Chapter 17 - Closure is a Choice

“There is light and beauty up there that no shadow can touch.”- Sam

It drew closer and closer to Mid-Summer’s Day where they knew that something special was about to occur. The fair folk had given a sign at Amon Din and they were quickly arriving .

After the trip to Parth Galen, Aragorn became busier with the preparations for his Queen and all the elves of Lothlorien and Rivendell. The Fellowship could see his enthusiasm and anticipation at this time. Aragorn’s eyes would light up at the mention of the Elves, especially Arwen, and he made arrangements to have a great feast and ceremony to remember the day he wed. It was a day he had looked forward to all his life. He was finally getting married to the elf-maiden of his dreams. It was a long time coming.

It was a majestic time with all the fair folk in Gondor. Faramir has not ever seen so many that have arrived at one time in Gondor. The city was all decorated with flowers and pastel colors like yellow, blue, pink and red. From the first to the seventh level to the Citadel, the decorations covered the city as if it were a city of flowers instead of stone. For the banquet hall itself, there were tall rose bouquets for two hundred tables. Did Aragorn invite all of Gondor to the wedding? He wished Eowyn could see this. 

He saw another side of the King when Arwen Undomiel showed up. The King’s eyes lit up, and he embraced his Queen affectionately. The Queen looked stunning, certainly royal and even like the Valar. She wore a cream silk dress adorned with stars and upon her head was a crown. Luthien came again on Earth, and Faramir could remember how he had imagined Arwen and she certainly looked like her. 

The King and Queen talked deep into the night before the MId-Summer’s Day where Lord Elrond surrendered the scepter and laid the hand of his daughter in the hand of the King.

All Gondorians were glad in their hearts when they beheld this moment. They all sang together and blessed the King and his new Queen.  There was a very elaborate feast that night where food, drink, dance and music were plentiful.

Faramir had not seen such a wonderful scene for a long time and toasted to the Queen and King during the feast at Merethrond. All of the Fellowship were together to celebrate and all sorrow and sadness were forgotten in that moment.  Many lights were lit up in Merethond, one for each year the King and Queen had to wait to come to this day. Their smiles and laughter were contagious and all of Gondor were singing the many wedding songs that were played by the Elvish harpists and Gondorian band.

Faramir made sure to toast Aragorn and Arwen, “To the newly wedded couple, I do wish you the best and may all the happiness be with you.” 

“Thank you, my Steward,” Aragorn replied. “Soon we will be toasting to your own wedding. Before you know it, we will have another large wedding in Gondor.”

Faramir laughed, “King Eomer must accept my speech first when we go to Rohan. I may wed in Rohan; I need to respect my betrothed’s wishes.”

“Eomer will truly accept you to be part of the family, do not worry,” replied Aragorn. “And no matter where you have your wedding, we will have a large feast.”

“Perhaps we will have two weddings, Lord Faramir.  Indeed, it is quite an event to have two kingdoms join by marriage. The future is bright,” said Queen Arwen. “Do not fall into shadow, young Steward. We are here for you.”

Faramir felt gratitude and was in awe of the beauty of his new Queen. He found no words to say but bowed to her, feeling peace and hope in his heart that the darkness cannot endure.

Frodo was in awe of the elaborate wedding and had fun during the festivities.  He was so happy that Strider had wedded Lady Arwen finally. He had heard from Gandalf the trials and tribulations they had to endure to get to this point. Now that the festivities have ended,he was also looking forward to asking Aragorn if he and his kin could leave soon for their home.

Aragorn seemed to have read his mind when Frodo came to see him. “In seven days we will go, for we shall ride with you far on the road even as far as the country of Rohan.”***

Then Arwen gifted Frodo something he did not expect. The white gem that lay upon her neck was set upon Frodo's neck “When the memory of the fear and the darkness troubles you, this will bring you aid.”***

Frodo could do nothing but bow down at the Queen and he wondered at her words. Surely, he will find peace in the Shire? He did not know since his nightmares of the Quest returned lately leaving him sleepless and anxious. Perhaps going home would ease this anxiety.

