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In Deep Water  by Grey Wonderer 19 Review(s)
DreamflowerReviewed Chapter: 1 on 9/29/2008
This is excellent, GW! One of your best ever! I loved the beginning, when Pippin just assumed that because he had watched Merry and the others, that he knew how to swim. So very Pippin.

Your description of him going under, and Merimas' struggles to reach him in time actually had me worried that the story was AU. I kept thinking "No, GW wouldn't ever do that, would she?" But you really racked up the suspense.

And Saradoc and Esme being so stern with him, Merry's handling of Pippin's "sick ploy"--now that was truly funny. I was giggling along with Frodo and Berry when Merry got to the "two healers" part, LOL!

But Merimas' conversation was what turned the trick, and now you are going to have to write more about that hobbit, because you have really turned him into a great character!

When Frodo thought about his parents, and Merry picked up on it...

And then the ending, when Pippin saves his little niece--yes, indeed he found himself in exactly the same position that Merimas had talked about, but because he could swim, he was able to help! I'll bet he *does* teach Pervinca to swim; and I also bet he writes a 'thank you' note to Merimas.

Wonderful wonderful story, dear!!

Author Reply: I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I could see Pippin deciding that he knew all there was to know about swimming just from watching. Glad you agree.

No, I could never drowned Pippin. I can do AU, but I have to have my happy ending.

I just had to let Merry go a bit too far with his 'healers'. He was enjoying it too much and it was breaking Frodo and Berilac up completely so it would be like Merry to continue.

That is the first time that Merimas has decided to say anything important to me and so I am hoping he will turn up with more information at some point. I'm glad you liked him.

I didn't want to have Frodo dwell on things but I did think it would be only natural and I just knew that Merry would pick up on it.

I may just have to write a thank you note to Merimas. He was a very big help in this story.

Thank you for reading and for your friendship!

DreamflowerReviewed Chapter: Prologue on 9/29/2008
And the kingdom is much the richer for the presence of said stranger, who has proved her worth through many delightful tales!!

Author Reply: Awww, thank you, dear friend.

Mum's the WordReviewed Chapter: 1 on 9/29/2008
This was just wonderful, GW! The changes in viewpoint were masterfully done, and I loved the courageous heroism of a minor character. Merimas was perfect in reasoning with Pippin, not only because he had saved Pip, but because he knew what it was like to be not quite as strong or fast as the other two cousins. And bringing Merimas's words, and the story, full circle so that Pippin actually did save another hobbit -- and a beloved niece at that -- was just perfect.

I almost expected Aunt Esme to confess that she'd learned to swim, but having Merimas do the convincing was even better. And who knows, maybe she has learned and will be the one to teach Pippin's sisters!

In any case, hurrah for brave cousins and for brave chickens who grow into great heroes!

Well done, kudos, and more brownies!

Author Reply: Why thank you! When I first wrote this one I was a bit worried about all of the different view points that I was putting in. There really isn't a clear POV for the story and I was afraid that it might be too confusing. I'm so glad that you enjoyed that part. I wanted all of them to share their thoughts, especially during the rescue.

Merimas turned into a real hero not only in the water, but also as the voice of reason. I wasn't expecting that. I thought Merry or Frodo would rescue Pippin but the further into this I went the more it seemed to be Merimas's story.

I almost let Esme confess that she could swim and then I decided that since she had come to Buckland as an adult she might be less likely to have learned to swim.

Thank you for reading and for bringing brownies! You know how much I love them!

Mum's the WordReviewed Chapter: Prologue on 9/29/2008
I always love your prologues, but this one is especially wonderful! Stories of Arda is a treasure of a kingdom, and its "empress" is indeed most benevolent and praiseworthy!

And I, for one, am ever so glad that you ventured into the realm of writing; your stories are delightful and full of humor. I'm very thankful for Stories of Arda, and for you and your stories!

Hugs, brownies, and blessings!

Author Reply: Thank you.
The 'empress' here has always been very kind to me and my little fictions.

I'm glad you enjoy my little fictions. Having Stories of Arda to visit and both read and post here makes writing all the more enjoyable. And having folks stop by, review and bring brownies and hugs is indeed a huge blessing!

Thank you, Mum!

PIppinfan1988Reviewed Chapter: Prologue on 9/29/2008
What a wonderful gift to wake up to! You do have the most creative Prologues! Loved this wee little Kingdom story. :-)

So sorry, GW! Apparently, I missed some stuff. :-( But...thanks for the Birthday present. I will savour the thought of reading your magnificent story until after prison/work. :-) It will give me something to look forward to and make the Manic Monday go faster. ;-)

Author Reply: I really do hope you have an excellent birthday and I'm glad you liked the prologue. I meant every word.

I think what happened is that I got in a hurry and missed a few of your corrections. I looked back through it and I think the mistakes were mine. I got annoyed because I couldn't get the Italic feature to work and I think I lost track of things. LOL Sorry about that, dear Beta.

LarnerReviewed Chapter: 1 on 9/29/2008
Oh, the poor little lass! She has had a time of it! But Pippin has learned his lesson thoroughly, and has taken to heart what Merimas was trying to tell him. I'm so glad Sara insisted Pippin learn to swim in spite of himself. And I loved how Pippin and Merry were both laying it on thick! So perfect! Loved this!

To italicize just a bit, post the story here, then highlight only the portion you want in italics and then click on the I button at the top of the text editor box and it will go into italics.

Author Reply: Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Sadly, I tried that for the italics. I tried putting the text in italics on Word and then doing a copy and paste and I tried highlighting on site and clicking italics. Then, for a final attempt, I tried using the html symbols and that's when it decided to make the entire story italic! Go figure.

LarnerReviewed Chapter: Prologue on 9/29/2008
What a wonderful dedication, GW!

Author Reply: She is a very good friend. Glad you enjoyed this part.

harrowcatReviewed Chapter: 1 on 9/29/2008
(Frodo) Harrowcatliz patted (Merimas) GW on the back and said, “That was very impressive, (Merimas)GW.”








You know that bit in your prologue about other people helping to improve your writing? Offered very humbly.....

that he could extent to Merimas ....(extend)

“Your chicken.” ....(you're)

He’d nearly drown(ed) only two days ago

“Well, what if you were sitting here by the pond like Frodo was the other day when you nearly drown(ed)?” Merimas said.

Pippin objected not wanting to think that he could have actually drown(ed).




Author Reply: All corrected. Thanks.
I must have messed up some of my dear beta's corrections while transferring the story over. I was trying to fix a problem with the italics which never worked and I may have transferred a few of my original mistakes in doing so. You just gotta love format issues!

harrowcatReviewed Chapter: Prologue on 9/29/2008
I do love your prologues.....now on to the tale! :)

Author Reply: Thank you.
I like to play with them a bit so I'm glad you enjoy them.

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