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| While There's Breath... by Lindelea | 54 Review(s) |
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| Connie B. | Reviewed Chapter: 6 on 1/31/2005 |
| Oh, I'm so glad to see this updated. Hope RL is giving you a little more time for your writing. I may need to go back and reread the beginning of this, but I thought Ferdi didn't know Nell was pregnant. I thought everyone said that if he'd known he'd have wanted to stay with her. Maybe I misread something, or am misremembering it. Also, isn't Diamond expecting? If this takes place right before ...Rope, she would just about have to be. Speaking of At the End of His Rope, I had to laugh when I read that part about an hour without the escort. A lot can happen in an hour.;) Thanks. Connie B. Author Reply: I always appreciate it when someone takes the time to note an apparent inconsistency. I am buried too deep in the story, usually, or else I've forgotten something said near the start when I'm wrestling the finish to its close. You're right, Diamond is expecting. At this point she's about 7 - 1/2 months along. Difficult to ride a pony, perhaps, uncomfortable, but doable. (I did! I think I stopped riding when I reached my ninth month.) Perhaps it wasn't clear in the first chapter that Ferdi knew Nell was expecting; I think it was implied rather than stated outright. I figure he'd be one of the first to know! What he didn't know was that the healers were concerned that Nell was a bit "poorly" since the last birth and needed careful feeding. Do I need to go back and make that point a little clearer? A lot can happen in an hour... Though the way I see the accident in "Rope" is that it happens after Ferdi re-joins them. They stay overnight at the Cockerel and set out on their way once more, and a couple hours later Pippin and Ferdi are sitting together on top of the "box", chatting, when something spooks the ponies. Ferdi is thrown clear when the coach overturns, while Pippin is pinned. Or something to that effect. Thanks! | |
| lmw | Reviewed Chapter: Author's Notes on 1/24/2005 |
| I have stumbled my way into the Hobbit section of fiction here, said hobbits not my most favourite characters. After reading some of your stories, I am changing my mind some, at least, the way you write them. After starting this one, I decided it would be best to start at the beginning of your impressive list,(chronologically speaking) and have just finished 'At the End of His Rope'. What an adventure! I am pretty much speechless (or wordless). Your characterisation (?) is so 'real', and the interaction between husbands and wives, and friends and the 'help', and the children....so easy to read and believe. I laughed, I shed a few tears, I worried, I had a marvelous time. Thank you. Off to read some more. Author Reply: How heartening! It is always nice to make a new acquaintance. Was a little puzzled--sometimes I take things too literally. Did you mean you started with the first story posted here at SoA (possibly "SpiderWebs", I forget for sure), or that you started with the earliest on the timeline ("Shire")? Just curious. Anyhow, nice to meet you, and you're welcome, and please drop me an occasional line; it is nice to hear from a reader that they didn't just click into a chapter by accident and click out again immediately! Funny what the imagination does on cold meds, isn't it? Thanks! | |
| jodancingtree | Reviewed Chapter: 5 on 1/22/2005 |
| Whew, this is a tale you read all the way through at a gallop! Wonderful, very suspenseful, and marvelous characterisations like all your stories. Brava! jo Author Reply: Thanks, Jo, high praise! So I take it that this fits seamlessly after "Runaway"? Now I still have to work out Pippin and Ferdi working things out, for they haven't really *talked* yet! Whew. Appreciate the good words. | |
| Pearl Took | Reviewed Chapter: 5 on 1/21/2005 |
| Whew! I need to catch *my* breath! Go Pip lad, proving (sp) yourself at last. *sigh* Now perhaps Ferdi will understand a bit more why Pippin ended up getting himself knighted ;) VWD :)!!!!! Author Reply: Ah, yes, he will soon, anyhow. But have been too tired to write any more, the last day or two, and even if I did feel like writing it is the weekend and computer time around here is as scarce as hens' teeth. Thanks! | |
| Anso the Hobbit | Reviewed Chapter: 5 on 1/21/2005 |
| What is it with Tooks, rivers and bridges? They certainly get enough of excitement crossing little streams that suddenly becomes roaring rivers. They should have brought a Brandybuck each time they need to cross one. :) Anyway, another test of courage, trust, health and wit for both Ferdi and Pip, this, and I`m enjoying it very much! I like how you made Ferdi see his life in review and that he never really trusted Pip, but now has too. He doesn`t want to, it seems but if he is to live he is to trust for Pippin to blow air and life into him, and they both survive. Can`t wait for more! Author Reply: Could be a lucrative business. "Brandybuck for hire. Need a river crossed? Call a Brandybuck today! (We also do boats)" | |
| Anso the Hobbit | Reviewed Chapter: 5 on 1/21/2005 |
| What is it with Tooks, rivers and bridges? They certainly get enough of excitement crossing little streams that suddenly becomes roaring rivers. They should have brought a Brandybuck each time they need to cross one. :) Anyway, another test of courage, trust, health and wit for both Ferdi and Pip, this, and I`m enjoying it very much! I like how you made Ferdi see his life in review and that he never really trusted Pip, but now has too. He doesn`t want to, it seems but if he is to live he is to trust for Pippin to blow air and life into him, and they both survive. Can`t wait for more! | |
