Title: Crickhollow - March 1420

Author: Anso the Hobbit

Characters: Mainly Merry and Pippin

Timeline: Buckland, March SR 1420

Note: I’m too impatient to wait for betaing when I first have written a story, so it's not been betaed yet.

Disclaimer: Not mine. They just own me.

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PART ONE: A Cousin with Ulterior Motives

”Do you lads have everything you need, then?" Esmeralda Brandybuck said as she surveyed the wagon her son was hitching the two ponies to. It was a cold day in early March and the pale sun was almost hidden behind the cold mist that came from the Brandywine.

"Yes, thank you,” Merry said and fastened the harness a bit tighter. “I think Pippin will be very pleased with that green dresser and we needed more firewood anyway."

Esmie hugged her son and tipped his head down to kiss his brow. “Now you take good care of that cousin of yours and we’ll be up to check on things in a few days. If there's anything you need please don't hesitate to ask. There are several mathom rooms as large as the Great Hall filled with things I haven't looked over in years and I would be happy for the opportunity to do so."

Merry laughed and hugged her back. “We're moving to the other side of the Shire, Mum. I'll be down to talk to Da tomorrow anyway unless Pippin is much worse."

Merry jumped up on the driver’s seat of the wagon, next to where Berilac already sat waiting for him. “Ready?” Berilac asked. Merry nodded and they drove off. It wasn't a long drive and they sat in companionable silence, lost in their own thoughts. Merry's thoughts were on Pippin who was in bed with a nasty cold again. It was the second time this winter and he hadn't recovered fully from the first boot when he was caught out in rain and icy wind after a trip to the Golden Perch and the cold moved from his head to his chest. For the last three days Pippin had been lying in bed coughing and miserable and Merry had gone to and fro to make him as comfortable as possible. They always had a steady stream of visitors at their little house and Merry was glad he hadn’t needed to ride down to the Hall to tell Saradoc that he would be staying at Crickhollow for a few days to look after Pippin.

Mostly, Merry liked the stream of visitors and they never lacked food or company and found many occasions for a party or celebration and so more family and friends filled up the house. It seemed like most of the lasses they knew thought they couldn't manage on their own and often came with pies and bread and other foodstuffs. But at times like this, when Pippin was ill again and he had to manage the housekeeping all by himself Merry wasn’t all that happy with the unstoppable relations. Not that he minded that they came to sit with Pippin for an hour or two of course or even help him out with cooking or other things that needed to be done but both he and Pippin had learned that the nightmares were more frequent when they were ill and not many people knew about the terrors that haunted them in their sleep and they both liked to keep it that way. Merimas had asked more questions than Merry liked yesterday when Pippin had woken trashing and gasping for breath and Merimas had needed to bodily hold him back from jumping out of bed and reaching for his sword. Pippin had managed to avoid telling the complete truth but Merimas wasn’t easily fooled so Merry was not sure he had forgot all suspicions about his cousins not telling the whole truth.

“Ah, here we are," Berilac said and Merry paid attention to the road again and soon the little house he and Pippin shared came into view. They drove up in front of the house and jumped down from the wagon.

“I’ll just go check on Pippin. I’ll be right back," Merry said and pulled off the felt hat head been wearing but kept his cloak and scarf on as it was quite cold for March. The lifting and carrying would warm him up though. He walked through the hall, past the parlour and the kitchen and in to one of the bedrooms in the back. Merry carefully opened the door and peered inside. Pippin lay on his side in the bed wrapped snugly in several blankets and reading a book.

“Hullo, Pip,” Merry said and came fully into the room. “How do you feel?” He walked over to the hearth and put a few more logs on the fire.

“I'm better I think," Pippin said and coughed deeply before taking a sip of water from the glass on his nightstand. "How did the trip go?"

Merry looked at Pippin. His face was flushed with fever and he looked pale beneath the hectic red of his cheeks. He doubted that Pippin was much better but was happy to hear his cousin in good spirits. "Just fine thank you. Berilac came up with me and Mum sends her greetings," Merry said. "They will be up in a few days to check on us." Merry retrieved the empty lunch tray from Pippin’s bedside table and turned to leave. "Is there anything you need right now? We’ll be unloading the wagon and then I will start an early supper I think. It will be too late for tea when we're finished."

“No, thank you. I'm fine Merry," Pippin looked up from his book again and smiled. "Thank you for doing this." He coughed again and snuggled back down, turning back to his reading material. “I think I'll take a nap now."

“You’re welcome, Cousin,” Merry smiled back and took a detour to the kitchen to deposit Pippin’s tray. “Sleep tight.”

Outside Berilac had taken the ponies to the barn and had unfastened all the ropes and started to pull down the sacks of firewood when Merry came back. Merry thought he'd been gone five minutes at the most but with all the work Berilac had laid down he must have been gone at least half an hour.

"How's Pip?" Berilac asked when he heard Merry come back outside. “I was starting to get worried when you didn’t come out at once.”

“I’m sorry about that. He is not as well as he thinks he is," Merry answered and lifted a heavy sack of chopping wood down from the wagon. "He says he's getting better but he's still feverish and lies in his bed. He wants to be better though and I won't deny him that. Two colds in less than a month is something we both thought he was through with now that he's all grown up."

Berilac nodded. He had heard about the Entdraughts and believed them when Merry and Pippin had told him that the strange drink had cured their ills during their travels. Exactly what those ills were Berilac didn’t know and when he had inquired further Merry had only given him a strange look he couldn't comprehend and shaken his head. Obviously there were things Merry and Pippin didn't tell those closest too them, but Berilac was with them now and would observe closely for himself the next few days. He knew Merry had nightmares time and again because he had stumbled upon him one late night when he couldn't sleep himself and had wandered to the kitchens for a cup of warm milk. Merry hadn't seen him and had been startled beyond reason when he saw him and moved to draw his sword, only he didn't carry it with him now, and when he realised what he had done Merry had turned bright red and stuttered an apology about always having to be alert but Berilac had seen a fear in his eyes that lay well beyond the scare of finding a cousin in the kitchens when you thought you were alone.

*****

It took two hours before Berilac and Merry was finished with the unloading and putting the wood, furniture and cart away and by then they were both numb and stiff with cold. They emptied one of the sacks of chopping wood and filled it with already chopped wood from the barn and went into the house. The sun was setting and Merry's stomach rumbled loudly.

“We’d better get some food down you,” Berilac laughed when it complained even louder as they took off their outer garments in the hallway and walked to the cosy kitchen. Merry nodded.

“I’d better get started on supper. If Pippin is as well as he says he is he might want to eat something more solid than the chicken soup and broths he has eaten the last few days."

“Aye. I wouldn’t say no to a good pot of stew myself either," Berilac said and went into the parlour to start the fire there. “He looked happy enough when we put that dresser in his room.”

Pippin had been reading again when Merry and Berilac carried the green dresser into Pippin’s bedroom and he had cheerfully ordered them about from the bed, getting them to put it exactly where he wanted.

Merry went to the pantry and started pulling things out from the shelves and cupboards. He wouldn’t mind a good, hot stew either but through the hunger Merry felt a little uneasy. He pealed some potatoes and carrots while thinking about the act Pippin had put on when they struggled with the dresser and was halfway through chopping them when a sharp pain jerked him back to the present and the kitchen counter. He hadn't been watching what he was doing and mistaken his finger for a carrot. Quickly he went over to the sink, a ewer of water from the bucket beside the sink in the good hand. He surveyed the cut closely. It wasn't long but looked deep. He poured the water over his finger and hissed in pain as the cold liquid hit it. He rinsed the cut a few more times and walked over to the hearth to get a better look in the light of the fire. Merry heaved a sigh of relief when he couldn't see any bones and he could move it without much pain. The cut seemed clean so he found a clean cloth in one of the cupboards and wrapped it around his finger before going back to the chopping board and continuing the preparations for dinner.

After a while Berilac came in, dusting his hands off and looking for the tea kettle. He spotted Merry's wrapped up finger at once and came over to him. "What happened?"

“Oh, I wasn't paying attention is all. Nothing to worry about," Merry said confidently and continued to stir in the pot. "Would you mind setting the table?"

Berilac looked critically at him but Merry shook his head. Well, if that was how it was going to be Berilac wouldn’t ask any questions. He couldn’t help wondering why Merry kept his thoughts so much to himself lately, but decided that to start a fight with his cousin now was not a good idea. Merry looked worn, for all that he tried to hide it, and he had Pippin to look after. Berilac understood one thing though, Merry and Pippin needed to be together to work through whatever had happened during their travels and if Merry didn't want to talk then Berilac would let him be, for now.

Merry prepared a tray to take into Pippin’s room but was surprised to see Pippin standing in the doorway just as he was about to bring it to him. “Pip!” Merry said and hastily put the tray down on the table so it wouldn't crash to the floor.

“What happened to your hand?” Pippin asked and came fully into the kitchen, sat down at the table and started munching on a piece of buttered bread. He was dressed in a nightshirt and his robe but looked much better than he had earlier in the day.

“Oh, nothing,” Merry said and waved away any more questions. He sat down opposite Pippin and studied him. "What are you doing out of bed?"

“I smelled supper cooking and decided it was time to get up,” Pippin said and started helping himself to stew and ale. “I was tired of lying about and the coughing seems to have stopped tormenting me for now.”

Merry studied him closely and only barely managed to reach out his good hand to check Pippin’s temperature. His eyes looked clear and alert and although he was pale, his cheeks were not so hectic red and fever-bright any more. At last Merry nodded in asset. "It's good to see you are doing better, but don't overdo it all right?"

Supper passed cheerfully and Berilac entertained them with tales of what the children at the Hall had been up to the last few days when they had finished the serious business of eating. Merry watched as Pippin laughed gaily, snorting with mirth. He tried to laugh just as merry himself but couldn't let go of that uneasy feeling that had settled in his stomach. He took a long draught of his ale as they laughed.

When supper and washing up was done – Berilac forced Merry to join Pippin in the parlour, he wasn’t of much use anyway with his hand wrapped in a cloth, the two Brandybucks sternly told Pippin that if he was to sit up with them he would have to wrap up snugly and not walk around on the cold floor unnecessarily. Berilac stewed a large pot of tea and found biscuits and jam tarts in the pantry so they could fill up the corners and have a pipe or two before going to bed.

“You’ll stay?” Merry asked as Pippin yawned for the third time and finally retreated to his bed. Berilac nodded.

“Yes, it's too late to ride out now."

“And?” Merry said and lifted an eyebrow.

“And what?” Berilac said innocently, pretending he didn't know what Merry meant.

“Who sent you too look after us?”

“What do you mean?”

“Isn’t it obvious, don’t you think? You volunteer a bit too cheerfully to join me taking the cart back even if you have a wife and newborn baby at the Hall. No father leaves their newborn baby just days after it is born, Berry. You know that. There are lots of cousins who could have helped me."

Berilac sighed. It was true of course. He had become a father for the first time only days before and the custom was that any father would stay with his wife and children the first weeks after the new arrival to get to know the wee one and spend time together. Everyone knew it was busy work and as the last year had proved, even dangerous at times to be one of the Master's closest companions and training to be Steward as Berilac was, there was no doubt he was considered among those closest to the Master. "All right," he finally said. "Da came to me yesterday after he had talked to Uncle Sara and told me that he was worried about how you were getting on here. He seemed more worried about you than Pippin actually.”

