“Are you going to bury me?”- Merry, RotK
Still Pippin remembered that moment like it was yesterday whenever Merry looked melancholy and had a faraway look in the month of March, Pippin immediately tried to cheer him up with random news of the Shire, news about Diamond, of their parents, of going back to the Shire where all was good, or they really believed they had succeeded in making a difference in the wider world of Middle-earth.
But sometimes, Pippin also tossed and turned in bed, thinking of the darker times of the Quest, of being captured by orcs, being suffocated by Old Man Willow, and of course how insane Denethor looked before he committed suicide, and how he was almost too late to save Faramir. His anxiety would keep him up but then sunrise came, and he went back to the presence because the following morning, Merry was there for him as if he knew how he felt without him having to say anything.
Sometimes, he and Merry would ride from Crickhollow back to Bag End half the time in silence because in those moments in March, many years after Frodo had departed, they would know without words how much pain they felt, losing their closest cousin to the Tol Eressae, thinking about how things have changed and they have grown, but not without sacrifice.
“He will be healed in Tol Eressae. It is a blessing that he took Queen Arwen’s spot. He and Bilbo will live long and prosper,” Gandalf had told them before he left. They had gathered together when they had known something was up when Frodo was almost always in his study and always writing as if he was on some type of deadline.
“But why can’t he do so in the Shire,” asked Merry angrily.
Pippin remained silent and just held onto Merry’s shaking hands. He thought it unfair too but he would comfort Merry to say that it was for the best. “We must believe that it’s for the best,” He did his best to remain optimistic. Now what would they tell Sam? Could he ever understand?
He knew in his heart that some things time could not mend. Sometimes, during anniversaries, he saw it in Merry, how the nightmares were more fierce and he was reminded of how Merry looked the same way when he was taken back from the Fields of Cormallen, pale, shivering, almost seemed like death had taken his cousin. He gulped and knew he had to be there for Merry whenever the spell passed. Merry had been afflicted with the Black Breath twice, after all, and Merry was always the one to take care of others before himself.
Kind of like Frodo, thought Pippin to himself. But then he remembered Aragorn’s words in the Houses of Healing, “His grief he will not forget; but it will not darken his heart, it will teach him wisdom.” And wisdom Merry did show, during the Battle of Bywater, to rebuild the Shire with Sam, to train himself to be the Master of Buckland in which Uncle Saradoc didn’t waste any time to prepare his son once he returned from the Quest.
And thus, there were more times in the Shire which required each of their leadership. They had indeed grown and matured and taken on not only their respective titles in the Shire, but also they were tied to Gondor and Rohan since they were appointed as knights.
But one night about four years after Frodo had left, Pippin saw that Merry was in one of his nightmares and revived him by some athelas and gentle speech.
“Wake Merry, it is just a dream, you are safe! Merry, you are all right!”
Sweat drenched and shaking, Merry smiled wanly at Pippin but returned the hug that he gave him and after a while, he shared with Pippin his feelings. “Yes, I know we are safe. I am not sure why I still dream about being left behind in Rohan, about the time when I was waiting for you all to recover in Cormallen…” he trailed.
“You were the bravest, Merry,” Pippin replied quietly. “Do believe that it was a tough time and allow yourself to heal. We are all alright. We went there and back again like Bilbo, and I am here for you always.”
“Thanks Pip. As am I.”
The next day, they rode off in song and story and wherever they went, other hobbits and family wanted to know how brave they were during the Quest. They told the best stories, were the life of the party, but they never forgot to mention Frodo and Sam- for they were the bravest to take the Ring to the heart of Mordor and were the reason they were here today.
…