| Grey Wonderer | Reviewed Chapter: 5 on 1/20/2005 |
| I enjoyed all of the introspection in this one. I also found that I was breathing along with them. LOL I think Ferdi still feels a measure of guilt for Pippin's health and also a measure of anger for what he had to go through because of Pippin's leaving like he did. This bond between them may help to heal some of the past in a way that other things might not.thank goodness for the Took stubborness on this one! Author Reply: O lovely insight! Fits very well with the third revision we worked on tonight! (LOL) A measure of guilt for Pippin's health, yes, we hadn't even *thought* of that, but it fits. Guilt and anger are so often paired. Maybe we will not rush back to the Great Smials after all, but will insert a scene on the riverbank and perhaps one at the woodcutters' smial as well... Chewing on the food for thought that kind reviewers have provided this day. Thanks! Author Reply: p.s. Just got off the phone with my editor-friend and she adds her "thanks". | |
| Ariel | Reviewed Chapter: 5 on 1/20/2005 |
| LOL! Closet of insecurities? YOU? Oh, hon, we all have those, but I guarantee this; you have more readers than I will ever dream of having! Count your blessings. I am often reading, though I do tend to stick to angstier things. If I don't review it's usually because I can't think of anything constructive to say. 'Nice job' is what I say to up and coming newbie authors - but you deserve more indepth commentary. Suffice to say, there are things I like in your fics and things I don't. In this one, I am unclear on the bridge and how the fellow was caught. Perhaps a bit more description of the situation would have helped - though it also could be that I am particularly dense! LOL! You have, so far, not pulled too far back from that angst line - which I like to see, of course, but I know you are uncomfortable with - and I am impressed to see you trying to push it in this fic. If you are doing this as an exercize, very good! Trying new styles, POVs, mechanisms is a very good idea - you never know when you might stumble on something that works very well for you. I can't promise I will have this much to say about all your fics, though I will try to remember to comment and say 'I'm reading!' at the very least. Author Reply: Well, no, not exactly an exercise. It just sort of wrote itself this way. "In the Greening of the Year" was sort of a dress-rehearsal, I think. It was supposed to be the "Ferdi learns to trust Pippin" story but Eglantine and Tolly insisted on taking over. For Ferdi to go from the angst Jo cranked into "Runaway" to the amicable relations in "Rope" I figured it would take an *awfully* angsty situation. Hmmm. More description of how he was caught... might be able to work it into the revised version of the next chapter. Basically the bridge crumpled when the flood hit it, and he went down through the "floor", through the broken boards, which meant that when they tried to pull him up the boards were facing "down" and "in" and pulling against them pulled them "up" and "in" to his abdomen. Um. That's harder to describe than I thought. Does it make sense now? | |
| Beruthiel | Reviewed Chapter: 5 on 1/20/2005 |
| Marvelously done! Waiting eagerly for Ferdi to be set straight about Pippin's leaving him under the water. Wonder how he'll react when he finds out the hobbit he doesn't trust actually did save his life. Author Reply: Oh, I imagine he'll react honorably. We are still hammering out the next scene. Don't know if the angst and nightmares will make it into the finals or if some understanding will come on the riverbank first. Weighing two different variations on the same draft chapter, and now a third is raising its head! Isn't writing an interesting process? | |
| Dreamflower | Reviewed Chapter: 5 on 1/20/2005 |
| This is incredibly well-done. I think even someone who'd not read your other stories would understand enough for the chapter to make perfect sense. Poor Ferdi! I love the imagery of a smial with a collapsing ceiling, as he loses his supports one by one. Ferdi's been betrayed and bereft so often in his life, it's no wonder he finds trust difficult. And Pippin, operating here basically on physical memory, not even thinking, but simply doing what he's been trained to do, and trying to save a life. That his own life is in jeopardy is not even registering with him at the moment, and it's no wonder he is confused when rescue is finally at hand. It's a shame Ferdi did feel abandoned at the last, but I'm sure Hildi will very quickly set him straight. Please don't let Pip get too sick this time--he's not got much time before he has to go to Merry in Buckland, and if he can't do that, he's *really* going to be distraught! As for the stubborn contest: I guess this one turned out to be a draw, though I think if rescue had been only a few seconds later, Ferdi *might* very well have won. Author Reply: Whoa! Gives a whole new meaning to the old saying, "Can't win for losing!" Pippin can't get too sick this time. I'm constrained by the timeline. He's due in Buckland in a week or two, and stays in Buckland a week or two (I forget how long), and it's on his way back from Buckland that "At the End of His Rope" starts. And this story has one more "bug" to fix (something that bugs me, anyhow). In "Rope" it's clear that Ferdi has never seen the Brandywine up close, so how can he be driving Pippin and Diamond back from Buckland at the beginning of that story? --Am hoping to clear that up in *this* story. Whew. Thanks! | |