Well…I couldn’t leave well enough alone…again. I wrote this tale as two different stories for Marigold’s Challenge 12, but they didn’t get posted. I asked that they not be posted because I sort of sped through them…about halfway through, I realized I had no real conclusion to finish them off with. I was lucky my muse found a clue in the second starter Marigold gave me. I conceded defeat to the Mistress of the Red Pen. I sent them to her so she could see that I didn’t sit on the story starters she sent. Then I read through the “finished product” and was SO glad they didn’t make the list--oh my gosh--the errors! I had started work the week I began writing so I was distracted, though it was my fault for not adhering to the speed limit for writing stories. In all fairness, Marigold encouraged me post them at a later date. So, without further ado…please withhold all tomatoes and lettuce until I can find a Rohan shield…I know there’s one around here somewhere!

Your starter is:"I think...that I am drunk. I think." (I cheated and used the same starter twice)

Disclaimer: Hobbits are not mine, but JRRT’s. He lets me borrow them.

Wee Note: Although this may describe a fair amount of hobbits, in LOTR Merry is portrayed as a capable botanist, having written a long dissertation about his studies in growing pipeweed, herbs, and other plants. In my tales, I depict his cousin Merimas as a healer…with a well-known passion for concocting homemade medicinal teas.

Synopsis: It is Yule, 1423, and the Tooks are spending the holiday in Buckland at Brandy Hall. The month previous, the Knights of Rohan and Gondor returned home from their duties abroad…bringing back a small souvenir from the Houses of Healing. In this story, the botanist and alchemist come together, but for different purposes. 

BOTANY, ALCHEMY, AND PIPPINOLOGY, Part 1

By Pippinfan 

"I think that I am drunk--I think," said Merry, sipping the steaming water inside the ladle. The contents inside the cauldron had just reached a boiling point.

Many years before, Merimas cleaned out an old root cellar, fashioning himself a workshop of sorts where he could concoct his medicinal mixtures in private. His cousin Merry had always had an interest in the study of plants, although to Merimas, it seemed to blossom after the young hobbit returned from the Wars far south. Merimas gave to Merry a little corner all his own that--over the past year--evolved into an entire section of the laboratory. The laboratory inadvertently became the centre point of activity: Merry researching his plants, Merimas developing them into tinctures, and the both of them generally studying a young tweenager coming into his own, quick-witted and full of a new confidence.

Merimas looked over to his younger cousin, shaking his head. "The day a hobbit gets drunk by tasting boiling water is the day I grow taller than you and Pippin." He leaned in towards Merry, winking, "Taste it again in a couple hours--when it isn’t water anymore!" Just then, Pippin walked through the shop door carrying a small sack. "Took you long enough. Do you have it?" asked Merimas.

"I was caught by the cook’s apprentice," answered Pippin, carefully stepping down the stairs into the cellar-work shop. "She kept asking me questions, like - what was I going to do with a sack of sugar, or where was I taking it…when was I going to bring it back. It was that sort of inquisition."

"Really?" asked Merry, a gleam in his eye. "Tell me, Pip -- what colour eyes did she have, eh? What colour was her apron? Did she smile at all while you two were engaged in meaningless chatter?"

Feeling a bit chagrined, Pippin dropped the sack upon the table in the middle of the room. Slipping his hands in his pockets, he answered, "Grey…blue…and--I guess so."

Merry grinned, raising his eyebrows in question, "You guess so?"

"All right, we both smiled," Pippin confessed. "I was only trying to be kind. It was a ruse--so that I could make off with the sack of sugar."

Merimas wore a grin as he mumbled, "I’ll wager you made off with more sugar than what was in the sack." Pippin chose to ignore that remark, however true it may have been.

Ever since the young soldiers returned from their duties in Rohan and Gondor two weeks ago, the three hobbits worked diligently in Merimas’ laboratory to recreate an elixir Merry had learned of while visiting the Houses of Healing. In Minas Tirith and the rest of Gondor, the herb was known to cure stomach ailments. Intrigued, Merry took a few samples of the plant’s bark back to the Shire to give to his cousin Merimas--a healer who would appreciate his gesture.

