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Changes and Acceptances  by Mirkwoodmaiden

Menelwie's Page-all things LOTR

Chapter 13 - Namarie

Autumn 1423 S.R.

Arwen stood on the ramparts of the citadel overlooking the many levels of Minas Tirith. She loved coming up here above the hustle and bustle of the lower levels. Up here she could feel the cool, fresh wind upon her face and claim a few precious moments of peaceful solitude. She smiled gently as she thought of Eowyn's sage counsel advising her to take advantage of the pampering that had been on offer when they had all been in the Shire during the spring. Arwen rarely these days had a spare moment to herself what with her queenly duties and looking after both husband and four-month old son.

She knew that it had been custom in Gondor for nurses to hold primary responsibility for the rearing of the royal children, but Gondorian traditions were foreign to her as they were to Aragorn, having grown up among the Elves in Rivendell and spending his adult life among the Northern Dunedin. Elven tradition saw that childrearing remain only within the immediate family and close kin and this she would hold to. Arwen again smiled at the remembered shock on the faces of the nurses when she informed them of her Elven ways. But be that as it may, she was still determined to enjoy her moments of solitude. She leaned forward against the cool stone of the rampart and delighted in the wind rippling through her unbound hair.

"You look absolutely beautiful."

Arwen turned around to see Aragorn standing just on the outside of the rampart door. She looked at her beloved and saw an unfurrowed brow and clear gray eyes looking back at her. "Conference going well, I trust." Aragorn had called a conference to discuss housing problems and successes in the Eriador settlements.

"Well enough for me to escape for a while to seek out my beautiful wife." Aragorn stated as he walked to the ramparts where she stood and gazed upon the scenery set below.

Arwen looked at him with a combination of amusement and accusation in her eyes, "You mean you got fed up, nearly lost your temper and left poor Faramir to smooth over a thorny problem!"

Aragorn at first feigned shock and then said, "You know me far too well, Madam! Some of these merchants would bleed us dry if they could. You would think they would be willing to help re-build Arnor! Instead they quibble over price! It angers me. Faramir is far more diplomatic than I, so I've left him to it," he finished sheepishly.

"Alas, my love! Not all are as giving as you."

"Perhaps." Aragorn reluctantly stated.

From behind came a slight clearing of a throat. The King and Queen of Gondor turned to see an apologetic young page make a low bow and await for his permission to speak. Aragorn nodded that the boy should continue, "Begging your pardon my liege, my lady, but your presence is requested downstairs."

Aragorn stifled a groan, "Faramir probably needs to discuss a point about the negotiations. I shall join you again, my lady, soon as I may."

The sheepish pageboy spoke up again, "Begging your pardon, my liege, but the request is for you both."

Arwen shot Aragorn a glance, "That is odd."

Aragorn said, "We shall follow directly. You may go." The page bowed and hastily left.

"Let us depart, my love, to quickly unravel this little mystery."

Aragorn and Arwen descended the ramparts and lower portions of the Citadel with what speed they dare. Upon gaining the main audience chamber, Arwen stopped short and then broke into a quick dash across the floor to be enfolded into strong arms, "Adar, when did you arrive?"

The Lord of Rivendell looked at his daughter, "I have only just arrived, Iell nin. But I am not here for long."

Arwen was about to say that he was welcome to stay as long as he liked, but something behind Elrond's eyes stopped her.

Aragorn stepped forward saying warmly, "You are most welcome, Adar! So wonderful is it to see you, again, so soon! Are the twins with you?" he asked as he clasped forearms with his foster father.

Elrond returned the warmth of the greeting, "Ion nin!, It is good to be here! Elladan and Elrohir have also made the trip, but they are seeing to the horses."

Aragorn looked hard at his beloved foster father, and felt something was different about him. His mind said You know exactly what is different but his heart quickly silenced the idea. "It is good to see you are here in Minas Tirith. You can see all that has been achieved."

Elrond smiled sadly at that and Aragorn's mind once again started its musings. His thoughts were interrupted when he heard the Lord of Rivendell say, by way of changing the subject, "It has been a long journey and I am in need of refreshment." Aragorn looked at his foster father's inscrutable face and realised Elrond was not prepared to give up his reasons for arrival until he was ready. So Aragorn signal to a page to escort the Lord of Rivendell to their best suite of guest rooms and sent word to the kitchens to prepare a special feast for dinner that night in honour of his and Arwen's dear Adar.

