I read the earlier version of this story on ff.net a while back, and I was curious to see what you had done with it. I think that the changes are a definite improvement. I especially liked seeing Thranduil being the one to talk to Legolas in the final chapter.
A couple of very minor points:
Chapter 2. There's a line that says "Leaving his five companions concealed in the trees..." It should be four companions. There are six in the patrol. Elentia is elsewhere. Legolas is leaving. That means four are left.
Chapter 7. "Legolas, by some miracle still clinging to Pavisel's back..." Nope. I can't remember what horse he's riding at that point, but it's not Pavisel. The fact that Pavisel isn't carrying a rider is the reason why Tirnan and Thranduil briefly think that Legolas is missing, right?
I hope you'll forgive the nitpicking. This is a very good story that gives us all a good appreciation of just how difficult life was for the warriors of Mirkwood toward the end of the Third Age. It's just that I'm an editor by profession, and nitpicking is what I do for a living.
Author's reply
You're quite right. I haven't looked at this story for some time, but should have picked up those slips before. I've changed them both. There were only four elves left after Legolas went off, and he should have been riding Elentia's horse when the orcs attacked and Mithrandir saved them. As you say, it was the fact that he wasn't riding his own horse that worried Thranduil so much.
Thank you for picking this up - and for reading the story!
Jay
Hisie Lome
· 7 April 2004
· Chapter 9: Aftermath
Well done and thank you. Again you have shown much attention to character, plot, and details. Mina Seth, Hisie Lome
mistry89
· 4 April 2004
· Chapter 9: Aftermath
Excellent story. I've scattered enough comments about to sink a ship and it's one o'clock in the morning (a Monday morning, what's worse!)
Thank you for entertaining me for far too long :)
Author's reply
I do apologise for not responding to your wonderful reviews before - it was only five months ago! The trouble is, if I don't do something immediately, I forget.
I agree, elves are by far my favourite - both to read and to write about. Even Aragorn doesn't appear that often, as most of my stories are set earlier. I don't think there's any canon basis for an early friendship between Aragorn and Legolas, but he did travel extensively, and also went to Mirkwood, so it's possible.
I'll have to consider a time-line. I keep meaning to, but get side-tracked ;-( . But yes, the wide-eyed elfling did indeed get to be Army Commander! I think the elven warriors would be good at all weapons and skills, but some would excel in one area or another. One of Legolas's skills is understanding the forest - he's a true wood-elf - but the presence of the Nazgul affects that.
Ah, the troll hunt - strangely enough, I'm writing that episode now in 'With Friends Like These'. At the moment, Elrohir and Legolas have a slight problem there.
Thanks again for taking the trouble to review each chapter like that, and I'm sorry I didn't reply before!
Jay
mistry89
· 4 April 2004
· Chapter 8: Return
A climactic chapter! Left me breathless and with this little tidbit:
"Why in the world would he ask you to help him hunt trolls?”, I'm thinking there's another younger Legolas story involved (I hope so, 'cos I'm sure it will cheer me up).
I like the realisation on Thranduil's part that Mirkwood needs it's alliances and that there are things he can do to strengthen it.
mistry89
· 4 April 2004
· Chapter 6: Flight
A very sad chapter, and perhaps this is worst of it:
"Behind them, trodden unnoticed into the mud and weeds, Math’rin’s harp lay, smashed and broken."
mistry89
· 4 April 2004
· Chapter 5: Elentia
"The bond he had with the forest – though nowhere near as strong as his father’s – made him feel ill at the carnage they could see."
A nice reminder (I could do with it now!) of _Thranduil's Heir Version Two_ when the forest delighted in his birth.
"And who were the Masters?"
Noticed that last chapter, plural ... hmmm.
The creature (Nazgul???) has powers, as it's sibiliant voice reaches to the patrol. And then poor Legolas, poor Elentia...
I'm still thinking it was Nazgul, which is a pity as that one seems determined to get Legolas and his family back for ruining his fun.
Great chapter (that sounds terrible, but I hope you know what I mean!).
mistry89
· 4 April 2004
· Chapter 4: Dol Guldur
Can't review, have to read on, but the recalling of the 3 rules is chilling.
mistry89
· 4 April 2004
· Chapter 3: Capture
The demonstration that even within the patrol there are different levels of ability, not just skills, but in practice) is great. Dol Guldur would have been considered a threat, and not ignored by the elves, attempts at discovering more of the goings-on there would have been high on their list of priorities - depending on how close they could get without interception by orc or spell or something horrible.
Another shocking place to leave a reader (but I'm lucky, as this is complete!!)
Thank you.
mistry89
· 4 April 2004
· Chapter 2: Departures
".. his rank of Army Commander was not merely an honorary one,.."
