Chapter 8:  much talk and a bit of light

Saeron walked aimlessly down the corridor. This part of the underground palace was reserved for the apartments of the royal family, a few rooms for the King’s closest servants and advisors, and quarters for special guests.

He had still not calmed down and his guilty conscience was not letting him sleep. What had come over him that caused him to attack his own brother? Then again, his brother’s attitude had once again angered him beyond reason.

In Galadhion´s opinion he could do nothing right. His brother was always reprimanding him for minor things and always expressed doubt about his abilities. Yes, he was not as restrained or ambitious, but he served his father’s realm as whole-heartedly as Galadhion. He was impulsive and sometimes hot-headed, but he would never do anything that would disgrace the King or bring any threat to their realm.

While his father often shared his brother’s misgivings his mother had always understood him. She had been the only person who shared his love of life, understanding how his adventurous mind worked. He could barely accept that the very person who loved him totally was no longer alive.

Again anger was rising inside his heart. Galadhion and his father had accused her of being the cause of the attack, as if she had not paid the highest price for her decision. His mother had done nothing wrong. No one would have expected orcs within the short distance she had travelled alone. It was merely a bad coincidence.

In his misguided anger he did not recognize that Galadhion in fact blamed himself for not having been there in time to prevent the tragedy.

Still fuming he marched further down the corridor, grateful that no one was crossing his path at this late hour. He intended to walk alongside the river to slow down his swirling thoughts.

However, when he passed his father’s rooms he stopped abruptly. At first unsure whether he had heard right he stepped closer. He carefully placed his ear against the thick wooden door and nearly gasped when he identified the sound from within.

His father was crying! Saeron stepped back aghast. He could not remember when he had last seen his father cry; in fact he could not remember ever having seen him cry at all.

The sound tore at his heart. In the midst of his own anger and grief he had overlooked the fact that other family members were suffering as much as he, even though they refrained from showing it so publicly.

Now he felt ashamed. Where they should be standing together, instead he had brought more grief to those elves he loved the most. He had not only blamed his brother but also strained his father’s fragile hold on sanity with his flaring temper.

Overwhelmed with the wish to apologize he stepped forward and lifted his fist to knock. Just as his knuckles were about to connect with the door, a hand gripped his arm preventing him from announcing his entry.

Irritated he jerked his head around and looked into the passionate eyes of Thalan.

“Don’t. He needs his time to grieve. Let him be, young one,” the advisor said. He gently steered Saeron away from the door.

Still bewildered about the councillor’s actions Saeron tensed his muscles stopping both he and Thalan.

Remembering his former remorseful thoughts Saeron looked at the advisor pleadingly.

“Thalan, please release me. I have to go to my father and comfort him. I have to tell him that I’m sorry for causing him even more grief!”

Thalan released his hold but did not clear the way.

“Saeron, you will have your time to say what’s necessary but tonight is not the right time. Your father would not appreciate your presence now, believe me. I have known him for much longer then you, child!”

Not really convinced but seeing that the advisor would not be swayed Saeron slowly nodded. To be called a child by this elf did not bother him. Thalan had looked after his father when Thranduil was a youngster and his children had known the calm and serene advisor all their lives. Their father could not have had a better guardian then Thalan.

Saeron lowered his head after Thalan squeezed his arm in sympathy, but he did not return to his rooms. He had one other person to whom he had to apologize. Maybe he could achieve this goal tonight.

……………………………………….

Taking a deep breath Saeron hesitated before he knocked on his brother’s door. He hoped that Galadhion was also still awake. Although it was late at night he would almost bet that Galadhion was as unable as he to find rest.

Making up his mind he took heart and knocked on the door. Shifting from foot to foot Saeron waited impatiently for his brother’s invitation. `Please be there, Gal,` he thought, feeling his resolve already crumbling.

When he felt sure that his brother was neither in his rooms nor asleep Saeron was about to turn away when he heard a soft “enter”. Blowing out his breath he spun around and opened the door.

He crossed the threshold quietly and hovered just inside the doorway. Galadhion was sitting in a cushioned chair his feet resting on the outlying hearthstones of his fireplace, a glass of wine held in one hand. Without turning around he asked: “What is it, Saeron?”

The second son of Thranduil raised an eyebrow. How had his brother known that it was him? Then again, who else would be knocking on the Crown Prince’s door at this hour?

Again anger was rising in his chest. His brother did not even look at him. Yet he was here to apologize and anger was surely not the right beginning.

Since his brother didn’t move Saeron crossed the room after closing the door. Leaning against the wall near his brother’s feet, he grimaced when he looked at his brother’s face. Galadhion´s right eye was swollen shut and had a deep blue halo around it. His fist had struck true.

