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Longing For Hope  by lilpippin

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or places in this fanfic except for Glorroh, whose name may not mean "Golden Horse" because I am not a sindarin expert.

A/N As I have said I am not a sindarin expert. Don't expect all the elvish to be perfect. Also, I know this is a common theme, but I wanted to do a young Estel story and this is the plot I thought of. It is not my fault it has been used many times before. I am still a VERY new fanfiction writer. I love praise, but I greatly appreciate constructive critizism as well. (I personally think I could do a lot better on this piece.) I believe that this piece is a bit "shaky" where the writing is concerned so try to tell me places where improvement might be needed, please. Please consider either or both of those when reviewing, if you review. Also, I am very aware that Gilrean did not die when Estel was 5.  I changed it for the sake of the story.

Estel weaved around the elves of Imladris, desperate to get to his father. He had just heard that the Lord Elrond and his sons had just returned from a hunting trip and was extremely excited to see his family once again. Over the past few weeks Estel had learned how to ride his pony, Glorroh, without a saddle(though rather shakily).When Estel was younger he always seemed at peace around Thenidiel, a pony owned by Glorfindel. Glorfindel was Elrond’s great friend and advisor, and would always would be there for Elrond when needed. When Thenidiel gave birth to an energetic young pony, Estel was over-joyed. The pony and Estel were drawn to each other at first sight and Glorfindel gave Estel the golden pony for his birthday.

Estel named the pony Glorroh. Not a very creative name, for it meant Golden Horse in the elvish tongue.(And he believed Glorroh was a horse) For a child of six though, it was the best name that could be given to a pony. For many months he had been trained by his brothers Elladan and Elrohir to ride the young pony. So now, he raced to tell his family that Glorfindel had taught Estel how to ride without a saddle.

Lord Elrond had went straight to his study after arriving home at the Last Homely House in Imladris, or Rivendell as it was often called. Glorfindel had just told Elrond about Estel’s improvement in riding and it put a smile on his tired, over-stressed face. He was thinking of his three sons. Elladan and Elrohir were twins, a rather strange occurrence to the Eldar; the elf-kind. They were the sons of his eternal love, Celebrian. Long ago Celebrian left to Valinor and times were very grievous in Imladris, but Elrond knew that he would one day see Celebrian again, when he too left into the West. Estel was different though. Six years ago, the Arathorn of the Rangers had fallen in battle. He was descended from the Kings of Gondor. His wife, Gilraen, had come to Rivendell injured and scared. In her hands was a young baby named Aragorn. Knowing Aragorn would be hunted all his life, she fled to Imladris seeking protection. Elrond welcomed the child with open arms and named him Estel, which meant hope in the elvish language. And the name fit Aragorn well. For when the time was right, he would be the only hope for the world of men. In many years he would be crowned the King of Gondor. But if the enemy found out that the heir of Gondor still lived, he would surely be killed.

Elrond was jolted out of his reverie to by the sound of his sons energy.

"Ada! I rodeded Glorroh! Ada, I did good!" Estel said as he embraced his father with such a force great enough to knock him over.

"Estel! Estel, please, I can’t breathe!" Elrond laughed as he stood up with the child still clinging to his shoulders.

"I missed you, Ada. Did you hunt well? Did you catch anything? Can I go next time? Did Elrohir shoot Elladan again?" Estel questioned as his father sat down.

Elrond had been feeling a little drowsy the past few days. He wasn’t going to tell anyone though. He guessed that his older sons and Glorfindel had noticed his lack of eating and extreme exhaustion already. It was from all the work he had been doing the past few months. Considering that Estel’s mother had died, and that Estel had been needing comfort and understanding, it had been hard on the ruler of Imladris. Elrond and the elves didn’t know anything about death. They were immortal. And seeing Gilraen die, had put a hole in Elrond’s heart, for it reminded him that the young child he had grown to love would one day die.

A/N: Did I mention that the chapters were short? Sorry!

Disclaimer: See chapter 1.

A/N I personally believe this is the worst chapter... everyone look for ideas to fix it. 