“So he sent you to look after me,” Merry said angrily. “Why couldn’t he just tell me he was worried so I could have proven to him that he had nothing to worry about?" Merry rose and started pacing the floor behind the sofa where Berilac sat.

“I think that is what he is worried about Merry. You have always denied that something is wrong and we have learned to read the signals by now. Don't you remember when you twisted your wrist after stealing those pies from Pansy Goodbody and hid it for weeks until it hurt so much that you couldn't hold your quill and Mr. Wood sent you from the schoolroom?"

Merry sighed. The Brandybuck children’s teacher, Mr. Wood, had asked why he had trouble writing and when Merry couldn’t give a proper answer he had sent him straight to his grandfather’s study to explain to him. He'd got a lecture from both his grandfather and parents after that but now Merry supposed Berilac was right in understanding that it hadn't helped. "I remember," Merry said. "And I learned my lesson after that. But there isn't anything wrong, I promise you! Except for Pippin's cold everything is fine with us." He knew he sounded angry but he couldn't help feeling a bit irritated by this surveillance. He looked Berilac in the eye and put on a cheerful countenance. “Don’t worry, Cousin.” Merry smiled and held Berilac’s gaze until he returned it. “All right, let’s go to bed then, it's getting late."

Berilac nodded and as they went through the house to prepare it and themselves for the night he decided to talk to Pippin in the morning. Maybe he could tell him what was wrong.

PART TWO: Another Accident

The next morning Merry woke stiff and sore and winced as he stretched his body and tried to remember what had caused his muscles to behave like this. Then he remembered the wagon and the heavy things they first had put into it then unloaded and he groaned when thinking about all the firewood he would have to spend the day chopping. The wood came from the Hall in long logs and would have to be chopped in at least four to be small enough to be put on the fire. The woodsmen had sawed the wood but those who got it had to chop themselves. There was a system to which trees were allowed to be chopped down and when so that the forest wasn’t thinned out too much. Merry had overseen the work several times and was always happy to see how gently and graceful the woodcutters treated the trees, knowing that they too were living creatures. He couldn’t help but think of the Ents and hoped that none of the trees they used for firewood or hole-building were related to the Ents or even an Entwife. Treebeard had after all told Merry and Pippin to look out for them in the Shire.

“Breakfast’s ready! Get up you slowcoach.” Berilac’s cheerful voice said. There was a knock on Merry’s door and he almost jumped out of bed when he heard it. Was it that late? He looked out of the window and saw a pale winter sun pouring a white light down on him through the opening in the curtains. It did not look as cold as it had been the day before and the sun felt slightly warming. How long had he been sleeping? He rose and hastily but meticulously washed and dressed. His thoughts flew to Pippin and on his way to the kitchen he knocked softly on his cousin’s door and peered in.

“Morning, Pip,” he ventured softly in case Pippin still slept.

Pippin stirred and blinked at him. He had been sleeping then. “Morning.”

“How are you?” Merry opened the door and went over to Pippin’s window to draw the curtains back.

Pippin coughed and took a deep but tentative breath. “I’m fine.”

Merry looked him over and nodded when he was pleased with what he saw. "Ready for breakfast then?"

Berilac was waiting with the table groaning with food when they arrived five minutes later. Pippin had dressed in breeches and a shirt now but in his haste to get to the table forgot to comb his curls and they stood about his head wildly. "Good morning, sleepyheads," Berilac smiled and served them tea and toast as they sat down.

“You didn’t have to do this,” Merry said swallowing a lovely bit of bacon and toast.

“Why not? Did you want me to starve while waiting for you two to get up and wait on me?" Berilac put on a look of mock indignation and shook his head laughing. "No thank you, Cousin." They all laughed at this and tucked in hungrily.

“So, Pip,” Merry said when they had slowed down and was filling up the corners with continuing the meal with going right into elevenses as the day was getting on. "What are your plans for today? Do you feel up to do being up and about?"

Pippin put his tea cup down and rose to put on another kettle and stretched. “Yes, I believe so. I thought I'd take a ride and get some fresh air."

“That sounds like a good idea,” Merry said. “It looks like this might be a rather warm day, and I'd wouldn't say no to some sun and warmth."

“True. Do you want to join me?"

“No, thanks, I think I will get started on that pile of firewood we brought home yesterday.”

“Oh,” Pippin said. "I should help you then. I wasn’t aware we were running out already."

“Don’t worry about that. You go take that ride. Just cover up and pull a scarf over your mouth so you don’t get too much cold air down your lungs."

“Yes Mama,” Pippin said and stuck his tongue out at Merry. Berilac laughed.

“You two are impossible,” he said. “One wouldn't think that you are Knights and heroes capable of great deeds." He laughed again and got out another crook of jam.

****

When Merry was satisfied that Pippin had dressed warmly enough for a ride he pulled on a woollen jacket of his own and went out into the barn to start on the wood. They only had one axe and Berilac stayed inside to prepare luncheon while Merry chopped. He would help him put the wood away after they ate and if Pippin was back before they were finished he could help too, Merry decided.

Merry felt some of the tension that had build up while Pippin was ill leave his body as he chopped the logs, but the uneasy feeling from yesterday seemed to have settled in his stomach. He thought about what might have caused it but no matter how much he searched his mind he could not find a good reason for why he should feel this way. Pippin hadn’t been seriously ill and the nightmares seemed to have left with the cold. Merry hadn't had nightmares himself for several weeks and was beginning to hope that maybe they were dissolving and perhapse even gone for good. He was surprised and a little hurt that his father had sent Berilac to look out for them, but he shrugged it off as the overly careful ways of his mother rubbing of on his father and that he had given into her concerns and sent Berilac with them. Not that Merry minded having him there, he was good company and had been a great help with the things they had brought. Still, Merry couldn't help worrying a bit over his parents concern for him and Pippin. Surely they didn't need looking after like that!

Merry looked at the pile he had chopped, wondering if it would be enough for the next few days. He had promised to go back to the Hall with Berilac today unless Pippin was worse. Just as he lifted the axe for chopping a particularly large log, he heard Pippin's pony come back at the same time as Berilac shouted from the door to their house that luncheon was ready in a few minutes. Merry slammed the axe downwards just as the door opened and Pippin and the pony entered. Light poured through the door and the low sun instantly blinded Merry so he didn't see where he hit. He felt the axe falling. It fell too far to hit the log it was supposed to hit and startled Merry let go, hoping to avoid chopping his toes off. The axe still had its momentum and for a moment he felt time stand still as he watched the axe fall towards the ground. He wasn’t fast enough and time cruelly jerked him back to normal speed as the axe fell hard down on his toes, hitting him with the side of the blade. Merry howled and stumbled into Pippin who lost the pony's reins when he heard Merry's scream. The pony bolted forward and almost hit Merry in the head with a hoof as Merry fell to the ground with both hands gripping the injured foot. He fell flat on his back and lay panting for a moment, squeezing his eyes shut with pain before he gingerly sat up.

“Merry!” Pippin shouted and bolted after the pony. “Hold on!” He caught the reins again and got her into her stall. Pippin hastily fastened the door so the pony couldn’t escape and ran back to Merry. Merry had opened his eyes now and sat scowling at the offended appendage, his face white and tight with pain.

“Phew! That was close!” Pippin said and sat down beside him, reaching a tentative hand out to touch the hurt foot. "You could have lost your toes!"

“Merry? Pippin?” Berilac came into the barn too and looked around for them until his eyes fell on them where they still sat on the floor. “I..." He started saying something but stopped as soon as he saw Merry's pined face and the foot he still clutched in both hands. "What happened?"

“Later," Pippin said and hoisted Merry to his feet. "What matters is that we get him inside and get that foot cooled down. We could have brought you to the Brandywine, that should still be cold enough, but it's too far so we'll have to make do with what we can manage from here. Berilac, did you bring any ice blocks from the Hall?"

Berilac shook his head. “Were we supposed to?“

“Yes, Merry should have remembered. The water in the well have to suffice then. Would you mind pulling up a fresh bucket?" He put one of Merry's arms around his shoulders and gestured to Berilac to do the same. Together they helped Merry into the house and to the parlour. There they sat him down in a chair and Pippin pulled a low footstool up to rest his foot on. Berilac dashed out to the well and pulled up a fresh bucket of water, then ran into the kitchen and soon came back with several towels dripping of cold water.

“Here, Pip. Wrap his foot in those. I need to save the luncheon from burning to cinders." Berilac ran back into the kitchen and Merry and Pippin could hear him scramble about with pots and pans. A minute or two later he was back with a large basin filled with cold water. In the meantime Pippin wrapped Merry's foot and was now trying to get Merry's attention. “Are you all right, Cousin?” But Merry didn’t answer, only hissed in pain when he touched his foot.

“Is there any willow bark? We should make him a tea for that pain. If nothing else is wrong with his foot he'll at least be sore and bruised for days to come."

“I don’t think there’s any left,” Pippin said. “Merry said something about it while I was sick."

“Do you know how to make it?”

“No. Merry is the one who knows that sort of things. He’d be a good healer I think if he wasn’t destined to be Master.”

“Merry? Since when did he take such an interest in plants and herbs?”

“Oh, didn’t you know? He and Sam always dug in the earth together when Merry was in Hobbiton, and he learned quite a few things during our travels. The new King is a healer and he travelled with us for some time."

“I hear there is a story to be told here, but that’ll have to wait,” Berilac said and watched as Pippin finished wrapping up Merry’s foot. “We’ll just have to get him drunk then. ‘Tis the second best thing.”

“I suppose so. The brandy's over there," Pippin said and nodded towards a small table then turned back to Merry. “Merry?”

"One thing’s for certain Merry,” Berilac said as he put the basin down by Merry’s chair. “You’re not going with me back to the Hall tonight. If Uncle Sara that urgently wants to talk to you he'd better come here." He lifted Merry's leg and Pippin took the footstool away and put a towel on the floor before putting the basin there and helping Merry to put his injured foot in it. “Merry?”

Both Berilac and Pippin had stopped talking now and looked at Merry, exchanging worried glances when he didn’t answer. “Mer?” Pippin rose and gently touched his face. This seemed to revive Merry of his stupor and he looked up with eyes brimming with tears from the pain. He shifted a little and hissed again.

“I’m sorry. It hurts so much I can’t think,” Merry said between clenched teeth.

“Do you think anything is broken?” Pippin asked worriedly. He was happy he hadn’t had time to put the pony away properly yet in case he would have to ride to the Hall for the healer or the missing ice.

“No. But it hurts too much for me to manage to move my toes." Merry tried wriggling his toes but only paled and hissed louder.

“All right, Merry. You just sit still and let the water do its business. We’ll check how it looks in a while." Pippin said soothingly and patted Merry’s shoulder.

“What happened?” Berilac asked again.

“I…” Merry tried to gather his thoughts and looked from Pippin to Berry and back again. “I was chopping wood when Pippin came in. I think the sun must have blinded me for I couldn't see where I hit and when I discovered that the axe was aiming for my foot and not the log it was like time froze but I didn’t move quickly enough and it fell right down on me."

The others looked from Merry's still bandaged finger to the foot in the basin and back to his face. "Are you sure you're all right, Cousin?" Berilac said concerned.

Merry nodded and aimed for a smile. “Of course I am." He looked down at his foot, heaving a sigh of relief as if it was only now that he discovered that he actually had all five toes intact.

