"I once dreamed to be a butterfly, fluttering between here and there, in all its aims a butterfly…Suddenly I awoke; and there I laid: again "me myself". Now I don't know: was I then a man dreaming to be a butterfly, or am I now a butterfly, dreaming to be a man?"

Tshung-Tse…follower of Lao-Tse

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Something is on my face…tears…blood…both running through my eyes so I can’t see past the shadows. I’m moving…being moved, carried. Feel sick, darkness, my head hurts…I can’t think. On the ground now, cold hard stone digs into my back, bound hands cut and bleeding, ropes burning like fire. I feel sick, but I won’t give in…that’ll just give them a reason to hurt me even more…hurt not kill …I wish they would kill me, but they aren’t that merciful.

I lay on the ground and a glimpse past the shadow shows me another face…his eyes closed and face unnaturally pale. The cut on his forehead has closed now, nothing but a dirty brown scab, but it must still pain him to be awake with it.

He’s hurt because of me, like Gandalf fell to the Balrog I had summoned with the stone…and Boromir had died to protect me… now Merry is here and hurting because he would not leave my side when they took me…wouldn’t let me go alone.

Why didn’t you run away? Why didn’t you just leave me behind?

Darkness comes, Frodo…you and Sam go to Mordor without Gandalf’s guidance, without the Fellowship’s protection. I’m sorry.

“I’m sorry”.

An orc is coming…it kicks me and the darkness falls. I scream. Something shakes me.

My hands suddenly unbound and my eyes closed I grab the orc; throwing him to the ground…he seems so much smaller now…and holding him there. I raise a fist to strike, you won’t hurt me any more.

“Pip…Peregrin calm down it’s me”. A voice…I know that voice...

“Merry”. I half sob. Opening my eyes I literally fall off of him, landing hard on the ground. It is a soft soil, covered in foliage from the trees which surround the small clearing. “Did I hit you?”

My cousin nods, sitting up to brush the dirt of his sleeves and trouser legs. “Don’t worry about it. I shouldn’t have startled you…but you were panicking”. He looks up through the trees to the sky above. “I wonder what time it is. By my stomach it must be nearly time for afternoon tea”. He speaks as if the incident before never happened, as if we were still back home in the Shire. The sun shines through the canopy onto him, making him glow like an illusion. “Have you got any Lembas left, I think we can afford a small bite”. I reach into my pocket and hand him a piece of the precious Elf substance. He takes it, breaking it into two uneven pieces and handing be the larger half…even after everything I have done, all the trouble I have caused. 

I am shaking despite the warmth that surrounds us, unable to stop myself.  “I remembered. I thought we were…the Uruk-hai…so real”.

Merry nods, his face expressionless as he takes a small bite from his share of the lembas. “I know, but you’re safe now. It was just a dream, a terrible dream…and now it’s over”.

“Is it…is it really over”. I say, my voice breaking. “How do I know I’m safe?”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe I’m still with the Uruk-hai taking us to Saruman, and I’m cold and sick, and Gandalf and Boromir are dead, maybe Frodo and Sam too… and Merry you’re…”

He raises a hand to silence me. “Or maybe we’re still in the Shire, and Frodo and Sam are there, and your there, and Gandalf is wondering when a certain ‘Fool of a Took’ is going to wake up. Bilbo’s making our supper”. Merry smiles through unshed tears as he slides over to sit beside me. “Or maybe THIS is real?” He speaks round the food in his mouth.

“I use to be so sure of everything but now…I can’t tell anymore”. I am still shivering, vivid images of the past five months run through my mind with others I do not know, black riders high above my head, the giant tower. Has it only been five months?

I flinch when he pulls me into his arms, one hand rested on my own, the other slowly rubbing my back until my shivering subsides. With my ear against his chest I can hear his heart beating…and forget my fears as I listen to the tune he sings under his breathe. It is the song that Tom Bombadil use to sing…it seems like a lifetime since I heard it last. I begin to feel drowsy again.

“Wake up now?”

“Master Legolas, I believe he has returned to us”. Gimli? I open my eyes, slowly at first. Clear water runs through them from the cold compress upon my forehead, cool and refreshing. I am laid out on a bedroll beside a tent, in the shade from a warm sun, the smell of fresh grass surrounding me.

Gandalf is there.

“Peregrin Took. You fell in the last battle and sustained some injuries, but they are healing fast”. He removes the compress and checks my temperature with his warm hand. “It is over now…you are safe”.

I know he is speaking the truth. Gandalf would never speak a lie…

“Pippin, I thought you would never wake up”. Merry, he is laughing as he sits down cross legged beside my bed and takes my hand. “Frodo and Sam are here too, we’re all together again”.

“Frodo and Sam?” I reply, groggily.

“Yes, they’re sleeping in the tent. They destroyed the one ring and saved Middle Earth”. He encases my hand within his own. “It’s…”

“Like a dream”. I say for him. My cousin smiles.

Time passes, and a gentle breeze begins to flow through the camp, cooling us from the amazing heat of the sun.

“You should try to get some more sleep”. Merry says.  “You need to get your strength back”.

My hand within his I finally allow myself to sink into the darkness once again. The bird song grows deeper, the wind colder.

When I open my eyes the foul Orcs are still there…and Merry is gone.

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