There are some problems with this chapter that I think need addressed.
First, when Haldir and Galadin and their troops reach Imladris, it's just after sundown. Angaril meets them in front of the main house and invites them inside, saying they would talk later. The next thing we know, the elves are meeting by the light of the setting sun. Have they waited a whole night and day before holding a meeting about this urgent issue? Wouldn't there be more than just a cursory mention of the starlight water's effects on the wounded elves?
Second, I can't believe that Elladan and Elrohir don't know the story about how Earendil killed Ungoliant when their own father, the son of the one who killed her, is the greatest lore master in Arda. I also don't believe they were never taught the story of Beren and the spiders in the Mountains of Terror.
Third, as nervous as the elves are about going out to hunt down Ungoliant's chldren, and since they *are* elves and are led by competent warriors, I can't believe that no one would notice Elladan and Elrohir surreptitiously joining them. A better scenario would be to have them talk their father or Galadin into allowing them to be part of the troop, or to sneak off by themselves and join the troop closer to their destination.
So far, this story has been quite good; this is the weakest chapter. I think a bit of rewriting and reposting would make it work better and bring it up to the quality of the story as a whole. I continue to enjoy the story and I'm looking forward to reading the rest of it.
LOTR lover
Author's reply
On your first point, I think Haldir and Galadin would have met with Elrond separately and discussed matters perhaps with a few other advisors as well immediately after their arrival. I think they very well might have waited for the Hal and Gal to rest before meeting in council and also waited to see some results of the Sil water treatment. That's the reason for the delay.
As for the second point, I can agree with you on that.
On the third point, the deception worked well enough for Nienor in Doriath, so I thought why not try it here?
I agree that this is probably the weakest chapter. Thanks for your suggestions on how to improve it.
I appreciate you continuing to read and review!
Ellie
LOTR lover
· 23 October 2006
· Chapter 4
Hi, Ellie,
So that's how Galadriel got the light of Earendil into that little phial! That's a very plausible scenario you've imagined. Again you use the history of the elves to explain how it might work.
Nice contrast between the power and light of the highborn elves and the homely dinner scene of Haldir and his family. Everybody has a relative like Haldir's father, don't they? More history, but it's not just history to these folks. Old grudges die hard.
Nice chapter.
Redheredh
· 22 October 2006
· Chapter 5
Oh, good they 've gotten back safe and sound! After a nerve-racking trek! :) So, the twins have plans, ay? :D And you have certainly put Elrohir on to something pertainant! Melkor wounded the Trees first... then Ungoliant did her sucky thing...
In regards to Fingolfin's battle with Melkor -
Spells, especially the rhyming or song variety, are usually an evocation and not an invocation. The way Tolkien uses them, song-spells are all about the power of words/images/emotions. (imho, It was his guilt over the Kinslaying that weakened Finrod's attack against Sauron.) They are the weapons technology favored by bards and sorcerers for obvious reasons.
"... the rocks rang with the shrill music of Fingolfin's horn, and his voice came keen and clear down into the depths of Angband; and Fingolfin named Melkor craven, and lord of slaves." Fingolfin's words are carried to Melkor and the images evoked draws him out where mere insults normally would not.
Melkor was the only Valor who could supposedly feel real fear. This fear made him habitually hide from his enemies, as would any of his dark creatures, especially from the sound of Orome's horn. Yet, this time, he is drawn forth to face a challenge - out of fear. Fingolfin is described as being Orome-like so that the reader will understand that Fingolfin's power is similar and that he can strike fear into Melkor. Except, Melkor does not hide from him. Not equal after all? Then why does the insult work? Interesting use of evocative, emotional imagery therein, if you ask me. However, the actual fight is majestic(conventional weaponry being more 'heroic'), between kingly foes (craven or not!) without the use of sly or sorcerous means. But really, why should Melkor care what others think of him? Would his minions really desert him if he blew off the challenge? ...rambling now so I'll stop.
Author's reply
Yep, the twins have a plan. And we'll see if it was a smart one or not...
Thanks for the info on your take on Fingolfin's song of power. I hadn't really considered it in the way in which you describe it. Very interesting indeed.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Jay of Lasgalen
· 22 October 2006
· Chapter 5
Eek! I don't like the sound of that final paragraph! What have you got planned for the twins? Much worry and torture and angst, I suppose? I can't wait. I dread to think.
Author's reply
You are too funny!
Something is definitely planned for the twins and they most likely will not be terribly pleased. **grins wickedly**
I must say, I'm always thrilled when an author who I greatly admire reads my stuff and reviews it! :-) You made my day!
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
vampfan30
· 21 October 2006
· Chapter 5
you were right about me needing to worry about the twins... sheesh, you can weave a wicked story......