He made it! Yay! Sorry, but I remember a wide-eyed elfling considering that too far to reach :)
"He was deadly with a sword, but gifted with a harp."
Well, Sam was gifted with a frypan! Sorry, I'll settle down now ... I like the way you introduce pieces of the characters real lives into the story. It isn't necessary (well, unless he soothes a warg to sleep or something later in the story), but it adds so much depth. It makes all of your stories so readable, little bits picked up that may or may not be referred to again. For example in Mid Winter's Eve you mention Legolas's spider prank, and also allude to something Elrond uses to keep snow from Imladris ... so *we* know that Thranduil knows and that Legolas might work it out for himself. The prank has assumed a life of it's own, perhaps the harpist will too ... either way it means the story has a .... um... rotundity, a 3-dimensional feel to it.
By the by, speaking of other stories, have you ever considered a time-line for yours? New readers may find it fun to start at the (chronological) beginning and I know that when I re-read them (which I will, not just for coherency, but also for sheer fun!) it and read through to .... wherever it may lead.
Of Aragorn:"Taniquel was looking speculative. “I think he is very good looking. I wonder - ”
Legolas laughed at her. “No, Tani, he has already been spoken for! Besides, what would Tirnan say? I think it is just as well he did not come on this trip – he would be jealous!”
Ah, so the flirtation with Elladan is over - I suppose it *has* been a long time
What a nasty tension-filled ending this chapter has! So many enemies that they seem to be a "creeping darkeness" .... yuck!
A great chapter and so much happened ... onward to those nasty orcsess!
mistry89
· 4 April 2004
· Chapter 1: First Meeting
I like that they each saw something of interest in the other, before they were introduced. And the opportunity to become better acquainted, how foresightful of Elrond, and how accommodatng of Thranduil!
Despite the lack of the Els, I see we get a little humour “I thought Elves were supposed to have a way with animals?” seems destined to become Estel's catch phrase!
Thank you - another adventure of pre-LOTR Legolas/elvenkind - my very favourite!
(no offence to Hobbits, Men, or Dwarves, but the elves are special - particularly wood-elves - oh, and I don't mind offending Orcs, or Trolls, or Wargs, or Dunlendings, or Har...)
LOTRFaith
· 17 March 2004
· Chapter 9: Aftermath
Ah ha... I see that you changed the ending a bit from the one of ff.net;-) Are you going to do the other story on here as well? I assume that you would change things in that one too if you did:-) I kinda like this ending better than the other one:-)
Namaarie~
LOTRFaith
Author's reply
Yes, I did change the end - I wanted Thranduil to be the one offering comfort, and decided the other ending was too lighthearted. None of the elves would get over what happened so quickly, especially Legolas. I intend to re-write 'Troll Hunting' in line with this.
Jay
Iraci
· 15 March 2004
· Chapter 9: Aftermath
This is so beautiful. I don't use to review because my English is not that good to tell good writers as you how good they are. But I couldn't resist writing you this time to tell you how much I appreciated you story. You did a great job. Hope you start another one soon.
Iraci (from Brazil)
Author's reply
Thank you - your English is a lot better than my Brazilian! (Is it Spanish?) I hope you enjoyed the story - and yes, I have started another!
Jay
daw the minstrel
· 15 March 2004
· Chapter 9: Aftermath
Poor Legolas. I can see how these first hours alone would be very hard. I was so pleased to see your Thranduil, good father that he is, sense his son's trouble and then know just what to say.
Author's reply
The original story had a much more lighthearted ending, and a different character offering comfort. But this was far more in keeping with the way Thranduil has developed in subsequent stories, and I did not want Eletia to be forgotten so quickly.
Jay
Elendiari22
· 10 March 2004
· Chapter 8: Return
Whew! I'm glad that they're okay! Great chapter, as usual!
Author's reply
Yes, they're OK - more or less. There's a lot of angst and guilt ahead, though.
Jay
daw the minstrel
· 10 March 2004
· Chapter 8: Return
I liked the hint of a more light hearted theme near the end with the reference to Elladan. But most of this was so sad. Granted, the survivors are home but they have to be dealing with a lot of grief and guilt.
Author's reply
Whoops. Should have replied to this before. There is a lot of grief etc ahead, but things will be looking up in the sequel.
Jay
fan81981
· 8 March 2004
· Chapter 7: Lightning From A Clear Sky
Okay - that's it. Am not going to be able to concentrate on anything until I know what happened to poor Legolas. I hope that light was Mithrandir and Legolas and his patrol are safe.
I am right aren't I? Please please please let it be so.
Thranduil is such a wonderful king - and he must be in so much pain after he saw Legolas' riderless horse. I am starting to get annoyed with it now. (But don't kill it off).
