"Are you quite sure about this?"

"Just be still, Merry."

"As if I can, with you doing that with that."

"Well, it wouldn't itch you if you'd stand still."

"It wouldn't itch me if you had picked something with softer cloth."

"There. All done. Are you comfortable?"

"Oh, yes, quite, Pippin. I have tree bark digging into my back, your lopsided blindfold of sackcloth over my eyes, my hands tied behind me round the trunk--much too tightly, by the way--and no idea what this is all about."

"Just trust me.... Now, be still."

"What's that?"

"It's an apple."

"An--oi, what are you on about, Peregrin Took?"

"Merry! Stop it! You said we could play whatever I wanted to play."

"I don't mean to have my head skewered just because you're bored! Take that bloody apple away!"

"You promised! And I won't use arrows, all right? I'll use a stone--a little one. I just want to see if I can knock it off your head, I don't have to pin it to the tree. I guess."

"Pippin, of all the stupid, feather-headed, dangerous, nonsensical nincompoopery you have ever come up with, this idea takes the prize!"

"Oh, just stand still, Merry. ...If you'll stand still, I won't tell your mother about what you were doing with Tansy Warren yesterday in the pantry."

"I--you--she--why, you little spy!"

"Although I'm not sure. I think perhaps Aunt Esme ought to know; after all, if you're going to marry a Warren, she might like to be let in on it."

"I am not going to--Pippin! You are rotten to the core! Miserable midget of a Took!"

"Now, Merry. Are you really in a position where you want to call me such names?"

"Wait a minute. What do you mean, 'if I stand still you won't tell'? Were you going to tell?"

"Well, I wasn't, but now... Well. I don't know that I shan't."

"Well, Merry? What do you say? Oh, come on--you know I wouldn't hurt you for the world. I just want to do it. And then I'll be done, and you can tell everyone how brave you were. You can tell Tansy how brave you were."

"Peregrin...."

"My, you do sound fierce when you growl like that, all low. ...Well, fine, let me just untie your hands, then we can go back into the Hall, and I suppose next time I see Aunt Esme I'll just have a little chat with her about your marriage prospects.... You're 29 now, not too young to be thinking about an engagement, and though Tansy isn't what I would choose for a long-term liaison--that voice of hers, enough to scour varnish from the wainscoting--she seems a nice enough girl, and certainly willing, from what I could see yesterday in the pantry--"

"Pippin!"

"What?"

"Do shut up. And get it over with."

"Oh, Merry, I knew you'd see how much fun this will be! Just hold still so I can balance this apple on your head. ...All set?"

"Pippin, if you do not hurry up and get this over with, I swear by every star in the sky that I will pay you back in ways you cannot imagine."

"Goodness, you certainly are doing a lot of swearing today. Now. Are you ready?"

"Pippin...."

"All right, here goes. Now, stand perfectly still. Perfect. Ready, set--"

"Aaaaaargh!"

"Oh, Merry, I'm so sorry! Are you all right?"

"Bloody stupid damned idiot--"

"Now, now, no need to curse like that. Oh, that's nothing, just a little bruise--oi!"

"You hare-brained flea, let me loose right now!"

"That wasn't nice at all, Merry, you nearly gave me a crack, I'd think your head hurt enough already without you adding that--"

"You think that would've hurt, do you? Just you untie my hands and I'll teach you about hurt, you worthless, wretched, vile, little runt! Oooh, you'd better set me loose right this minute--"

"I don't think I shall."

"WHAT?!? Pippin, you’d better hope your mother wants more children, or the Thainship will pass to your cousin, because you will be dead, dead, do you hear me, if you do not set me loose in five seconds flat!"

"No, no, you've quite hurt my feelings, Meriadoc, and I think I shall just leave you to cool off for a bit. I feel like I need a bit of tea and maybe some biscuits, just to make me feel better, you know. That should give you a chance to settle down. I'll be back, no worries. Shouldn't take me too long at all."

"Pippin!"

"Just get comfortable, Merry, I'll be back in... half an hour? An hour? Something like that."

"Pippin!"

"PIPPIN!"