* twitch *
Author's reply
Yes, the twins have gotten themselves into something, that's for sure. And...you are going to need to worry about them for a while, I think.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Redheredh
· 19 October 2006
· Chapter 4
Aha! ...the light of Earendil's star... Just as anticipated. :D
Having the water in the basin become a cure was a clever idea. 'Cause now they have to get it back to Rivendell!! I don't know why but I love curmudgeon paters and I certainly like Haldir's. :) And the way you depicted his family at the table. Ha! I bet every day's Thanksgiving at their house.
I appreciated your little e-note, but remain sadly unreformed. *sigh* Please do not be descouraged. You have to write and I just have to be unnecessarily opinionated about something even in a fun story like this.
The three rings - each one is set a tiny silmaril-based jewel, the three elemental forces in which the silmaril were deposited. Their powers are kept very separate. There is nothing to indicate that Galadriel has the capability to embody or capture the essence of fire or air, only use them. As an elf, she can make the wind blow and leaves grow. Plants partly because, trees/wood are connected to the fiery life forces within the earth - see Flame Imperishable - in Western symbology. Nenya gave Galadriel control over the very nature of water itself beyond manipulating its flow. But, not over the nature of fire and air. Thus, the jewel-like phial filled with light captured in water and not an actual jewel. No one else in Arda is a Feanor or Celebrimbor. Except maybe Sauron himself, he skipped the elements and attempted to go directly to the Flame Imperishable, an terrible trespass in itself.
Shelob was a creature of darkness, so light could overwhelm her. However, the phial was not much help facing the fires of Orodruin, which was not quite ordinary fire any more then the water in the phial. Pitting different elemental forces against each other is kinda like a game of rock/paper/scissors. Gandalf did not drown the Balrog. He had to use fire against fire.
And another example of using a powerful spell song you might check out is Fingolfin's fight with Morgoth. Luthien knew what she was doing too. Art and not Magic.
Author's reply
Thanks on the clever idea of the water also bringing healing. It made sense to me!
I will continue to faithfully supply you with things to comment on for good or for ill.
As for songs of power, I didn't know Fingolfin used one. Where did you find this info? I remember the blazing eyes like Orome when he went to battle Morgoth, but no song of power. I had forgotten about Luthien, but she is also part Maia and her mother was known for her singing. oops. I really would like to read the reference about Fingolfin and his song of power.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
vampfan30
· 18 October 2006
· Chapter 4
AND ERESTOR... sorry ,tired & need to back away from the computer............
Author's reply
And since Erestor is still in Imladris, you should probably continue to worry about him, too.
vampfan30
· 18 October 2006
· Chapter 4
*** BLUSH ***
ooops, right review, wrong story... the gun reference actually belongs to Legolass, but, it could work here because I am always on the edge of my seat with this story & waiting for a new installment with a little bit of impatience.
** grins sheepishly with red cheeks & shuffles off worrying over the twins **
Author's reply
You are wise to worry about the twins.
vampfan30
· 18 October 2006
· Chapter 4
whoa - go Galadriel ! I figured it would be something cool & completely powerful that only she could conjure up.
Definitely can't wait for the next thing....* cocks gun * (hint hint ^^__^^)
Author's reply
of course it had to be as you said "cool and powerful only she could do". I had fun writing that scene and the cuddly Celeborn and bewildered Amroth afterward were pretty fun, too.
I have finished the story, but you do have to wait a day or two for the next update.
I saw your other comments about the gun thing and all I have to say is that since you are armed with a range weapon, I will assume the duck and cover method of defense employed by posting authors.
You are too funny.
Thanks for reading and reviewing. It means a lot and I'll say whatever other nice things you want me to while you are armed. I'm going to hit the "submit reply" button and go into hiding now.
LOTR lover
· 18 October 2006
· Chapter 3
Nice character building in this chapter, Ellie. Your OC Galadin is another sensible elf, as are all the elves in his escort. I like your Galadhrim March Wardens very much and the amusement of the trees is a fine detail. This sense of superiority the March Wardens have has apparently rubbed off on Haldir--or did his rub off on them?
I also like seeing Celeborn and Galadriel before they became the Lord and Lady of the Wood. They seem more relaxed, more light-hearted here than later when they're running Lothlorien. You also do a good job of giving the reader a lot of backstory via C&G's memories without it turning into the dreaded infodump. Galadriel's pacing and working out the problem half out loud is another bit of characterization I like, as is the way Celeborn is confused but still gives his beloved the space she needs to work it all out.
Now to go on and find out what Galadriel came up with....
LOTR lover
Elflingimp
· 18 October 2006
· Chapter 4
Wow! that was some descriptive writing, I could almost visualize the whole dance and song with Galadriel,I always wondered how she got the light in the vial(or how it might have been done),that was really excellent!!!!! and Haldir's dad ought to take a chill pill!
