"He drew her arm through his and kept his eyes on the narrow path they trod. "
Nicely said, that! And how true. I'm really enjoying their courtship, but I keep hoping...she's not wearing red, right? Because you know those extras in red always die. ;) Truly, I like her, and they are a good match. What makes this so hard as a reader is we know in the future stories he's not wed to her.
Thranduil is learning, and both he and Legolas are healing. The jam part was wonderful, and isn't it nice that Legolas has a 'mummish' sort to watch over him??
I can't keep up with you! You write fast! :D
Hoping for a happy ending for all because life is hard enough already,
Levade
Dragon-of-the-North
· 15 August 2003
· Chapter 7: Going Home
Your speed is frightening, you know that? ;-)
This is very good chapter yet again, and one that made me smile in many places, because you finally did give Thranduil some lighthearted moments (well... lighthearted for *his* particular standards)... I have the distinct feeling that this king needs to have some jam smeared onto his cloak more often!
The elflings were very cute again - the idea of building a "cave" or "tent" is so typically childlike... And their delight in the jam was just wonderful. :-) I like Annael's mother - it is really understandable that Legolas likes to be at that family's house!
But what I liked most was the quiet moment between Thranduil and Ithilden, with Ithilden resting his head against his father's shoulder... That was a moment of closeness, a wordless one, but, nevertheless, a brief second of being very near each other in every sense... I believe both of them needed that at some point.
LOL to Thranduil's doubts whether Eilian's answer to Legolas' ominous question would be "yes"... Teehee... Seems the young prince chooses to become a warrior out of the same reason for which I chose my subjects at university - only in order not to have anything to do with maths any more... :-P Well... As I do not believe that wood-elven warfare has reached a standard where the way an arrow can take when fired from this or that angle is described in mathematic terms, the prince might be more or less lucky as far as more than only the basics are concerned... ;-D
I am looking forward to the next chapter! :-)
The Karenator
· 14 August 2003
· Chapter 6: Coming to One's Senses
Daw,
Another very interesting chapter. I'm glad to see Todith defend Eilian. And Ithilden's reply is quite telling about his frame of mind where his brother is concerned. Ithilden's frustration is certianly evident when he goes into the woods alone after having heard of the orc attack on the elven family. He's certainly having a hard time of it! Maltanaur is great! He's not in the least intimidated by Ithilden's anger or frustration. The king has chosen wisely in his appointment! When I read about the death of the family, I had a sudden thought that it was Celuwen's family, but apparently this one was not. So...are we to see poor Celuwen and her family fall victim to orcs? She's a good match for Eilian, but...we know too much about the future and she's not in it! Poor Eilian. Ithilden and Eilian have been working out their feelings in the last two chapters, but I fear there is much yet to come. I can't wait to see what happens. Gee, I hate being so impatient! Carry on......(tapping toe)....."I'm waiting...waiting...waiting," said Karen.
Karri
· 13 August 2003
· Chapter 6: Coming to One's Senses
Though the situation is grim, Ithilden seems to be burying himself overly in his work, but I'm glad to see Eilian is making some progress. Recognizing a problem is the first step, or so they say. Perhaps if he can reconcile with father and older brother, he will be better able to help little brother. The whole lot still have a long way to go. Excellent work. Thank you.
Fadesintothewest
· 13 August 2003
· Chapter 6: Coming to One's Senses
Always learn to listen to the advice of elders young Ithilden, which he did. My my, the sons of Thranduil have the weight of Arda it seems on their shoulders. That's always a huge life lesson to learn to go with the flow, control- or rather manage what you can and try to do your best with everything else.
Oh no, I fear for a tragic ending between Celuwen and Eilian, will her family be too stubborn to move from their homestead in the forest and be overrun by orcs resulting in Celuwen's death or injury? Or will Eilian's commitment to the Southern Patrol turn so overwhelmingly his single objective because of the increase of shadow that love does not fit in the picture for him. That is he may love her but he cannot have her. Oh I am crying already!
Orangeblossom Took
· 12 August 2003
· Chapter 6: Coming to One's Senses
Ooooh. Romantic ending to the chapter. Lovely. Thank you. Poor little Legolas. Well, his brothers care for hims and so, really, does his father.