Faramir could not wait to ride out from Gondor. Aragorn said that they would depart a couple of days from the end of the wedding festivities. He had heard that Eomer and a couple of the Rohirrim were soon to come to bring the body of King Theoden back to Rohan. He found time to speak with Eomer regarding his desire to wed Eowyn. They had spoken before, but Faramir was anxious to know how Eowyn was doing.

“How has Eowyn fared with all the planning lately? And how does she fare?” Faramir caught Eomer in a moment when he came to Gondor.  Faramir made an effort to find out when Eomer was to return for Theoden and made himself available for the future King of Rohan.

“She is well- and how about yourself? I hear that you would like to speak after the funeral when you come to Edoras?”

“Yes, I would like to be permitted to have a formal betrothal,” replied Faramir. “I am sure your sister has spoken about our intentions, and I do wish for your blessing.”

Eomer heard from Eowyn about her falling in love with Faramir in the Houses of Healing and had spoken briefly to Aragorn too about the new relationship. He was a bit doubtful because he was surprised at the speed of attraction. It was just a week at the Houses of Healing for what he had known. 

Eowyn had spoken about her love for Faramir when she went back to Edoras and spoke about her desire to live outside of Edoras, and Eomer felt that he would miss her when she left Edoras. He would be King after all and it would be helpful if his sister was in Rohan. But who was he to say no to a young one’s desire for marriage? And Faramir was not a bad choice if he had the best intentions.

“Of course you have my blessing if you indeed love my sister as you say you do,” replied Eomer carefully. “It is quite a fast attraction, but what do I know about love? You’ve known each other only a few weeks?” 

“Yes, I do understand it is fast courtship, but I do love Eowyn and promise to make her happy.  I cannot wholly explain it either, but I know that I would like to make her happy and fortunate for the rest of her days.  She is lovely, valiant, and beautiful. I am very certain that I would like to wed the White Lady of Rohan and it would help greatly to have your blessing,” said Faramir resolutely. “I am grateful for your help in this matter.”

“How would you like to proceed?”

“For tradition, I would like to announce it in Rohan. I am coming to Edoras with the King’s company,” said Faramir. “Perhaps you would leave me time to announce to your kingdom, formally?”

“Yes, that can be arranged.  You can do so after the funeral and after I am pronounced King.”

“Thank you, King Eomer. I will see you soon in Edoras,” Faramir bowed.

Because Aragorn had been busy the past two weeks, Faramir felt some anxiety return but he turned to the medicines that Aragorn gave him. His headache also returned at times when he was too tired. He guessed he was tired from helping the King with the wedding. Even though the King nor Council asked, he prepared the guest list, banquet settings and found the right vendors. He was happy to help the King for all that he had done for him these past weeks for his health.

It was at night when his thoughts turned a bit dark for unknown reasons. Visions of fire then darkness interrupted his sleep leaving him uneasy and fearful that the Black Breath still had a grip. He crushed some athelas and sleeping draught for himself and fell back asleep uneasily. 

Two nights before departing to Rohan, he was feeling especially restless, and he went out to the courtyard and saw a huddled small figure looking up at the stars. It was Frodo.

“Why isn’t this a familiar scene–are you sleepless, Ring-bearer?” asked Faramir.

“Yes, I am.  It is better out here with the stars. Let me show you something. Several days ago, Arwen gave me her jewel,” Frodo showed Faramir the white gem that gleamed like a star.

“That is a nice gift– that would be cherished forever,” replied Faramir. “Are you all right, Frodo?” Faramri perceived a melancholic Ring-bearer who seemed like he was battling anxiety too.

“Queen Arwen is quite perceptive. I am not sure if I shall stay in Middle-earth. I dream of the sea,” said Frodo as he took a deep breath. “It is a frequent dream and it gives me peace instead of sorrow.”

