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| Useless Heroes, Uselesser Villains by Virtuella | 35 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| shirebound | Reviewed Chapter: 5 on 6/23/2025 |
| I love Pippin's ideas, too bad no one else pays attention to him! | |
| Lady Forlong | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 6/21/2025 |
| If it was possible for someone to die laughing, I'd be dead by now. Good thing the password didn't involve multi-factor authentication ;) Author Reply: Oh, no, we can't ahve readers expiring on me! I must caution you not to read on... | |
| Lindelea | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 6/20/2025 |
| "bats as spies"; Sauron obviously needs one of those suggestion boxes on the wall. Maybe some kind of programme that pays a bonus to employees who offer valuable contributions. Of course, with such a toxic corporate culture, I can imagine the suggestion box filled with cobwebs rather than slips of paper. Pippin is ahead of his time. Do you think Caradhras might have potential as a ski resort someday? It might be more profitable and less fraught with peril than delving in the depths of Moria in search of mithril. Gandalf reinforces the idea with his impression of a Saint Bernard with a jug of spirits tied around its neck. What exactly did they scout out? I have often wondered... Suddenly, I had a flash of inspiration while watching Sauron watching the Wargs in the palantír. He should hire someone to create an action-adventure video game! Then he could try out different parameters (numbers of Wargs, numbers of Orcs, weather phenomenon, strategies, etc.) before committing his forces. I'm surprised you left off the part where Boromir chucked the stone into the lake and woke up the Watcher in the Water. Probably annoyed the heck out of the creature, too. ...not to mention the loss of one Pony, known as Bill. Commas versus quotation marks. You know what they say. "Grammar saves lives." (As even the most rudimentary web search reveals...) There's Pippin being creative again. Only this time he's re-inventing the wheel, as everyone, I'm sure, remembers the rails-and-carts system that Bilbo and the Dwarves took advantage of quite a few years before this time, reminding me of a Harry Potter "Gringotts" scenario or a "Hobbit movie" video game preview. In addition to tricks on a tightrope, have you seen Legolas on a snowboard? (a stairboard?) Alas poor Elrond. First a migraine and now a toothache. I would definitely vote for railings. I'm surprised the government inspectors haven't come around and levied heavy fines for health and safety violations, at the very least. Do the Galadhrim even have permits to build treehouses? Maybe they considered the boat route during the planning stage and discarded it because they'd lose Gimli (I think Dwarves hate boats, though I might be mistaken) and Legolas (the Sea-longing is even worse after an Elf actually sails on the waters of the Sea and doesn't merely hear about it second-hand from a few seagulls). Very amusing! Reading the chapter was a nice Friday-night treat! Cheers! Author Reply: [First a migraine and now a toothache.] I confess the idea of perpetual migraines and toothaches was inspired by Hugo Weaving's dour face in the movies. Glad you enjoyed this; thanks for commenting. | |
| shirebound | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 6/20/2025 |
| “Warg attack! Warg attack!” squealed Sauron. “Get them, get them, pewww, pewww, pewww!” *snork* You have me grinning mightily. Author Reply: :D | |
| Lindelea | Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 6/15/2025 |
| Actually, you could have posted a chapter with no text, and just the title would have left me laughing... I'm glad you didn't do that, though, for I am looking forward to reading the text. In reading, I kept thinking the observations here go well with the Elvish chapters of my "Answering Machines in Middle-earth" which the mods (perhaps reluctantly) allowed to remain on the site despite its modernish elements. Bless them. Glassless windows... a bug? or a feature? Gah! How I hate evaluation forms. Do people even *read* the things, or do they just have a checkbox in the management plan that they feel better when they check it off? ("Distribute and collect evaluation forms.") Revisiting the topic of procrastination: Why didn't they reforge the sword a lot earlier? Here they have the Heir to the Promise running around Middle-earth with a scabbard containing a blade that's about a foot long! (In the inn at Bree: He drew out his sword, and they saw that the blade was indeed broken a foot below the hilt. ‘Not much use is it, Sam?’ said Strider. ‘But the time is near when it shall be forged anew.’ Why wait?) Might Arathorn (and possibly other Chieftains) have lived longer if he'd had a full sword blade, I ask you? Aragorn might have had more than a 2yo's memories of his father! What??? Boromir had rope all the time, and he let Pippin jump over a giant fissure without it? That sounds more caddish than noble. He may be exaggerating his skills here, as well, for how did an "experienced traveller and warrior" happen to lose his horse??? Effectiveness of the presentations at the Council? Um. (See my "Council of Elrond" story for more details.) Maps. Yes. Maps would have been quite helpful, I should think. I'm a visual learner, myself. Though I have a preference for chocolate in my sweets, I must agree that the pink cakes with almonds on top are quite good. Author Reply: Lol, I'm glad that even just the chapter titles are amusing to you. :) Thanks as ever for your comments! | |
| shirebound | Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 6/15/2025 |
| The catering was very good, he wrote at long last into the box for general comments, especially the little pink cakes with the almonds on top. Two hours later, the company was finally ready to start their journey. They were supposed to leave Imladris secretly, so just to mark his disapproval of the general ineffectiveness, Boromir blew a mighty note on his horn. Wonderful, wonderful. I'm enjoying this tale so much. Author Reply: I'm glad you do. ;-) | |
| PSW | Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 6/14/2025 |
| Oh good grief. And this is why no survey is ever actually successful - because no one will put down what they actually want to say. At least Boromir got to write in answers instead of choosing from pre-arranged responses. The number of times I’ve wanted to choose ‘NA’ or write in question marks but haven’t had that option…. Author Reply: I hear you, I really do. | |
| Periantari | Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 6/13/2025 |
| hilarious! THis is so brilliantly written. It is interesting to always hear the other side especially how you wrote it with satire and wit. “It’s high time we dealt with this little problem. I heard you can get desensitisation therapy and –” lol! “No,” said Elrond. “I feel one of my migraines coming on. But ride to the Last Bridge by all means. Here –” He rummaged in his pockets and pulled out a gemstone. “–here’s a pretty trinket that you could put on the Bridge.” “What is this, a treasure hunt?” snapped Glorfindel. yeah, why did they just leave the trinket? What would the hobbits and Strider think? :D Author Reply: [What would the hobbits and Strider think? ] Well, they couldn't make any sense of it, but felt vaguely encouraged, and that's so much better than being safely escorted, don't you think? | |
| Periantari | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 6/13/2025 |
| This is brilliant. :D Author Reply: Thanks! :) | |
| Lindelea | Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 6/9/2025 |
| In the first chapter we have established that both heroes and villains aren’t really in much of a hurry to get on with the plot. Isn't that why we call it an epic? I seem to recall your mention of Sauron waiting until Spring for some reason or other in your other story. (Will that one get updated soon, I hope? Hint, hint.) It's really too bad he didn't bring a smartphone or gps. Or a compass, at the very least. (Dwarves are clever folk. Wouldn't they have invented compasses by now?) While reading this segment, I begin to anticipate a later segment where Frodo stubbornly refuses to ask for directions. Hmmm. I wonder if anyone has written an all-female Ten Walkers AU. (I'm including Bill in the count, of course.) "numpty" These Nazgűl are strangely polite. They remind me rather of the Knights Who Say "Nee!" (The horse has lost a shoe? Is that covered under warranty, or will the rental company ding them for damage?) He feels sure the Enemy cannot get him now, because the door is closed. I'm almost certain that as long as he doesn't look under his bed (or in the closet), he'll be fine. Frodo already has a record of leaving unwashed dishes for Lobelia! Why wouldn't he extend the same courtesy to Freddy? I'm pretty sure that Freddy has played a prank on him in the past that still needs to be repaid... (I am interrupted by a phone call. I'll have to come back and read the rest later.) Author Reply: [Will that one get updated soon, I hope? Hint, hint.] Yes, last chapter was posted a wee while ago. [I'm almost certain that as long as he doesn't look under his bed (or in the closet), he'll be fine.] Yeah, just pull a balnket over your head, Frodo... Thanks for commenting! :) | |