Merimas was delighted to learn of his cousin’s thoughtfulness. However, convinced the herb could do more than just calm an ailing stomach,, the lads experimented with it by mixing the herb with a bottle of the Master’s best brandy -- only to see if it enhanced the healing properties, mind you. Cousin Berilac was their guinea pig - unawares, of course. The lads heard him complaining about his "corners" feeling like they were bulging just a bit. All Berilac knew was that some good hobbit left him a bottle of homemade brandy on the table next to his chair in Brandy Hall’s common room.

Observing the more immediate affect of the tonic on Berilac, Merry, Pippin, and Merimas soon discovered the plant truly did soothe an aching tummy. "I feel as if I can breathe much easier," Berilac told Merimas--not knowing he was the subject of intense study. "I thought it was because I loosened the top buttons on my breeches. This is a most excellent bottle." Berilac turned the bottle in his hand, looking for a label. He asked, "I wonder who left it here?" Then cackled, "Obviously for me to enjoy!" Later on -- unknown to the herb-critics, the poor hobbit dared not leave the immediate vicinity of the privy. It seems that this particular herb not only soothed the stomach, but also cleaned it out. It sort of…got things moving.

Afterwards, Merry suggested that they produce their own version of the brandy-tincture, using the healing herbs mixed in during the process, not before or afterwards. He had a scheme to borrow his father’s still from one of the auxiliary kitchens. Pippin frowned at his cousin’s idea. "Uncle Sara will kill us if he finds out we took one of his stills--not to mention what my own father will do to me."

"And they’re not going to find out, will they, Pippin? All enterprising hobbits have to start somewhere," Merry stated, justifying the secret endeavour. "And don’t say anything to Merimas, or he’ll never get this project started. Now, instead of just standing there watching me work, why don’t you give me a hand with making sure everything is in order?"

A half hour later, all the ingredients had been sorted out upon the shop table, including the dried out bark of the plant. Merimas had already taken inventory of everything earlier while Pippin was away filching the sack of sugar from the Hall’s larder.

Presently, Merry sat in a wooden chair at the fireplace stirring the bark-like substance boiling in the cauldron. Merimas stepped up to check on the progress. "How long has it been boiling?"

Merry checked his pocket watch, "Almost ten minutes."

"Did you add some of the sugar Pippin brought?" asked Merimas. Merry nodded. "Good," said the elder cousin. "Let it simmer for another ten minutes. By then the still should be up and working. Remind me to thank your father later."

"Don’t bother," Merry replied nervously. "I’ll tell him for you."

An hour later, after Merimas and Pippin assembled the apparatus on top the cooker, the lads were well on their way to making the finest "healing" brandy in the Shire. As the captured vapours filled the holding container, BB&T Restorative Remedy was born.

"Who’s going to be the first to try it?" asked Pippin, holding the first mug-full of the product.

"I am, you ninny," answered Merry. "I’m the one who’s been sitting and stirring this mess for half the day!"

Grinning, Merimas asked, "And how are you lads going to be able to assess the herb? I will taste it first." And so it began--each hobbit, in his turn, tasted the fruit of their labours.

Four hours later…

"Lads?" Saradoc peered through the entryway of the laboratory. He turned to Paladin standing behind him, "I don’t hear them."

Gazing through the doorway, Paladin narrowed his green eyes, focussing on the crackling fire in the hearth. "But Pippin told me he would be down here with Merry and Merimas. A fire has been built--they’re here somewhere."

"Well…let’s go in and have a look around," offered Saradoc. Carefully they walked into the room, watchful as to where they stepped or what they touched in the laboratory. The hobbits both stopped in their tracks at the same time--spotting the acquired still sitting upon the cooker. "That’s mine!" gasped Saradoc, frantically pointing at the device on the cooker, then towards the empty bottles of wine lined up neatly on the table. "And--and--those, too!"

