Stay With Me

Beta by Llinos

"No, Gandalf. Not Pippin, not my little lad. Is there nothing to be done? Can't Aragorn help him?"

Merry's knees shook, and he sank down on some bags of grain. Around him the hustle and bustle of the ship from Minas Tirith unloading supplies went unnoticed. Gandalf, who had come to meet him and bring him word of his kin, both bad news and good, knelt before him and reached out to brush the tears from the hobbit's white cheeks. Being forced to wait in the White City for the doom of the world and the doom of those that he loved most had been hard on Merry, yet no matter what dreadful scenarios had run through his mind, this, the reality, was more than he could bear.

"Aragorn has done what he could, Merry-lad. Pippin is so badly hurt… Merry, there comes a time when we all must leave Middle-earth." Tears stood in the old wizard's eyes as Merry flung himself into his comforting embrace. "There, there my lad. It is hard, I know. He has suffered such pain, poor little lad, perhaps it will be a mercy Merry, when he finds his rest. We think that he lingers only to bid you farewell. But Merry, there is always hope." He let Merry cry for a few moments, murmuring soothing nonsense, and finally Merry quieted and took a hitching breath.

"Where is he Gandalf?"

"I will take you to him if you are ready."

"I will never be ready for this." He stood and scrubbed at his cheeks. "I held my Pip when he was scarcely an hour old, and I have loved him ever since, so much that sometimes I thought my heart would burst from it. It is more than I can bear Gandalf, that now I might hold him as he leaves this life."

Gandalf stroked his hand through Merry's curls. "Yet bear it you will, my brave lad, for you love him too much to fail him now. Come, Meriadoc, Pippin waits for you."

It was nearing dusk, and Merry was exhausted. He was alone in the tent, but for Gandalf, and Pippin, lying deathly pale and still on his cot. Legolas and Gimli had been there when Merry arrived, and had embraced him and murmured things he did not comprehend, all his attention on Pippin. They had gone now, to give him privacy. Aragorn had come in at some point, with heartening news about Frodo and Sam, and Merry had thanked him distractedly, only really aware that Pippin needed him at this moment, more than Frodo and Sam. After examining Pippin, Aragorn bent and kissed Merry's curls and whispered, "He fights still, Merry. But there is no change."

Now, several hours later, Pippin still fought, and did not seek the release from pain that Aragorn and Gandalf had thought he might. Even after Merry had come to him, he lingered, delirious and unaware, but still needing to cling to the tenuous thread of life, knowing there was still more, that he had not finished.

Merry whispered words of comfort, and stroked Pippin's hand but his cousin made no sign. Merry ran his fingers over scars barely visible on Pip's fingers; scars nothing like those that his little cousin would bear should he somehow survive. Pippin had got them when he was ten, adding wood to their little camping fire. Merry turned the hand over, and lightly traced a thin scar on the palm, the result of borrowing Merry's knife to clean fish without asking if he might. He had been, what? Fifteen? Merry had given him a knife of his very own on his birthday that year, presented with serious lectures and lessons as to its correct use. How pleased Pippin had been!

Even when Merry had only been a child himself, Pippin had been such an important part of his life. What would be the use of going on without him? What would be the point of returning home if Pippin could not go with him? Merry felt the Shadow growing on him again, and felt a chill pass through his arm. He gave a ragged gasp. This was too much, it was all just too much and Merry lay his head down on the cot and wept.

Gandalf watched Merry in helpless sorrow. He could sense the Shadow that clung to the hobbit, seeking to devour him. Meriadoc was strong, and brave, but losing Pippin might be too much for the lad to bear, and the Shadow could easily claim him yet, perhaps sooner, perhaps later, without the bright spot that was Pippin to keep the evil at bay. Gandalf feared for Merry, perhaps even more than he feared for Pippin.

Then Pippin stirred, the first deliberate movement he had made since Merry had arrived and Merry's head shot up immediately. Gandalf leaned forward intently. The Shadow seemed to dissipate slightly with Pippin's tiny movement.

"Pippin?" Merry whispered, hoping against hope. "Pip, it's Merry."

There was no answer, just the sound of Pippin's laboured breathing, but his eyes opened slightly, and he gazed at Merry. Merry gasped and tried not to clutch Pippin's hand in desperation. He was shocked out of his tears as, with noticeable effort, one finger clutched feebly around his own.

"That's right, Pippin. I'm here. And Gandalf is here, and Legolas and Gimli are here, and so is Aragorn. He is with Frodo and Sam. They are here, Pippin, and they are going to be all right. It is done." Merry felt the almost imperceptible pressure on his fingers again and his heart almost stopped from sheer happiness. Merry almost laughed. "No, I am not making it up. They are alive Pippin, truly." Gandalf smiled. Often he had noticed that for all Pippin was a chatterer, Pippin and Merry could be seen to hold entire conversations with naught but what seemed to be a casual glance passing between them.