Chapter 2 An Inconvenient Time

“Ada?" questioned Estel. Elrond looked at the child and smiled.

"No, Estel. Nothing dramatic happened during the trip. Actually it was incredibly dull. You wouldn't want to go next time," he said. And then his voice wavered. Elrond saw the heir of Isildur smile before his vision clouded and he fell unconscious.

"ADA!" screamed Estel. He had been in his father's lap when Elrond fell out of his chair and onto the floor.
Fear for his father made him scream with everything he had, rather than the broken arm that he'd received from the fall. "ADA!"

Elladan was talking with Elrohir about their father's failing health, when they heard their brother scream. They were in a different hallway, but with their enhanced hearing they heard the terror in his voice, and it was terrible. And really loud. They ran out of Elrohir's room and headed straight for Elrond's study. Glorfindel ran into them on the way. So, the three elves ran, hoping that nothing was truly wrong.

When they got to the study, they saw Estel sobbing beside his father's prone body and holding his arm. Elrond's face had turned pale and his body felt hot. Elladan picked up Estel and cradled him in his arms, gently checking the injured arm. He and his brother had been trained in the healer arts by their father so he recognized a break when he saw it and knew how to set the broken bone. However, concern for his father's condition clouded his judgement, causing him to delay in giving the child the immediate treatment that he needed..

"We were just talkin' and he-he collapsed. Is he alright? Was it my fault? He won't die will he. Amme died, Ada can't die also. Please let him be alright," Estel cried in fear. Elladan comforted Estel and told him it would be okay.

"Hush child! I am trying to concentrate. I know you're worried but just stay silent!" said Glorfindel. He hadn't meant for it to sound harsh, but it did. He was just worried about his friend and didn't realize how much his words had hurt Estel. No one had said it *wasn't* his fault. So Estel laid the guilt of the incident on his own soul.

He wiggled out of Elladan's arms and quietly said, "I'm sorry, Glorfy," before running out of the room with a speed that no six year old should have possessed.

"Glorfindel! He thinks it is his fault. He doesn't know that Ada has been refusing to eat and take care of himself for a while now. It just happened out of the blue, he didn't expect it!. It was fast for him. Too fast. From his eyes, it seems like since he was with Ada when it happened, it is his fault," said Elladan.

"Just like he believed it with Gilraen," added Elrohir.
Angry now, Elladan said, "And if he runs off, he could get badly hurt. And he has a broken arm that must be set right away. You never should have yelled at him!" With that said, he took off running down the hall in search of his injured little brother.

Not seeing any signs of his brother, he headed out into the forest hoping that Estel had gone the same way.
Elrohir and Glorfindel exchanged glances, before Glorfindel realized how Estel had taken his lecture. He looked down in shame.

“Ro, did it really sound like that?”

“Yes, it did, Glorfindel. Don’t worry though, Elladan’s going after him, it should be alright.”

“I just don’t want Estel frightened of me. It hurts when young children aren’t happy. And he has had to deal with so much already.”
Without another word, the two elves began seeing to Lord Elrond.
 

Estel knew his brother was looking for him, but at the moment he didn’t want to be found. ‘What will I do if Ada dies.’ Estel could hardly think about it. The being that took him in, who treated him like his own son, could possibly die. It was preposterous, impossible.

“Elves aren’t supposed to die.” he said to himself.

Shaking his head clear of those thoughts he focused on putting one foot in front of the other. It was getting harder to do that, though. It was harder to breath, his arm ached painfully, and he was worried about his father. He just wanted to collapse upon the ground and never move again. His legs refused to do what his mind told it to, and the grief-stricken six year old ran until he thought he really would pass into the Halls of Mandos.. Finally falling in a heap upon the ground, he cried. Sobbed, actually. It had been the first time that he cried since his mother’s death. Even then, tears wanted to fall, but Estel would not let them, refusing to show human weakness to the people that he called his family. He cried for his dead mother. He cried for his supposedly dead father. He cried for his current predicament , and still he cried for no apparent reason at all. The tears just kept coming.