“I dream of the water too, but usually in a wave that I'm standing on top of,” said Faramir. “I wonder if they’re related?”

“I believe your fate would be different from mine, dear Steward. There is more for you to look forward to in Middle-earth. I am hopeful when I return to the Shire but not entirely sure about true peace.”

Faramir felt tears in his eyes. “Truly you must believe that the Quest will not affect you to that extent of you leaving Middle-earth?”

“That remains to be seen but if I do, do not feel sorrowful.”

Faramir did not know what to say but he did feel despair at the moment that the Ring-bearer would already seem to lose hope in recovering. It was not fair. He felt himself tense up but he took a deep breath and changed the topic. “We will ride together to Edoras at least and I hope that we can talk about all that is good in this world. Frodo, the darkness cannot endure and I hope you can see that. Do not despair! You led our fight against evil. Evil has succumbed because of your bravery and your endurance. Surely, when you return home, you will also see that there is beauty in our land and the good always outweighs the bad.”

“I hope so too,” replied Frodo, fingering his jewel.  He paused and then said, “You have to  keep looking at the stars for I do think that the departed look down upon us from there. My mother, father, Boromir and fellow comrades.”

Indeed, Faramir hoped that his family was looking down upon him and perhaps that is how he can go on in life. “I…” a lump was in his throat “never thought of it that way. That is another way to remember and to let go. The trip to Parth Galen helped a good amount but sometimes I become anxious for no reason.”

Frodo felt tears of pity in his eyes. “I’m sure it takes time. Give yourself time.  In the meantime, I am feeling weary. Did you get a sleeping draught from Aragorn?”

“No, I've run out unfortunately and did not go to the apothecary. Do you have some to spare?”

“Yes, I will retrieve some for you. Do you want to come with me?”

“Sure I will.” Faramir followed the hobbit to his quarters. He made sure to be quiet because Samwise was sleeping peacefully in the room.

“Here you are, Faramir,” the herbs for the sleeping draught. “Hope you have a restful night. Do you want to talk some more?” Frodo thought that Faramir looked like there was something on his mind. 

“No, it’s nothing,” Faramir smiled at Frodo reassuringly. He did feel a bit more anxious for some reason. Maybe it was because Frodo could possibly not heal in Middle-earth that weighed down in his heart. “I shall be fine.”

Frodo perceived there was something amiss. “I can walk you back to the courtyard if you want. I am not tired yet.”

“If you would like.”

Silently, the hobbit and Steward walked back to the direction of the courtyard and Citadel. It was a clear warm night not unlike the previous one in which they had their first conversation.

“Have you been to Rohan?” asked Frodo.

“No, I have not,” Faramir was starting to feel weary and he stifled a yawn. “Boromir has, and he told me stories of it. I need to learn more about Rohirric traditions for weddings.”

“That is something good to read up on. I hope I'm invited to your wedding,” said Frodo.

“Of course, though I do not know when it is. I have to plan in person with it when I see Eowyn soon. I am glad we can depart from Gondor.” Faramir paused. “I think I will retire to sleep now. Thank you, Frodo for the company and the sleeping draught.”

“You’re very welcome. I hope you can fall asleep soon,” said Frodo.

“You as well,” replied Faramir and he gave the hobbit a hug. He felt connected to all the hobbits but Frodo was special in his eyes. Ever since the hard questioning in Ithilien and how Frodo carried himself- he certainly had an Elvish air of wisdom.

Faramir returned to his room and he felt weary but no sleep came even though he used the sleeping draught. He wondered if Aragorn had a different one for him than Frodo’s. He tossed and turned with dreams tinged with darkness and fire. He woke with sweat on his brow and he felt ill at ease. He had hoped that Frodo would find peace and it was unfair if he couldn’t. He felt very attached to this fate and he couldn’t help but worry for the hobbit. How he wished he could help him! Then, he awoke two hours later before dawn, and started pacing again.  He took up a strong drink like old times instead which finally aided in a restless slumber.

