Lotrgirl1415 · 30 June 2005 · Chapter 5: A Sadness Noticed By All
I deraly love this story and i do wish you would continue it.
The Grief and Guilt of a Ringbearer by Cantora Eledhwen
Reviews (18)
Starfire_Moonlight · 7 January 2005 · Chapter 5: A Sadness Noticed By All
Come on now! You can't leave us with 'that'! Please write more soon... ASAP!!!:)
bobo baggins · 24 April 2004 · Chapter 5: A Sadness Noticed By All
*with pleading, tear filled eyes* Won't you please post another chapter? It's been so long... Begging aside, I am enthralled by your story and I absolutely loved Gimli's POV! It was hilarious! And poor Frodo!! I just want to hold him and wipe away his sorrow. And when are Legolas and Gimli going to speak up? There really wasn't much interaction with them and Frodo in the movie, but Gimli does seem to be fond of the hobbits and protective of Frodo. Anyway, you said that reviews would encourage you to write more, so here is your review! Pleasae write more!
JULES6 · 11 January 2004 · Chapter 5: A Sadness Noticed By All
Hi Cantora, Sorry I took so long to review this time. I am still reading - I like that this chapter deals with everyone's points of view and in addition to what they are thinking about apart from the ring-bearer. Each of the points of view was different which intrigued you into the story more. Thank you for sharing your writing. JULES
Marilla · 30 November 2003 · Chapter 4: Unexpected Comfort
This chapter was good. Not excellent, but good. I think that the word "that" got deleted from the sentence "An aura of peace had passed over the Company, though all had been wary of the mystery [that] surrounded Laurelindorenan, the Valley of the Singing Gold." but I can see how that might've happened accidently. Is Boromir going to be a "main character" (i.e. one whose pov appears frequently)? I like that you're portraying him as a "good guy" who all of the Fellowship seem to like, since that actually makes the most sense, while still acknowledging that he wants the Ring. Putting thoughts in italics was a good idea - it helps to clarify things. My favorite line from this chapter: "'The Valar help him if Pippin thinks he has found someone to answer all of his many questions.' Boromir thought." I like that you've included the Valar, and I like the image of Pippin badgering Haldir (especially movie Haldir) with endless questions.
JULES6 · 30 November 2003 · Chapter 4: Unexpected Comfort
Hi Cantora, still reading - I always liked the part in the movie where they walk through the forest towards Lothlorien - the colours are very nice. I only wished that Aragorn had found out about Boromir attacking Frodo a little earlier in the movie. Still liking this story and the temptation that is laid out before Boromir. Keep up the good work. JULES
Marilla · 29 November 2003 · Chapter 3: The Guilt of One Small
I'm glad my reviews are helpful to you! I know some grammer because I read a lot, and I know Tolkien because most of what I read was either written by Tolkien or is about him and his books. I have a suggestion for you, maybe you should change the title to "Grief and Guilt of the Fellowship," because I'm sure that the other members feel guilty too, and this chapter shows that you know that. It might be a good idea to include change the title to reflect that. I don't think that you need to make this a seperate vignette - it fits into this story just fine, and isn't really too long for a chapter. Let's see...oh, yes. You seem to have issues with the verb "throw." "THROUGH yourself in next time..." should be "THROW yourself in next time..." Yes, they sound the same, but they are different types of words. Office supply/school supply stores sometimes have grammer reference cards that are very helpful with these types of words that sound identical or almost identical - I have one that I use for the words that I have the most problems with. I think maybe having Boromir think of Pippin as his son is a little bit far fetched - after all, they're about the same age on the calendar even if Pippin is emotionally and mentally a little younger. But I do love the scene with the two of them, and I do agree with you that Boromir was closer to the younger hobbits than to Sam and Frodo. I like: " 'Well, I can fix that.' Boromir said mischievously and with a roar he swept Pippin up and set him on his shoulders." Great mental image!
Author's reply
Yes, and I SHOULD know grammar better than I do.. I read all the time and I always have! But I was homeschooled through elementary school and most of middle school, and somewhere my english studying dropped off. In fact, when I was in 8th grade I failed both of my exams that year in english. Literature was fine though, obviously. I'm afraid I'm still reaping my harvest from that. Hmm... that *is* a great idea! I'll talk to my beta about it and see what she thinks. It's a great point. Erg, I know. Several other people have caught me there. Silly verbs. Grr. WILL change that. It's so much easier to change things HERE than it is on ff.net. I'll look into those stores, too. I see your point there, though I think the main reason Pippin seems so much younger than Boromir (at least from Boromir's pov) is because he is so much shorter, besides being more immature. Also, Boz is the big military man who has killed and seen death and everything, while Pip is so innocent and naive (sp?). That also makes him seem younger. I'm so glad you like that part! I've had several comments on it. I like the image myself.