Author's reply
THank you on the descriptive writing! I figured the whole processes of capturing Sil light in water had to be incredibly beautiful and magnificent to behold. A song of power seemd to me to be as good a way as any to accomplish this. I think they are only mentioned with Finrod in the Silmarillion, but others had to have used them, too, so why not Finrod's little sister?
Haldir's dad's reaction would have been an expected reaction given the circumstances of the Last Alliance and there would have been animosity left over from the Fall of Doriath between the Sindar (and possibly the Silvan as well) and the Noldor. I like to bring a bit of First Age history into my stories when I can :-)
Thanks so very much for reading and reviewing! I really do appreciate it a lot!
Bodkin
· 18 October 2006
· Chapter 3
Galadriel! There really is no need for you to be so close-mouthed about your idea! You could explain it to poor Celeborn and Amroth - and the rest of us. Sometimes it seems as if you just like mysterious for the sake of it.
I'm glad the party arrived safely - now they just have to implement (hopefully) Galadriel's cunning plan and the Noldor and part-Noldor of Imladris will be saved.
Author's reply
She is close-mouthed because she doesn't know if it will work and it would seem preposterous to everyone else, but yes she also likes a touch of the mysterious for its own sake :-)
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Ellie
vampfan30
· 16 October 2006
· Chapter 3
so far, so good & scary... what does the Lady have up her flowing sleeve ?? can't wait for more ( as long as you keep Erestor safe, that is ^__^ )
Author's reply
Erestor should be reasonably safe, providing he doesn't do anything stupid.:-)
I'm glad the story remained scary and good. I won't tell you what the Lady has up her sleeve. You have to read chapter 4 to find out.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Ellie
Redheredh
· 15 October 2006
· Chapter 3
Well, I have to admit that this chapter was not as much fun for me as the first two. But, that's just me. Galadin's arrival - and the conference between Amroth and C&G - felt too movie-verse for my taste. With the usual rushing on to the next action scene by having the role talk instead of showing how that character might react. I should know since I do that too much myself. The writing itself seemed rather rushed.
Still, I like where this adventure is going. ;) Or at least where I *think* it is going. As you said, I will just have to wait and see if I am right. And that is only a part of the creepy fun of this story. Ya know, I fully expect one of the brood will have something to actually say before the heroes are able to eradicate them!
The meat's alive and kicking! STAND BACK! Or I'll soon put an end to that!
Author's reply
This is my first thriller type tale and I almost never read this sort of thing so please cut me some slack when I mess up :-) I posted this whole tale at HaldirLovers before posting it elsewhere because I was so unsure of myself in writing something like this. They only raised pitchforks against me when I delayed posting another chapter or did something they didn't like to a favorite character, so I bravely set forth on this quest of posting elsewhere.
The purpose of this chapter was to move everyone to Lorien for the next key element to take place. I tried to show reaction with the Imladris elves travelling and being skittish and afraid compared to the nonchalant elves of Lorien who behave like the Imladris border patrol featured in The Hobbit. Sorry if I went movie-ish on you. Someone else at another site complained about the loss of Tolkienesque style here as well. Then again, if you compare The Hobbit to LOTR or SIL it isn't Tolkienesque really either, but, hey, whatever. Keep reading if it tickles your fancy and see if you have guessed correctly about where this tale is going.
Maybe I will one day learn how to write a real horror/thriller, if my muse ever requires it of me again.
Calenlass Greenleaf
· 15 October 2006
· Chapter 3
Freaky. Never did like spiders.
You had me captivated from the first chapter.
Author's reply
I'm pleased you are enjoying this. Spiders creep me out too. Ick. Made writing this all the more interesting, I must admit. Hope you continue to enjoy this!
Bodkin
· 14 October 2006
· Chapter 2: Chapter 2
It seems very odd to have elves subject to a curfew - but it's a sensible precaution. Angaril is a good character - and his heritage puts him in a good position to help. Although being one of those sent out to Lothlorien or Mirkwood would be very very scary!
I hope Elrond manages to help Glorfindel. He seems in a bad way.
Author's reply
The curfew would not have bothered anyone, I don't think, especially after news spread of the attacks. I have decided that I like my new Sindarin toys, I mean characters a lot, too. I also agree it would have been very scary to be one of those sent out to get help. Yikes!
And, yes, Glorfindel in is prettey bad shape.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Selene
· 13 October 2006
· Chapter 2: Chapter 2
Well the "spiders" are out of the bag now ;) I love your storytelling so far
Author's reply
Yep, it's certainly time for a good rousing chorus of Itsy Bitsy Spider, though perhaps it should someting along the lines of
"Friggin' huge scary spider
came crawling down the tree.