Sidenote: No, I am the only one. Just recently FF has put weird numbers after many people's names. : )
Nilmandra
· 12 August 2003
· Chapter 6: Coming to One's Senses
Have I mentioned how much I like Maltanaur? He is a good guy. I hope the King commends him for saving Ithilden's life. Maltanaur will take it stoicly and say it was his job -but I still just like the guy.
I also like Celuwen. She is a good match for Eilian - strong and capable and she knows him. I like the familiarity they have.
So, Eilian saw the light last chapter; and Ithilden shows signs of seeing it this one. Legolas at least knows he is sad. Thranduil might actually be hurting worst of all, and yet the most might be expected of him. We know he makes it - he will see. Can't wait to have you show me how it happens. *grin*
Fadesintothewest
· 11 August 2003
· Chapter 5: Dancing with Memories
The first thing I have to review- It was so wonderful reading about Eilian and Celuwen, although I know that theirs is a sad tale of love impossible. Eilian has been through so much, and is such a deeply feeling even for one of elf kind, but he hides behind his dashing demeanor and his lust for adventure. It's as if he is running away. But I am glad that he recognized that he was only aiming to get himself killed.
Ai and little Legolas. I think this portrayal is very well done as it is obviously not your sappy sad child tale that is easily resolved. Instead, Legolas is behaving in ways we the readers do not like, we *know* Thranduil does not approve, but such is grief- messy, painful and not easily dismissed.
I eagerly await your next chapter!
Strange Blaze
· 11 August 2003
· Chapter 5: Dancing with Memories
Wow what a great chapter! I really really like Celuwen. I think everyone's problem with Miri was that it was LEGOLAS, so I'm thinking that since this is Eilian you might get away with more. Lol. Plus so far she seems to be a more likeable character, and she genuinely likes Eilian, as opposed to all the competition there was for Miri. I really love your portrayal of Legolas in this chapter...this is exactly how children in my experience have responded to grief and things they don't understand. It's great that Eilian and Thranduil and everyone are so patient with him, understanding what he's going through. Where was Ithilden during the dancing? Did I miss that part?
The Karenator
· 10 August 2003
· Chapter 5: Dancing with Memories
Daw,
Another good chapter. Poor little Legolas. My heart goes out to him. In his memory, a dance was a good time, but in his reality, it was such a horrible reminder that his nana was gone and not there to dance with him. Thranduil's memories about the spring dance were such a sweet path to tread. I loved the image evoked of dancing with his wife and his sleeping son nestled in his arms. Poor Thranduil,too. I like Celuwen. It sounds like she would be good for Eilian, but as Thranduil says, the timing is bad. Eilian has apparently learned a good lesson from his little brother's behavior and his own when he frightened himself so in the race. Seems like a privotal moment in understanding himself and his actions. He's a good guy, just suffering the pains of loss and growing into his own. And yeah, I think Thranduil has a quandry in determining what to do about Turgon. I like the little hug he gave Legolas. I agree that most Turgons are rarely all bad; most are really hurting themselves inside for whatever reason and use this acting out behavior to try and find some order to their confusion. Rarely, are people (or elves, as in this case)all bad, but have behaviors that run amuck. I have always kind of liked Turgon. I agree with Adar that he is a bad influence, but I can't help wanting to hug him and help him find a way out of whatever pains him. It's sad that he ends so tragically, but that happens all too often in real life....as it does to those who don't do anything to warrant such drastic consequences. All this just to say, I'm enjoying this story as much as all the others. I look forward to Chapter Six.
Karri
· 9 August 2003
· Chapter 5: Dancing with Memories
Hi Daw,
This is a wonderful, very touching chapter! It made me a bit teary to discover that wee little Legolas had been looking for to the dancing because Nana and Ada had danced with him with last time. Poor little guy still has a long way to go in recovering from his grief and building a secure relationship with his Ada. Excellent work! Looking forward to the next chapter.
