Ellie · 12 May 2006 · Chapter 2: A Journey In The Dark
Love this story. Absolutely cannot wait for more!
Author's reply
Thank you! I'm writing the next chapter as fast as I can - I need to get Estel out of there!
Beyond The Dimrill Gate by Jay of Lasgalen
Reviews (224)
Bodkin · 11 May 2006 · Chapter 2: A Journey In The Dark
You can just see how young Aragorn is, can't you! 'I'm going this way' - and he immediately expects his nursemaids to follow behind him, hands outstretched to stop him tripping. I can see that this adventure is going to be a Growing Experience in the Dangers of the Outside World. And that the learning is starting straight away! I like the glowing algae - it seems an indication of intelligent use of resources by the dwarves and I reckon that, only once underground, would the other inhabitants of Middle-earth really begin to understand the strength of a remarkable people. Elladan and Elrohir must be ... extremely stressed at the disappearance of their charge. I'll be surprised if they don't put him on leading strings - always assuming they managed to retrieve him relatively undamaged. More soon - you can't leave the heir of Isildur in such a perilous position ... oh ... wait ... you can, can't you!
Author's reply
I think I may be making Estel seem a little too young, but one thing is certain - he's going to grow up fast, and is going to impress his brothers with the way he handles the various crises heading their way. 'Extremely stressed'? Hmmm, that's one way of putting it ...
nessa · 10 May 2006 · Chapter 2: A Journey In The Dark
Yikes, what a place to leave us!Estel does have a penchant for getting into trouble. You should write him more, you do it very well. Can't wait to see what the orcs have planned.
Author's reply
Thank you! I find it more difficult to write Estel than I do the twins, so I'm glad you like him. What have the orcs got planned? Estel is finding out as I write the next chapter!
TithenFeredir · 10 May 2006 · Chapter 2: A Journey In The Dark
Good heavens! There is such tension in this part, not just from the danger of being caught by the orcs or that greater peril they can sense, but the dark, slimy, gritty, crumbling, claustrophobic tunnels. I was thinking the whole time that they had better be keeping track of their route--now Estel is separated and has been found by the orcs. I wonder if he will be able to escape them and not get turned around in the dark. And if he does, they may sound the alarm and get the whole place hunting for the guys. Looking forward to the next! ~TF
Author's reply
None of them are lost yet, but there is still a lot of Moria to search. And of course if they all get separated, things could get worse ;) Neither the twins nor Estel are particularly bothered by being in the caves, but they are aware the whole time of how dangerous it is down there. There's the risk of getting lost, the risk of being discovered by orcs (or something worse) and the risk of the tunnels collapsing. The claustrophobic atmosphere is making them all tense and jumpy.
TithenFeredir · 10 May 2006 · Chapter 1: An Unseen Menace
Well phooey, nothing like marking a tentative return to reviewing by messing up the first one. Spastic fingers, me. Sorry...sorry... ANYWAY, I was going to say, what a great idea for a story! I really like your setup, having Estel out travelling with his brothers, still in training. It makes a lot of sense that the twins would normally avoid the pass, but ignore their discomfort with it to see that Estel was made familiar with that route. I especially liked this little offhand bit of detail that illustrated the hardship of travel: "They had seen no game, but saved their provisions for the journey through the pass, and supped on wafers of waybread, handfuls of withered berries gathered from the low-growing bushes, and water drawn from the stream." Everything that follows is delightfully ominous, especially the Lorien patrols' reports about smoke venting from the mountain and then the bats exiting at dawn. *Rubbing hands together in anticipation of a wild ride ahead* An excellent beginning! ~TF
Author's reply
*Grin* Don't worry - I've done things like that too! The mention of Aragorn's earlier trip through Moria has always intrigued me, and the comment about his 'great deeds'. Meeting different people, learning secret paths, and foraging for food are all things a ranger-in-training needs to learn - and who better to teach him than his brothers? I'm glad you're liking the suspense here - I'm certainly enjoying writing it! Thanks for the review.
