes blue... black on the other hand...

Nothing wrong with black... besides I am supposed to be somewhat sinister looking. Do you think anyone is going to take me seriously as the Doomsman of Arda wearing that! The only doom I’ll be spouting will be my own.

Fine... here, what about this pattern? They call it the Black Watch.

They name their kilts?

No, the patterns. They call them tartans. Ask Vairë. I’m sure she’s up on her fabric arts.

If I find out she put you up to this...

Are you going to try it on or not?

No!

Coward.

Oh, all right.... Here, let me have that.... So. What do you think?

Excuse me while I go find a quasar to hide in before I start laughing.

****

Neri: Plural of Nér: An adult male of any sentient species.

Ellyn: Plural of Ellon: A male Elf.

Note: A houppelande, worn in the fourteenth and fifteenth centuries, was the common dress for both sexes. It was a robe or long tunic, belted or with a fitted bodice, usually having full trailing sleeves and often trimmed or lined with fur.





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