Brenda Geraci
· 9 August 2003
· Chapter 5: Dancing with Memories
This was so good... How I love this family of Elves. Poor litte Legolas. Losing someone is a huge turnabout in one's life, and it must be doubly hard on the young who have neither the years nor the experience to understand the loss. Thank goodness the elfling has such a wonderful family to support and sustain him through this most difficult time of his young life. It is fortunate that Eilian has had time to do some serious thinking as to his own behavior and what is at the base of it. I'm glad he's home for a stint to get his head on straight and his priorities in order. You've done a masterful job of touching on all aspects of life - whether lived by elf or human - and the struggles that are common to both species. Life is not easy for them, just like it is not easy for us. Elves and humans basically ask the same questions and fight the same battles inwardly and outwardly. You've done an exceptional job of helping your readers slip inside the skins of your characters and to see life through their eyes. Very well done.
Can't wait for Chapter Six. Post soon...please?
(P.S. Thanks again for your advice.)
Nilmandra
· 9 August 2003
· Chapter 5: Dancing with Memories
The changes worked wonderfully ;) beta is very very pleased.
Thranduil at the begining is perfect - you can see he is tired of the day to day stuff and how much he misses his wife. He is reactive with Eilian - he knows he is and yet seems helpless not to be - he can't seem to change that. But Eilian gives, thank goodness, and Thranduil's fear is revealed.
Legolas is ornery - excited but not - just a little study in contrasts. He is remembering Nana, remembering the dancing. Oh, and then Ada doesn't want to dance; Eilian is off with some maiden and this dancing is nothing like the last one. ok, I cried for him this time. Poor little elfling. Temper tantrums are not the norm, but he is one hurting and angry child. Fortunately Eilian has had his own little revelation, so he can see Legolas' pain more clearly.
I like Celuwen - she is a believable characters and I like that Eilian has someone like her in his life.
Thranduil is still snapping at Eilian at the end. He is so worried about the external - and he loves his sons and wants them whole and well and happy - but his own pain is blinding him. I am glad Legolas has Eilian right now!
Dragon-of-the-North
· 9 August 2003
· Chapter 5: Dancing with Memories
This will be short, as I am admittedly sick of my reviews for this story apparently always getting lost... somehow... But perhaps, this site is more reliable than fanfiction.net...?
The new chapter is just wonderful once again - not only are the actions and reactions of Thranduil, Eilian and Legolas convincing, but the atmosphere is also great!
I loved Celuwen's explanations about simple life - in a way, their family's choosing the simply, rustic settlement over the palace mirrors choosing Middle-Earth over Valinor, and the like... ;-) Skilfully done!
I do pity poor little Legolas... Of course, the situation is especially terrible for him! It is good that he has an understanding elder brother in Eilian, though... I really admired Eilian's patience in this chapter! He really seems to have started to think now.
Apart from that, I really felt like in some late 19th-century-novel, especially during the conversations between Thranduil and Eilian - they simply always stop before what needs to be said most can be said, for reasons of decorum, authority, defiance and the like... Perhaps it would be quite good for everybody concerned if Thranduil stopped being (or rather acting) the unapproachable king, if only for a short time? I cannot really explain it - he clearly is affectionate, and all - but you really get the impression that Lorellin was the only person who ever got *really* close to him... And that is sad. :-(
Write on soon - and I do hope that *this* review reaches you!
Levade
· 9 August 2003
· Chapter 5: Dancing with Memories
*sniffles* It's so hard to think of children growing up without their mothers. Fathers are very important too, and Thranduil is so clearly doing his best, but struggling with his own grief and the shadow that grows near his realm. I can't help but wonder at Legolas' reaction to seeing his Naneth again once he reaches Aman. A happy day, no doubt!
Elian realized what he was doing, and that's so good. He and Thranduil still have a lot to work on, but it's hard when you're that much alike, isn't it? Hard to see the same mistakes you made repeated by your children, and wishing you could keep them from the pain.
You have given me sympathy for Thranduil, something I lacked before starting this story. I didn't hate him, but, like Elian, I think I saw far too much in him that reflected back on me. *g* Your story is winning me over to him, and I can only say, thank you!