“Berry,” Pippin whispered, “get the brandy, will you?”

Berilac nodded and rose to pour a generous glass which he gave to Merry. "Drink up, Cousin, it will help."

“What, drinking at this hour of the day?” Merry jested but took the glass with a grateful glance at Berry. "It could have chopped my toes off," he said quietly after taking a generous drink. The foot hurt more than he would ever have imagined possible and he was more than happy to drink brandy at this hour of the day if it would help take the pain away.

“Yes,” Pippin said equally quiet. When Merry didn't continue but looked more and more lost in his thoughts Pippin spoke up again. "What's wrong? You can talk to me." He looked Merry in the eye and reached for his right hand. It felt cold.

“It's nothing," Merry said dismissively and took his hand out of Pippin's grasp. He held Pippin’s gaze and shook his head minutely before looking up at Berilac, who was just then checking how Merry's foot was faring in the cold water and not looking directly at them, and mouthed "later". He lifted the glass with his left hand and took another sip and winced as Berilac unwound the towels. "Pip, get yourself some brandy. If I have to sit here like an old gaffer than do me the curtsey of keeping me company."

Pippin smiled but went to pour a brandy for himself also then turned to Berilac. "Is it bad?"

“I don't think so,” Berilac said, and Merry leaned forward, peering down at his swollen appendage. "I would stay off it for a day or two if I were you though."

“Do you think we should get the healer?”

"Not unless Merry thinks so, but if it gets worse or the pain is too much to bear then you should do that." Berilac looked at Merry for approval of this and Merry nodded. He stood and stretched his back. "Well then, I think we'll eat lunch in the parlour today. That way Merry won't have to move."

*****

Despite the throbbing in his foot Merry managed to eat somewhat hungrily but his thoughts churned around the same subject as earlier: Why this unease? It wasn't like him to be so unfocused. Merry knew he always tried his best to be calculated and careful in his movements when dealing with dangerous tools like knives and axes. He had seldom cut himself before, and never as deep as the cut throbbing away in his finger now. He looked down at the cloth wrapped around it. He had changed it several times since yesterday as it had bled quite a bit but it seemed to have stopped now.

Could it be that he simply was tired? But no, that didn't make sense either. It was the sun that had startled him when he lost the axe and it was his own lack of concentration that made him cut his finger instead of the carrot, wasn't it? He looked back down at his hands. The right hand did feel a bit numb and he rubbed at it absentmindedly. He had felt it earlier and he had gripped the shaft on the axe a bit too tight but he could flex his fingers and feel the rubbing so it was still far from completely numb. Now he wondered if it could be something else, but what? He hadn't had nightmares for weeks and looking after Pippin hadn’t stressed him so much that it could justify feeling the cold creeping up his arm again. Merry was none the wiser a little later when he heard his name being called repeatedly and found both Berilac and Pippin staring at him in concern.

“Merry!” Pippin said a bit louder when Merry hadn’t answered his two first attempts at getting his attention. “Are you really sure you’re all right? You look pale." He put a comforting hand on Merry's right hand and frowned a little.

“Yes, yes," Merry answered a bit too impatiently and drew his hand back to cradle his mug of tea in it. He could feel the warmth seeping through the mug and into his hand.

Pippin shook his head again and Berilac looked from one to the other with a confused look in his eyes.

Knowing that he had to give some sort of explanation Merry sighed. “I’m a bit tired perhaps." Berilac frowned but seemed to accept this and the conversation turned to other topics for a while, something Merry was immensely grateful for.

“Perhaps you should take a nap? It's hard work almost getting ones toes cut off." He rose and refilled Merry's glass of brandy.

Merry thought about that. He didn’t feel sleepy but he had just said he was tired. The pain in his foot would probably keep him from falling asleep though. “I‘m not sure I could sleep just now, Berry, but thank you.”

*****

“I’d better head back to the Hall,” Berilac said when they had finished filling up the corners and he and Pippin sat enjoying a pipe and replenishing Merry’s brandy and now and again changing the water in the basin. Merry had started to giggle now and seemed a lot happier with things. He was wavering a bit in his chair and humming softly to himself. "Take care now, the both of you,” Berilac said and patted Pippin’s arm encouragingly. He didn’t envy him having a hung over Merry to battle in addition to the foot to care for.

“We will,” Merry giggled then sobered a bit. "Thank you for helping me with the wagon and everything,” he said as Pippin rose to walk Berilac out. He winked and smiled "even if you did have ulterior motives for your visit.” He giggled some more, “I hope you found that Da’s suspicions were wrong so you can confirm to our family that we are doing just fine."

Berilac laughed. “Merry! Do you honestly think that your parents would feel at ease when they learn that you can't use a simple kitchen knife or chop wood?"

“I do!” They all laughed at that but the uneasy knot in Merry's stomach tightened a little. What would his parents think? Oh well, he didn't have to think about that just now. There was more brandy in his glass and the pain was almost bearable now. Thankfully Berilac would leave thinking everything was fine with them and that he only had a bit of an accident with the knife. Besides, there was a perfectly sound explanation for the incident with the axe Merry thought drunkenly and looked down into his glass in hope of finding the answers to his questions there. He asked Berilac to give their family his love and waved overly cheerfully when Pippin followed Berilac out. Merry could hear them talk a bit in the hallway before the door closed behind them and Pippin came back, looking sober and worried. "Don't worry about me hitting myself with that axe was your fault Pip. You couldn't know that I was chopping wood just where you would come in with the pony.”

Pippin startled a bit at hearing this but smiled reassuringly. “No worries, Mer. I didn’t think that.” Pippin started to clear the table and went to and from the kitchen a few times before he spoke again.

“He doesn’t believe you, you know,” Pippin sat down beside Merry and took up his pipe again. “He asked me if you really were all right and I had a hard time explaining to him that you just are a bit tired. You have been busy with the planting plans lately and riding constantly between the Hall and here and he knows that so it should satisfy his curiosity for now. And almost chopping your own toes off can give the calmest of hobbits a shock." Pippin finished.

“Thank you, Pip.” Merry said and meant it. He really was grateful for what Pippin did for him. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Pippin looked at him for a long time before he nodded. "You're welcome," he said softly and shook his head fondly. “My silly Merry.” They sat in silence for a bit before Pippin spoke again. "However," he said sternly and looked Merry straight in the eye, “You are not” and he emphasised the word with pointing the stem of his pipe at Merry’s chest "doing as well as you want everyone to believe. You are gloomy and your hand is cold. You're drunk and you look worn so I won't bother you with questions now, but tell me this; have you been having nightmares lately that you haven’t told me about?"

“No.” Merry said truthfully and shook his head vigorously, knowing full well that he never could fool Pippin.

“Well, thank the stars for small blessings!” Pippin put down his pipe and reached out and gathered Merry in a tight embrace. "Let’s take a nap. I'm beat and you need one too. The washing up won't go anywhere." Pippin coughed deeply and Merry was sober enough to remember that Pippin still was at least a little sick.

“Oh, Pippin!” Merry said and instinctively felt Pippin's face for fever as they hugged. "I am sorry. Let's get you back to bed before that cold gets any worse."

Pippin helped Merry to his feet and managed to get him into bed and tuck a blanket in around him. Merry was asleep before Pippin had closed the door behind him.

________________

A/N: Thanks to Rabidsamfan and Nilmandra for help and info regarding herbs and their use.

PART THREE: Confrontation

As soon as he arrived at the Hall, Berilac went straight to the Master’s study where he found his father and uncle deep in conversation about how many of the ewes would give birth to lambs this year and how much wool they would be able to gather when the time came.

“Hullo,” Berilac said, and sat down on the other side of the large working table in the adjacent room to the study. The room was brightly lit with several lamps strewn about the enormous table and maps and sheets lay strewn about in what seemed like complete chaos. The table was large enough to seat maybe ten hobbits and was often in use when someone would study a map or plan.

“Hullo. How did it go?" Merimac smiled and looked up from his writing.

“Well I suppose. Merry forgot to bring the ice but other than that we got what they needed and it looks like they have settled in nicely. Pippin is doing much better and was out of bed today even if he’s still coughing somewhat."

“That is good news,” Saradoc said, looking up from the tables in front of him. When Berilac didn't meet his gaze and his smile didn’t reach his eyes the Master frowned and looked closely at him. "What's wrong, lad?"

Berilac shook his head. “I don’t rightly know, but there is something with Merry that I can’t quite put my finger to." Berilac explained about the accidents and Merry distracted mood and the unwillingness to tell what was wrong. "We used to have such an open relationship you know. We were almost like brothers before... well, before they went away. He's so changed that I'm not sure if he the same Merry as I grew up with. Leastways it seems he’s lost the merry part about him."

“Yes, he has at that. Oh, my poor lad,” Saradoc muttered and scrunched his face up sympathetically when he heard about how Merry almost chopped his toes off. "Doing that is enough to put him in a sour mood. Merry never likes it when he's not able to do what he put his mind to. I'm relieved to hear he’ll be all right.”

"How about Pippin," Merimac asked? “Did he explain what’s wrong with Merry?”

“He seemed to know what it is or at least he is more comfortable with Merry behaving this way but he didn’t tell me anything when I asked. I saw that they exchanged knowing glances a few times and I am sure that there is something they don't want to tell us.”

“Do you think he's ill?" Merimac asked concerned. “Is he eating enough?”

“Not ill. More troubled or worried, although he did look pale but I suppose that was more because of the pain in his foot than anything else. He’s eating fairly normal I would say. If he hadn’t it would have been too obvious that something was wrong and since he works so hard to hide it he would rather eat than have people worry about him."

“I'd better go up there tomorrow," Saradoc said decisively, his brow deeply furrowed in concern. "I did after all tell him we would go check in on them soon and it looks like they need us. I know it would take time for them to tell the full tale of what happened while they were away, but there is clearly something they want to keep for themselves and that's not good for either of them it seems. We might not understand everything that happened but we are family and they should know that we would do everything we can to help them," Saradoc said and looked at his brother and nephew. He shook himself of his revere and continued in a lighter tone. “You go see to your wife and that wee lass of yours now Berry. I'm sure they are waiting for your. Your father got quite an earful when your mum and wife learned what we had you do."

“Yes, Uncle,” Berilac said and rose. “I am sure they were quite put off. I’d better go soothe the ruffled feathers. Please let me know what I can do to help."

*****

After their nap Merry spent the rest of the day nursing a headache from going to bed while still drunk, but the brandy had helped on the pain and he could even wriggle his toes a bit now so he didn’t complain. It was after all better to have his foot complete with five toes and a headache than to have lost one or more toes. He sat with his foot on a stool and watched Pippin wander about the house going to and fro cleaning up after lunch and putting the chopped wood in the bins. Their banter was cheerful enough but he could not deny the tension in the air. He would have to talk to Pippin soon. He tried to read but the uneasiness that he felt earlier had settled further and he found that he couldn’t concentrate. When Pippin made tea Merry had a hard time eating and that the numbness in his hand had developed slightly in to a chill. He felt as if a heavy rain cloud hang above him constantly and no matter how much he tried to cheer himself up, it stubbornly stayed threatening above his head.