"Well, Pippin, if you doubt my word you shall just have to get better and see for yourself." Merry smiled through his tears, the cold ache in his arm gone and forgotten. Pippin smiled back, just the merest crook of his lips.

"Believe you Merry," Pippin whispered. "Can we go home now?"

"Soon, Pip. You have to get better first. So do Frodo and Sam."

Pippin's eyes closed wearily. "All right then. Merry?"

"Yes my Pip?"

"Don't leave…" It was the barest whisper.

Merry tucked the blanket in around his little cousin. "Oh, Pippin, I won't move from this spot. "

Pippin gripped Merry's hand with more strength than his cousin would have given him credit for. "…not what I meant…promsis Mer!"

A bit bewildered, Merry smiled at their childhood word, and promised. "I won't leave you Pippin. Not ever."

This seemed to satisfy Pippin and he fell into a deep slumber, one far more natural than he had been in before he had awakened. Merry again laid his head upon the cot, this time with his heart light as he watched over his sleeping cousin. There would be a long period of healing, but Pippin would recover. He could scarcely believe it. Only a few minutes ago Merry had felt there was no point to going on, but as Gandalf had said, there was always hope. Merry vowed to himself to try his best never to forget that. Still clutching Pippin's hand he fell into a light doze.

For several hours he slept lightly, waking at any sound or movement from Pippin, then when his cousin had settled again, falling back into his doze. Finally he was brought completely awake by the sound of a yawn and opened his eyes just in time to see Pippin's flutter open.

Pippin grimaced in pain, and tried to settle himself more comfortably, but Merry could see that it was to no avail. He clucked in sympathy and stroked Pippin's cheek.

"I know, my Pip. Just be brave a little longer."

"Yes…" Pippin hissed through clenched teeth.

"That's my lad," Merry whispered. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up at Gandalf. He had been so caught up with Pippin that he had nearly forgotten that the wizard was there, watching over them both. Gandalf smiled at him, then spoke softly to Pippin.

"Well Peregrin. It is past time that you woke up. You have given us all quite a scare."

"I saw them, Gandalf," Pippin breathed. "Just the way that you said…I...I saw the White Shores."

Gandalf smiled gently. "To journey so far and return is quite a feat, young Peregrin."

Pippin clasped Merry's hand tighter.

"Was hard…but couldn't leave...poor Merry behind. Who...who would look after him?"

"Oh, my Pippin." Merry burst into tears again, but this time they were tears of joy rather than despair.

"Don't cry, Merry. I'm all right now."

Merry laughed through his tears. "All right? Peregrin Took, if you are out of that bed in a month I will be most surprised. You are a mess my lad!"

Pippin smiled, though they could see that it cost him, and whispered, "Me? Merry you're a big mess. Grand uniform…but…very messy…untidy hair…dirty face…need to sleep, Merry…"

He closed his eyes tiredly. "And…the Shadow…it's still heavy upon you. I can see it." His breathing became a bit more laboured and he loosened his grip on Merry's hand. "Will… have to look after you," he whispered with effort, clearly reaching the end of what little strength he had mustered. "Will defeat…the Shadow…it will not claim you, will not let it. That's why I came back…you need me Merry. Have to look after you now…you have looked after me, my whole life. Love you Merry. Would never take the easy way… leave you to fight this alone."

Merry looked at Pippin solemnly. "I have always needed you Pippin. You are the whole joy of my life." He bent and placed a careful kiss on Pippin's forehead. "Thank you for…for coming back. I would always be in Shadow without my Pip. Rest now. You're tired, and in pain, you need to sleep and get better."

"Yes…sleepy." His eyes slid closed again. "Promise me that you will...rest as well, Merry…"

"I promise Pip. I will come straight back here and rest just soon as I've been to see Frodo and Sam."

"All right. But I won't sleep well unless you are here with me, so mind that you come right back." He opened one eye and fixed it on Merry, and Gandalf bit back a chuckle. Merry's anxiety that Pippin rest comfortably would bring him back to find his own rest faster than anything anyone else could say.

Merry squeezed his hand once more and headed for the entrance, then paused, uncertain. "Pip..?"

"It's all right Merry, Gandalf… will stay with me." Indeed Gandalf had already taken the hand that Merry had been holding, and was settling into the chair.

"Go on, Meriadoc. The guard of honour outside will direct you to Frodo and Samwise. You will find Aragorn with them. He will be glad of your news about our stubborn young Took, and so will Legolas and Gimli."

Merry smiled, but still could not leave. It had been so very, very close. "Pip…Pippin. You won't…" He could not finish his question, but Pippin would understand.

And he did. "I won't...leave, Merry. I will only sleep, I promise. It will be a long time... before I see the White Shores again. We are going...to go there together, you and I, a long, long time from now. I saw it."

Merry did not question Pippin's knowledge, and deep in his heart he knew it to be true.

"Well, that's all right then, just as long as you wait for me." And he went out into the sunshine.

End