My son, I hold you in my arms, newly born and I think my heart could burst with all the love and joy inside me. You are so beautiful! I listen to your cries, but then hear how silent you are in my embrace, looking up at me with eyes so bright and blue I could drown there. Are you trying to memorize everything about me as I am about you?

I touch your fingers and toes, the small tuft of dark hair on the top of your head, the soft down on your feet. I caress ears that are pointed as though you were an Elven child, but no, my beloved son, you are mine!

And the light in you! You are shining so bright. I could stare at you forever. I love you, my darling.

* * *

I would think it was only because I am your mother that I think you are the most lovely child that I have ever seen, but no, everyone who sees you, my dearest one, says the same thing.

You are so curious about your world. Everywhere I carry you, just around home, out to the market or simply for some fresh air, your head is constantly turning this way and that so fast I nearly get dizzy watching you, but you want to make sure you don’t miss anything. I hug you and laugh and you laugh with me and put your little arms around me. You can’t talk yet, but you do have the most beautiful smile and laugh.

I wonder what life will bring you, my beloved child. I know you will meet it all with open arms, whatever it is, with laughter and joy. You are such a happy child.

* * *

You are nine months old now, my Fro-fro. How you giggle when your Da or I call you that! That most delightful sound from the most delightful child. You grow ever more beautiful. I am not the only one who thinks you are touched by Elven blood. Cousin Bilbo wondered about that too from the first time he met you. Of course, he, like everyone else who has met you, is totally enchanted. And you with him, tugging at his ears and hair. He laughed and you giggled and I watched Bilbo fall in love with you as everyone else has. You took to him more quickly than you have to anyone and even fell asleep in his arms. You haven’t done that with anyone else and I was surprised you did it with him, but then I thought of how contented you two looked together. You both had beatific smiles on your faces and you were glowing so bright. I have never seen him look so lovingly at any child the way he looked at you.

If anyone holds you for any length of time, you stare at them very intently with those large, deep eyes of yours and not everyone can stand up to that scrutiny! Everything and everyone interests you, but you are particularly fascinated by buttons on any shirt or cloak, the brighter and the bigger, all the better for you. You love to pull at them and you won’t give up until they are in your hands and I have to be very careful you don’t put them in your mouth which you love to do. You’ve pulled several buttons off your father’s already and your Uncle Saradoc’s and today, Cousin Bilbo’s. You are quite a handful, my dearest, but I love you.

I was grateful that Bilbo had somehow gotten you to sleep because that is something that is getting increasingly difficult to do. You are so curious, so alive and so full of energy, you don’t even want to sleep when your body is exhausted and crying for some relief. You are so afraid of missing anything. Even when you do sleep, your eyes move quickly under your lids and I wonder what you are seeing. You are going to be a early crawler and walker and once you start that I know you won’t stop. You’ll go as far as your legs will carry you.

* * *

You are two today, my darling. The time has gone by so quickly. I had wanted to write down everything you did, all your firsts, but you’ve kept me too busy! Much of what you’ve done I carry only in my heart. You’ve already lost your first tooth, though you are growing others and you are always anxious to eat whatever you can with them. I am enjoying every minute of it.

Or almost every minute. Two months ago, when your sister died at birth, I nearly died as well, but I am recovering. We were at Brandy Hall and your Uncle Sara and Aunt Esme were watching over you in the nursery. When I began to bleed so heavily, the midwife couldn’t stop it and I was afraid the healer wouldn’t come in time, afraid for my daughter who died before she ever took her first breath, afraid for you that you would grow up without your mother, afraid I would never see you again, but the healer came, the blood stopped, though I was very weak and couldn’t rise from my bed for days.

You were, of course, your restless, energetic, lovely self. You had just begun to walk, early as I knew you would, and you toddled over to me when Esme finally let you in to see me. You seemed to know something terrible had happened, though there was nothing to see but the tears your father and I shed. You looked at me very solemnly with your wide, beautiful eyes, crawled up next to me, wiped at my tears and then curled yourself up against me. You took my hand and then fell asleep. I cannot tell you what an immense comfort that was to me to have you there, holding my hand. Amidst my grief, you gave me that happiness, that love. It does not ever cease to pour out of you.

I remember that now because you are doing the same thing now, sleeping at my side, holding my hand. I think you know I still need some extra care in healing my heart and you have shown the same love to your father. Cousin Bilbo will be here soon to help you celebrate your joint birthday. You are so proud of your present to him, but the best one is the one that can’t be wrapped. It is yourself, my sweetest son.