Pippin knew that it was no use forcing Merry to talk, but it didn't prevent him from trying to lighten his mood and get him to eat. He seriously considered sending for his Aunt and Uncle at the Hall and the healer, but knew that it would only make Merry angry if he went behind his back and the last thing Pippin needed now was for Merry's foul mood to explode into a fury. An angry Merry was one of the last things Pippin needed and the worst by far was if that legendary Brandybuck fury was righted at him. He couldn't stand it when Merry was angry with him. No, Merry needed to mull over his problems before he talked about them and presented them with a waterproof solution. But what if Merry was too unwell to come up with a solution like he was used to? Pippin suddenly thought and his heart skipped a beat, what if the Darkness came to claim him and Merry was too vulnerable to fight it? Pippin didn't have any athelas to bring Merry back, and Aragorn was too far away to help him. No if that was the case they would have to deal with on their own, in their own way. Now Pippin felt the need to talk to Aunt Esmie and Uncle Sara pressing on urgently. If Merry was to battle Darkness now, he would need all the help he could get.

So far the Darkness had not managed to claim Merry through his nightmares, however dreadful they were, and Pippin reminded himself of that Merry hadn't had any nightmares for weeks now and Pippin had not woken up to Merry’s screaming or trashing for some time. Maybe the Darkness had retreated and only left Merry with the chill in his arm and a bit of gloom because he was overwrought from his two accidents? But no, Merry was not that easily knocked over. He watched Merry closely as he puttered about the little house and saw to that there always was a bright fire on the hearth and a pot of tea at the ready if should Merry want any.

Supper was a silent affair and both of them retreated early to bed. Merry’s foot was slowly getting better and he hoped it would be well enough for him to stand on or even walk on the day after.

*****

The next day, Saradoc and Esmeralda knocked on the door at Crickhollow before Pippin had helped Merry hop to the kitchen for breakfast and he hurried to answer the door with his weskit open and shirt only half-buttoned.

“Hullo!” He said cheerfully and received a hug from each of them. “You two are up and about early. Come in! I’ve just put the kettle on. Please, make yourselves comfortable.” Pippin felt a bit odd being the host but his Aunt and Uncle only smiled and went into the kitchen.

“We had an early first breakfast and thought we might share second with you,” Saradoc said and put a basket smelling of freshly baked bread down on the kitchen table.

Pippin peeked into the basket and smiled approvingly to what he found there. “This smells good. I'll go see if Merry is ready then," Pippin said and went to his cousin's bedroom.

“How are you feeling? Do you think you’ll manage?" he asked a few minutes later, searching Merry's face for weariness and signs of distress.

“Of course I’ll manage! My toes still hurt but I'm not an old gaffer you know!" Merry put on a look of mock indignation and was well aware he didn't answer Pippin's real question. He’d had a restless night but the nightmares still stayed away. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry Pip,” he said when Pippin arched an eyebrow and started to reach out for his hand.

“You could do with a walking stick though,” Pippin muttered under his breath as he carried the bulk of Merry’s weight and tried not to wince as his ribs were hard pressed to carry more weight than they could manage. Merry pinched him and Pippin yelped and almost lost his hold of Merry.

“Ha!" Merry said, but shifted his weight so that Pippin bore less of it.

“Oh, Merry!” Esmeralda said when she saw how Merry limped. "Berilac told us what happened.” She referred from telling them what else Berilac had said. They had talked about it and would let the lads talk in their own time unless things became dire.  “How is your foot?” She hugged him fiercely and did a cursory exam as only a mother can, just as she had done when hugging Pippin a little earlier. They both looked all right and except from his foot and finger Esmie could not see anything wrong with her Merry. Except… there was a shadow in his eyes. He smiled but it didn’t quite light up those bright blue eyes as it normally did.

“It’s fine," Merry said. "It doesn't hurt so much now and the swelling has gone down somewhat, thanks to Berilac and Pippin's quick reactions. It’s still a bit difficult to put weight on it though." Merry sent Pippin a grateful smile. It suddenly dawned on him that he hadn't actually thanked him for what he had done. “Thank you Pippin for taking such good care of me.”

"You’re welcome,” Pippin smiled.

“Now," Merry said in a stern voice and looked at his parents. “Berilac told me – after some persuasion – why he was so eager to help me with that wagon. If you were worried, couldn't you just have come to us personally?"

Saradoc sighed. “I'm sorry Merry. We are thinking about how the both of you are managing here and we know about the nightmares and restless nights you both have. I know you told us that is why you needed to live here together to get through things on your own without the family constantly watching over you, but do you count us out then?" He looked at Esmie who seemed to be about to cry.

“Oh, Mum!” Merry rose as quickly as his hurt foot allowed and came round the table to hug her. “Of course we don't rule you out."

“It’s just that this is difficult for us too," Pippin continued for him and grasped Esmie’s hand and squeezed it.

Saradoc nodded. “I know my lad, I know. You two have a way of communicating that doesn’t always need words and that is a boon." He reached over the table and took Pippin's free hand in his own, Esmie reached out to embrace Merry tighter. "Lads," he looked from one to the other. “Esmie and I love you very, very much and we do worry. Pleas tell us what we can do to help. We understand you need time alone to deal with what happened during your journey but please also remember that we are here as well as Tina and Paladin, Pippin, and we only want what's best for you."

“Mum, Da,” Merry said and reached a hand out to Saradoc. “I love you very much too. Thank you for understanding.” Pippin rose and walked over to his Aunt.

“We both love you and am very grateful for all you’ve done for us. It is true. We need time to deal with things, but I promise. We will come to you when we need it.”

“I only hope you know when you need it then,” Esmie said through her tears.

“We will, Mum,” Merry said. He hugged her fiercely and suddenly laughed. "Come on now, you've brought lots of lovely food and here we're letting it go to waste."

“That’s a lad who’s got his priorities right,” Saradoc laughed and poured more tea for them all.

*****

The morning flew past in enjoyable conversation and Merry was relieved that his parents had let their concerns rest for now.

“So,” Sara said after the washing up was done and they had retreated to the parlour. "How are you lads managing keeping a house? It looks like you’ve done a decent job so far."

“We’re doing just fine, Uncle,” Pippin said cheerfully and not with a little sauce and started a long tale about how they were getting on. “Although” he said when he was finished, “I think I will do the chopping of firewood from now on.”

Merry couldn’t help but laugh at that and saw the worried crease on his father's brow ease up and some of the worry being replaced with joy in his mother's eyes. He sent them a bright smile. The numbness in his hand was almost gone now and he felt a joy he hadn't felt in days. Had he even smiled since Berilac left? He looked at Pippin. Bless him! That lad knew how to cheer Merry up, even if it only was for show to keep his parents from worrying.

Saradoc had brought with him the planting plans for the spring since Merry hadn't been able to come down to the Hall and time flew past as they poured over the detailed maps of the fields. Merry plunged into it with such energy that Pippin and Saradoc exchanged puzzled glances but Pippin nodded firmly and Saradoc relaxed.

They had filled up the corners after a lovely supper Esmie had made out of the numerous provisions they had brought and it was quite late before they rode back to the Hall. Merry and Pippin promised to come down to see them soon and hugged them goodbye.

“Well,” Merry said and stretched “what do you think?” He sat back in his chair and peered closely at his offended toes. They seemed almost back to normal now. He hoped he would be able to gain full use of his foot again tomorrow.

“What do I think about what?” Pippin said and filled his pipe.

Merry sighed. “Do you think we managed to fool them?”

Pippin turned to him with a surprised look. "Fool them?"

Merry nodded.

“No,” Pippin said. “They aren’t fooled that easily I think. But you did put up a fine show so I would say they are content for now."

“Good,” Merry said. "I don't want to go behind their backs of course, it's just... I can't handle all the questions and tales needing to be told just now. Pippin," he turned to face Pippin and Pippin gasped a little at the raw and earnest expression he saw in Merry's face. The blue eyes were filled with tears and he looked ragged. Merry sighed heavily and cast his eyes down in defeat. "I am ready to talk now."

Pippin smiled relieved and hugged Merry tight before going to the hearth to put more wood on the fire. "Good! I’ll put the kettle on. It won’t hurt with a mug of tea and a late snack, do you think?"

Merry laughed. “My dear ass! Trust you to think of food in every situation. Go find that snack and bring some of that excellent jam Mum brought if you please, and that soft cheese too.”

*****

Merry nibbled on his cheese and took a long drink of the fragrant tea. He kept the mug in his hands and looked at Pippin for a long time before he spoke. Pippin had made sure the room was bright and warm and several candles were lit on the tables about the chairs where they sat before the fire. "Pippin," he began, but stopped and the silence stretched out between them.

“Merry?” Pippin ventured quietly, reaching for Merry’s hand and squeezed it. “It’s all right.”

That seemed to bring Merry out of his thoughts again and he looked at Pippin. “Are you sure you are well? Are you tired or do you want a blanket? You haven’t been coughing much today but I don’t want you to catch a chill.”

“Merry!” Pippin laughed. “You sound like an old gammer. Yes thank you, I am just fine. I can breathe without even the slightest twinge or tickling in my chest now." He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly to demonstrate.

“How is Frodo doing do you think? We haven’t got a letter in a while now. We should go visit." Merry asked suddenly when they had finished laughing. He knew he was a mother hen at times but he couldn't help it.

Pippin hid his surprise at this sudden change of topic but nodded gamely. “Yes we should. We'll write him tomorrow. The Cottons are a lovely family so I warrant he's doing just fine, At least on that account," he decided and lathered another biscuit with butter and jam.

Merry understood what he meant and the silence stretched out between them again. Merry shifted a bit in his chair and filled his mug with more tea, even if it was half-full already. "All right," he said, making his mind up.

Pippin looked up and put his half-eaten biscuit down on the plate. “Yes, Merry?”

“I've been feeling…uneasy lately. I’m not quite sure what it is but I have a feeling it has to do with," he searched for the right word, "the Shadow."

“I thought as much,” Pippin nodded approvingly.

“But why? I haven’t had nightmares in weeks and we are home with our families and friends again. We've chased out the Ruffians and the Shire is well on its way back to normal. It will take time of course, but I was hoping that it would be over now." Merry sighed.

“I honestly don’t know,” Pippin said. “I was hoping that once we were back and things settled back to normal again that the nightmares and memories would go away, or at least diminish. What about your hand?”

“What about it?”

“Don’t play with me Merry. It is chilly and I know you can't use it properly. I have seen you, and I am not only talking about the knife the other day. You fumble when you cut your food and I haven't seen you write a word in days."

“I'm sorry. It is a little numb, you are right. But it doesn't feel cold to me."

“Well, I can certainly feel the cold,” Pippin said and took Merry’s hand between his own, chafing it a little. "It feels as if you have been out on a cold winter day without wearing mittens or gloves."

"Curious,” Merry said and took his hand back. He folded his left hand around the right and felt along the palm and fingers.

“I suppose you don’t feel it the same way as others do because it is your own hand. I think it has something to do with your body heat or some such. That's at least the explanation I got once when I couldn't feel how cold I was after being playing outside for too long. You feel it differently when it is your own body."

Merry nodded. “Yes, I remember we talked about this in Minas Tirith. Remember, Frodo felt his missing finger but we couldn’t quite understand that. Aragorn called it phantom pain or something like that. This isn’t quite the same of course, but I remember that each time the Shadow has threatened to claim me, I have felt warm - almost feverish -”

“You were feverish,” Pippin put in.

“- in all parts except from my hand and arm which were achingly cold." Merry thought a bit. He didn’t feel achingly cold or feverish now. “But I don’t feel like that now,” he said.

“No. And you don’t look it either."