The next day, Faramir did not wake till three hours past sunrise which was late for him. He quickly got dressed, had some strong coffee and made his way to his office. His head felt heavy, but he had to write a draft of what he’ll say in Rohan and had to prepare others to take responsibilities when he and Aragorn would be out for what would seem over a month.

There was a knock at his door.

It was Aragorn.

“My King, how are you?” Faramir stood up and bowed. “How can I be of service?”

“Can I ask how you fare? You do not look too well today. What happened? “ Faramir seemed like he didn’t sleep for a week again, dark circles under the eyes and pale skin.

“Nothing out of the ordinary I would say- only not the best sleep last night,” admitted Faramir. He neglected to mention the dark dreams he could not remember; he involuntarily shuddered in recollection.

“Then you should return to bed to rest- we leave Rohan very soon and you need to be in your best health. Here let me examine you.  You have worried me again. Did you use any sleeping draught? Do you still have dark dreams?” Aragorn checked Faramir’s vitals and shoulder. Pulse was a bit elevated.

“Yes, I did, but it did not work like the first time,” Faramir sat down on his chair heavily and tried to breathe through an impending headache. “I had some dark dreams last week, but I don't recall any last night.”

“You should return home and take some medicine, and I'll make sure of the sleeping draught you are using. Do you remember the dreams from last week? What work did you want to do anyway that is so urgent?”

“Do we need to plan who will be in charge when we depart for Rohan? Prince Imrahil is also going to Rohan; who will be in charge? I am alright now with the dark dreams, no need to worry.”

“We will have Lord Hurin and the Chamberlain guide the people temporarily. Most of the decisions have been made for reconstruction and I think we will be alright for the month or so we are gone. '' reassured Aragorn.  “And again, your health is of utmost importance so you have to let me know if you feel otherwise.

“I do hope so. We will be gone for at least two months,” Faramir said and wrote a few notes down for his own bookkeeping and then acquiesced to return back home. Perhaps after his nap, he will plan his betrothal speech.  “I..am not sure but I will take the draughts and rest a bit.”

Aragorn walked Faramir back to his room. He made a new sleeping draught for him which was a stronger one than Frodo’s and administered some feverfew with honey and lavender. Faramir nodded in thanks and wordlessly drank the herbal teas.

“Rest, my friend and breathe easy,” Aragorn massaged Faramir’s temples again and Faramir breathed, felt more at ease and fell asleep almost instantly .

Aragorn looked around the room and saw a half empty bottle of brandy - was Faramir drinking ? It seemed to have been recently opened. He wondered at that and made sure to make a note to ask Faramir about it. The herbal remedies should not be mixed with alcohol. Did the Black Breath still exist even now? He wondered with slight anxiety on how he could further help and made a note to himself to check up on Faramir later.

Later that day at about noon, Faramir felt better, and he could not understand what could be the cause of his unrest.  Merry and Pippin came to see him.

“How are you feeling, Faramir? Are you ready for Rohan? We will ride out tomorrow! I am excited,” said Pippin. “I have not been to Rohan.”

“It will be at least a four day ride,” said Faramir. “Maybe longer this time with the size of our company.”

“Hope we will have some rest in between,” Pippin said. “Last time, Gandalf rode so quickly through and I did not enjoy the scenery.”

“This time, I believe we will go at a more leisurely pace,” said Faramir with a smile. “I do look forward to the trip very much.” His heart was in Rohan for a long while for he could feel that the future lay within a golden haired maiden he so desired to be with and that is one thing to keep him going amidst each day’s occupations, anxiety and restless nights.  The change of scenery would be good for him. He needed to ride forth from Gondor to see his betrothed and not be worried of things that cannot be changed.

“Have you been, Faramir?”

“No I have not been to Rohan- Boromir has  told me things about it when he was there once,” replied Faramir.