Still unsure how to begin Saeron again took a deep breath.

When Galadhion cleared his throat Saeron focused his attention back on his brother. “Saeron, if you do not mind I would rather be alone….”

Saeron sighed. His brother was not making it easy for him, but what else could he have expected?

“Gal, I came here to apologize. I don’t know what has come over me, but I’m so angry…so sad about Nana´s death…I…”

Taking a shuddering breath and knowing that he had to say the words now or never have another opportunity; Saeron knelt at his brother’s side. The two brothers looked at each other directly and at eye-level.

“Galadhion please accept my apology. Of course I do not blame you for what has happened. It was not your fault. But can you forgive me?”

The Crown Prince looked with surprise into his younger brother’s eyes seeing only sincerity there. He took a shuddering breath. He knew that he would blame himself for the rest of his life, yet his brother’s words meant a lot to him.

Rising, Galadhion pulled Saeron to his feet and embraced his brother with a strong hug.

“Nothing to forgive, brother. I’m glad you have come.”

Saeron returned the embrace and the two brothers stood in each other’s arms for a long moment. For the first time since the attack, Galadhion felt some of the weight of his guilt lifted from his soul. As they pulled away from each other the brothers looked at one another.

They would need all of their strength in the days to come. If fate was cruel and their little brother was also dead then their father would need all the support they were able provide. They would need each other’s love more then ever before.

When the emotional storm had subsided Galadhion poured another glass of wine and handed it to his brother. Saeron dragged a chair over with the tip of his boot and the brothers clanked the glasses together with a toast.

“Here’s to hoping for another day, one that will have good news,” Galadhion said and raised his glass and Saeron knew that his brother was also still hoping that Legolas could be found alive.

After sitting in companionable silence Galadhion looked up.

“Why are you actually awake? I’m sure you were not wandering the halls just to speak with me,” he said looking at his brother intently.

Saeron sloshed the liquid in his glass around and after some hesitation he looked up.

“No. I felt guilty after our….fight… and seeing Adar so downcast. I could not sleep and wandered down the corridor to go outside, but when I passed by his rooms, I heard…..”

“What?” Galadhion asked alarmed moving to sit on the edge of his seat.

Saeron swallowed.

“He was crying, Gal! I cannot remember ever seeing Adar cry. I felt so helpless and so stupid. I wanted nothing more than to apologize and comfort him, yet….”

“Thalan stopped you.” Galadhion finished the sentence. Saeron only nodded.

“After you left his office I also wanted to speak with him, but Thornil made clear to me that I should choose another time.”

Both brothers sighed in unison agreeing silently that in the morning, after they had changed into something suitable, they would visit their father and attempt to make things right.

They had to support each other. Otherwise this family, or whatever remained of it, would be destroyed.

………………………………..

Thranduil was just finishing his breakfast. His meal had been brought to his rooms, allowing him to dine in private instead of in the public hall. He appreciated the kindness, he wanted the privacy today. He had not slept at all; nightmares about the fate of his youngest haunted him when he slept and even when he was awake. He also felt the absence of his wife much more while lying in the overly large bed.

When a knock came at the door he looked up feeling irritated at the interruption. In half-an-hour court would start, couldn’t it wait that long?

Sighing while at the same time knowing that a King never had time off he called out an impatient “enter”. He was surprised to see his sons walk through the doorway. He was still angry about their behaviour the day before, but again refrained from saying anything, knowing that his grief would cause him to react badly.

Carefully hiding his emotions behind a mask of immobility he saw them coming inside the room, yet they remained near the door. While Saeron looked at him with uncertainty Galadhion was gazing at the floor. Both of them showed the signs of the previous day’s fight.

Thranduil sighed again.

“Is there something you two want to say or are you just going to stand there wasting my time?” the King said in a low tone which caused both brothers to cringe.

However it was Saeron who stepped forward, moving around his older brother. Looking directly at his father he took a deep breath.

“My Lord, we have come here to apologize. Our behaviour was both inappropriate and stupid. In future we will refrain from showing our emotions publicly and will not let our grief again interfere with our duties. We ask for your forgiveness.”

The monotone speech and the voice devoid of all emotions snapped a cord deep within the King’s heart. What had his son just said? Had he said they asked for forgiveness for showing their emotions…that they would refrain from grieving? How could it have come this far? Had he neglected his children to a degree that they felt they could no longer come to him? Had his own grief caused a rift that could no longer be overcome?