Paladin grinned, "Looks as if your lads have put one over on you."

Saradoc turned on his heels, "They’re your lads, too! Pippin is your son and Merimas is your son-in-law."

"Pippin?" Paladin asked, taking a seat at the shop table. "What makes you think Pippin is the middle of all this? My son knows better."

"Does he now?" Saradoc grinned. With a nod, he motioned for Paladin to look at the table chair next to him. Draped over its back was Pippin’s beloved scarf.

Humbled--and worried, Paladin looked to his brother-in-law, "Where do you think they could have gone?"

TBC…in Part 2

Starter: "Do you have any buns?"

Disclaimer: Hobbits are not mine, but JRRT’s. He lets me borrow them every day. 

Synopsis: Part 2 - The ramifications of Merry’s choice in Part 1.  

ALCHEMY, BOTANY, AND PIPPINOLOGY, Part 2

By Pippinfan

"Do you have any buns?" Estella asked her mother-in-law. "Or cheese? It would go well with this lovely brandy." The face of Esmeralda blurred for a moment then came back into focus. Stella knew right away that she had one too many glasses of the new brandy, but that was of no consequence. Was it indeed just one glass? No matter--she was a lightweight anyway; a cheap date for Merry when he was courting her.

"Of course I have-- I sit on them all the time!" Pervinca cackled; she had been keeping up with her good friend Stella. Pervinca wasn’t much of a drinker, either.

"I said ‘BUNS’--not bums!" Laughter roared around the table.

"It’s supposed to be aged," Saradoc put in, re-filling Esmeralda’s glass while she passed the platter of biscuits and buns to Stella. "but it tasted fair enough, and since we were having this little impromptu get-together, I decided it was all right to sneak a taste."

In the Master’s private dining hall sat the Master of Buckland, his wife Esmeralda, their daughter-in-law Estella, Thain Paladin II of the Shire and his wife Eglantine, and last, but not least, their daughter Pervinca--wife of Merimas Brandybuck.

"They completely burglarised you, Sara," said Paladin. He set back in his chair sniffing the fine bouquet of the dark liquid then swirled it around inside his glass. "Stolen your vintage wine and one of your own Stills--for what? To invent their own label! We never had that sort of cheek in our youth." Neither Paladin nor Saradoc were wet behind the ears when it came to consuming strong drinks.

"No--you were much worse," Esmeralda quipped, then burst out laughing. Tina, her dearest friend and wife of the Thain, laughed right along with her. These hobbit-women imbibed only at special occasions, however, with it being the Yule holidays, Essie and Tina decided to let their hair down and have some fun. What is more, these matrons were much more practised when it came to sipping brandy than their young counterparts--except for today.

"Well, we’ve burglarised them in return," Saradoc replied to Paladin. Together, the two hobbits raised their glasses in a toast before emptying them.

* * *

All at once, three young hobbits burst through the door of the laboratory, staggering down all three steps of the staircase–quite the obstacle for a drunk hobbit. Pippin wearily collapsed on the mat near the fireplace, "I haven’t felt this empty in a long time!"

"Neither have I," said Merimas, then looked at his cousin. "What in the Overheavens did you bring home with you?"

"Nothing," Merry answered defensively. "Just something the healers used on their own folk. Ioreth said it’s for stomach ailments."

Pippin felt more grumbling in his intestines. "Well, the last I looked, my stomach didn’t reach all the way to my --"

"We get the idea, Pippin," said Merry, sitting uncomfortably in the chair.

Merimas gave out a sudden cry. "Where is it?"

"Where’s what?" Merry asked.

"Everything!" shouted Merimas. "The still is gone -- and so is our brandy!"

Pippin gaped at his friends. "Why are you looking at me? I didn’t say a word!"

Merry gulped, "I’m really going to be sick."

* * *

The next evening, inside the conference room of Brandy Hall sat nine hobbits in complete silence. If a pin dropped, they all would have jumped. Everyone’s innards had stopped grumbling -- and moving…for now. At least, until the next round of BB&T Restorative Remedy was consumed.

