daw the minstrel
· 7 September 2003
· Chapter 1: In the Dark Wood
I liked this. It's a nice evocation of Aredhel (Sp?). There is such tragedy in the future for all of them. It always seemed sad to me that the baby grows up to be a betrayer.
The only grammar thing I noticed was in the fifth paragraph. Possessive "its" has no apostrophe.
And maybe your spell checker would like "life's blood."
Author's reply
Oops, I'm sorry - I completly forgot you could reply.
Thak you for reviewing. I've had it beta'd, so most of the mistakes should be gone by now, and I did end up using 'life's blood'. :-)
Brenda G.
· 6 September 2003
· Chapter 1: In the Dark Wood
Sorry, I got the wolves switched when I talked about the "its" as opposed to the "it's" error. This error happened in the paragraph that spoke about the first wolf, not the second wolf that I pointed out in my first review.
Please forgive an old woman's dim eyes!!
BG
Brenda G.
· 6 September 2003
· Chapter 1: In the Dark Wood
Hey, I really like this story. I know, in a vague way, the background of this tale and what happens to the mother and child. Eol, the dark elf, kills them both at a later time, isn't that right? I thought this was well written. It made my stomach tighten when the mother tells her little son at the end of the story that "Your father would never hurt you." Oh, boy! That got the goose bumps going all over me!
I think your writing style is good, your punctuation seems fine. I did see one error. You used "it's" (which is a contraction for "it is") as a possessive pronoun when you talked about the second wolf's snarling, etc. It should have been "its" used there. This is a common mistake made by a lot of writers. I've seen this mistake (and made it myself) in many pieces. I write a little myself, although I have never posted anything for public consumption, but I worry about the same things as a writer that you do.
I thought you did a great job on this piece. Keep up the good work! I hope to see more offerings from you in the future.
BG
Author's reply
Thanks for pointing out the mistake and for reviewing, I hate the way mistakes get through, however hard you check.
As to Eöl, he tried to kill Maeglin, but Aredhel stepped in front of the spear and died. Eöl was then thrown off a cliff as punishment. Maeglin later died when he betrayed Gondolin. – A lovely story!
fael bain
· 5 September 2003
· Chapter 1: In the Dark Wood
I like this very much, it's very atmospheric, and suspenseful at the same time, the tension is just right..
Regarding the questions, I don't see anything wrong with your writing..also, I would go with lifeblood, if I were you, but that's just my opinion, and I can't back it up with a reason other than it looks alright!