* * *

You are a little over four, my love. And you do not stop! Not walking, not talking, not exploring. I should have known as soon as you started walking, you would start to learn to run inside the house and especially outside. You love to splash around in the River or to jump into piles of leaves in the autumn until you are nearly buried in them or play in the snow. Everyone sees and hears your joy. And mine and your father’s. I sometimes wish you could stay little forever, because I think with your ever-burning curiosity and thirst for new things and intense love for life, that you will soon be gone from our side and see what else is beyond the borders of your little world. You still need us now though and we need you. You’ll tug us along for long walks and even if we are already tired, we follow you and glory in your beauty, your laugh, your joy, your light. You soon have us laughing and chasing after you as you run ahead, arms outstretched, welcoming each new experience. You look back often with those huge smiles of yours to make sure we are following. We always are and I am so glad you are still ours for a while longer. You may belong to others later, but right now you are ours. How can we not follow you?

And you do not stop loving. You are the happiest of all children and we are the happiest of parents. You hug and kiss and laugh and tease. You outshine the sun. Your father and I go to bed exhausted every night, but then so do you.

* * *

You are now five and finally something has been discovered to slow you down. You have found books. Cousin Bilbo brought you one on your shared birthday as his present to you and you just can’t get enough! You’ll crawl into your father’s lap or mine or Bilbo’s and we read to you. Bilbo has much more book learning than your father or I do so it’s mostly picture books we read to you, making up the story, but Bilbo reads from stories with words. I think you are still too young to know the difference from what we make up and what Bilbo actual reads to you. Your father has a tremendous imagination and I know he enjoys the stories as much as you do. Oh, to listen to you together, with all the voices he and Bilbo make up for each character and hear you giggle and beg for more. You love the pictures and are always trying to push the papers ahead to see what happens next. Books fascinate you like no child I’ve ever seen.

* * *

You are a little over seven now, my lovely child and today you discovered the library at Brandy Hall or perhaps I should say it discovered you. Now I think anytime you get ahead of us, we will always know where to find you. The books Bilbo have given you are dog-eared, torn and folded and worn out by all the love and use that you’ve put into them, but now you have so many others to delve into. You had scampered ahead today as always with your inexhaustible energy and we could not keep up. But we ran when we heard a crash from the library. Fearing it was you, we found you buried under half a dozen books. Fortunately they were not heavy ones or you really could have been hurt. Instead you had a huge smile on your face. You sat up and the books spilled off you and you devoured each one, begging for them to be read to you.

* * *

You are eight today, darling. Uncle Bilbo came today for your shared birthday and you couldn’t wait to tug him away to the library. What joy you had to show him all the books! You took down your favorites or begged to be lifted up if they were too high for you and then you read them to him, making up stories for the pictures you saw and asking him to read to you. You can entertain yourself for hours doing that and you certainly entertained him, sitting in his lap and telling him all sorts of tales. He ooh’ed and ahh’ed in all the right places and was quite enchanted. He and Uncle Sara are teaching you to read and you are quite the quick study and your imagination makes up for what your learning still lacks, just like your father. Already your world is expanding. Already you are learning to be on your own. That makes me a little sad at times, but you know how to take that ache away whenever I come for you. You will look up and smile at me, that smile I think is reserved only for me and your eyes will light up even more with such love. You will take my hand, your other hand clutching the latest tale, and you will remind me that you are still my little lad.

* * *

You are just over eleven now, my darling. Your brother would have been born today if he lived, but he’s been dead already two months. You were so excited to have a baby to take care of. As I got bigger, you loved to touch my stomach and talk to him and tell him how much you already loved him. When you kissed my father and I good night, you would also kiss my stomach also. You would smile so brightly and giggle whenever you felt him kick. When I began to bleed, you were taken away from me. You were frightened by something you didn’t understand, though you knew something was wrong. Only when it was all over and the midwife and healer said it was okay for you to come back, did you find out that your brother had died. Maybe we are only meant to have you as our only living child, but I know you will love your sister and brother, even if time steals your memory of them. You cried so hard and I cried with you.

You hardly ever cry. You do sometimes if you scrap your knee and lose a tooth, but not even always then. We used to be so afraid when you’d fall when you were learning to walk, but you’d usually just pick yourself up without a sound and continue on your merry way. I think hearing you cry at your brother’s death was almost as heartbreaking as his death was. But then you buried your little head against me, wrapped your arms around as far as they could go and as much as you needed comfort, I think you knew I needed it too. When you fell into exhausted sleep, you were curled up beside me, your hand firmly in mine. How I love you more and more, my dearling.

* * *

You are nearly twelve now, my beloved son. Twelve! I cannot believe how fast it has all gone by. We have been staying at Cousin Bilbo’s for a few days before returning home to celebrate our anniversary back home. Your father has a grand trip on the Brandywine planned just a month after your birthday and we are so excited. Bilbo’s study full of books and maps are of endless fascination for you and you are also interested in the fact that Mrs. Gamgee, Bilbo’s neighbor, is pregnant with her fifth. She thinks this one is a lad and I heard you shyly tell her how much you would like another brother. She let you touch her stomach and your eyes widened so large. “I felt him kick!” you exclaimed in wonder and joy. I don’t believe your father and I can give you what you seek, my darling, but perhaps you will have a brother anyway.

I love you, my Frodo dear. Your father and I love you so very much.