Another school day began at the Bree Academy for Young Gentlehobbits, under the watchful eye of Petunia Proudfoot, its sole teacher. (She much preferred the title “Headmistress”.)
“Attention! Attention students!”
Twelve hobbit lasses sat primly to attention. Twelve hobbit lads variously flopped, squirmed, slouched, or bounced up and down on their benches in a noisy display of putative order.
Headmistress Proudfoot drew herself up to her full three feet and began breathily, “I have something important, something exciting to tell you. Something unique to the Bree Academy for Young Gentlehobbits and befitting its status as the foremost place of learning in all Hobbitdom, whether here in Bree -- the acknowledged center of the world and home to Folk both Little and Big– or in the neighboring -- and lamentably somewhat parochial, but still Hobbitish nonetheless – land of the Shire. Indeed, the something I have to tell you is, dare I say it, truly AN ANNOUNCEMENT.”
A boarding scholarship student from the aforementioned parochial but nonetheless Hobbitish land of the Shire, young Master Erkenbrand Brandybuck, shifted his gaze away from a neighboring lad’s entertaining efforts to guide one of Laurel Bolger’s pigtails into an inkwell.
“Are we getting a new textbook, Ma’am?”
“No, of course not. The rest of the class is nowhere near finished with our current text, the incomparably excellent second edition of Tales of the Mythological Great and Good in the Late Third Age by Mistress Aspidistra Boffin.”
Moving among the students while she spoke, the teacher deftly confiscated a large prickleburr from a nearby lad, lest it somehow find its way into the hair of another. Apparently unwilling to relinquish the drama of the moment, she forbore from rebuke and invested her next words with all the schoolmistress sententiousness she could muster.
“As all Hobbits know, one stone should suffice to kill two birds. In that spirit, today we are going to PRACTICE being OBSERVED, while helping the less fortunate Big Folk to help themselves by emulating Hobbits! Yes -- we are going to be OBSERVED in class! By Big Folk!! From the South!!! Big Folk who quite naturally wish to learn of the excellence of Hobbit educational methods, as epitomized by no less than the Bree Academy for Young Gentlehobbits!!!! And this PRACTICE will PREPARE us to be OBSERVED next week FOR REAL by . . . . our very own BOARD OF TRUSTEES!!!!!”
The rest of the morning class session was an anticlimax.
The students were set the task of reading a chapter from their text in preparation for their afternoon demonstration of erudition to the expected visitors. To serve that purpose, Petunia Proudfoot selected the chapter entitled “’Starkindling’, as Personally Transcribed from Irrefragable Sources and Supplemented with Questions by Aspidistra Boffin, with Improving Commentary on an Inattentive and Distractible Elf Princess Added in the Second Edition by Petunia Proudfoot”.
As the young hobbits and their parents near and far, not to mention the school's Board of Trustees, all had had occasion to hear once or twice (or more), Petunia was the late Aspidistra’s (self-appointed) literary executor and posthumous collaborator. Besides writing the Improving Commentaries, Petunia had added "Mythological" to the title of the textbook, to help distinguish her "Hobbit-sensible" second edition from the "adventure-sodden" first.
Two guest observers in leather riding gear duly presented themselves precisely at the ringing of Petunia Proudfoot’s handbell. (It signaled the end of lunch recess.)
One guest was a robust, middle-aged human male wearing a well-worn cloak. The other was a female of younger appearance. She wore a simple gray hooded cape that framed her countenance. Although her ears were covered, they nevertheless functioned very well indeed. While the guests were still at a distance approaching the school, Erkenbrand Brandybuck remarked to a frolicking friend that he “…intended to observe the Big Folk just as much as they observed him…”. He found himself blushing furiously when she turned penetrating eyes directly upon him.
From her own exalted perspective as Headmistress, Petunia Proudfoot found the visitors not at all prepossessing. She informed them magnanimously that she purposed “…to impart the educational wisdom of the Hobbits” to them. First, however, propriety demanded introductions all around. Intending to preserve her self-descriptive options, she offered to let them begin.
The man began.
“I am Tom Bombadil of Ring-a-Ding Dillo, and this is my associate, Ioreth Fangorn.”
Erkenbrand burst out laughing, and was severely “Shushed!” by his teacher, who then spent some time admonishing him that it was no real fault of Big Folk that they did not have the refined sensibilities of Hobbits in selecting their names.
Ioreth Fangorn stifled giggles. The man placed a finger to his lips and looked calmly at the youth from above and behind the teacher’s head.
When Petunia’s admonitions abated, the man continued, “We have a certain responsibility for education in our own land, and we are travelling widely to observe best practices. We hope to encourage their wider adoption.”
Petunia Proudfoot acknowledged the wisdom of that plan with a lengthy commendation of things Hobbitish in general, of Hobbit educational practices in particular, and of the Bree Academy for Young Gentlehobbits in superparticularity. Then, dispensing with the introductions she previously had prescribed, she moved the class into a discussion of the prepared chapter.
To assist the guests in appreciating what they were about to observe, they were handed copies of Tales of the Mythological Great and Good in the Late Third Age. Petunia Proudfoot began by staging a set-piece interrogation of an unimaginative, but academically reliable Hobbit lass. The well-prepared colloquy centered on the meaning of “Mythological” and the minimal credence to be placed in the existence of the characters described in the Tales. Meanwhile, the guests read the assigned chapter and its accompanying essay of allegedly Improving Commentary with steadily widening eyes.