TithenFeredir · 10 May 2006 · Chapter 1: An Unseen Menace
They had seen no game, but saved their provisions for the journey through the pass, and supped on wafers of waybread, handfuls of withered berries gathered from the low-growing bushes, and water drawn from the stream.
Kitty · 10 May 2006 · Chapter 1: An Unseen Menace
Jay, you did a great job in building up a growing unease and anxiety not only for the sons of Elrond, but for the reader as well. I'm truly worried what they will find there. My instincts yell to them to run away as far as possible ;(
Author's reply
Run away? They should, but I don't think the twins or Estel are the running away types - besides, there wouldn't be a story then! The second chapter's posted, and they do find something unpleasant there ... Thanks for the review!
Elfinabottle · 9 May 2006 · Chapter 2: A Journey In The Dark
You've got me on the edge of my seat! This is wonderful. Next chapter please.
Author's reply
I'm glad you're enjoying this! There's more tension and drama to come, and I'm writimg the next chapter as fast as I can.
hanci · 9 May 2006 · Chapter 2: A Journey In The Dark
Was it Pratchett who wrote that caves and such are always lit by fluorescent algae or eerie light from nowhere, just in case a human hero entered and needed to look around? But your explanation makes sense. Dwarves also needed to see, no? It makes me think of the RPGs we played. Ow, I thought they were after the twins, but it seems it's Estel who is in trouble. He really shouldn't have wandered off like a kid on an excursion... Can't wait for more!
Author's reply
I've not read that, but it sounds like something Terry Pratchett would write! The algae will be useful, but I didn't want to just invent it without an explanation of how it came to be there. Estel is going to really regret wandering off - and the twins won't be happy, either.
Fire · 9 May 2006 · Chapter 2: A Journey In The Dark
You really are writing pretty spooky stuf here, but than again Moria is pretty a spooky place to see. And i can imaging the orcs thinking of Estel as an elf. he lives with them so he must smell like them. Can't wait for the orcs to find out he's human ;) and than to find out there's two more real elves about. (grin)
Author's reply
Spooky is good - there must be a fairly creepy atmosphere in Moria. All those dark, narrow tunnels ... I wouldn't fancy it! When the orcs smell 'elf' they smell all three, not just Estel. And presumably the twins would have a whiff of 'human' about them, as well.
viggomaniac · 8 May 2006 · Chapter 2: A Journey In The Dark
Sufferin' succotash! What a great chapter. Yes, I saw that you prefer elves but I must admit the beginning of this story has me thoroughly drawn in due to the Estel angle. The algae thing was great. I'd read that before but it's a nice touch to your chapter. I daresay young Estel is about to have a potentially bad experience. If not him, then, the twins, but I'm betting on Estel or maybe all of them. So far, the odds are in Estel's favor (depending on which side you're betting on). I love fics that explore that which was spoken of but not enriched upon. I enjoyed the part when Estel is imagining 'bony, grasping hands reaching out from the walls to grab him..." Not too far off the mark as it turns out. And we all know that orcs have no consciences. When I review I like to comment on one or two specific things I enjoyed. So here goes: specifically liked the wording regarding the orcs' singing: "and harsh voices raised in a discordant parody of song." Kind of like me in the shower, I'd wager. Anyways, great start and I'm most anxious to read more. Thanks for sharing.
Author's reply
From your name, I guess you prefer Estel? They're all going to have a bad time sooner or later - I do love angst! And there is so much Tolkien didn't tell us - it's why I love reading and writing fanfic, to fill in the gaps. Tolkien wrote a poem about the Mewlips - and I think I had them in mind when I wrote the 'bony, grasping hands'. I'm glad you liked the description of the orcs' 'singing' - I tried to make readers hear how unpleasant it is (and it's even worse than my husband's singing!!
Nilmandra · 8 May 2006 · Chapter 2: A Journey In The Dark
I cannot even imagine the horrors of the dark of Moria. Estel has to be scared, this is way beyond his experience. I think he's about to find out just how uptight he can make his brothers.
