LKK
· 12 September 2003
· Chapter 2: Life or Death
*Dead elves don't glow*
LOL. As serious as the situation is, that line made me chuckle every time I read it. I liked the repetitive use of the line. To my mind, it became like a mantra that Aragorn was uttering. I hope Legolas wakes up soon. Aragorn could use some peace of mind regarding his friend's condition. (Although I doubt Aragorn is going to get a fully peaceful mind for some time to come!)
Another good chapter. :-)
Author's reply
Yep, Aragorn was chanting the line over and over in his mind... spinning round and round like a merry-go-round *g* Will Legolas wake and put Aragorn mind at rest? Hmm... I don't know *LOL* Guess you just have to wait and see... ;)
LKK
· 12 September 2003
· Chapter 1: The Unexpected Fall
Good start! I loved the scene with the butterflies. Very amusing. :-)
One piece of constructive criticism offered in friendship -- Your words work to establish setting and mood quite effectively. But every once and a while a very modern word will sneak in, yanking me out of Middle Earth and slamming me back into the 21st Century. For example: when Aragorn calls Legolas a "sleazy elf". The word "sleazy" is jarring because the rest of your language is so appropriate to the world of ME.
That criticism aside, though, I'm looking forward to more of this story!
Author's reply
Ahh, I know someone will catch that word eventually. LOL! I have no idea how to insult an elf so I threw in a word from the 21st Century. Hehehe. This is my first piece of so-called full length fic and I'm sure I've made a lot of other mistakes along the way. My descriptive skill sucks and I'm seriously trying to work on it. But thanks for your constructive criticism. :) I'll try to make it less modern and more ME. :)