Chapter 7: realisations we never wanted to make

“It was not my intention to survive!”

The statement hit the Elf-Lord like a blow. And this time he was unable to hide his feelings. With uncomprehending irritation he looked at the eyes that stared back at him coldly. The warrior showed no signs of being disorientated. The accusation was made quite clearly.

Elrond was at a loss and he was unused to that feeling. He did not have to look at his sons to know how they felt. He could feel their consternation physically.

What had come over the warrior? The healer had expected grief, even desperation but not this cold rejection and surely not directed at him. Was his Troop Commander really aware of what had happened? His reaction at least indicated that he was.

While still affixed by this angry glare the Elf-lord tried to remember if his protector had ever looked at him like that. Yes, the warrior could be difficult at times, when confronted with extreme emotional situations or matters concerning his past, but never had his fierceness been directed at one of his family; least of all him. This made Glorfindel’s reaction all the more disturbing now.

*Elladan, Elrohir, please leave us alone.* The Elf-lord directed this mental order at his sons and left no room for an argument. He wanted to protect his sons if this should get any nastier. Knowing when they had to obey the twins looked at their mentor a last time before they left the room.

With the closing of the door, the eyes of his friend lost the hard glare and looked suddenly sad, even forlorn. Again, he turned his head away from the Elf-lord.

Elrond had to blink at the sudden change. Had he just imagined these awful words or had some mysterious hold on the warrior’s mind been released?

Taking a deep breath Elrond shoved that thought to the back of his mind for the time being. Maybe the warrior was subject to some power he was unable to repel? The dark presence the healer had sensed in the warrior’s fëa came to his mind, but before he could process this thought further the Troop commander closed his eyes with a moan.

His irritation quickly replaced by concern Elrond lightly touched the elf’s arm to impart some comfort with the touch. To his relief the warrior did not jerk away this time, yet he did not indicate if he had even recognized the touch either.

Watching his patient for any signs of distress the healer could not detect anything unusual in the other’s mind. Had he imagined the shadow he had seen earlier? Was it only a wounded spirit clouded by grief and sorrow? Or was there something that could hide and come forth at will?

Elrond broke the contact when he was sure he would not get an answer. He was surprised even more when the warrior opened his eyes and the blue eyes looked back at him; this time not cold but demanding. “Please leave, Elrond. I want to be alone.”

Not even giving the healer a chance to answer the warrior closed his eyes and turned his head away, the only part of his body that he could move without pain.

Taking a deep breath Elrond rose from the chair and tucked the rumpled sheet in place. “As you wish, my friend,” he answered and turned toward the door with a last look at the pale figure. However he would not be far. There is no way that he would leave a patient in that kind of condition alone.

Elrond opened the door and silently slipped into the corridor, failing to see the silent tears rolling down the warrior’s face.

……………………………………………

After leaving he was not surprised to see his twin sons hovering near the door. Seeing the similar anxious expression on both faces, he steered the young elves away from the room down the corridor toward his study but not before he had bid the young healer currently on duty to keep watch and alert him immediately if anything should happen or the warrior would require his help.

Inside, he gestured at two chairs standing in front of his massive desk. Reluctantly the brothers seated themselves; their eyes never leaving their father’s face. The healer rounded the table and lowered himself into the cushioned chair crossing his fingers in front of him. He was well aware of the questioning faces yet he still searched for an answer to the questions that would undoubtedly come.

“Adar,” the younger twin began since the Elf-lord did not make an effort to speak, “he did not mean what he said. He is, after all, the only survivor of his patrol. He will need time to cope with this.”

Elrond looked up sharply. He had expected a demand for an explanation why the warrior was acting this strange, but now his youngest son was trying to comfort him. And while looking at his sons he realized one thing with surprise. The words Glorfindel had uttered had not only irritated but also hurt him. While he had tried to ignore that fact, his gentle son had felt it instantly.

If the patient was anyone other than Glorfindel he would have scolded himself for giving credit to words uttered shortly after the awakening from a severe injury. Never before had the warrior been unable to control himself. Never had he shown anything but love, compassion, and even fierce protectiveness toward the peredhil.

This strange behaviour was alien to Elrond and therefore so disturbing that he was not sure how to react. There must be more to this than confusion and irritation after a trauma.

Realizing that his sons were still gazing at him Elrond forced a smile on his face. “Thank you, Elrohir. You are right. We should give him time to work out his grief. Time will tell and he will return to us, I’m sure.”

Only raising an eyebrow Elladan rose and tugged at his brother’s sleeve. Their father had sunk back into brooding again and the words were only meant to reassure his sons. Nonetheless, they wanted to give the Elf-lord time to reflect on the situation. While opening the door and letting his brother pass, Elladan turned his head. “We will see you at dinner, Adar," he called over his shoulder. The Elf-lord did not answer.

………………………………………………………….

The words spoken out of hope proved false. Over the next days, Glorfindel made tiny steps toward recovery. He was able to sit up for short periods of time in his bed and eat his meals unaided, but his brooding and self-accusations seemed to become worse every day.