Author's reply
By the time the three are reunited, Estel is going to be even more scared - and the twins are not going to be pleased with him. Poor Estel - in a dark, narrow tunnel, with a crumbling roof - and he's just discovered that his brothers aren't behind him as he thought. And now there's orcs ...
viggomaniac · 8 May 2006 · Chapter 1: An Unseen Menace
Just found this today and must say, you're off to a terrific start. Love the sense of foreboding, the little banter between the twins and Estel and the hesitation by the Lorien elves in accepting Estel as the twins' brother. The naming of the mountains was a good touch and sounds just like something a 'little brother' would do. I'd say I was dying to read the next chapter but not only would that be incorrect but I don't have to. It's already been posted!
Author's reply
Thanks for the review! I love writing the twins, but haven't done much about them with Estel. From that quote about his 'great deeds' they obviously took him out questing when he was old enough, and think they'd treat him just as a younger brother. This trip is like a finishing school for a ranger, so he's learning a lot - including names :)
daw the minstrel · 8 May 2006 · Chapter 2: A Journey In The Dark
The algae stuff was very clever, Jay. Looks like things are going from bad to worse in Moria. Estel is about to develop some new confidence and skills, I'd say, but not painlessly!
Author's reply
The algae will be very useful later on, when things start to get really bad for them :>) Estel achieves 'great deeds', remember - but you can see why I need that 'where the hell ...' line later on!
elliska · 7 May 2006 · Chapter 1: An Unseen Menace
OH, this is going to be a good one, Jay. I am really looking forward to seeing what you make of that first quote, because it has always piqued my curiosity. And this is a great beginning. All the characters are great and the setting is already spooky. I'm going to love it.
Author's reply
Tolkien didn't tell us anything about either event, did he? That gives me a free rein to be as dramatic and creative as I like ;>) Thanks for the review - the next chapter's just been posted!
Bodkin · 4 May 2006 · Chapter 1: An Unseen Menace
Great deeds, indeed. You can tell young Aragorn is still very young, can't you? Just bound and determined to show off his knowledge and his skills! The twins are managing to keep him and Arwen apart, though - for a little bit longer, anyway. They are doing a good job of looking after their little brother and taking him round to meet all the right people. Very wise of them to whistle up a Lorien patrol - even if they did disturb one of the local birds! Mind you, they are still heading straight for something that will be like the Battle of Waterloo - a close-run thing. Looking forward to more.
Author's reply
To elves, a man of twenty must seem very young indeed, and it's reflected in the way they treat Estel. They don't mean to, it just happens. They know, though, that he is one of the Dunedain, and will spend a great deal of time wandering in the wild - so they teach him the tricks of survival. Those tricks will come in handy rather sooner than any of them think.
Nilmandra · 2 May 2006 · Chapter 1: An Unseen Menace
I like that they could sense something wrong in the mountain, and it does make you wonder what. The dwarves had left in what, 2800? and we don't know much of what happens again until the time of the war of the ring. Even at the end of the war of the Dwarves and Orcs, Durin's Bane was so named. I wonder if the dwarves even knew what Durin's Bane was? Anyway, it is fascinating to think of what Aragorn was doing in Moria - that is a great gap to fill. I like the idea that he was not alone. You have Aragorn meeting Thengel too - are you going to use that sometime later, when Aragorn becomes Thorongil and serves Thengel? I would think a stranger from the north would be memorable.
Author's reply
I've had to think carefully about how much I can let them discover in Moria - in LOTR, Aragorn had never seen a Balrog before, and Gandalf and Celeborn didn't seem to know it was there. So, no Balrog in this story - just something very nasty lurking in the depths. I like all the things Tolkien suggests but never tells us - it's what makes fanfic so appealing. We know Aragorn went to Moria once - why? And why not with the twins? Aragorn is not a character I write very much (apart from a few early stories) so I haven't decided if he'll return as Thorongil. I prefer elves!
