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| A Father and Son Camping Trip by daw the minstrel | 28 Review(s) |
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| Caro | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 8/9/2006 |
| .....oh.....a sweet treat! I did remember the storyline that Beliond's son had died and at a tender age, but I was taken in by the L in the name as well. Re-read the last few paragraphs a few times in order to get my head around it. One small thing, I often wonder about the use of the word "person" to describe elves. Now, are elves "people"? Or are elves "elves"? I'm pre-caffeinated this morning, so don't know if I'm being as clear as I might. Not that elves as people is wrong necessarily, just a lingering question in my mind. "I groaned and swung around to face the person I knew must be there. Lower your bow!” cheers, Caro Author Reply: Oh yeah, elves are people, as in Arwen being "the evenstar of her people" and elves being among the "Free Peoples of the World," as Elrond calls them or "There lie the woods of Lothlórien!' said Legolas. 'That is the fairest of all the dwellings of my people." Tolkien seems to use the word of all the races. I was afraid this would come across as just confused rather than deceptive, but I'm glad I fooled you! Thanks for the review, Caro. | |
| Noor | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 8/9/2006 |
| Oh Daw, what a wonderful story.........very clever too. I had to read it twice as I knew that Legolas wasn't the first person but then wasn't sure. Good to see how Lalorn would have been with Thranduil and his father. Good touch at the end with Legolas. Are you going to write more stories set in Valinor?? You don't seem to have any trouble writing post LOTR Legolas stuff. When are Legolas and Eilian going to catch up with each other? They do adore each other and surely Eilian would want to know about the Brat's adventures?? Yes, I am angling for another story! Thanks again! Noor Author Reply: Thank you, Noor. I was afraid this would be confusing rather than pleasingly puzzling, but maybe two readings is good! There's been a string of birthdays here and I've enjoyed playing around with these short stories, practicing description and POV kinds of things. Unfortunately I have to go back to work on Aug 21 and I'm also still working on original fic. So many stories, so little time! | |
| perelleth | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 8/9/2006 |
| Now I officially died laughing, Daw, that was priceless!! Then I must admit that I was so happy to see Beliond sailing, and to know that Lalorn was waiting there for him..as well as his wife, it is to be expected! It all took me completely by surprise, since first person was so unusual, but never came to a close guess! I really liked how he came through, with a touch of Beliond's dry humour and his own exasperation as a youngster full of self-assurance...! He did not sound like Legolas at all, but it never crossed my mind that it could be Lalorn, so I went to re-read it again when I reached the end, to my doubled satisfaction! but you did not say he would be so grouchy I laughed out loud here first reading,thinking it was Legolas talking about Beliond, and then laughed out doubly when I understood what he meant. This was a sheer delight Daw, and I must say that both Legolas and I are so grateful that you provided us with this tale of Beliond's misadventures. It is so good to see him going down for a change!! Thank you very much, Daw, it was a great tale! Author Reply: Glad you liked it, Perelleth. I too was glad to think of Beliond reunited with his family. His loss of them nearly destroyed him. I don't usually work with first person, but limited third person is a lot like it in that you have to sound like the person whose POV you're using. So I knew I needed to make this sound like Lalorn, but of course, I didn't know him at all. So I wrote a little bit about him just for myself. If he sounds a little like a youthful version of his father, that's good. And maybe gentled a little by his mother's influence. Have a good birthday, Perelleth. I think it's tomorrow? Close enough! | |
| French Pony | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 8/9/2006 |
| Log jams in spring rivers are not to be taken lightly. Even with teams of experienced lumberjacks working on them, they can still kill people. I remember a song about "The Jam on Gerry's Rock," where the foreman, Young Monroe, had a team of six or seven people helping out, and he still came to a bad end. All three of these Elves were incredibly lucky. This was probably a job for a squad of foresters rather than three campers. I love the way Thranduil is already watching out for Beliond and taking care of him. Beliond is such a powerful protective force himself that he probably doesn't realize that he has his own needs. It takes a special person to care for someone like that, and Thranduil does a good job. Loving, but unsentimental about it. And smart enough to know what is likely to come out of Beliond's mouth in any given instant and deal with that appropriately. I thought the device of not identifying the speaker and leaving the father's identity was interesting. It worked in that it did the job well -- the reader doesn't find out who the initial two speakers are until the very end, nor whose son went along on the camping trip, though I think most of us probably guessed pretty