When she prepared the “incomparably excellent second edition” of Tales of the Mythological Great and Good in the Late Third Age, Petunia Proudfoot had retained the supplemental questions posed by Aspidistra Boffin in the first regarding the primary source tales. Long experience with her class had taught Petunia to ask young Master Brandybuck to answer the supplemental questions quickly, so that the rest of the class could instead discuss her own Improving Commentary at length. She now did so, and he obliged as follows:
“In question #1, Aspidistra Boffin remarks that tale authors should show or demonstrate the attributes of their characters and not just state them. She notes that Galadriel is explicitly described as ‘puissant’ and asks what evidence of this, if any, is presented in Starkindling. As readers, we see Galadriel’s powers as she maintains the girdle of Lothlorien, as she wields Nenya – a ring of power, in her knowing Elrond’s mind at a distance, and in her possession of the uncanny Mirror.”
True to his stated observational intent, Erkenbrand watched the visitors as he recited, while keeping peripheral, weather eyes on Headmistress Proudfoot and an erstwhile detractor in the second row. The latter was rather unnecessarily hefting an apple core.
Several things happened in rapid succession. The visitors both looked up at Erkenbrand’s recitation; the male smiled at him warmly while the female gave him another penetrating glance that left him wondering for a moment whether he had remembered to dress that morning. Several hobbit lads snickered disconcertingly when he said the word “girdle”. Headmistress Proudfoot turned her back to the class, in order to inform him that two supporting examples were sufficient in an answer and four might be considered Showing Off in a Manner Unbecoming a Gentlehobbit. In the midst of her critique, his second row tormentor threw the apple core at this head, and he ducked in time to avoid it.
In the hope that the visitors hadn’t noticed the juvenile missile, Petunia Proudfoot instructed Master Brandybuck, “Now try again with #2, please.”
Erkenbrand resumed: “In her second question, Aspidistra Boffin asks us to speculate upon the meaning or symbolism of the title of the tale: ‘Starkindling’. I don’t believe that I totally understand this, but we know several things from the author’s footnotes. Queen Galadriel’s nickname was the Morning Star, and Princess Arwen’s nickname was the Evening Star. I don’t understand the eagles, even though the footnotes say they are beloved of an Elder King. I have never seen anyone ‘mount up with wings as eagles’, as Arwen mutters, although I would like to see that or similar feats."
"'Running and not getting tired' comes to mind", whispered Ioreth Fangorn to herself.
“Anyway," Erkenbrand continued, "the footnotes also say Ar-Belzagar and Ar-Pharazon were the first and last of a set of far-away rulers over the sea who fell into error through a fear of death. I feel that Princess Arwen’s contemplation over the years of those rulers and of their error is significant somehow, but I can’t put my finger on it. Instead, I want to call attention to the song Galadriel sings at the end of the tale -- after Arwen shares her vision of one Tree overcoming the deadness and desolation of Mordor and bringing the restoration in love of all the dead trees that ever were. According to the footnote, the song that Queen Galadriel humbled herself among her subjects to sing was a hymn to Elbereth. Aspidistra Boffin’s footnote says Elbereth is a Regnant Power, also known as Varda Starkindler. In light of the two star nicknames, that has to be significant. Maybe Elbereth was helping kindle something in Arwen and Galadriel.”
By this point, the female visitor had pulled the hood of her cloak forward to hide her bowed head. The male visitor sat stock-still, looking at something invisible and far away, like a carven figure of an ancient king.
The academic duty to address Aspidistra Boffin’s often impenetrable questions now having been discharged, Petunia Proudfoot advanced her own lesson plan on more certain grounds, ablating absolutely any incidental theological questions or fateful portents.
“Hmmm. Well then. Snapdragon Smallburrow, I call on you now. Please summarize the points in the Improving Commentary that support the true moral of Starkindling: namely, that inadequate attentiveness to one’s lessons cannot be condoned.”
The two distracted visitors survived the ensuing discussion of “true morals” to tales, and rallied their diplomacy to thank Headmistress Proudfoot for the opportunity to observe her class.
Outside the school, the afternoon sunshine was inviting. They took their leave and headed back to rooms at The Prancing Pony via a private and initially circuitous route.
Once beyond – indeed, well beyond – the earshot of the teacher and students, the man broke the silence.
“Well, my dear Ioreth Fangorn, I certainly learned some new things about the “Mythological” – not to mention “Inattentive and Distractible” -- Queen of Elves and Men. I suppose that there is no need to mention that Aspidistra was a careful scholar, and if she said Irrefragable Sources – and I call attention to the plural – that is what she meant.”
A grimly worded reply was belied by a rueful, very feminine smile: “Although the details and analysis can only be Galadriel’s originally, you would be correct to assume that the twins are now as-good-as-dead half-elves. And should Elessar Telcontar somehow learn of Arwen Undomiel’s childhood embarrassment, he might make the mistake of being detectably amused and hence join them in departing Middle Earth precipitously.”
“Hmmm. I believe the King learns everything….as, not coincidentally, do I. For example, there is another very promising young Brandybuck. He might usefully further his studies in the White Tower. Second, we should not be surprised if Galadriel's foresighted strategies to remind, assist, and strengthen come to fruition unexpectedly, decades after her departure. With respect to the hazards of learning of Arwen Undomiel’s childhood embarrassment, ‘We’ will take our chances”, he replied benignly.
“I agree about both Erkenbrand and Galadriel, of course. As for you, your ability to learn everything will shortly be useful to you. You saddled me with the name 'Ioreth Fangorn’", she responded.
“Ah. I now fear you know Mithrandir’s opinion of the long-winded Ioreth of Imloth Melui.”
“Indeed. In retribution for the name 'Ioreth Fangorn', I intend to use a tried and true half-elvish educational method to teach you to spell it.”
“Oh! Promise, beloved?” he said, grinning.
“Let me be clearer: I intend to teach you to spell ‘Fangorn’ – fully, in Entish.”
He groaned histrionically, miming horror. They returned to the Inn in bliss, holding hands.