Both of them were lost in their thoughts for a while when Pippin yawned hugely. "We won't get all the answers to this today, but please Merry, tell me if you feel uneasy again or the numbness changes. We need to take care of each other, remember?”

“Yes,” Merry agreed gratefully, then hesitated. "Pippin, would you awfully mind..." Merry turned red and looked down at his lap "if we slept in the same room tonight?"

“You silly goose, of course I don’t mind. The beds are large enough for two and you are right. None of us should sleep alone after such a talk as we have had now. Come here, then." Pippin reached out his hand to Merry and Merry took it gratefully. Pippin pulled him up of the chair and drew him into a quick but heartfelt embrace. "You go get ready for bed and I'll be there in a minute."

Merry was almost asleep when he entered the bedroom after dousing the candles and banking the fires and he slipped into the bed beside him, wrapping his arms around Merry and putting his head on his shoulder. "Sleep now, Merry, you're safe with me." He blew out the lamp and closed his eyes. It had been a start at least. Merry had voiced some of his fears but they had not come to the bottom of this yet. Pippin grasped Merry's right hand between his own and started rubbing warmth into it. He heard Merry's breathing even out and a short while after Pippin was sound asleep himself.

PART FOUR: Frodo’s Letter

“We should send that letter to Frodo today, andI suppose you ought to write it, Pip,” Merry said at breakfast the next day, absentmindedly rubbing at his hand. The numbness hadn't gone away but he felt much better for the talk they had had the night before and he could feel the cheerfulness that had given him his nickname coming back.

Pippin agreed with a broad smile and dipped the quill in the inkwell.

Crickhollow, March 5^th 1420

Dear Frodo

Pippin began. “What are we going to write?”

How are you? We are managing well enough although Aunt Esmie and Uncle Sara seem to think we need looking after...

Merry paced the study while Pippin wrote and looked out the window. The day was grey and dull but Merry desperately needed to get outside for a while. When they had finished Frodo’s letter and also written a letter to Pippin’s parents and sisters Merry gathered them up and put them on the table in the hall. “Why don’t we go to the Perch for lunch? I want to get outside for a bit. We can go to the Hall after and see if we can manage to wheedle tea and supper out of Mum. I am sure she'll be happy to feed us and Da always needs my help."

“I do like the sound of that idea. But if we go to the Perch we would have to leave Buckland,” Pippin teased. “It's in the Marish you know. Are you up to that? Leaving your beloved Buckland for a few hours?" His eyes twinkled.

Merry glared at him mockingly. “I might,” he said evenly. "But only if you come with me. I would need someone from the Shire proper to vouch for me. You never know how they will treat a wild Bucklander as me there." Merry's own eyes twinkled and he smiled. It was good to tease each other again after the seriousness of the past few days.

Pippin laughed heartily. He knew fully well how good friends the Bucklanders and the people from the Marish were, the Marish hobbits did after all look to the Master for authority and the Brandybucks and the Maggots had been in good standing with each other for generations.

“We could also go to the Bucklebury Inn," Pippin said. "That way you will be with your own."

“Ah,” Merry said. “But I am not quite sure if they are very friendly towards Tooks there. There are after all some nasty rumours going around. I do believe they talk about this Peregrin who's suddenly grown taller than his old Da and looks like a Knight where he rides about in his shining mail."

“Pfft,” Pippin waved Merry’s statement away. “Not heard of him. I am sure I will be able to charm my way into their hearts one way or other,” Pippin said confidently.

Merry snorted. “I bet you can. It’s settled then?”

“It is, and that, my friend,” Pippin said and rose from his chair, “sounds like a plan.” He slapped Merry on the back and put his jacket on.

*****

The Inn was not full at this time of day and they found a nice table by one of the windows overlooking the market in Bucklebury.

“Good day to you two young sirs,” Mr. Broadbelt said as he took their order. “Tired of cooking for yourselves, now are you?” The innkeeper smiled and nodded approvingly as he wrote their lunch order down on his slate. Pork pies and salad and ale and bread for starters, then roast chicken and peas.

“It's more that we miss the excellent roasted chicken you serve here," Pippin said.

“And the ale," Merry added and took a swig of his mug. "It’s much easier than to brew our own."

They ate for some time in silence, enjoying the excellent food. Other hobbits were sitting enjoying their own luncheon on the tables around them and hushed conversations could be heard, now and again intercepted with laughter. The atmosphere was a lot quieter than it would be in a few hours when people started coming in after finishing the day’s work. This was also the closest Inn to Brandy Hall and many Brandybucks who felt like getting out of the crowded burrow and see other faces came here for supper or ale or to hear news.

“So,” Pippin said, finally putting his fork down on his empty plate. “What do you think Berry’s wife said after him leaving her to fend for herself and the baby when he came with to help you?"

Merry shook his head. “I don’t know. I hope she wasn’t too hard on him. It is after all quite unforgivable to leave your wife and newborn even for a short trip I hope Uncle Mac explained it to her. He must after all have seen it as more important that he came to see us."

“Mmm." Pippin took another sip of his drink.

“I’m going to have a talk with them when we get to the Hall. It won't do if half the Hall to worry about us, they are shocked as it is that we wanted to move into Crickhollow and not stay at the Hall." Merry took another bite and swallowed. "One should think the fuss was over now that we are back home and safe again."

“Merry! Since when did you think the family would stop fussing? They never will!” Pippin said, outraged that Merry would even suggest such a thing.

“No, you’re right,” Merry laughed. He looked down at his empty mug. “Do you want another one?”

*****

It was almost tea time when Merry and Pippin arrived at the Hall and they had barely managed to hang their hoods up in the hall when Esmeralda found them and hugged both lads tightly. "Good to see you both! I didn't know you would greet us with your presence so quickly, but please, come in and sit down. No need to stand about in the hallway chatting. Merry-lad, I do believe Saradoc wants a word with you, and Pippin dearest, please come with me. I've been knitting a new jacket for you and I want you to try it on before I sew the sleeves to the body."

*****

It was quite late when Merry and Pippin rode back to Crickhollow. "Well," Merry said around a yawn, "I do believe Berilac is off the hook and Da was quite pleased with seeing me today. He forgot to ask me about the accounts from last year yesterday and wanted to know how many sheep we lost. He’s getting older you know and couldn’t remember where I had put them. How did your afternoon go? I didn’t get to ask you during dinner because Mum was too occupied stuffing me with her very delicious lamb chops.”

Pippin laughed and told about his afternoon. "I saw that. You would soon be as round as a ball if she got to feed you more often. I got to talk to Berilac a bit before dinner though and he told me about it. Pansy was glad he could be of help but now she is worried about us too." He sighed. "I think we need to get away for a bit."

“Aye,” Merry agreed. “I wonder how Frodo is doing. I hope he answers our letter soon. I hope Bag End is in ready for him now and that he's doing fine.”

“I hope so too,” Pippin said.

*****

“How do you want your eggs, Pip?” The next morning Merry was busy making breakfast when a knock was heard on the door. "I'll get it. Watch the bacon, will you?" Merry wiped his hands on a towel and went to open the door. It was the Post hobbit.

“Good morning Master Merry,” the post hobbit said and handed him several letters. “Do you have any post for me to bring?”

“Thank you, Tom. No, I don't have anything today. We did have a couple of letters yesterday but we brought it with us down to Bucklebury and sent it with the post from there.”

“All right well good day to you, sir!”

“Good day to you Tom. I’ll see you later." Merry shut the door and started going through the letters. There was one from Uncle Paladin to Pippin and one from Pearl as well. And then there was one from Frodo. Merry recognised the shaky handwriting at once, and frowned. Frodo had always had the most beautiful handwriting Merry had seen, no doubt because of all those Elvish lessons, but now the familiar handwriting was shaky and he tore open the envelope. "Pip, there's a letter from Frodo here. Looks like our letter and his must have passed each other in the post." Merry put the other letters on the kitchen table and started reading out loud.

"Dear Merry and Pippin

I often think of you both and hope to see you soon. The work on Bag End is constantly improving and I hope to be able to move in there in a few days. I know you both are busy with settling in at Crickhollow and I do hope you aren't in too much trouble yet. Sam has spoken to Rosie as he might tell you in a letter of his own and the wedding is to be on the 1st of May. And you must come see how the Party Tree is growing! Sam has done wonders with that box of his. For my own part I am writing on my book and will soon need your assistance again with some details from you both.

How are you both doing? How is your bones Pippin? I know Merry will take good care of you. Cousin Esmie wrote me and told you had a cold but I trust to hope that I would have heard if it was serious. Merry, how are you holding up? Do try to not worry too much, will you? I know it's fruitless to tell you not to worry but please try anyway.

I hope to hear from the both of you soon!

Cousin Frodo”

Pippin sat listening to Merry’s reading in silence, his brow furrowed in thought. “Something’s not right,” Pippin said as soon as Merry finished reading. "We should go see him at once. I don't like the tone in his letter, even if he does accuse us of getting in trouble.” Pippin laughed a hollow laugh before he sobered again. “Merry, I don't think he's doing very well and he's not as good at hiding it as he used to be."

Merry nodded and his face became determined. "You are right. Frodo was never good at hiding his secrets, or else we would never have managed so well with the conspiracy, but he's always been good at hiding his feelings if he wanted too. He's lonely. Sam's busy with the preparation of Bag End and Rosie now that he's spread those seeds and grains from the Lady's box around and the Cottons are busy with their farming. Frodo needs us, Pip. We’d better get a move on."

As they prepared to leave another knock was heard on the front door and this time the knocker didn’t wait for them to open but came into the house in a rush and out of breath. "Merry! Pippin! Come quick. There's been an accident. It's Aunt Esmie!"

PART FIVE: Delayed

"Merry! You must come at once!" Merimas Brandybuck hadn't bothered with knocking on the door at Crickhollow, so urgent was his news. Merry and Pippin came out into the hallway and both spoke up at the same time.

“Merimas-“ Merry said.

“What?" Pippin asked.

Merimas lifted his hands and they both stopped speaking. “I really am sorry Merry, but there’s been an accident. Your mum-“

That was all Merry heard before darkness swept upon him as if all the candles had been snuffed at once and the sun hidden by the darkest of clouds. He slumped against the wall. Mum? An accident? The chill crept up his arm and he felt his mind go blank and his body starting to descend into a black void of despair and hopelessness, his legs giving away under him...

“Merry!” A set, no, two sets of strong hands kept hold of him and Merry felt as if from far away someone looked at him from above. He opened his eyes and found one blue and one green set of eyes equally worried looking at him. “I…what happened?”

“I think you fainted,” Pippin said, taking Merry’s hands in his and helping him to his feet.

“Fainted?” Merry still felt in a daze and only shook his head. He let Pippin and Merimas help him up and sitting him down on a chair. Soon after a hot mug was placed in his hands but Merry only felt this and the voices following the actions as if they were far, far away and completely out of his reach. There was something about his mum and an accident but he couldn’t quite grasp what it was.

“Merry?” Pippin’s voice seemed to grow stronger and Merry blinked. "There you are!" Pippin beamed at Merry, full of a cheerfulness Merry was positive Pippin didn’t feel if Merry just had fainted. “Come back now, Merry. It’s all right.”