early on. On the other hand, it does require the son to refer to his father by his given name, and that doesn't work quite so well, since the Elves in your stories tend to refer to their parents by title, as Adar and Naneth. But it does keep up that little veil of secrecy. I don't know. One one level, it works, but on another level, it doesn't. But it's a great story anyway, with a good mixture of adventure, character, and adults teasing young ones. I'm just surprised that they didn't mock the kid for even thinking of hunting in the spring to begin with. Author Reply: You're absolutely right about the names. I knew that didn't sound right, but hiding Lalorn behind and "I" was hard enough! I tried for a while to make the names be only in dialogue between the adults, but that wasn't going to work, so I just went with this. It was fun anyway. I figure elves have to hunt all year round. They have to eat! | |
| Manderly | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 8/9/2006 |
| All right, I have to admit it. I was confused as to who the "I" was in this story for the first little bit though I had suspected that it was Lalond and was certain when I read about the L carved on the bow. What a clever way of playing with the POV. No wonder Beliond took to Legolas so quickly. The two Ls are very similar in action and thoughts. It must had been a bitter sweet experience for Beliond taking Legolas under his wing. It always gives me a little jolt to see the close friendship between Thranduil and Beliond and how far back that friendship goes. I guess I'm so used to seeing everything through Legolas' eyes that it's hard to imagine that the previous generation was ever young once. Excellent story, as always! Thank you, Daw. Author Reply: Thanks, Manderly. I knew this was confusing at the start because I wanted to fool people, but I also knew that readers would feel that something was a little off. I think Lalorn is a bit snippier than I usually let Legolas get, but adolescent boys are all this way inside their heads even if they've been raised to be polite. I think guarding Legolas was good for Beliond. It brought him back to life a little. Anyway, I'm glad you thought the confusion was "clever" rather than just the result of ineptitude! | |
| Bodkin | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 8/9/2006 |
| Oh my - that is gorgeous. Lalorn and Legolas together - and awaiting Beliond's arrival in the Blessed Realm. The elves of Aman won't know what's hit them! I am so glad that he has decided to sail - I'm sure he left it as long as he possibly could, but his wife and son have won out in the end. I loved the almost grown Lalorn controlling his natural desire to snap at Thranduil's presence and subdue all impetuous behaviour! And he was such a good lad - and so quick to dive to Beliond's rescue. And of course those pesky dwarves will have caused the problem with their unthinking attempt to bend the forest to fit their requirements rather than adapting themselves to fit the forest! Sometimes they're as much trouble as men. The devious bunch of Aftercomers. They won't have bothered that the effects of their behaviour is spoiling Lalorn's begetting day treat of camping with his remarkably foul-mouthed adar. (I'm impressed that Lalorn's naneth has managed to bring the boy to the verge of adulthood without knowing the meaning of some of his adar's expressions!) The way you have written the rehoused Lalorn looking back tolerantly on his youthful self is delightful - an edge of humour tinges all he says. And you cleverly concealed the storyteller's identity for a long while, before letting everything slot into place. Lovely, daw. Just lovely. (And so suitable for the victim of Beliond's current embodiment.) Author Reply: Did I fool you? Good! I thought it would all seem a little "off." The voice of the narrator is a little snarkier than Legolas usually is. What I hope is that he sounds like a boy who has Beliond for a father. Lalorn keeps his gripes mostly to himself, which is the right thing to do. I don't usually write first person and I found it interesting to give the narrator someone to speak to. That made all this confession seem more natural and gave me a chance to have him judge his earlier actions too. Glad you liked it. | |
| lwarren | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 8/9/2006 |
| Well, I am totally surprised...and totally late for school! Found the notice about this little jewel this morning and HAD to read it before I left (of course!). I had the characters all mixed up - you did an excellent job with the POV, daw! So this is Lalorn, Beliond's son! What a wonderful glimpse into his personality and the relationship between him and his father! I really liked the fact that he and Legolas were meeting Beliond in the BR! An awwwww! moment indeed! :-) Beliond and Thranduil are very much alike, aren't they? Both crotchety and both loving adars. (Darn it, gotta go...I am soooo late!) Wonderful story! Thank you for sharing, daw, and Happy Birthday, perelleth! linda Author Reply: I hope the mix up was the one I intended! I was trying to fool you a little. :-) Sorry that you're late and also really sorry that you're already back at school. I don't go until Aug. 21. | |
| Dot | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 8/9/2006 |
| *sob* Loved it. Will say something coherent later. *still sobbing* Author Reply: LOL. Beliond would growl at you, Dot. | |