This is a touching, wonderful tale and I'm always looking forward to updates. You touch the heart of a family and make it very real.
Peace,
Levade
P.S. What did I mean about the stubbornness, oh King of the Greenwood? ;D Hmm... I think your sons will show you much better than I could ever hope to explain! May you live in interesting times and look to see brighter days before you. *bows*
Brenda Geraci
· 9 August 2003
· Chapter 4: Serving the Realm
Well, the first four chapters of When Shadow Touches Home are as wonderful as every other story you have ever written. I love your writing. Your characters live and breathe, and I feel as though I could reach out and lay my hand on Eilian's arm or kiss the blond head of little Legolas as I make this journey with them. Can't wait for the next chapter! Another thing that I inordinately appreciate in your writing style is solid continuity in characters and storylines. I remember the blanket that Legolas uses for comfort in this story because you had written about it in another of your stories before this one. It's nice when your reading audience can depend on their author to keep the thread of the storyline true from past to present and all episodes taking place between. What a gift you have, and how generous you are to share it with your grateful fans.
Looking forward to Chapter Five!
Levade
· 6 August 2003
· Chapter 4: Serving the Realm
A great chapter! I can't help wondering how long it will be before Legolas completely loses it -- he's very close it seems. Growling at Adar! *g* I remember doing that, or daring to, and getting much the same reaction.
The race was wonderful! I love the way the tree gathered Eilian then scolded him. He's quite the reckless adventurer, maybe much like his Adar was? Or his grandfather.
And the pressure on Ithilden increases as the Shadow grows. How frustrating to live so long and still not understand everything, nor see all the patterns.
I hope Thranduil has some of that beautiful hair left when all of this is done!
Peace,
Levade
Levade
· 6 August 2003
· Chapter 3: Getting into Trouble at Home
Two updates and I'm behind! It is so hard to go through the loss of a family member, but when its the mother it seems doubly hard. Especially seeing how young Legolas is, it doesn't surprise me that Thranduil doesn't quite know what to do.
*g* Though I have to snicker at the thought of his dismay at having stubborn children.
They're, all four, quite lost right now, aren't they? And acting out is perfectly normal, each in their own way.
*sigh* You write them very real, and I always look forward to reading more!
Peace,
Levade
fadesintothewest
· 6 August 2003
· Chapter 4: Serving the Realm
It seems that all three males are struggling with keeping sane, not only do they have to deal with Lorellin's death but they have the increasing Shadow to deal with.
Poor little Legolas, he plays at being an orc, those horrible creatures that ate his mother as he so vividly described it. It must be his way of trying to control his feelings. Hopefully Eilian and Legolas can help each other come to some resolution of sorts.
Fadesintothewest
· 5 August 2003
· Chapter 3: Getting into Trouble at Home
Ai, you are right I didn't receive notification of the last chapter, but I did to chapter 4.
Little Legolas throwing mud at the elleth? Oh dear, it seems Thranduil has his hands full with all his sons. Nobody seems to be on the same page and Thranduil is going to have to figure out how to bring the family together. He must really be missing his wife, they all are obviously but it's those little things that make you really miss moms.
Fan81981
· 5 August 2003
· Chapter 3: Getting into Trouble at Home
I am in the middle of catching up on all the reading I have missed because of interviews and all. I must say this chapter was very well done. Thranduil is not a mushy father at all but he does love all his kids. Even if all of them resemble orcs at time.
The bit when he feeds legolas made me tear up. So sad. Poor darling. Why did you have to kill his mother off? Why does everyone kill his mother off? *sniff*
Anyway, onwards - have one more chapter left. Now THAT is something to smile about.
Fan
aure_enteluva
· 5 August 2003
· Chapter 2: Getting into Trouble Abroad
Again, very good. I especially liked the comparison of that orcs' blood's spurting to a fountain in his father's gardens.
When I read about an arrow being "nocked", I kept thinking "notched", (s)he means notched. Of course I went for my dictionary and looked up "nock", and you're using the term correctly. I'd always said "notched", as to place the notch in the back of an arrow against the drawstring. Perhaps I was wrong all along, had heard "nocked" somewhere along the line and got it wrong. At any rate it was a bit distracting for me at least (partly because I was *so* sure I was right, lol). If it were me I'd choose a word that people were less likely to get confused, such as fitted. But then again, I could be a unique case and then there's no need to change it.