Seeking shelter from the rain that threatened to pour down, (which had also come down earlier) Estel crawled over to a tree and rested himself between two of its protruding roots. Hopefully, the branches would shield the child from the rain.

“Amin mela lle, Adar,” Estel finally murmured weakly, before crying himself to sleep.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
‘Where have you gone off to, Estel nin?’ Elladan thought to himself. The child was learning quickly, he had ran where other tracks had been, causing poor Elladan to take the time to figure out which set of prints belonged to his brother. Elladan knew that in the future, when Estel was more experienced, they would not be able to find him if he did not want to be found. Already he was making it hard for the elf. A set of rabbit, squirrel, fox, and human prints were all mixed in a jumble of nature’s art in the mud.

Elladan finally found the prints he needed and took off after them. It hadn’t taken long to figure out, Estel was running, making his prints less noticeable. All the others had been walking and their prints were implanted deeper into the ground. He hoped his father was alright, in his heart he knew he was and this was just a minor dilemma, but his younger brother had taken it so seriously. None of them had expected that of the young adan. Though Glorfindel probably did have something to do with it.

“Glorfindel could be so stupid sometimes.” Elladan thought bitterly. “He had no right to accuse Estel.” Another part of his brain told him, “ He didn’t accuse Estel. Estel just took it that way.”

He would be having a little ‘chat’ with the advisor when this whole situation was all over.
That is, of course, if he was still alive after Elrond dealt with him. Elladan nearly laughed at the thought.

“Alright, Estel where are you?” he called.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Elrond’s first thought when he woke was how come he couldn’t see. A few seconds later he realized he had his eyes closed. His next was why he heard voices that could have possibly come from the dark lord himself. He groaned when he finally found himself opening his eyes to his three friends arguing. Glorfindel and Erestor were definitely ‘having it out.’ Faelon was arguing with them to take it outside, or talk about it later. As a result he got reprimanded by the two friends for interfering and they argued over another subject entirely.

He groaned again and he heard a voice say, “Pitiful, isn’t it? And these are the people you put in charge of our studies?” Elrond turned his head to see his son holding his hand and grinning mischievously at his father.

He grunted in reply.

“My friends!” he tried to say but his voice wouldn’t work. He heard something resembling a gasp come out of his mouth. Elrohir quickly went to get him a glass of water.

After drinking the whole glass down, he tried again.

“My friends!” the three elves finally stopped bickering at their lord’s voice and looked at him surprised he was awake.

“I believe Faelon is right in this argument. Please take it to the kitchens or something where my poor ears can enjoy the silence and not have to deal with grown adults bickering like elflings.”

Seeing the astonished looks on Glorfindel and Erestor’s faces, Elrond was unable to hold in his small chuckle. Elrohir was practically falling of his chair, in laughter. Faelon just smiled at the two.

“Once again, mellyn nin, I am right and you two have lost.” he said. Obviously there was an inside joke between the three elves.

“Anyone care for poker?” grunted Erestor. Though, he was completely serious.


Elrond just smiled before his stomach grumbled in defiance. Glorfindel quickly made his way over to his lord.

“When was the last time you ate something, my lord?” he asked.

Elrond had to think about that statement for a few minutes before finally coming to the conclusion that he had no idea. He told Glorfindel this and Glorfindel exited the room giving Elrohir a pleading look. Elrohir nodded. These gestures did not go unnoticed by Elrond and he frowned at his son.

His vision still being blurry he felt his face turn red, “El, I am so sorry but my vision still isn’t great and I can’t tell which one you are. I’m sorry.”

Elrohir chuckled, “ Wow! I could definitely pull a prank out of this one.”

Elrond frowned at him again.

“Ro, “ he said showing him the jewelry upon his wrist. True enough, there was Elrohir engraved in one of the fine bracelets.

Elrond nodded and thought to himself that they still could’ve exchanged bracelets before he woke. It wasn’t like they hadn’t done that before.