Swallowing and realizing how their family ties had been strained lately, Thranduil rose and stepped toward his sons. While Saeron looked defiantly at him Galadhion had still not raised his eyes from the floor. They both stood there immobile as if they were afraid of him. Belain! Buried in his own self-pity he had nearly pushed away that which was most dear to him the remnants of his family.

His eloquence always deserted him while talking to family members, yet he knew he must respond to his son’s words.

“Galadhion, Saeron, stop this nonsense. Of course you are forgiven. I do not want sons who will not show their emotions; even through there are some behavioural expectations of members of the royal family. Yet it would break my heart if you two would no longer confide in me. No, it is I who has to apologize to you!”

Both brothers looked at their father, shock clearly exhibited on their faces. Never before had the King admitted his faults, yet this situation was nothing they had ever experienced before.

Not knowing what to say anyway Saeron stepped closer to his father and pulled him into a fierce embrace. It had been a long time since he had last done so and he savoured it now. After releasing his second-born Thranduil extended his arms again and Galadhion moved all too willingly into the embrace.

“I’m so sorry, Adar, “Galadhion sobbed. Had I been but a few moments earlier…”

Thranduil only tightened his hold on his oldest until the sobs had subsided. How could Galadhion blame himself? He had done nothing wrong. Elarynia had not waited and the orcs had seized their chance. It was as simple as that. Yet Thranduil would still have a word with the guards from Lothlórien. How could they have allowed his wife to travel alone?

But what would this achieve? Nothing! They had already answered to Elarynia´s parents and would also have to make a full report to Lord Celeborn. No reprimand or punishment could undo what happened.

“It was not your fault, Galadhion. No one will blame you, least of all I. Do you hear me?” Thranduil asked. He waited and held his son close to him until he felt a slight nod at his shoulder.

For long moments the three elves gathered strength from one another. Grief and fear, hope and love were exchanged through their family bond. All of them relished the short moment where no pretence and no restraints were put upon their hearts.

After father and sons had composed themselves another knock sounded at the door. Thranduil closed his eyes briefly. Not a moment’s respite was granted them.

Wordlessly Galadhion turned and opened the door to see Thalan standing looking at him. If the advisor was surprised to see the royal family gathered together then he did not show it. A barely noticeable smile flittered quickly across his face as he recognized the more relaxed atmosphere.

Knowing that Thalan would never disturb him unless something really important had happened Thranduil’s stance became rigid. He was in no mood to receive more bad news. Although the talk with his sons had done him some good he still needed some time to regain some of his former stability.

The smile on Thalan´s face did not disappear. Thranduil looked at his friend irritated at his cheerful demeanour. Before he could utter his displeasure Thalan stepped into the room.

“Thranduil, boys,” he exclaimed. “I have good news. Legolas has been found. And he is alive!”

Thranduil stared at Thalan as if he had not understood what the advisor had said. Even Saeron and Galadhion needed a few moments to digest the words. Thalan waited patiently.

He had been as sceptical as the three royal elves standing before him when the warrior had stormed into his office not ten minutes earlier. The warrior had spilled out the words and Thalan had heard them and then had him repeat them again. He had wondered whether or not he had really heard correctly. Had the youngest prince truly been found - after more then four days of searching?

Thalan´s mouth had gone dry with the one question he could barely ask, yet the shining eyes of the young warrior almost made the question unnecessary.

“Is he alive?” Thalan asked with a hushed tone and the warrior nodded firmly.

“Yes, my Lord!” was the answer. “I have not seen him myself, yet the messenger reported that the Master of Imladris had already treated the prince’s wounds and that they were minor, mere surface scratches accompanied by general fright and loneliness.”

Thalan´s eyes widened. The Master of Imladris? What was Lord Elrond doing in the forest realm and how had it happened that he had found the young prince when the whole population of Mirkwood had been unable to find him for days?

Quickly gathering what sparse information he could, Thalan dismissed the warrior and immediately left his office for the king’s chambers. He knew that his King would undoubtedly ask for any news he had.

He hastened down the corridor toward the King’s apartments without delay. He wanted nothing more then to deliver the good news as quickly as he could.

Now he stood there almost looking amused as he viewed the shocked expressions on the faces of the King and his sons.

Thranduil was the first to recover. He stepped in front of Thalan. “Is it true? Where is he? I want to see him!”

Thalan held up his hand laughing.

“Thanduil I have very little information. As far as I know he is already on his way here. Lord Elrond will arrive within an hour.”

His last words he had to shout. Thranduil and his sons had already left the room. Thalan shook his head, yet his heart rejoiced. There was some light at the end of the tunnel after all.

To be continued………………………