Marta
aure_enteluva
· 5 August 2003
· Chapter 1: Left Alone
I really like this chapter. It looks like a compelling story, and you are obviously very skilled as a writer. But I'm sure you want a bit of constructive criticism. So here it is: use more contractions, especially between Thranduil and his sons, and *especially* in anything Legolas says. It seems like the conversation is a bit too formal at times, and I think contractions might help in that regard.
I'd also like to get a bit of more description of the places you're in. Be warned: I am a very descriptive writer, but I would like a better feel for what these places look like. What kind of bed did Legolas lay in? What color was his tunic. What did the dining room look like? That type of thing.
Oh, and one last thing. You seemed to use "said" a lot. I'd use other words to describe speaking. A good-sized list is available at http://tinyurl.com/j0z8 . It's also better if you can avoid adverbs. They're a perfectly acceptable form of writing but a lot of times they can be incorporated into the text another way. Often [character] + said + [adverb] can be written as [character] + [speech verb incorporating adverb]. For example, "Jane said angrily" could become "Jane shouted". The effect's the same, and there's a lot more punch.
But like I said I loved your first chapter. I had to think hard on some things you could improve. If I was too harsh, feel free to go over and rip "Lady of Gondor" (my story) to shreds. ;-)
Marta
The Karenator
· 5 August 2003
· Chapter 4: Serving the Realm
Daw, Another great chapter. I still think the relationships between the family members retain an underlying sweet flavor of sincere love for one another and I like the strong bond they share....even when they're battling each other. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it!) Unfortunately for them, they are also drowning in guilt and grief. I'm not sure anyone ever truly recovers from such a loss as they have suffered, but one merely finds a way to place it in a scarred corner in the heart and continue. I'm sure they will learn to manage the pain, each in his own way. Right now, they don't seem to be able to even recognize it fully or control the effect it's had on their lives...sort of like being on an out of control roller coaster. They know what happened, know they suffer from it, but this knowledge doesn't seem to translate or at least there doesn't seem to be much communication between the head and the heart or an understanding of how to deal with it. And Legolas is just too small to be able to make any sense of anything except he's angry and misses his nana. Like some of the other reviewers, I like the careful attention Thranduil is giving to Legolas at meals. It may seem a small thing, but to me, it tells us a lot about the kind of father he is. Ah and Celuwen....I can hardly wait! I think Eilian needs a good kissing! (Volunteers will be lining up to the right!) I also loved Maltanaur's reaction to Ithilden's little discussion with him. He's a good elf....knows who butters his bread! Oh and the fire thing....what kid hasn't tested the power of fire? It's a scary thing for a parent to have to confront. Thranduil has known for a long time that Turgon is fueled and ready to launch. I loved your discription of him in Prodigal Sons when Legolas thought he was like trying to stop a boulder rolling down a hill. Most parents know a Turgon or even have one themselves! You're doing well with your angst....got me by the heartstrings! This is getting too long...so I'll beat it for the time being. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Nilmandra
· 4 August 2003
· Chapter 4: Serving the Realm
I like Maltanaur more and more. An outsider who loves and cares for the King's family is a good influence right now. Ithilden may not recognize his need for a 'keeper' but now more than ever he and Eilian both need one. I look forward to more interactin between them.
Eilian is bored - never a good thing. He is concerned about his performance on the job though, and this is good. He does need something stable right now.
Legolas is really acting out. Those orcs must seem awfully powerful to such a small child - they stole from the powerful people in his small world. So he is going to act like them. Eilian sees his anger, but I was so saddened to think of him sent off to his room for the evening when he really needs someone who can draw out of him his feelings or at least play with him and give him some normalcy.
And Eilian's final recklessness this chapter - what does he have to lose? That certainly speaks to a deep need in his soul. The tears at the end are telling - the tree caught him and admonished him and somehow he must have seen there is something to lose.