Elrond observed this process with growing worry. He did everything he could to lift the mood of the fair-haired elf, but Glorfindel blocked all attempts. Even worse were the mood swings:  one day the warrior was cold and distant, even aggressive; the next day he was sad and withdrawn, nearly overwhelmed with grief and guilt.

One poor victim of these developments was Galaeron, one of Glorfindel´s most trusted captains and his closest confidant after his second-in-command Thalan.

He had asked Master Elrond for permission to visit the Troop Commander and bring well wishes from the troops. The healer acquiesced to this, hoping it would cheer up his friend.

Glorfindel had not even given the captain a chance to open his mouth in greeting. With a voice dripping with contempt and disgust he had addressed the warrior and told him that his pity and hypocrisy were not welcome. He also said that was still alive and the speculation of who might be assigned to his position was premature.

Being a high-ranking captain for a reason, the visitor nonetheless stood speechless, unable to digest what the Troop Commander, a man he had adored all his life, had just uttered. He panted hard a few times while the warrior had turned his head away no longer acknowledging his presence, a clear request to leave.

He swallowed his shock.  The words of greeting and reassurance he had planned to deliver had died on his lips. Trying to understand, yet too rattled to find the right words, the warrior turned and walked toward the door. Grabbing the doorknob he turned, his heart nearly bursting with anguish. He could not leave like this. “Sir?” he asked tentatively directing his gaze at his beloved chief.

“Leave!” was the sharp reply, which made Galaeron flee the room.

…………………………………

Galaeron hurried down the corridor. His only intention was to leave quickly and find a place to think undisturbed. He had expected a badly wounded Troop Commander recovering from his wounds. He had also expected grief after a battle with the result of twenty-five dead warriors.

It had been his and the troop’s intent to reassure their captain that no one held him responsible for what had happened, that they all hoped he would soon return to his post and that they could mourn together and find a way to go on.

But now? Glorfindel had accused him of false emotions and plans to take over his position. Galaeron had to blink while recalling the awful scene. Had some one reported this to him, he would have called him a liar but he had been there himself…

He took deep calming breaths. No, this was not the Troop Commander he knew. Glorfindel had always been kind and caring; demanding, yes with expectations, but always fair, supporting and trusting. What had come over the ancient elf they all loved and adored?

Hearing some one approach Galaeron quickly composed himself. He prayed thanks to Valar that he had not brought the widow of Thalan with him, as she had requested. What would those words have done to the grieving woman, this gentle female he had known all his life?

When he had turned he saw Elrond standing in front of him and he bowed to the Lord of this house. Elrond looked at him with a frown. “Captain Galaeron, what…?” he began but stopped and Galaeron knew he had been unable to hide his feelings.

“Master Elrond, I…” he began but was equally unable to continue. The gaze of the healer was now piercing and Galaeron made no further attempt to hide his thoughts. He allowed the healer to see his emotions.

Elrond took a deep breath but his eyes held sympathy. “Captain, I’m sorry that you had to witness this. I had hoped your presence would do him some good.”

Galaeron stared in disbelief at the Elf-lord. Did that mean that the Troop Commander had talked to the Elf-lord in the same manner? That the rejection was not only directed at him?

Still contemplating this realization Galaeron started when the Elf-lord stepped closer and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Please do not take to heart whatever he said. He’s not himself at the moment.”

Straightening his shoulders, the captain nodded all too ready to believe. “He’s our captain and nothing will ever change that. I pray for his recovery and that he will soon be restored to us.”

With these words the captain bowed and left quickly, his heart more troubled than before.

………………………………………..

After the captain had left the Elf-lord stood there for a few minutes longer trying to understand what was happening with his old friend. This behaviour was so out of the ordinary that the healer feared that it was not the Troop Commander´s conscious will at work here; at least not always.

His first impulse was to be angry at the elf for treating the captain as he had, but quickly the dark images he had seen on the other’s mind came back to his memory and his anger dissipated into concern. What if Glorfindel was possessed by some evil? What if he was acting against his own will?

If so, the situation could quickly change from awful to dangerous. If Glorfindel was controlled by the same evil the Elf-lord had felt on the battlefield then it would change the situation completely.

His Troop Commander was his closest confidant. He knew all that was essential for the safety of Imladris:  the number of warriors protecting the hidden valley, their strategies to repel evil, and all of the matters concerning their very safety.

The Elf-lord narrowed his eyes. How far did this go? Was he only possessed and the enemy trapped in his mind while the warrior stayed in Imladris, or was there some connection to a receiver outside, transferring secrets whenever needed?

Elrond’s knees went weak. Darkness suddenly veiled his vision and he had to steady himself on a pillar for support. Glorfindel was one of the few elves who knew that he was a ring-bearer. If this information could be passed on, Imladris would no longer be safe.

Glorfindel´s last words after awakening came back to his mind: ‘it was not my intention to survive’. Did the warrior know that he was being used or did he only guess something?

This left only one option for him. The presence controlling Glorfindel had to be removed or the warrior had to be effectively kept from giving away vital information.

Elrond swallowed at the implications. He had to find out how much of his musings met reality and then he had to make a decision.

To be continued…………………………….