"Well…," said Pippin. He folded his arms across his chest, feeling a tad confident this evening. "Seems we’re all at an impasse."

"Impasse?" asked Saradoc, staring at his nephew in disbelief. "I don’t call pinching one of my stills and a dozen bottles of my best wine an ‘impasse’." He watched Merimas and Merry squirm uneasily in their seats. Estella and Merry were newlyweds, so Stella held her beloved’s hand under the table in quiet support, believing all of this had to be some sort of mistake. Pervinca…well, she was another matter; she was a Took. She joined her mother and aunt in glaring at the lads. It was apparent that poor Merimas slept on the couch last night. Pippin had a lass-friend that he was courting on and off this past year, however, she was a safe distance away in the Northfarthing visiting her own family for Yule.

Pippin was a bit nervous, however, he stood his ground. "But Uncle, you and my father walked into the private workshop of Merimas and Merry without leave. Isn’t that called trespassing?"

Check. Saradoc met Pippin’s gaze. "Since when has it become customary to perform experiments on other hobbits--without his or her leave? Why didn’t you just come out and ask Berilac if he wanted to sample an entire bottle of medicine that would empty his bowels, hmm? Because he would say ‘no’?" Pippin cast a miserable glance to his co-conspirators; things weren’t going as good as he thought. Saradoc sat back in his chair, feeling vindicated by his argument. "I thought so." Checkmate.

Suddenly, the dam broke; all three lads were speaking at once. The rest of the family joined in the chorus. The din was interrupted by a knock upon the great double doors. A servant came inside the room, addressing Merimas. He announced that another hobbit was out in the hallway who wanted to speak privately with him.

"Perhaps there is value to both points of view," Pervinca said to Pippin, as her husband left the room. "Yes, father and Uncle Sara went into the shop without Merry or Merimas being there, but you have to admit that you lads should not have taken Uncle’s Sara’s still, nor his best wine without at least proposing your idea first. That way, none of us should be in the fix that we are now."

"You’re right," said a repentant Merry. He stood up, "I took your wine and gear without asking, dad.. I wanted to surprise you -- that I could create and manage a business venture without your help. I suppose I got carried away with the prospect of being independent. Folks would know me for who I am, not for who my father is." His felt Estella give his hand a gentle squeeze.

"And," Pippin decided to add his confession, "I’m the one who nicked the sack of sugar from the kitchens." He watched his uncle for a dreadful reaction. "I’m sorry, Uncle Sara."

All eyes were on Saradoc to see what his reaction would be. For a long moment he wore a frown, then finally spoke. "I agree with Pervinca," From now on, though," he said to the lads, "no more experiments without the proper authority to do so, and no more burglarising my wine cellar or anything else that belongs to me without my permission. Though as Master of the Hall, I retain the right to walk inside your workshop if I have reason to. However, in normal situations, I will not walk further than the stairway if no one is about." He paused. "I accept your apologies, and I ask that you receive mine."

When Saradoc finished speaking, Merimas returned from his hallway meeting. He wore a wide smile as he went on, "Guess what?" he spoke to the entire family. "Someone just placed an order for ten bottles of BB&T." Then his smile waned, his hands fidgeting upon the table. "But I had to tell him that business had come to a halt pending a decision from the Master of the Hall." When Merry brought his cousin up to speed on what transpired while he was out, Merimas looked round at the faces in disbelief. "Then, sir," he asked Saradoc, "may we please borrow your still to produce the additional stores needed?" This time the borrowing would be for real.

"Very well," answered Saradoc, then grinned. "Ensure you properly label your bottles this time."

Pippin yelled out, "Lets all go to the workshop and celebrate with a toast!" Of course, he was jesting, though he withstood a lot of jabs in the arm for that remark. Instead, most folks mumbled their reactions of "Bad idea, Pip" or "No, thank you" as they all merrily went on to other activities.

The End