“I hope we get to stay for a little while longer together there before we depart to Rivendell,” said Merry. “We are there for King Theoden’s funeral - I wonder how long that will be? I hope that Eowyn has been handling everything well.”

“She has- her letters sound like she has everything ready and Eomer was just here to bring the body back,” said Faramir.

“We need to sleep extra early tonight to anticipate leaving early,” said Pippin excitedly. “Is your sleeping alright, Steward?”

It was strange Pippin would mention that. Faramir chose to not let them know about the previous night with Frodo and just remarked that he was fine. “There is nothing to worry- I have recovered,” Faramir said evasively.  “Is Frodo alright? Has he been sleepless as well? We should see how he is.”

“Yes, we are trying with Frodo as well but he is more closed than you are with how he is. He says he’ll be better once we depart and he misses Bilbo and the Shire which is understandable. Also, the Quest, Mordor–I worry for my cousin too,” said Merry, biting his lip.

Pippin sensed the tension, and was worried about Frodo too but kept it hopeful,  “It is a long ride to Rohan. We will ask Aragorn about the right medicinal preparations. The ride will be good for Frodo and the sooner we get home, we hope, the sooner that he’ll be back to normal.” 

“Thank you, dear hobbits. I assure you that I will be fine. Looking after Frodo is most important. I really hope that he will recover in the Shire.  Going to Rohan is medicine itself for me,” said Faramir with a smile. He was so eager to see Eowyn again, he tried to keep that in the forefront of his mind at all times.

At that time, the King emerged and  found the hobbits and Faramir and asked how they were. “I heard my name–did I hear preparations for the trip?”

“Why yes, I think more herbal teas would be necessary because Frodo and Fara–” started Pippin.

“Yes, that is why I am here. Faramir, you were not well before- do you want to share? You have to let me know if the Black Breath reoccurs because it’s dangerous and you know that. Please do not withhold sharing any detail that can aid you.”

Faramir sighed , “ I don’t remember them but sometimes there is still darkness and fire and then I wake . It’s not something too tangible to report, my King. And the dreams are not as frequent lately.”

“Has it?”

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean is why is there alcohol in the bedroom ?” asked Aragorn gently but sternly. “Are you feeling despair or anxiety?  I still feel like I’m getting half truths.”

Faramir shook his head . “ Just last night I couldn’t sleep so I felt that some brandy can aid in that - it is not frequent at all. And I’m worried for Frodo. He was sleepless as well.”

Nobody spoke for a moment. The hobbits looked at each other in anxiety and dismay. They were all worried for Frodo and had been since he awoke in Cormallen.

“I am too. But he does not have Black Breathe that is lingering. I’ll give you a sleeping draught for the road to Edoras but no more brandy please. And I’ll have an eye on the Ring-bearer too. We should be open to each other. ” Aragorn glanced at the Steward and hobbits testily in turn and left the room. 

“When love is real, there's never closure,” murmured Faramir and he felt slight despair again .

“Sorry, what did you say ? “ asked Merry. He was distracted by Aragorn’s serious demeanor and he was troubled about Frodo too.

“ I was speaking with Aragorn before,” said Pippin who tried to keep things positive, “Closure can come in many ways .  For Frodo, we need to go back to the Shire and see Bilbo and hope that he can recover that way.”

“Sometimes you are a very insightful smart Took,” said Merry.

“I hope you all take care of Frodo when he returns to the Shire, and hope that he will find peace. He needs to take care and know that he is the hero of the Quest,” said Faramir. 

“We know our cousin is suffering thoughts of self-doubt but yes, maybe time will heal him in body and spirit,” replied Merry quietly.

“We will hope for that and we thank you for your concern,” added Pippin. He really hoped that Frodo would be normal once they were homebound.  Surely returning to the Shire can heal his cousin?

That night, Faramir could rest easier with the sleeping draught that Aragorn provided. At first, he was hesitant to fall asleep, since there were odd dreams tinged with fire, and he did not know the reason. He did not feel stressed or anything. He was looking forward to Rohan the most, hoping that it’ll be the beginning of something new. Which demons did he have to rid of himself before going?