“Mum!” Merry said, hoping to sound like his usual level-headed self but his voice sounded strange. He took a deep breath and found that his chest was tight and that the breath he let out was shallow. There was a problem with his mum and if there was anything he could do to help, he would do so. “What happened? There was an accident you said.” Merry looked at the cousin who looked so much like himself and saw his own lines of worry mirrored in the other hobbit's face. Merimas, Berilac and Merry were by some trick of nature so alike in looks that many who didn't know them and their parents took them for brothers.

 “It's the shock," Pippin explained softly to Merimas.

“He ought to see the healer,” Merimas whispered back and Pippin nodded. “We’ll see about that after we’ve seen Aunt Esmie.”

 Merry took a sip of his tea. “Merimas, what is this urgent news you come with? What’s wrong with Mum?”

“I really am sorry Merry,” Merimas said once more. “There was an accident this morning and Uncle Sara asked that I went to get you at once. Aunt Esmie fell down the stairs to the cellar and broke her leg, and-"

“And what?” Merry was fully focused on Merimas now.

“Well... she's not as young as she used to you know, and her heart almost gave out from the fall."

Before darkness even could start attacking Merry anew, Pippin rose and said in an efficient voice. “We can't sit here! Let's go." The urgency in his voice made Merry rise to his own feet.

*****

Merry had never thought the ride between Crickhollow and Brandy Hall could take so long. It felt like an eternity before they could jump of the ponies, hand them to a stable lad and hurry inside.

Once inside the Master’s quarters Merimac met them and enveloped Merry and Pippin both in a quick embrace before leading them to the master bedroom. “She’s asleep now, but I’m sure she will be happy to see you at her side when she wakes up again.”

“Where is Da?”

“We’ve sent him to your old room to rest a bit. I have been sitting with her for the past hours.”

“Thank you, Uncle Mac,” Merry managed to say despite the enormous lump in his throat, and reached for the doorknob.

“Are you sure you can manage this?” Pippin said, walking around to stand in front of Merry and firmly laying his hands on his cousin’s shoulders as if Merry was about to fall.

Merry was torn in two, and he could see Pippin was torn too. As much as he wanted to go see Frodo, he just couldn’t. Not now. “I have to, Pip. There’s no other place I want to be just now. Would you write Frodo and say we’re delayed?”

“I will, but let us first see to Aunt Esmie.”

Merry had tried to mentally prepare himself for seeing his active mum bedridden but realised that he was not at all prepared when he opened the door and saw here lying pale and still in the large bed. The constantly busy hands were lying on each side of her, and her green eyes were closed. Uncle Mac had said she was sleeping, but to Merry she looked more like she was in a state beyond his reached and he choked back a sob. Her beautiful grey curls lay spread around her head on the pillow and there was no warm smile to meet him when he sat down in the chair beside the bed. “Mum? It’s me, Merry. I’m here now. Please-” Tears welled up in his eyes and fell down his face but he paid no attention to them. “Please Mum, come back to me.”

Beside him Pippin gasped and tried to keep his own tears under control. His beloved Auntie should not lie still and hurt like this. What if her heart was damaged by the fall and couldn’t be mended? A broken leg could for the most part be mended, but a heart was an entirely different matter. Placing one hand on Merry’s bowed shoulders and squeezing tightly for a moment, Pippin reached over and gently brushed the hair away from his Aunt’s face.

They sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. Food was brought in but Merry headed it not, his eyes were focused on the still figure in the bed. Pippin tried to coax him to eat something or at least take some tea, but Merry only waved it away. For his own part Pippin managed to drink a bit of tea and choke down some toast, but he was beyond worried, and it wasn’t only his Aunt he had on his mind.

“Lads?” Saradoc came into the room and both Merry and Pippin rose stiffly from their chairs after sitting still so long. “How is she?”

“There’s no change. She’s still sleeping. Oh, Da! Do you think she will be all right? What has the healer said?” Merry asked desperately.

“She will be all right my lad. She just needs to rest now. He gave her some sedative so that she would rest without pain. I was told she will be wake before tomorrow.” Saradoc looked at Merry until he was sure the message had come through and patted him on the shoulder.

“How are you holding up, Uncle?” Pippin asked. He could see that his uncle was beyond worried and he looked tired and more worn than Pippin ever had seen him.

“I’ll be all right, Pippin/-lad. Thank you for asking.”

“Good. I’ll go write that letter to Frodo now then, Merry.”

“Thanks, Pip. Will you come back here when you’re finished?”

“Of course.” Pippin didn’t say that he hadn’t dared to leave Merry alone with his injured mother but now Saradoc was there and Pippin could take the opportunity to write to Frodo. Merry was almost as pale as his mother and he rubbed at his hand constantly, his eyes growing more and more distant as long as no one needed his attention. Pippin was certain Merry didn’t even realise what he was doing. “I’ll see about getting something to eat too. You’ve had nothing since breakfast Merry.”

“I’m not hungry, Pip. You get something for yourself and Da, but I don’t want anything.”

“Merry-lad, I know this is hard for you too, but you’ve got to eat. You need to stay strong for your mother. She and I too, need you!” Saradoc said.

“I really am sorry, Da, but I am not hungry. I will try to eat something, though, if that is what you want.” Merry said, hearing himself that he sounded meek and not at all like his usual determined self.

Saradoc tried to not show how shocked he was of Merry saying something like that and instead he said. “There’s a good lad. You’re just tired.” He turned to Pippin again. “See if they have some blackberry pie in the kitchen Pippin. Maybe the scent of that will make Merry hungry again.”

Pippin nodded and left Merry and Saradoc to watch over Esmie.

*****

It was not long after that Esmeralda stirred a little and moaned in her sleep but didn’t wake. Merry tried to focus on keeping the Darkness at bay. His arm hurt and he was feeling the dark creeping in around him. Wearily he put his head down beside Esmie’s hand and watched her chest rise and fall in sleep. He reminded himself that she at least was alive and that she was resting, which was good for her. He hadn’t thought much about his parents’ age lately, but he had seen the change the Troubles had done with them after he, Frodo, Pippin and Sam came home again. Both his parents’ hair was greyer than he could remember and they had several more worry/lines streaking their faces than they had had before he left. What if his beloved mum died from this? What if her heart couldn’t stand the strain from the fall?

A dark fog crept inwards from the edges of his consciousness and numbed Merry’s logical thinking and connection to reality. He gasped at the extreme cold that followed the fog and opened his eyes to a vast barren landscape. There was something or someone he had to find, and the urgency made him start walking. There were no tracks to be seen and when he turned all Merry could see was his own footsteps in the dust and sand.

*****

Esmeralda moved her head slightly on the bed and blinked a few times before her eyes settled on her husband. “Sara?”

“Yes, my dear. I am here.” Saradoc reached over and took the hand closest to him in his own. “How are you feeling?”

“My leg hurts.”

“Yes, it was broken. You fell down the stairs to the cellar, do you remember?”

“No. What happened?”

“Cook said you slipped on the steps and fell down. I think you were going down there too get another bag of flour.”

“Yes, that is right. We were baking sun-buns* for the children’s tea. But,” she took a deep breath and coughed. “There is something else wrong, isn’t there? I feel so weak and my chest hurts.”

Saradoc sighed. “Yes, I am afraid your heart went to a lot of strain because of your fall, and… it almost gave out my love.” He buried his head in his hands and cried.

“Sush my dear, I am all right. Don’t worry.” Esmie looked around the room as she comforted her husband. It was only now that she saw Merry’s head resting beside her on the bed. With her free hand she started to comb trhough his curls, thinking that he probably had fallen asleep. “My poor lads. I gave you both a fright this day, didn’t I?”

Saradoc nodded into her shoulder, but from Merry there was no reaction at all.

---------------------

A/N: Sun-buns are rather flat, round wheat buns with raisins and egg cream in the middle of the bun, almost like a sun. It’s a very popular bun with children and is mostly known as a “school bun” in Norway. The English name for them are coconut cream rolls (at least in the English version of the Norwegian cookbook I have access to).

PART SIX: Explanations

Merry was lost. He walked around the desert, calling out for Pippin and Frodo, but no answer came. He felt completely dry and it was getting more and more difficult to shout. Where were they? Merry felt he was walking for days, no, weeks, without finding anyone or the terrain changing. Each time he looked around his surroundings, hoping to see another track of footsteps, he only saw his own. There was no sun, only cold wind blowing his hair in his face and filling every opening with dust and dirt.

*****

Pippin went to Merry’s study and sat down behind the desk to write a note for Frodo. Pippin fingered with the quill above the paper and thought about the day’s events and what to write. Immediately his thoughts went to his poor Aunt, but knowing her, Pippin also knew how strong she was and how much she loved her life. If someone could get through this it was her. Uncle Sara was another matter. Just like Merry he could think himself into a corner and don’t find a way out unless someone helped him. Pippin was glad his Aunt could do that for him, as he himself often did for Merry.

As his thoughts drifted to his cousin, a feeling of urgency came upon him and he hurried to write the letter to Frodo telling about the accident and that he and Merry would stay at Brandy Hall until Esmeralda was better. He pondered for a moment confessing his worries about Merry to Frodo, but knowing how much Frodo had to struggle with the rebuilding of Bag End and everything he had been through, Pippin decided to write that if Frodo could find the time to come down to Buckland, not only Esmie would be glad of his presence.

Pippin knew that the news about Esmeralda was enough to make Frodo come down to Buckland if he could manage, but he couldn’t help but hint that something else was wrong too. Hopefully Frodo would understand, or maybe he already felt that something was amiss with Merry as the three of them had a very strong bond. Besides, Pippin knew it wasn’t like him to be subtle and that alone would alert Frodo.

Pippin sighed and folded the sheet of paper before sealing it and writing Frodo’s address on it. He’d better get to the kitchen and then back to the others. He wasn’t very hungry, but a hobbit needed his food and Pippin knew well enough how much comfort there was in a good meal.

*****

Burdened with a heavy tray Pippin struggled to open the door to the Master bedroom, but just as he was about to set the tray down to open it, the door opened and Saradoc came out, his face showing a mixture of feelings.

“She’s awake!” he sad with a smile, but continued very solemnly. “But we can’t get Merry to wake up. I’m going for Daffodil now.”

“That is good to hear,” Pippin smiled back. “What is wrong with Merry?”

“I am not sure. He seems to be deeply asleep but we can’t get him to wake up. He has been lying with his head on Esmie’s bed since you left and that is not a comfortable position to sleep in. I would have thought he would wake up again quickly if he fell asleep again at all. Has he been having nightmares again?”

Pippin frowned. “No, not that I am aware of but I do believe I know what is wrong.” He walked towards the open door. “You go get the healer for Aunt Esmie and I’ll see what I can do for Merry.”

Saradoc squeezed Pippin’s shoulder affectionately. “You’re a good lad, Pippin. I am glad my Merry has you to look after him, but be honest with me: This-“ he tilted his head towards the bedroom, “It has to do with your travels, hasn’t it?”

“Yes, Uncle, it has. I will explain later.”

When Pippin came into the bedroom Esmie was bent over Merry’s still head, stroking what she could reach of his face, trying to coax some reaction or movement from him. “Pippin!” Her voice quivered with anxiety, Pippin saw, and there were tears in her eyes. “There you are. What is wrong with my Merry-lad?”

Pippin set the tray down on a table and came towards the bed, giving his Aunt a gentle, but firm hug. “I’m so glad to see that you are awake Auntie! How are you feeling?”

Esmeralda returned the hug and sank back against her pillows again. “Not too bad. My foot hurts but I’ll live. I’m more worried about Merry.”