Guardian Angel of Wolves · 2 May 2006 · Chapter 1: An Unseen Menace
Great start; I can't wait to read what trouble Estel and the twins will get into *this* time. :)
Author's reply
Lots of trouble - this will be very angsty. What do you expect from those two quotes?
hanci · 2 May 2006 · Chapter 1: An Unseen Menace
This will be great! I liked the way Elladan examines his feelings and compares with Elrohir. And seeking out a patrol, that was really wise/responsible - whatever. Yes, you would want someone like that to teach you. Estel reciting all the names was funny, I could almost see his face... (I also liked the real owl and Elrohir stopping Orophin...)
Author's reply
Thank you! Elladan trusts his feelings - and his twin's. They both know there is something very wrong here, and that someone has to investigate. They find out what they can, tell Orophin to warn Galadriel - and set off to slay Balrogs themselves. They wouldn't make someone else do it for them. Aragorn in LOTR knows so much - but he had to learn it from someone in the first place, so why not his brothers? I think elven patrols using bird calls to signal to each other is logical (but not original - I know several other writers have used the idea before me.)
Fire · 2 May 2006 · Chapter 1: An Unseen Menace
Great idea to use those two quotations for a story. The tension you're building here is almost palpable, they know there's something wrong in Moria especially after meeting Orophin, but they still want to go and see just what it is they feel. Somehow the twins ands Estel just keep forgetting that they are very good at atracting trouble, and now they decided to walk straight into it. It's amazing, will they ever learn?? I know I'm gonna enjoy this one, so please update fast.
Author's reply
Well, Tolkien never told us anything about those times, so there was nothing that said I <>couldn't combine them. I'm not trying to write the twins as irresponsible thrill-seekers here - they're experienced warriors, and need to investigate danger that could threaten Lorien or Imladris. I'm glad you're enjoying it so far - I'll update as fast as I can, but time to write is not always easy to find!
Lianna · 2 May 2006 · Chapter 1: An Unseen Menace
I don't think I've ever seen anyone write a story before about Aragorn's previous visit to Moria. What a good idea! Elrond and Glorfindel are probably going to be very angry about the fact that they went into Moria with just the three of them. But at least they had the sense to tell Orophin where they were going. I suppose that counts for something.
Author's reply
Tolkien never gave us a hint what had happened then, or what 'great deeds' Aragorn did with the twins. I don't think the twins are being irresponsible here - they're warriors, and it's their job to protect the lands. They couldn't ignore what was going on, but tried to find out as much as they could first. Sneaking into Moria would be a lot more difficult with an army!
Vendetta · 1 May 2006 · Chapter 1: An Unseen Menace
This first word that popped into my head was Scary. I love the way you're building up the tension in everyone and all around general suspense. It left me irritated wanting more right away. I never imagined what Estel's reaction would be the first time seeing a Balrog or Elladan and Elrohir's. It also left me wondering what Glorfindel's reaction is going to be once he hears about this. I can't wait for more!
Author's reply
Scary is good - it's what I'm trying to achieve here. It will hopefully get scarier as they find some of the things causing the unease. They won't be able to discover it's a Balrog, though - at the time of LOTR, Celeborn, Gandalf and Aragorn knew there was something evil in Moria, but not what it was.
daw the minstrel · 1 May 2006 · Chapter 1: An Unseen Menace
You know, the dwarves were really inconsiderate not to tell people they'd roused the balrog. Sometimes you have to think Thranduil was right about them. You do a nice job of motivating that trip through Moria, and you introduce it in a spooky way. I look forward to more.
Author's reply
I don't think the dwarves knew what they had awoken. The ones who found it didn't live to tell the tale, and the rest just knew there was something nasty in the woodshed deep mines.
nessa · 1 May 2006 · Chapter 1: An Unseen Menace
I can't wait to see what sort of trouble the boys are going to find in Moria. I'm sure there will be much evil and danger and pain. Great start.
Author's reply
Well, Aragorn doesn't have very happy memories of the place, does he? Oh, yes - lots of angst ahead!