I just figured out that this is your story, so I'm reading all the chapters now. Sorry!
The switch in point of view from Merry to Frodo in this chapter surprised me a little, and it took me a minute or two to figure it out. I think part of that was because the style changes a little too, at the same time. This chapter is much more conversational as well as being in first person, and it seems like Pippin is there too, listening in? Will he have a chapter later, or is he too young for the events of this story? Of course, it makes sense that Merry can't relate this part, as I am sure he doesn't remember it clearly. I'm sure glad Frodo was there, for though he talks about panicking, he does everything right and Merry is saved. Somehow that impression of Frodo rings very true - I don't think he'd be the type to panic much at all, though I can see Sam or Merry panicking very easily. Pippin probably wouldn't, I think, but for a different reason than Frodo's level-headedness. I think Pippin acts without concious thought so much, he operates on gut instinct and doesn't have time to panic (until maybe later). What do you think?
Author Reply: I think you're right about Pippin; I perceive him much the same, acting on instinct or so quickly he himself would have a hard time recreating the thought process that led to the action.
I'm still not sure I'll keep the chapter; my editor (checking in briefly from vacation) tells me it's "background" and that I'm lazy not to try to work it out to keep the whole piece in Merry's voice. Sometimes the "easiest" way is not the best. At the moment, though, none of the writing is going easily. Probably a good thing that the computer's going in the shop as soon as we finish backing up our files... |