***

Elrond and his sons stayed a day and a night before revealing why they had made the journey. After breakfast Elrond asked, "Where is my grandson this morning, I must see him. Arwen, would you escort me?"

The nursery was quiet and cool as Arwen and Elrond entered. Arwen bade the nurse in attendance to give them leave for a few minutes. As the nurse curtseyed and left closing the door behind, Elrond gazed upon his gurgling grandson, saying, "He is beautiful, Arwen." Arwen noticed the slight catch in her father's voice became slightly alarmed, her bluish-violet eyes growing troubled.

Elrond reached in and pick-up the sturdy bundle of child, "You are a fine young man, you are. You'll grow to make your Ada and Nana very proud!" he said, bouncing the child in the crook of his right arm. Arwen smiled at the picture they made, grandfather and grandson together and her fears eased. When she realised that she was carrying the little boy she thought that Eldarion would never know his grandfather and said as much to Elrond. The Lord of Imladris stilled at those words and looked at his daughter, his eyes filled with compassion and emotion. In that instant Arwen knew exactly why he had come to Minas Tirith. At first she could not move, she could only stare into her father's eyes. She gulped once and tried to catch her breath, still unable to break the stare. Elrond saved her the trouble by turning way to place a kiss on the child's forehead and returning him to his cot. While he was tucking in the little tyke, Elrond said in a voice taut with emotion, "It is true. We ride for the Grey Havens."

The words, spoken softly, still rung in Arwen's ears as would a death knell. She had known this day would come and was at a loss to explain her reactions to this announcement. She found the rocking chair near the cot and rather ungracefully plopped on the beautifully carved piece of furniture. She simply sat there hugging herself and trying to control her roiling emotions. A part of her wanted to shout at her father and beg him to stay; plead with him to reconsider and the words, "Must you go? Can you not stay?" escaped before sense could stop them.

Elrond's heart cracked as he beheld his daughter's pain in the small, lost voice asking him to stay. He had felt a certain degree of happiness after he had made the decision to take the Straight Way. His torment and indecision had grown difficult and hard to bear and the choice of departure eased the weight pressing upon his heart over the last months. But seeing his beloved child so distraught and disoriented erased these feelings and left him feeling nothing but regret. He knelt at his daughter's side, eyes empathic, "Melldanya, you know I cannot do that." he said stroking her raven black hair. He lifted her head with his crooked finger, looking kindly into her troubled depths darkening to violet and whispered, "If I could stay, My Evenstar, I would. Alas, but I cannot. Forgive me?"

Arwen looked shocked at that, her eyes filling tears, "There is nothing to forgive, Ada. It is I who should ask you for forgiveness. Asking you to stay. Forgive me for being so selfish." Elrond drew her up from the chair and enfolded her into a large hug.

Aragorn at that moment entered the nursery to behold this scene, Elrond and Arwen embracing as if in farewell. The sensation of a knife ripping through his heart nearly debilitated him. Elrond looked as his foster son and Aragorn knew what had passed between father and daughter. He closed his eyes in an attempt to block out the pain until unshed tears began stinging them. Upon opening them he saw Elrond staring at him with a look of love and empathy etched on his face and offering his arm in an unmistakable invitation for an embrace. Aragorn, as he had done so often as a child, ran into the arms of the only father he had ever known. Theirs had been a difficult relationship over the years, but in the end Aragorn still loved his foster father beyond all reckoning. Elrond enfolded his two children, now grown tall and strong, into his arms, the tears flowing unabated from his pale blue eyes. "This parting is almost past my strength to bear," the Lord of Imladris whispered when he at last pulled away from the embrace.