I can't think of much to say - the tension has blocked off the part of my brain that produces coherant thought (or it could be that the boredom of work has fried it) ;)
Update soon - PLEASE.
Author's reply
Poor Thranduil, there's much angst for him to come. But you could be on the right lines with Mithrandir.
Jay
fan81981
· 8 March 2004
· Chapter 6: Flight
My computer has been on the blink so I guess I missed any the update notification for this story - which is most unfortunate. This chapter was bloody brilliant - and I mean both literally. I am not sure whether to be happy that you updated or cry because you killed more elves off. I am clinging to your promise that nothing happens to Legolas' horse at least. Please don't break my heart too much.
But I guess what I found the most intriguing thing about the chapter despite the sorrow and pain that the elves feel the chapter is still very well-paced - fast. The fight in the end, with the spiders and orcs added to it - but even during the watch the tightly coiled mood prevails. I would have bitten my nails if I had any and if my boss wasn't watching. I should be working but I could not resist reading and reviewing.
I just realised that there is another chapter - am not sure whether this is a good thing. It took me a while to get over the chapter in which you had Legolas shoot that she-elf. I am not sure whether I can take two chapters and concentrate on work at the same time.
PS. The image of the broken harp was beautiful - painful but so apt.
Author's reply
I hope you get the alert for the latest chapter, but if not, it's up now. This is a rather dark story, but I thought the presence of the Nazgul in their forest must affect the wood-elves, and that they would try to do something about it.
Jay
Elendiari22
· 7 March 2004
· Chapter 7: Lightning From A Clear Sky
Ack! Agh! Now I'm totally freaked out and worried. I hope no one else in the patrol dies. Please don't kill Taniquel, she's one of my favorite characters!
Author's reply
You'll have to wait and see what happens to Taniquel - glad you liked the cliffie!
Jay
daw the minstrel
· 7 March 2004
· Chapter 7: Lightning From A Clear Sky
Hey! Now you're really scaring me, Jay! This is bad, this is very bad.
I thought Mithrandir would help them and fix things but this chapter's ending left me trying to scroll down and see where the rest of the chapter was! Stop that right now! I want elf boy home and safe.
Author's reply
It doesn't sound too good, does it? However appearances can be deceptive! Don't forget that Mithrandir has certain skills ...
Jay
daw the minstrel
· 4 March 2004
· Chapter 6: Flight
My word, what a disaster. It's one thing after another. I liked the comfort that Tani offered Legolas for what he had to do. She made sense, despite the fact that she had been crying. But these further attacks are just awful. They'll be lucky if any of them get home.
Author's reply
I like Taniquel, she is very level-headed. (I'll have to introduce her to grown-up Elrohir sometime!) And as you can see in the new chapter, they're not home just yet ...
Jay
Elendiari22
· 4 March 2004
· Chapter 6: Flight
Oh, holy heaven to Betsey! Those poor Elves, they need to get home to some TLC. I love this story, it's really intense and dramatic. Thanks!
Author's reply
And they're still needing that TLC. Nearly home, but all is not well ...
Jay
fan81981
· 28 February 2004
· Chapter 5: Elentia
*blink*
You killed the poor elleth. You killed her. And you made Legolas shoot her no less!! How could you?
*fan breaths deeply to get over her shock*. That was a brilliant, if scary chapter. I am presuming that is a Nazgul - very effective, the bony handreaching out to touch her. The arrows passing through it/him and most of all its touch robbing her of joy, light.
Brrr...
Exciting stuff. I read the chapter twice before I got the courage to review. PS. legolas is a bit foolhardy to take such risks - I know it was needed and all but still. Don't let anything happen to him okay. Or any of the other ones.
Oh yeah - let the horse survive too. Please.
POST SOON
Author's reply
Yes, it was a Nazgul - I think the worst of all enemies for an elf. Poor Elentia - but think what would have happened if Legolas had not acted. Don't worry, Legolas' horse will be fine.
Jay
Elendiari22
· 28 February 2004
· Chapter 5: Elentia
Oh! Well, she died, but at least that's better than eternal torture in Dol Guldur. I'd have been thankful, had I been her.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
Author's reply
Weighed against Dol Guldur, it was the only thing the elves could do. Not an easy choice to make.
Jay
daw the minstrel
· 28 February 2004
· Chapter 5: Elentia
Oh wow this was terrifying. And you did it just right, Jay, because I became convinced of what Legolas had to do at about the same time he did. But you really scared the wits out of me first.
Author's reply
I'm sorry - sort of - that I scared you, but really glad the chapter had such an impact. Poor Legolas - it wasn't an easy thing for him.
Jay
tmelange
· 29 January 2004
· Chapter 4: Dol Guldur