Pippin walked over to Merry and gently shook his shoulder. “Merry, it’s me, Pippin. Wake up now. Come back to us.”

“He’s cold,” Esmie said, shaking a little to make sure that what happened was real and drying her tears.

Pippin nodded and reached for Merry’s right hand, his own eyes brimming now and he took several deep breaths to calm himself. He had to stay strong now, for Merry and for his Aunt and Uncle. Merry’s hand felt like ice. “Yes he is.”

“But his face is flushed, and I think he has a fever. Pippin, what is this thing ailing my boy?”

“It is a long tale Auntie, but first let us see if we can wake him up, shall we?”

Just then Saradoc returned with the healer, Daffodil. Old Pardy had died the previous year and she had taken over as Master Healer at Brandy Hall after being his apprentice.*

“Uncle, will you help me lie Merry down on your side of the bed, if it won’t hurt Aunt Esme? He can’t lie like this.”

“What is wrong?” The healer was about to start examining Esmeralda’s leg but looked closer at Merry. “I thought he merely was asleep and didn’t want to wake him. He is not in the way for my work, so I thought to let him be. Isn’t Master Merry asleep?”

“Yes, in a way,” Pippin said.

“My leg can wait,” Esmeralda said and held up her hand to the healer who was turning down the covers. “I want to know what is wrong with my son.”

“All right.” Daffodil said. “But let’s lie him down first.” Pippin and Saradoc put Merry down on Saradoc’s side of the bed and Esmie quickly laid his head in her lap, stroking his brow soothingly.

“Pippin?”

Pippin looked from his Aunt and Uncle to Daffodil and to Merry. “I will give a short version of the tale now so we can concentrate on getting you both well. During our travels, you know that Merry and I were separated after we lost Frodo and Sam?” Pippin said, surprised at how he sounded. Where had this grown up hobbit come from?

Esmie and Sara nodded. The healer looked confused at them. “Should I leave?”

“No it’s all right,” Saradoc said. “You need to hear this in order to help him. Is that all right with you Pippin?”

Pippin thought for a moment. They hadn’t told many outside the closest family about anything that had happened, but he was sure that Merry would agree that his own healer would benefit from the knowledge. “I agree. Anyway, Gandalf brought me to the city of Minas Tirith where the Steward Denethor ruled in the King’s stead. Merry was left with Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli and went to Rohan and King Thèoden.”

“Who are all these people?”Daffodil asked.

“It would be too much to explain that now, but they are friends,” Pippin said. “Good people we met during our travels. Merry swore his fealty to Rohan and rode in secrecy out with the army of Rohan when it rode to Gondor’s rescue and during the battle Merry was hurt badly. He stabbed one of the most evil creatures on earth and hurt his arm. That is almost to the day one year ago. When he was injured he fell into a black darkness that only Aragorn could revive him of by using a healing plant called athelas.” He paused to check that everyone was with him so far. Saradoc and Esmeralda listened carefully, and although Daffodil bore a confused expression on her face, she nodded. “I fear that the coming of the anniversary of Merry stabbing that foul creature has a bad effect on him and that it is the reason why he is ill now. Also, the knowledge of you being hurt Auntie, triggered this, in addition to his worrying about Frodo.”

“He is a worrier our Merry, but why is he worried about Frodo. Is he not well?” Esmie asked.

“That is also a long story, but let’s say that I think he might have trouble settling back into his old life again.”

“Yes,” Saradoc said. “I thought so.”

“We shall have to hear that tale later then.” Esmeralda stroked the brown scar above Merry’s eyebrow tenderly. “Except for this scar and the white marks on his wrists I see no other marks of injury in him.”

“It’s because it is another kind of injury, Auntie. It is something that settles in your mind. It’s almost like when Frodo sometimes is very sad because he lost his parents. It’s a blackness that creeps into his mind and if it’s not chased away then it drags him down into darkness.”

Saradoc reached for Merry’s hand, but gasped in shock at the coldness of it. “His hand is icy cold!” He looked at the others and down at Merry’s flushed face. “Yet he seems to be running a fever. How can this be?”

“If I may?” The healer asked and came forward. Saradoc nodded. She took Merry’s hands in his own and studied them carefully. “The left hand seems warm, yet as you say, the right is icy cold. Very curious.” She reached over and felt Merry’s forehead. “And he does indeed have a fever. I have never encountered anything like this. Master Pippin, do you have any explanation for it?”

“To some extent I do,” Pippin said. “The coldness in his hand and arm comes from the stabbing. The creature he helped killed was one of the Dark Lord’s closest men, known as the Witch-king of Agmar, and very possibly one of the Black Riders who set such a fright in poor Freddy just after we left. He is a ringwraith, a dead king that many, many years ago joined Sauron’s side. He dwells neither in this world, nor is he dead. That is, until Merry and the Lady Èowyn of Rohan killed him. An old prophecy** said that no living man could kill him, but a hobbit and a shield maiden of Rohan could. I think that whenever Merry is having a hard time, the Darkness threatens to claim him and so his hand grows cold. I shouldn’t have left to write that letter earlier and stayed with him. Perhaps I could have prevented what happened.” Pippin cast his eyes down and looked at his prone cousin.

“It is not your fault, Pippin dear. You could not have known this would happen.” Esmie gathered him in a hug and kissed his brow.

“What of the fever?” The healer asked, now taking Merry’s pulse.

“From what I have learned when he’s been like this before, the fever somehow comes to balance the temperature in his body and tries to prevent the coldness from taking over.” Pippin said.

“What do you mean with that this has happened before? Do you mean when he was wounded?” Saradoc looked at him with raised eyebrows.

“Well, yes. Then too, but it has happened after that.” Pippin sighed and rubbed his face. This questioning was quite exhausting.

“All right, that is enough for now,” Esmie said. “What do we do to wake him up?”

“We bring him back to the light.” Pippin said firmly. “However, this is the first time Merry has been this ill since the stabbing. Whenever the Darkness has threatened to claim him before, Strider, that is the new King of Gondor, Aragorn, has always been within reach to bring him back.”

“Yes,” the healer said. “This King, this Aragorn, has used a healing plant. But I have never heard of it before.”

“We call it kingsfoil. It’s a weed,” Pippin explained, “but it does not grow in the Shire. We will have to find another way of bringing him back.”

“Well,” Saradoc said musing, “you say we have to bring him back to the light. But how do we do that? We have tried to wake him up, but to no avail. How do we reach him?”

Esmeralda listened as the others debated how to reach Merry. She looked down at her beloved son’s face. Merry looked to be sound asleep but for the fever flushing his face and his eyes moving behind the closed lids. “It looks like he’s searching for something. Look!” The others leaned closer and they could clearly see Merry’s eyes moving from side to side as if he scanned a great area.

“Yes, he looks for us. This really isn’t mine to tell, but in his nightmares Merry often dream that he is looking for Frodo and me. It helps talking to him, touching him and reminding him that he isn’t alone, that we are here and if he only will come back to the light, we will be here for him.”

“Yes!” Saradoc leanded forward and took Merry’s face in his hands. “Merry-my-lad, do you hear me? Merry, it’s me, it’s your Da. Come back to us now.”

Pippin looked to the healer. “What do you say? You know more about these things than I do. I’m afraid that desperation and instinct is what drives me to do what I do when Merry has a nightmare.”

“He is trapped in a nightmare now,” the healer said, “yet, it is something else. I wonder if he was awake when this Darkness as you called it came upon him, or if he had fallen asleep?”

“We won’t know that until he wakes up,” Esmie said.

“True. Master Pippin is right though. Reminding him that he is surrounded by his loved ones and that there is something for him to come back to when he wakes is very important. You have indeed been doing the right thin, Master Pippin.”

Pippin thought for a moment. “When we were travelling, we did many things that no hobbit ever would dream of doing, things only soldiers do – like killing. When the four of us were together again we talked about how these actions changed us and I think that reminding Merry of his hobbit nature might be the most important thing here. He is a hobbit, even if he is a Knight of Rohan, and I think that is the clue to bring him back.”

“Tell us more about what happened the last time,” Saradoc said, holding Merry’s hands in his and now and again whispering in his ear that he was wanted back with them.

“All right,” Pippin said. “it was when we still were in Minas Tirith***. A cold o some sort was going through the army of Roah and Merry caught it. We were all still weakened from what we had been through and somehow the cold brought on the Darkness. I think Merry should explain what happened himself, if he remembers, I found him lying almost like now, curled up in bed, feverish and out of reach. Aragorn came and revived him with the athelas.”

“Thank you Pippin,” Saradoc said, putting a calming hand on Esmeralda’s shoulder as she dried her tears. “Now we know what to do.”

“Yes, thank you, Pippin-lad. Come here.” Esmie reached out and gathered Pippin in a tight hug. “What would we ever do without you?”

Pippin accepted the hug gratefully and leaned into the familiar warmth and comfort of his Aunt. It was hard going through this and at the same time having to explain everything to the others. “it’s all right, Auntie. I’m glad you’re here.”

Esmeralda released her nephew from the hug and looked at her son, Merry’s head still lying in her lap. “What do we do now?”

“First we should distinguish all darkness in the room,” Saradoc said. “If what he needs is light and warmth we should light candles and lamps and chase all darkness from the room.”

“Do you not think it would be wise to move him to another room, Master?” Daffodil asked. “He is not well and neither is your wife. They both need to heal.”

“No.” Esmeralda said firmly. “He is my son and if I can’t come to him, he’d better stay here.”

“All right. Let’s make the both of you more comfortable then. May I look at your leg now, Mistress? Master Pippin can light the lamps and put more wood on the fire. I need hot water to tend your leg.”

Pippin jumped up to do as the healer wanted. Now that he was finished with explaining things, he could concentrate on making Merry better. He rubbed his hands over his face and through his curls and walked over to the hearth. Reluctant to leave Merry for one second even if he was with his parents, Pippin fetched more fire wood and built a bright fire. He then moved to light every candle or lamp there was in the room and fetched several more candles from the private parlour in the Master’s quarters.

“Your leg looks to be healing nicely, Mistress.” Daffodil said and tucked the blankets up around Esmie again. “Your heart beats steadily and evenly, but you are weakened by the fall and the strain on your heart. You need to rest. I will allow Master Merry to stay for now, and I will watch the both of you carefully, but as soon as he wakes, he needs to be moved to another room.”

“I understand, Daffodil. Thank you.” Esmie watched as Saradoc made Merry more comfortable on the bed and sat down beside him.

“Come on, Merry-lad. We are here, just waiting for you to come back to the light again. We need you here. Your mum and I and Pippin and Frodo too.”

“Is there anything we can do about his cold arm?” Esmie asked.

“Yes,” Daffodil said. “I will heat bricks and we should also attempt to get something warm and nourishing down him. I am sure that whatever he’s battling, it must take its toil and he needs all the energy he can get to chase the Darkness away. Master Pippin, do you know of any special drinks or broths your King used?”

“I don't remember. But I am sure he didn't use anything out of the ordinary.”

“Very well. I will see to that some chicken broth is made and go fetch more of my herbs. You could do with some willow bark tea for your leg, Mistress.”

“I’ll put the kettle on.” Pippin said. “And speaking of tea. I have completely forgot the tray I brought in. Shall we see if there is anything on it we may salvage?”