He looked upon the tear-stained face of his beloved daughter and then upon his adored foster son, whose eyes were silver with tears threatening to pour out the pain of his heart. "Estel," he began fully, a gentle smile hinted at upon his face, "I could not have parted with my daughter for a lesser man. I know that you will always be worthy of her. I love you, ion nin. Always remember that. I could not be prouder of you than I am right now." Aragorn bowed his head with his hand on his heart, Elrond leaned and kissed the top of his foster son's head, "Be strong and compassionate always, Elessar, Namarie." When Aragorn looked up again Elrond saw the unshed tears flowing down his face. He sighed deeply and turned to his dearly loved daughter and saw that her light was dimming. "No! Iell nin. Do not let this parting dim the light upon you. That would cause me more sadness than I could possibly bear, even in the Undying Lands. You must promise me than you will forever fight against the dimming of your soul until…" Elrond could not finish the thought for it was too painful for either of them to contempt at such a moment. Elrond looked deeply into Arwen's troubled violet depths "Promise me, my beloved daughter, that you will look upon life with joy always in your heart."

Arwen had been staring at her father lost in her own sorrow, but hearing these words, she blinked slowly and seemed to recover herself. A bright smile lit her tear-stained face and she whispered, "I will, Ada. I will."

Elrond kissed her forehead and then kissed the closed tear-soaked lids and whispered "Namarie, my beloved. I must go, now. Elladan and Elrohir travel with me to the Grey Havens, but they will not take ship at this time."

He looked down at little Eldarion, "You may not come know your grandpapa, my dear child. But your Ada and Nana will see to it that you come to know your uncles and your heritage." He leaned in and picked up the infant one last time, "Grow strong and make your people proud, my dear, dear boy." Giving the child a quick hug and a kiss, he handed him to Arwen and Aragorn. "Be happy," Elrond's voice caught a little, "Namarie." With that he left the royal family in the nursery and strode purposefully down the hall to where his twin sons held their horses. Elrond mounted and looked behind him. He saw the three he had just left standing by on a balcony close to the nursery watching his departure, Aragorn lifting a hand in farewell. Elrond nodded and Elladan heard him murmur, "What should be, shall be" as they stepped off on Elrond's last journey through Middle Earth.

***

Autumn 1423 S. R. The Shire

The time was drawing near that Sam would lose his master to the Grey Havens. It was Autumn time and he knew that Frodo was slipping further and further away, but this time it was not due to "Remembrance" but rather Frodo's acceptance of a fate different from that of his Shire kindred. He tried talking to Rosie about it, but somehow he could not voice the idea of Frodo's leaving, as if to speak of it would somehow bring it about. Now he knew that nothing could stop that from happening. Frodo remained cheerful enough, but he would not discuss plans for the future, any plans. Save those he had tended to last night. He had cleared out his desk and set his papers in order. In the end he had given Sam the keys to Bag End and handed over the big red book that he had been working on. There was such finality in that gesture. Sam was looking over the leather-bound book skimming the pages. The stories set down on the pages were as familiar to him as were the flowers in his garden.

Upon seeing old Mr. Baggins handwriting, he flashed back to the times when he and Frodo had sat listening to Bilbo recount his adventures abroad. They were always so exciting. Then Frodo and he would go outside and act out the most exciting bits. How Old Mr. Bilbo rescued the dwarves from the three monstrous trolls, or how Old Mr. Bilbo outsmarted the Elven King to release his friends from the dungeons in Mirkwood. Sam smiled and then was brought up short by the realisation that the Elven King of those story times and pretenses was Legolas' father. Memory again intruded upon by reality. The childhood stories never mentioned that you might lose the best friend you ever had, nor did they teach you how to cope with pain of losing him. Suddenly he hated that book and all it represented because it was taking dear Mr. Frodo from him. "If Old Mr. Bilbo hadn't filled Frodo's head with them ideas, he would never have left and would safe and whole now!" Sam muttered, sorely tempted to throw the accursed book into the flames. A quiet voice from behind stopped him. "Now you know that's not true, Samwise Gamgee." He turned to see Frodo standing there leaning against the round doorway to his study. "It had to be me, I've accepted that. If we hadn't succeeded then Sauron would have beaten back the armies of the West and most of those who stood against him, most of those we love, would most likely be dead by now."

Sam stared at Frodo. "You admit now that your part of the Quest was a success."

Frodo shrugged, "Yes, I guess I am."

Sam started hopefully, "Then you are cured! And there is no need for you to leave ever!" But even as he spoke the words he knew them for the folly that they were.

