25th of Súlimë, 2988 TA Thou art so pale today tonight
and I would write thee songs of life
if only I could find the words,
but life avoids me when thou art so pale
and comfort avoids me shies away from me
with thy fading smile.

But Yet let me rest beside thee
and offer thee give to thee all my imperfect warmth
to take the hostile chill from thy pale sweet lips,
and if I find the words,
I promise, I will write thee songs of life.

Thou art so pale tonight,
so very pale

25th of Súlimë
26th of Súlimë, 2988 TA (I know not which and I care not)

She is gone. Nay, not gone. Not gone. I could not live if she were gone and yet I live. So ‘tis not gone, not ever gone.

But what light remains when the day is no more?

Finduilas Finduilas Finduilas
All things whisper tears of night
and write your name in pain
into the emptiness of a dawn
that lost its queen.

Come to me, star-crowned,
come to me, wake me
and let me dream
no more.

The shadows whisper your name, dearest,
And my treacherous heart
beats the rhythm of your footsteps
in the silence of oblivion.

Let me forget
O for the world I would not forget,
but I dread to remember
her that I lost.

---

Why did you come to me, Finduilas,
to teach me bliss
when you knew that you were doomed to fail?

Why did you ask, Finduilas,
to share my shadows
when you were born to walk in light?

Why did you follow me, Finduilas,
when you were queen
of foam-crowned wind and endless sea?

Why did you love me, Finduilas,
if love me you did
if love me you could
when you

Think not I doubt thy heart, dearest,
Think not I doubt thy soul.

I curse the day you looked at me
And smiled. NO!
and yet

I bless the day
I curse

Finduilas, Finduilas,
coward that I am,
I am left to retrace your steps
and try to remember
how to live

There is a strange comfort in the dark of the abyss
and the fading souls sing a siren’s song of salvation

---

Who am I to believe that I could keep a star
locked in mine own dark heart,
or catch the dancing sea-foam’s gleam from oceans far?
Who am I to believe that I could keep a star?
The storm’s tempestuous soul will tolerate no bar,
but fly or break apart.
Who am I to believe that I could keep a star
locked in mine own dark heart?

The words will not obey. Nothing of you in this. Just emptiness.

Imperfect as I have ever been, Finduilas. Too imperfect to keep that which was is perfection. Have you gone to the sea, beloved? To the singing shores that call you home?

---

Súlimë,
when the winds wept
and the stars mourned
the sunlight lost.

Súlimë,
when the tide came
and the darkened waves
swept you away.

Súlimë,
when the dawn failed
and the silent spring
lost its heartbeat

---

My future is a mirror of decay,
of shards like silver knives
that paint the skies another shade of grey.
My future is a mirror of decay,
of thistles grown and thorns to line the way
and tangle in our lives.
My future is a mirror of decay,
of shards like silver knives.

Must I always be selfish and ungrateful? Even now?

For Finduilas

I remember the waves on the darkening shore
and the wind like a crown in your hair,
and I knew as I fought I was losing the war.
I remember the waves on the darkening shore,
I remember the keys to a lost kingdom's door
I remember the keys to the secrets of yore
were the stars in your eyes, pale and fair.
I remember the waves on the darkening shore
and the wind like a crown in your hair.

Words cannot begin to describe the pain, for they are veiled like a mist-shrouded morning.

26th of Súlimë, 2989 TA

In Memory

Speak not of tears that time will help decrease
and not of pain that passing years will soothe,
for I desire not oblivion’s peace,
the bitter taste of loss I would not lose.

Thine eyes are mirrored in the weeping streams,
thy voice calls in the wind on Anduin’s shore,
thy face will smile unfading in my dreams,
thy laughter crown the waves forevermore.

But haunt me if you will in dreams of pain
and cover me in scars that will not fade.
Not gentle be, but break my heart again
if I should break the promise I have made.

The silence and its soft unspoken vow
remembers thee and will not falter now.

This piece owes its existence to Dwimordene's wonderful 'That Which Remains Us' (http://www.henneth-annun.net/stories/chapter.cfm?STID=90) which I read ages ago and which impressed me to no end.

The title, The Dark Night of the Soul, is borrowed from a wonderful song by Loreena McKennitt from her album The Mask and Mirror.

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concerning dates:

As far as I know there’s no canon date (month and day) for Finduilas’ death (if I’m wrong PLEASE tell me) so I had to make one up. I decided on Súlimë a long time ago when I needed the month for a poem so in my fanfic-verse Finduilas dies at the end of Súlimë 2988 TA (in the night of the 25th/26th of Súlimë, to be precise, which is central to this piece).

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ca·thar·sis:

Medicine. - Purgation, especially for the digestive system.

- A purifying or figurative cleansing of the emotions, especially pity and fear, described by Aristotle as an effect of tragic drama on its audience.

- A release of emotional tension, as after an overwhelming experience, that restores or refreshes the spirit.

Psychology. - A technique used to relieve tension and anxiety by bringing repressed feelings and fears to consciousness.
- The therapeutic result of this process; abreaction.

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Concerning poetic forms:

Most of this is written in free verse, but for three of the poems (Who am I to believe that I could keep a star, My future is a mirror of decay and For Finduilas) I have used the triolet form.

The final sonnet In Memory owes a lot to John Donne's wonderful sonnets and is written in the form of a traditional Shakespearean sonnet with three quartrains and a final couplet.