He needed the utmost energy for the ride so he crushed some athelas for himself to make sure he had a restful sleep. Fortunately, he slept through the night and woke refreshed before dawn.

…

There was a large company departing from Gondor. All the elves of Rivendell and Lothlorien were leaving as well as Prince Imrahil and his family, and many knights of Gondor and Rohan. Never had any king of the Mark such company upon the road as went with Theoden, Thengel’s son to the land of his home. ***

Merry rode upon Theoden’s wain and kept the arms of the King and went with the Riders of Rohan.  Frodo and Sam rode at Aragorn’s side, Gandalf on Shadowfax, Pippin rode with the knights of Gondor with Faramir and Prince Imrahil. Legolas and Gimli were together.

It took more than four days to get to Rohan.  There were many stops including the fact that Aragorn made sure to speak with Ghan-buri-ghan and his folk and talk to other neighboring villages about his rule and also anything that may be needed from them. Faramir created the liaisons that were necessary to make sure the principalities of each village would report directly to the appropriate representative at Minas Tirith so all concerns may be addressed. There were reports of food shortages and some lawlessness that they did ask Minas Tirith to convey back to Minas Tirith to address the issues. 

Faramir became more acquainted with Legolas, Gimli, Galadriel, Celeborn and of course  Queen Arwen during the two weeks’ time. He was especially in awe of Galadriel especially with her gentle yet indomitable spirit. He had not been near such a powerful elven queen before. He wondered what Galadriel had perceived of his brother and he made the time to speak to her about it.

The ride through the country of Gondor was tiring and Faramir fell asleep better after a long day’s ride. He shared a tent with Legolas and Gimli and became fast friends with them. They had been briefed about the Steward and his nightmares and the King relied on them to tell him if anything was amiss. The hobbits were also not too far from him, and he could see their friendly and concerned eyes on him.

One night, he found himself in the awe-inspiring company of Galadriel and Celeborn and he found himself drawn to the majestic and magical company that Galadriel seemed to have. Her ageless and beautiful face was incomparable to mortal women. She was taller than other elven women, and had long locks of golden hair that went down to her waist. She carried herself with grace and veiled power. Galadriel seemed to sense that the Steward was moved by her and made conversation with him. 

“You ride to Rohan with hope and promise,” Galadriel said to Faramir one night when they were sitting by the fire. Others were there as well but they had an isolated spot nearer to the trees by Faramir’s tent. Galadriel seemed to read Faramir quite easily already as she spoke of him in the most telepathic way in which Faramir was awestruck. “ I met your brother in Lothlorien. You are alike but different from him. You both had a chance to take the Ring but had a different approach.  Tell me, why were you not tempted, young Steward?”

“As I told Frodo,” said Faramir slowly in recollection. “Even if I were a man to desire this thing, still I should not take it because there are some perils that a man must flee from. I have no interest in objects that carry alleged power. It was too sore of a trial for Boromir and I wished that he could have seen the peril as well,” Faramir looked down, the memory of Boromir was tainted only by what his opinion on the Enemy’s Ring was. But could he have helped it?

Galadriel seemed to read his mind, “Boromir did not resist, but he redeemed himself, did you not know? By saving the young hobbits and repenting with Aragorn ere he passed, he should rest in peace knowing that we all forgive him and your memory of him should not be tarnished.”

Faramir bowed down, “Thank you for letting me know about that. The King did mention as well, but my mind has been dark before your arrival and the wedding.”

“Be at peace, Steward, you ride to hope and promise of a new age and there is much to recover. Do not worry about the past if you are to rebuild the future.”

Faramir found no words to say but his eyes shone with gratitude at this moment with one of the most powerful elves of Middle-earth. His heart felt warm and he did not feel so peaceful for a long while. “Thank you, Lady Galadriel. I appreciate your words of wisdom very much.”

TBC