He was wondering where the twin was. He hadn’t seen Elladan, ( Elrohir) since after they arrived home from the hunting trip. He was about to ask where Elladan (Elrohir) was, when Glorfindel came in caring a tray of pastries and fruit. Glorfindel was actually a great cook. Elrond knew by the smell that Glorfindel had made these himself. Only his very close friends knew of his hobby. He didn’t want people to know that when he was upset, he cooked instead of practicing with his knives, as they, meaning his troops and people, believed.
Elrohir (Elladan) moved away from the bed and went to get himself cleaned up. He had never changed from his hunting clothes, he hardly had the chance. After Elrond collapsed, Elrohir could not bring himself to leave his father’s side. He had been wearing dirty clothes for the past few hours.

“Yes, go clean yourself up. Your brother would surely make a joke of you looking like a
warg with cleanser.” Glorfindel told him. Elrohir just smiled.

After the twin left Elrond looked up at his advisor and asked, “which one was that?”

“Ro.”

“Just making sure.” Glorfindel laughed also remembering that time.

“Now, mellon nin, what do you remember?”

Elrond sighed. "Not a lot, actually. I remember Erestor telling me that a letter from Mirkwood arrived yesterday and that I should probably take a look at it. I remember Estel coming-" he trailed off. Elrond felt his heart beat fast and his stomach drop.

"Glor, where is Estel?" Elrond whispered in panic. He suddenly remembered Estel sitting on his lap and smiling at something before he passed out.

"Where is my son, Glor?"

"We are not sure, Elrond."

At this time Elrohir entered once more. He saw the looks that passed between Elrond and Glorfindel. He sat down next to Glorfindel, and together they began to tell the tale of how Elrond now lay on his bed still fairly ill with two of his children missing.
~*~*~*~

"Estel took it as a lecture and that you blamed him? Thats unlike him." Elrond mentioned.

"Father, it brought back memories of his mother."

"But of course it did, please continue. And Glor, I will be talking to you later." Elrond said before glaring at his advisor.
Elrohir continued.
~*~*~

"Where are you, tithen-muindor?" Elladan thought. It had been the 100th time exactly that he had thought that thought within the last three hours. He found the tracks, that he had lost at least 7 times, again, and moved after them.

After what seemed like only a few minutes, Elladan found a small form cradled into itself, lying between to tree roots.

"Of course, Estel, it just had to be this tree." Elladan sighed. Putting that thought behind him, he made his way over to his little brother. He felt his heart drop as his brother didn't move at all. Finally able to grasp the situation he realized his brother was only sleeping.

"He's just sleeping. Only sleeping." Elladan said to convince himself.

"Estel, muidor nin, please wake up." Elladan whispered to his mortal brother whose eyes remained firmly shut.
Elladan carefully picked up the small human, being mindful of his broken arm, and turned his steps toward home and the healers who would help the child. He walked as quickly as he could without jostling the injured boy, but the trip seemed to take forever since he was so worried about his little brother.

"My lords", one of the house elves said as he hurried to Lord Elrond's chambers, "your son approaches the house and he has the child with him."

Elrond started to swing his legs off the bed to stand up but was stopped by both Glorfindel and Elrohir.

"Nay, Elrond", Glorfindel stated firmly, "you are in no condition to get up. I know that you are worried about Estel, but you have many healers here that you have trained personally. The best of whom are your own sons. Let them see to the boy. Once his broken arm is set, they can bring him here for you to see for yourself that he will be alright."

"Yes, Ada, please listen to Glorfy. Let 'Dan and me tend to Estel", Elrohir piped up. "We know what to do to fix his arm. We'll bring him to you before we put him in his own bed. One of us will be with him until he's able to get up again."

Elrond saw the wisdom in their words, but that didn't mean that he had to like it. "Make up a cot for him in here", he commanded. "It's my face he needs to see when he awakens, to reassure him that I'm all right."
Elrohir raced down the stairs to meet his brothers and followed Elladan to the Healing Hall. While Elladan was removing the dirty clothing from the tiny body, Elrohir prepared a sleeping potion to give the child to keep him from awakening while they were re-breaking his arm so that they could set it properly. They didn't want to take the chance of Estel waking up during the procedure which would be very painful. Elladan sat on the edge of the bed and held his little brother's body propped against him while Elrohir administered the medicine. Since Estel was still unconscious, Elrohir carefully forced the mixture down his throat, making sure not to give him too much at a time and causing him to choke.