All the elves screamed and tried very hard to flee.
Out came the stinger and stole their light away
and the friggin' huge scary spider crawled up the tree again."
vampfan30
· 11 October 2006
· Chapter 2: Chapter 2
oh, dear, oh, dear...... I get the creeps from this & can't wait for more. If it is going after those of Noldo descent, doen't that mean it could go after Erestor if he got in the way ?? NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
* ahem * sorry, just like the guy....
Author's reply
If Erestor is smart, he will stay inside at night and away from doors and windows. Perhaps you would be willing to stand guard over him at night? He'd probably take you up on the offer:-)
The menace goes after anyone decended from someone from Valinor: Noldorin, Vanyarin, or Telerin.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Redheredh
· 11 October 2006
· Chapter 2: Chapter 2
*g* Galadin and Galador - twin brothers? ;) I like Angaril, too! I hope we get to follow along with them on their missions.
But, an interesting setup, all way around! Hmm, pieced front and back, by only one beastie with insect-like mandibles? So, is this menace purposely sent or drawn? Sprung up of some forgotten nest accidentally opened? Or did the creatures actually navigate in from the south? Or perhaps, brought in as hidden eggs, smuggled in so to speak? We are in the early Third Age - Amroth has not left Lorien nor has the Necromancer yet appeared...
Doggone it! Who's *really* behind this insidious infestation?!
Now, I have to go back to the Silm and check out how Ungoliant was put down.
Author's reply
Galadin and Galador aren't twins or the story would be too heavy on twins by the end. I have grown rather fond of Angaril, too.
Please feel free to continue to speculate about the "dark of night" and what it wants and why. Muwahahahahaha
I read about Ungoliant being killed by Earendil in one of the HoME books: HoME IV The Shaping of Middle-Earth, I think. I don't think her death is in the Silmarillion, but I can't remember for certain. I've read too many other sources of late to remember exactly which detail came from where any more.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
The plot thickens. I like Anguril very much--he's a very observant and intelligent Elf. It's easy to see why Glorfindel made him his third in command (But who's the second? Is he another victim?).
The account of the council read well, too. I liked this detail: "Those of Noldorin descent stiffened in apprehension and those of the Sindar relaxed a bit, apparently relieved to be off of the menu."
Looking forward to the next chapter,
LOTR lover
Author's reply
Glad you like Angaril. He just kind of showed up in the story, courtesy of the muse. It is implied that the second in command was attacked as well since the third in command had to bring everyone home and make the report. It also makes the situation just that much worse.
As for the council, I figured that realisitcally speaking, the Noldor would have suddenly been most concerned upon hearing about they were the apparent targets of the attackers. And as for the Sindar, even the most noble of elves would have been relieved to hear that something so powerful that it nearly killed the legendary balrog slayer did not consider them a target, yet.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Redheredh
· 9 October 2006
· Chapter 1
Gads, a deadly clutch has hatched, it seems!
Are they draw to those whose Light is bright? Are they attracted only to Amanyar? Which if true is rather comforting - Elrond & sons etc. are safe. But then, why was Galadin's fellow guard taken? Glorfindel was lucky to survive the entire swarm attacking all at once! And these things are insatiable! And will get bigger!!
Goodie, a monster flick. ;) Can't wait to see how you deal with them!
Author's reply
Glad you like it! You'll have some of your questions answered in chapter 2.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
perelleth
· 9 October 2006
· Chapter 1
Oh, what a terrific idea and a gap filler as well! For surely the elves must have once known of the terror that hid in that scary place in the mountains of Mordor...and whence its kin had come from, long time ago!
I'll be looking forward to this, Ellie. Poor Glorfindel, such an encounter and such memories!
Author's reply
Poor Glorfindel is right! I had hoped it would be a good idea and would turn out well, well, maybe not well for th elves perhaps, but I hope the readers will enjoy it:-)
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Elflingimp
· 7 October 2006
· Chapter 1
Yikes, this is just what I was looking for today! I cant wait for more! By the way did"nt Ungoliath kill the two trees?
Author's reply
YAY! I'm glad you can't wait for more.
Yes Ungoliant killed the trees.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Selene
· 7 October 2006
· Chapter 1
Wow, this is very powerful writing. Glorfindel just about called out come and get me, but at least we now know just what it was don't we?
Can't wait for the rest of your story.
Author's reply
Thank you very much on the writing!
Glorfy was kinda handing out a signed invitation to come and get him. Glad youa re looking forward to more!
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Bodkin
· 7 October 2006
· Chapter 1
Goodness! Very tense and scary. I look forward to seeing how this develops.
Author's reply
Good! I was going for tense and scary. I've never tried this sort of story before. I hope it continues to work!
Thanks for reading and reviewing!