Trishette · 27 November 2003 · Chapter 3: The Guilt of One Small
Awwww... this is so touching I'm nearly in tears!
Author's reply
Oh my goodness! What a compliment! I've never had someone tell me I nearly brought them to tears! Wow!
JULES6 · 26 November 2003 · Chapter 3: The Guilt of One Small
Hi Cantora, I like this chapter with it's different points of view from other members of the fellowship. Even though Boromir might have seen a lot of death in battle, I can truly believe that grief would be the most difficult of emotions to understand for someone such as him. Well thought out and well written. I am still enjoying this - please continue. JULES
Author's reply
Thanks so much for sticking with me! And I *will* read your stories, I promise! *growls at the clock* I agree... grief and death aren't things you fully get used to.
JULES6 · 25 November 2003 · Chapter 2: The Hands of a King
Keep up the great work Cantora - I really like this story - you are doing great. Hope to see more soon. You keep writing and I will keep reviewing. JULES
Author's reply
I will definately try and read your stories. It may have to wait until after the holidays, or at least until after Thanksgiving. Traveling and exams and all that... Thanks for the review!!! -Cantora
Marilla · 25 November 2003 · Chapter 2: The Hands of a King
Well, I've finished reading all you've got posted to this point, and I will continue reading this fic. A correction, this time gramatical in nature. Frodo was not "in the wrong spot when a very large troll THROUGH his javelin," he was "in the wrong spot when a very large troll THREW his javelin." Although they sound the same, "through" is a preposition and "threw" is the past tense of the verb "throw." If it seems like all I ever do is criticize your writing, I'm sorry. I really do like it - your writing style is easy to read and flows nicely, and you do a fairly good job of characterization. It's just that when I see something that jumps out at me as needing correction, I want to comment on it. It's the perfectionist in me coming to the fore.
Author's reply
*huggles Marilla* Oh my goodness, I love your reviews! They give WONDERFUL advice and point out such embarrasing errors as the one above... *hangs head in shame* I can't believe some of those...! You know a lot about Tolkien, not to mention grammar. I will definately try and go back and fix all of that after the holidays! *head swims* I'm so busy... New chappie for GAGOAR coming this weekend probably. "...fairly good job of characterization." *snort* Thanks! I try. It is difficult to characterize such complex characters, though. Tolkien was very detailed. Keep reviewing! I love them! Don't be afraid to hurt my feelings. I'd rather be a little disappointed that my chappie wasn't "perfect" rather than keeping a mistake up there for all the world to see. Thank you!!! -Cantora www.youngwriters.blogspot.com
Marilla · 25 November 2003 · Chapter 1: Gray Thoughts
Since you specifically asked for comments on the elvish: with my (very limited) elvish I can't find anything glareingly wrong with yours. The words I know, you've used correctly. The only correction I have regarding that passage is not regarding the translation, but the use of the name "Elessar (Elfstone)" for Aragorn at this point in the story. I believe that that name was given to him by Galadriel upon the Fellowship's departure from Lorien (at least in the books). I know this fic is stated as being movie-verse, but since they never call Aragorn "Elessar" in the movie at all (at least I can't remember them doing so), why not stick with the book? I like your use of horizontal lines to indicate when the pov changes - it really helps to clarify things and keep the story from being confusing.
Marilla · 25 November 2003 · Chapter 0: The Fall of a Friend
Just a quick suggestion regarding your use of Gandalf's exact lines - you should really indicate that they come directly from the source, to differentiate them from your writing. Although I'd hope that anybody who is reading stuff on this site is at least well enough versed in Tolkien to recognize these lines, I believe it is a standard convention to mark even the most well-known quotations as quotations, either by putting them in italics or referencing them as such a footnote.
pebbles · 21 November 2003 · Chapter 1: Gray Thoughts
I like it! But please write longer chapters. I'm ready for more.
Lossenchristal · 21 November 2003 · Chapter 1: Gray Thoughts
Hi, I really like your story. I am looking forward to the next chapters. I always loved the part when Aragorn looks at Frodo and finds out he has the Mithril coat on. Keep up the good work! You have a nice style. -Lossenchristal
Author's reply
Yey! I'm glad you like it. I hope you'll read the next two chapters.
JULES6 · 20 November 2003 · Chapter 1: Gray Thoughts
Hi there, great job once again - I am trying to do one of my own along this part of the journey and your version is just so great to read - very nice - more please soon !!!!!!. JULES
Mysterious Jedi · 20 November 2003 · Chapter 1: Gray Thoughts
That was an excellent start. Please continue.
Author's reply
Thanks! I hope you can find time to read the next two chappies I've posted!
JULES6 · 20 November 2003 · Chapter 0: The Fall of a Friend
Looking forward to reading more - well done so far. I always like the story surrounding about Frodo's guilt after Gandalf falls in Moria. JULES