Once they were sure that their little brother wouldn't awaken, they performed the tasks necessary to repair the broken limb. That done, Elladan carefully picked up Estel again and the three brothers left the Healing Halls for their father's room.

Elrond had had an uncomfortable talk, for Glorfindel at least, with the Captain while his elder sons were busy with the child.

With relief, Glor looked up when the twins entered the room.

“How is he faring?”

Elrohir replied, “He'll be fine, Glor. You can relax now. Did Ada talk to you?” he asked with a cheeky grin.
Glorfindel rubbed his face and said, wryly. “Aye, 'Ro. We talked, or rather he talked and I just listened. When do you think that Estel'll wake up? I need to apologize to him.”

“Maybe in another hour. Why don't you check back then,” Elladan grinned.

Glorfindel nodded and left the small family together, quietly closing the door behind him.

“Bring him to me, ion nin. Let me hold him in my arms for a while before you put him on the cot.” Elrond held out his arms for his youngest son.

“I am so sorry, pen-tithen,” he whispered in the unconscious child's ear as he cradled him in his arms. “I'm sorry I scared you. Please wake up and smile at me. I need to know that you forgive me for scaring you like that.”
~*~*~
Due to the fact that Estel was small for his age, and completely worn out from his flight of panic, the sleeping potion didn't wear off for nearly two hours. Meanwhile, his father and brothers anxiously watched over him, quietly talking amongst themselves. Glorfindel peeked in after an hour had passed, but didn't disturb them and quietly left again.

“Ada!” Estel suddenly screamed and sat upright on his cot, frightening the three elves in the room. The boy started sobbing, certain that his father was dead. When he tried to cover his face with his hands, he realized that his broken arm had been bound tight against his chest to keep him from moving it. Looking around in a panic, he spotted his father, anxiously staring at him, arms outstretched.

“Ada!” the boy cried in surprise and tried to get off the cot only to find that his legs weren't willing to support him.

“Take it slowly, tithen-muindor,” Elladan chuckled. “We had to give you a sleeping drought so that we could set your broken arm. You'll feel funny for a little while.”

Elladan quickly moved to his little brother and picked him up, yet again, and carried him to Elrond's bed.

The small human wrapped his arms around Elrond and started sobbing once more. “Ada, I'm sorry you got hurt. It's all my fault,” the child cried onto his father's chest.

“Hush, now, Estel nin. It is not your fault. Rather, it is I who must beg your forgiveness. Can you forgive a foolish old Elf who forgets to eat when he is supposed to? That is all that it was, ion nin. I had missed too many meals while I was away and simply passed out from hunger. Truly, pen neth, it was never your fault.” Elrond hugged the trembling child and rubbed his back in circles to soothe his tears.

At that moment, Glorfindel looked in again, but decided that this was not the time to give an apology to the boy, so he sadly walked down the desolate hall again.
“ I hope he forgives me as easily as he forgives his father.” He thought aloud.

 

"How's Adar, Elladan?" asked Elrohir as he sorted through the papers of Imladris. He was given the duty to go through them, put signatures on them, and send them off. Basically he was given the job of what Elrond did in his free time.

"He is doing a lot better. He says that he can probably start working soon. He just wants to make sure Estel gets over the scare." Elladan said confidently.

Elrohir's face turned downcast as he voiced his thoughts. "I don't think he will ever forget that, ‘Dan. He thought his father was dead. That is not something you get over too quickly. I do not know what I would have done if we lost him." Elladan was unsure whether the last bit was referring to Elrond or Estel, but he knew that whoever it was it was causing his brother great turmoil.

Giving his brother a hug, he said trying to get his brother's mind off the subject, “Cheer up, little brother! All will be well soon."

