Chapter 9:  power talk and intimate thoughts

“What are you looking at, my love?” a gentle voice asked.

Lord Námo smiled. The Vala had, of course long since detected his spouse approaching, but he indulged in playing her game. He deepened the light blue colour of his sphere to a deep almost blackish blue and slowly but steadily transformed into the shape similar to their favoured children. He did not need to turn around to know that his wife had also chosen the bodily appearance of the elven kind.

“Well?” Vairë asked again while her loving gaze was still directed at her husband’s back. Of course, she also knew what the tall Vala was so intently staring at her tapestry, yet she liked to tease him. His thoughts were in her mind as clearly as her thoughts were in his.

“For the first time, my love, I do not know how to proceed,” Namó answered resulting in a surprised intake of breath from his wife. She stepped even closer until her chin rested on his left shoulder and her deep green eyes looked as intently as her husband’s at the scene depicted in the tapestry she had recently woven.

She knew of what he spoke and she agreed silently even if she had been responsible for the drama unfolding. Albeit, when the lifeline had started it had somehow gone its own way, but now it had developed to a level not intended.

For a long time, the life line of the elf on the picture had been hidden or neglected by the weaver of life. The elf’s presence had only recently gained focus again thanks to another well know elf. Only now, the Vala noticed how terribly the fate of this certain elf had gone astray.

Vairë took a long time before answering.

“You are right. It will be difficult to make the right decision. The life stream is intricate and her future fate is hidden from my eyes, at least partly. I’m not sure what to make of our favourite elf’s intervention.”

Now Námo smiled a real smile.

“Maybe we should look what he is making of her and decide then?”

An answering smile was the only answer.

…………………………………….

Glorfindel´s POV:

For hours, I was sitting in my favourite spot at the base of the waterfall where the river Bruinen veers to the left only to vanish further down beneath the mountain. I come here when I want to think undisturbed, when I want to be alone.

This does not happen often but only from time to time. No Elf in the valley dares to disturb me then. I do not demand much for myself, but these undisturbed moments are precious to me.

Elrond’s last words had made me think and think again. Maybe he was right and the woman in the infirmary was not Elvëa – could not be Elvëa? How I had the idea in the first place was now eluding me but I could not ignore the speaking of my heart.

Listening deeper, I tried to find out the reason why I wanted – no yearned for this woman to be Elvëa. I had clearly perceived Elrond’s thoughts that he mused I longed for a companion, a wife…..

Was this the case? To my own surprise, I could not deny this wish. After my rebirth, I had never really considered to take a wife or raise a family. Not because I did not want to. My tasks were manifold and first and foremost, I had sworn to serve and protect the line of Earendil. There was not much room for plunging into family life.

In the back of my mind, I knew that I was betraying myself. We lived in relative peace as long as the valley was kept hidden from the outside world and even if the task to protect this peaceful heaven was arduous every day, the life in valley could be considered safe.

Yet I take my task to protect Imladris in being its Lord’s Troop Commander very seriously. Never again shall it happen that an enemy could surprise us as it had happened at Gondolin the day the city fell. When not training warriors or being out on patrol, I counsel my Lord and take part in ruling the people looking to us for guidance.

Again I was aware of making excuses. Even Elrond had founded a family and raised three children, so why should my time be limited to such a degree as not to sustain a family?

Angrily I shook my head. These were all not the reasons why I walked these grounds alone. The main reason was lying in the infirmary right now. After Elvëa, I had never found a woman who had spoken to my heart like she had done.

Was this my second chance? Could it be that the Valar had designed a life for me like it should be? Being a husband and a father? Then anger returned to my thoughts. Had the powers sent Elvëa down this dark path to finally return to my arms? Then I did not want this chance. I had still not the heart to consider what Elvëa – or the woman in the healing ward - had been forced to endure.

Being imprisoned was a horror for every elf, yet being imprisoned by the Istari for a time not comprehendible for any elf, much less a human, it was unimaginable. How long had she been locked away? What had the Istari or one of his multiple dark creatures done to her? Could she still be in her right mind? Could she ever recover – whether Elvëa or not?

Elrond had already predicted that even when she awoke – like she had done yesterday – she would never recover; she would live a life of misery, as a mere shadow of her former self.

Was this what I wanted? Seeing the love of my life suffer every day? Or was there a chance to guide her back to the light? Time was not the problem, but was it only time Elvëa needed? I took a deep shuddering breath. Even though Elrond had himself experienced great emotional trauma in his life, in this case his predictions were made without real experience. But what options were left to us any way, all emotions aside? She lived and she had awoken – what now?

Even if we had the right, should we kill her to spare her a life in misery, or should we continue to care for her and lead her back into a loving community?

I stood up abruptly, not finding any answers in the place that has spoken to me in the past. I would fight for her, but would I have the heart in the end to let her find peace, whatever this peace would be? I took another deep breath and left the riverside, yet I had not the heart to call for an insight from the Valar. They were not innocent of the fate the woman was forced to endure.

With a much heavier heart, I walked back to the house.

……………………………………..

Elrond returned to the House just as Glorfindel had risen from his favourite spot. When the warrior had vanished from his study, Elrond did not need to think hard where the elf had gone. One look up the hill had confirmed his guess. Elrond did not need to be a mind reader to know what thoughts were cursing through his friend’s mind.

The fate of woman abiding in his infirmary was also ever present in his mind – how could it not be, yet his thoughts about her were of a different nature. He could not believe that this woman could be the she-elf Glorfindel had told him about. Even if the life of elves only ended when the world ended, no elf could walk through the millennia unscathed.

Whoever this woman in his infirmary might be, Elrond was sure that it was not the woman Glorfindel hoped her to be. She might be old but she could surely not originate from the era of Gondolin. But what if Glorfindel was right?

Ignoring all his better judgement, Elrond considered the consequences.

Even if Glorfindel was optimistic now that the woman would recover, he knew that this was not possible. She had awoken, yes, but was it really a coming back into reality? She had opened her eyes, but not recognized anything; her hysterical screams had showed this clearly.

Elrond was sure she was still trapped in some nightmare and he doubted that she would ever leave this darkness; Glorfindel’s care not withstanding. The old elf was mighty but he had his limits and the woman was already beyond reach.

And there were some other issues to consider. The she-elf was totally starved and dehydrated. With painstaking slowness and without much success the elves caring for her tried to coax some water and broth into the haggard body. Elrond, however, doubted that the damage already done to every inner organ could be reversed. Why she was still alive and her body functioning was miracle to him.

Long and hard had he thought about what could be the reason for the prolonged life of the elf. Considering her bodily and mental state, she should have long since crumbled to dust. Was the same reason why she had never or could never heed the call of Mandos also why that she still lived? Even if all physical aspects spoke another language?

The Elf-lord shuddered. Glorfindel had implied that it was a charade of the Valar. Elrond doubted that the powers were playing such a cruel game. Their ways were often intricate and incomprehensible for the firstborn, but to let one of their children suffer in such a way, Elrond could not believe.

Yet there were many examples of the past where elves had suffered unthinkable fates – was Elvëa also singled out for something greater? What was the meaning behind this all?

The healer took a deep breath. Instantly the bad feeling he had after discovering the elf at the depths of Ortanc was back in his gut. All his instincts had screamed at him to not bring this woman into his valley.

Had his feelings betrayed him, or was she only a poor soul waiting to be rescued and given another chance? Was he overreacting and conjuring up things?

To be continued…….