Frodo looked at him with those big blue eyes and said, "I wish it were that simple, dear Sam. But I'm tired. Tired of fighting it, tired pretending that I can be whole again and I refuse to be a burden to my friends and family. Too much has happened to me, Sam. I don't belong here any more. You know that, deep in your heart."

"I don't know anything of the kind! I don't see why you can't just …" his voice trailed off as Frodo looked at him. "Well, It just doesn't seem right or fair!"

"You're right Sam, it isn't. But I have reflected long on what Gandalf said to me in the mines of Moria when I was bemoaning my fate to be the Ringbearer. He said 'So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.'** In the end I decided to complete my task, cost what it may. I was changed from the moment the task fell to me and I see now that no matter what I had chosen I could never go back. It isn't fair, but it is what had to happen. What is it that the Elves say? 'What should be, shall be.' It is true. I've accepted it. I dearly wish you could."

Sam sat at Frodo's desk feeling peevish and annoyed, at himself mostly. "You're right, but that doesn't mean I've got to like it."

"Dear Sam. What will I do without you?" Frodo pulled him from his chair into a big bear hug and Sam felt a few heartfelt tears soak through the thin cambric tunic that he stripped down to after coming inside.

***

Frodo sat near a knarled old tree with his favourite little flower bud sitting on his stomach. Elanor was busy testing out the relative bounciness of Frodo's stomach and Frodo was in the process of halting the experiment as he decided that the answer to this question was not of burning importance to the world in general. "Come on you little rascal, that's enough!" He grabbed her and started tickling her stomach mercilessly. She giggled and said, "Fro! Stop!" which of course he didn't. The giggling continued. In the few months since the spring Elanor had started to develop quite a vocabulary. She could as just demonstrated say "Stop!", also "Mama", "Papa" , "cat" and "Fro". She could not yet say "Frodo" but he supposed that this was the next best thing. Finally after much more giggling Frodo relented and stopped tickling the poor little lass.

"Oh, my sweet little flower bud, how I wish I could stay and watch you become the beauty that I know you will become. But alas, I cannot." He hugged Elanor and kissed the top of her golden head. Elanor grew still and peered into the older Hobbit's eyes smiling tentatively. She seemed to sense Frodo's sadness and kissed him on the nose. Frodo laughed and exclaimed, "Oh you sweet, sweet little thing! How I shall miss you!" He sobered quickly and looked at the child, who returned the gaze with a solemnity that was not her usual wont. "Elanor, little flower bud! I want tell you something. I have go away now. I don't want to but I must." He reached out and brushed a strand of golden hair that the wind had just blown over, away from her face, "I love you my girl. You have been my little light through some very dark times. I will always love you. Remember that."

Frodo reached into his pocket and pulled out what seemed to be a shining star caught within a jewel set on a slender mithril chain. It was indeed the jewel that Arwen had gifted to him on their parting after the Ring War. He had had Gimli take it back to his people to be re-set in a new mithril mounting. It had only just arrived yesterday. "I want you to have this jewel given to me by Queen Arwen herself, as a way of remembering me. I'll not be needing it where I am going and I think it only fitting for it to adorn the fairest hobbit-maid in the land."

Elanor's eyes were shining as she reached out to touch the star. Frodo smiled gently as he looked upon the little girl's face. "Here, let's see it on you, my lass." Frodo placed the jewel around her neck and fastened the clasp. The jewel lay lightly upon the little girl's chest and glowed faintly. "It looks beautiful. Come let us show the others. It is time to go." At this Frodo got to his feet and held the little girl's hand as they walked back to the house. Sam was waiting for them outside the front door. He could see them from far off as the jewel glowed with a radiance all its own. As they came closer, Sam was surprised by the look on Frodo's face. There was contentment and a glowing peacefulness written there and it almost seemed as if he were viewing Frodo as he would be and not as he was. When Frodo looked up he saw Sam and smiled. A weight lifted from Sam at that moment. He was still sad at Frodo's leaving, but he now knew beyond all certainty that he would indeed see Frodo again although not in the Shire. He laughed and ran to meet them.

**************

**= direct quote from either book or film screenplay. I tried not to quote directly if I could help it, but these few lines really needed to be included.





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