"’Dan, how do you think Glor is doing?" Elrohir asked. Elladan had hoped to avoid this subject; ‘Ro had to think of everything!

"’Ro, I haven’t really seen much of him. He spends his time in the kitchen and he doesn't talk to anyone."

"He needs help."

~*~*~

"Ada! 'Dan told me that you could draw on the cast! Will you draw a picture for me?" Estel asked eagerly.

Elrond was sitting comfortably in a chair and drinking some light wine. Estel had been eager for some action in the house ever since the accident. Everyone was acting so downcast.

"Estel, maybe you should ask Glorfindel to do it, he's a much better artist than I am." Elrond said. It was his first step in trying to get Estel to feel comfortable around the elf lord again. It wasn't only for Estel, it was also for Glorfindel. Elrond hadn't seen Glorfindel since the "lecture." He had heard, through rumors, that Glorfindel was always in the kitchens cooking various entrees. Unfortunately, Estel's face fell at the recommendation. He apparently didn't want Glorfindel to draw on his cast.

"But Ada! I want you to do it. Please?" Estel asked pleadingly. Elrond did not have the heart to say no so he put on a smile and started to draw a scene of the Peredhil family, including Estel, on the cast.

Estel was quite patient for an 8 year old human while Elrond took at least 2 hours to complete the drawing. It was their family playing in a glade. Estel was very happy with the outcome and began prancing about the room to the great amusement of Elrond.

"Ada," Estel asked quietly after he had calmed down, “Why did Glorfindel yell at me if you keep saying it wasn't my fault?"

"Young one, Glorfindel did not mean for it to sound like he was blaming you. He was just a little bit worried for me is all. He is very mad at himself for making you sad. I think maybe you should go ask him if you can help cook. It might make him feel better." Elrond said, hoping again that Estel would feel comfortable to be with Glorfindel.

Are you sure he would let me help him?"

"I have no doubt, Estel." Estel skipped towards the door then turned around again.

"You're sure you're sure, Ada?"

"Yes, Estel! Now go on." Elrond said laughingly.

Estel made it to the kitchens before he began to get a little unsure of himself. What if Glorfindel wouldn't let him help? What if Glorfy was still mad at him? However, before Estel's musings could change his mind, Glorfindel opened up the door, for he had heard something outside, surprised.

"I-I wanted to help you cook." Estel whispered. As an afterthought he added, "If you'll let me." Glorfindel smiled a little hesitantly, but allowed Estel to enter the kitchens.

The room was a disaster area. The tables were covered with already completed foods: cookies, pies, cakes, cinnamon buns, all the pastries Estel could think of. The counters were covered with pots, pans, dirty mixing sthingys, utensils, and lots of required ingredients. Currently in the oven were some more cookies. The aroma of the pastries filled the whole room and Estel felt himself relax under its scent. He went to Glorfindel, who held out his hand, to help.
~***


Elrond made his way towards the kitchens to see how Glorfindel and his son were doing. He heard laughter coming from the kitchens and assumed that as a sign that everything was alright now.

When he opened the door and all of his sons were there cooking and making the biggest mess ever. Estel had a streak of cookie batter on his face and he was fighting over the sthingys covered in brownie mix with the twins. Glorfindel looked on amused and saw Elrond. He mouthed a thank you before giving the brothers another brownie-mix covered sthingy to end the fight. When Estel saw Elrond he quickly brought him over to an empty table (which surprisingly, still had a few bits of batter from an unknown source on it) and made him sit down.

"Ada, you told me that you collapsed because you weren't eating. I can't let that happen again. So I am going to make sure you eat." Estel said completely serious.

Elrond looked towards the two long tables full of food and his face fell. Elladan and Elrohir broke out in laughter. Glorfindel smirked playfully. They all knew that he had just been served lunch and that he would never be able to eat more than maybe a few cookies before his stomach defied him. They also knew that Estel wouldn't stop until he was completely satisfied. Elrond groaned. It was going to be a very long day.

.





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