“That my lad, is a very good idea,” Saradoc said and fetched the tray. “The sandwiches, cheese and cold meat is still good. I do believe we only have to brew another pot of tea.”

----------------------
A/N:
* Both Pardy and Daffodil are of my imagination. Pardy appears in several stories, among them are “Growing” and “Heir to Buckland”.
** Glorfindel came with this prophecy and you can read about it in my story “The Prophecy”, here: http://www.storiesofarda.com/chapterlistview.asp?SID=282
***The last time Merry was ill from his stabbing of the Witch-king after the battle at Pelennor Fields is in Minas Tirith, before the hobbits return home. You can read about it in my story “Cousins on Watch”, chapter two “Merry” here: http://www.storiesofarda.com/chapterview.asp?sid=1631&cid=6758. He did however also suffer from it during my story "Sneaky Snakes and Broken Bones".

PART SEVEN: Chasing Away the Darkness

“We can’t eat now!” Pippin protested. “What about Merry?”

“What about him?” Esmie asked, suddenly fearing there was something else wrong and clasping her hand over her heart.

“My love?” Saradoc rose from where he was seated on Merry’s side and hurried over to her. “Are you well?”

“Yes, yes. Don’t worry. I was only afraid that there was something else wrong. I am fine. What is it Pippin dear?”

“It’s just… I’m sorry Auntie, Uncle, but I have never been through this with Merry without Aragorn to help him.” A few tears suddenly welled forth in his eyes and he dried them away quickly, annoyed with his own lack of control. “I don’t know if what we can do is enough to bring him back.”

“”If what you said earlier is true, Pippin, then the smell of food should help revive him as it is something that will remind him of home and what he misses. We need to be strong for Merry and Esmie too,” Saradoc said. He went to the tray and poured a cup of tea before he walked over to Merry again. “You hear that son? Do you smell the tea?”

Merry shifted slightly on the bed and his head moved towards Saradoc’s voice. “Merry? Are you with us?” Merry shifted a bit more but did not open his eyes.

At that moment Daffodil came back with another bag of herbs, and went straight for Merry, taking his hand and feeling his pulse. “His heart is beating faster,” she said. “I think he is waking up.”

“Merry, cane you hear me?” Esmeralda slid down in the bed and put his head on her shoulder, wrapping her arms around him and rocking him slightly, humming softly into his ear. “I’m here. I miss you my Merry. Please open your eyes.”

Merry’s head moved again, settling on Esmie’s shoulder. “I think he feels that I am here!”

“Yes!” Pippin said, almost bouncing on the bed in eagerness, but quickly calming himself enough to make a plate of sandwiches which he brought back to the bed. “Come on Merry, you can do it! Take a deep breath and smell the tea and the sandwiches, Mer. Chase that shadow away. It has no right to claim you and it is not real any more. Do you hear me? It’s but a shadow and a dream.”

*****

The world surrounding Merry was changing. The grey sky above the barren lands he was walking in brightened. Merry stopped and looked about in wonder. His body felt lighter and each movement was less painful than the one before it. He felt warmth starting to come back to his numbed body and making his face glow and his icy arm tingle. He squared his shoulders and lifted his head up to meet the brightening sky. A familiar voice came to him from the distance, calling his name, humming. Another voice, Pippin’s, was calling to him, beckoning him to come back to the sun and the light. A warm breeze ruffled his curls and a strong hand clasped his shoulder, sliding around to his other shoulder to help keep him upright, leaning him against the owner’s own strong body. “That’s it my lad. Step by step. Just put one foot in front of the other. We’re almost there.”

Merry couldn’t see anyone but he breathed in the familiar presence of his da and leaned into his comfort and security. A smell so different from the dust and sand that had been surrounding him reached his nostrils and he inhaled deeply. The scent was so familiar that he didn’t quite place it at first, but then it came to him. The scent of hearth and home, of a warm fire and burning candles, of fragrant herbs and tea brewing, and with a sudden jump his heart lurched with longing and tears started rolling down his cheeks. Oh, but he wanted to go home! He wanted to be with his family and friends, to sit by the fire and enjoy a nice pipe and a good mug of ale or perhaps some fine cider.

The evil voice that beckoned him to darkness and eternal despair told him that all he now felt and longed for was only a memory, something from the past and not real. Only the desert was real and he would do best to forget about all that was.

“Come now, Merry.” A deep and calming voice said, closer than the voices he had heard earlier. “We’re waiting for you.” 

Without thinking Merry looked at Saradoc who still was holding him upright and nodded. The sky grew even brighter and the voices that surrounded him became clear and real. Slowly Merry took notice of his surroundings. He was lying down, nestled against something soft and someone was holding his good hand. He felt warm and snug, but very tired and his sword arm hurt. Another hand, unfamiliar, felt his brow and took his cold hand in its own. Merry’s eyes darted open and he gasped with pain. His hand felt like it was on fire.

*****

“Merry!” Pippin, Saradoc and Esmeralda all leaned in over him and studied his face deeply. Pippin smiled from ear to ear and Esmie was crying again. Saradoc smiled too and his eyes were moist. “Good to have you among us again Merry-lad! How are you feeling?”

Merry blinked and looked from one to the other. There was someone he vaguely recognised as the Hall’s healer Daffodil there too, and now she too was coming closer. "I... 'm tired." Merry mumbled and closed his eyes again and sighed, his breath evening out.

“Sleep now,” Esmie eased Merry down to lie on the pillow beside her and stroked his brow soothingly. Her own leg was aching but that was nothing to the joy of having her Merry back. "We'll talk later."

“I should say it is safe to move him now, Mistress, Master. He needs rest and so do you." Daffodil said.

“I’ll sit with him,” Pippin said.

“Good.” Daffodil went to open the bedroom door. “I will be there in a moment, after I have checked that the Mistress is resting peacefully." Saradoc lifted Merry from the bed and carried him to his childhood bedroom which stood just as it had before Merry and the others had left on their travels.

When Daffodil came to Merry’s room Pippin had a bright fire going and Saradoc was lighting the candles and lamps. “We need to help him regain warmth in his right arm and side. I'll go get some linen cloths. We'll put them in warm water and wrap around his side and arm and heat more bricks to put around him."

“Yes,” Pippin said. “That is what the healers in Gondor did too."

*****

It was completely dark out when Merry woke, needing the privy. Pippin had almost fallen asleep in the chair beside his bed, completely exhausted from the day’s events but he managed to help Merry stumble to the bathroom to do his business and back to bed. “Thanks, Pip,” Merry murmured as Pippin tucked the heating bricks and warm cloths in place again.

Pippin bit back a fresh bout of tears and nodded. "You're welcome, Mer. I'm glad you're with us." He sat down in the chair beside the bed again and tried to sort out his feelings and think things through. He couldn't help but feeling angry with Merry for not seeing the signals earlier and telling him about it before he had, but he was mostly relieved that Merry finally was back with them. He hadn't been gone for more than a few hours, but that was a few hours too many in Pippin's mind. He was happy that his Aunt and Uncle had been there to help out, but he couldn't help feeling sad that they had to see their beloved only child being claimed by Darkness and despair. He rubbed at his eyes and tucked the blankets more securely around Merry before finding a blanket of his own and settling down more comfortably in the chair. Hopefully Merry would sleep until morning.

*****

*Pippin?* A hand shook his shoulder and Pippin jerked awake.

“Merry?”

“Sssh. He's still asleep. I thought you might want a more comfortable position to sleep in than sitting upright in a chair. Go to bed now and I'll wake you for breakfast." Saradoc had opened the door so quietly that Pippin hadn't heard him coming in. He opened his eyes and looked at Merry. His cousin had curled himself up into his familiar sleeping position and made a nest of his pillows and blankets as was his wont. Merry would be all right then. Pippin realised he had been holding his breath while checking Merry over and now he released with a sigh of relief.

“All right. But wake me if anything changes.” He rose and went to the door that it felt like an eternity since had been put in the wall between his own and Merry's room*.

________________

A/N: * This refers to my story “The Secret Door”, here: http://www.storiesofarda.com/chapterview.asp?sid=3836&cid=14770

I am sorry for the delay in posting the continuation of this story but as those of you who follow my LJ  knows, my internet access is tenous at times if I have any at all. Cross fingers, toes, hair and everything else that it will improve soon.

PART EIGHT: Mother’s love

Esmeralda Brandybuck had watched her son sleep on many occasions, but it was many years since she had watched him sleep as intently as she did now, carefully watching his beloved features for any sign of distress. Merry had woken up to take a bit of breakfast, his first meal since breakfast the day before and now he was asleep again. Had it only been twenty four hours since her own accident Esmie mused. Surely it couldn’t be? She shook her head a little, but yes, it was true. She had fallen down the stairs to the cellar in the kitchen the previous morning just after first breakfast and woken up to find Merry beside her last night, his head nestled on her bedside, apparently deeply asleep.

They hadn’t been able to wake him, she remembered, and when he did finally wake it was after much coaxing from her, Saradoc and Pippin. Pippin, the dear lad, had tried to explain what horrors Merry had gone through to suffer such nightmares as the one he had last night, and try to understand as she might, Esmie didn’t quite manage to grasp the reality of what had happened. Merry’d stabbed a foul creature, a servant of the Dark Lord himself, and paid for it with an icy chill searing through his body and a black mood that seemed to steal his very life away.

It had been a hard enough shock as it was to see the scar on his forehead and the marks on his wrists when he’d first come home, but she’d managed to come to terms with those. Merry had told her repeatedly that they did not hurt, but she couldn’t help but think that the memories of them, the sheer fact that he had them, must hurt him on the inside, as it tore at her heart to see him like that. She knew that was one of the reasons he and Pippin had moved to Crickhollow.

Now Merry seemed to be free of pain and nightmare. The fever that followed the icy hold the Darkness had on him was gone and Pippin had said that he was tired now and just needed to sleep and restore his strength before he would be as good as new again.

Esmie shifted a little in her chair, adjusting her broken leg on the stool it rested on and wrapping her blanket a bit tighter around herself. She had insisted on sitting with Merry and accepted the cup of strong willow bark tea the healer, Daffodil, had given her prior to her watch. The healer had tried to talk her out of it, but being a mother of five herself she had understood all too well Esmie’s distress and love for her son.

Presently Merry shifted and snuggled his head deeper into the pillow it was resting on. His right side and arm was wrapped in warm cloths and hot bricks that had been placed around him. His left arm lay flung out beside him, his hand dangling over the side of the bed. Now Daffodil entered with a new load of steaming cloths and nodded to the Mistress as she walked over to the bed. “He’s still sleeping soundly,” she marvelled. “It is a strange illness this, Mistress, but Master Pippin has been right so far, so I deem he is right in this too.” Daffodil mused more to herself than to Esmeralda.

“Yes,“ Esmie said. “No one knows our Merry like Pippin. He did wake up to take some breakfast an hour ago though,”

“Yes, the Master told me and it is good news indeed,” Daffodil said and started unwrapping Merry from the cloths that had cooled. “His skin feels a little warmer too. I dare say he’ll be up and about later today.”

“Let us hope so.” Esmie struggled to rise so she could watch as the healer worked, but gasped in pain as she jostled her leg.

“Mistress!” Daffodil was by her side in an instant and helped her down in the chair again. “You ought to be in bed!”

“I know, Daffodil, but I just couldn’t. Not now.”

“I understand. However, I do not want you to tax yourself. You’ve had a bad fright, and I’m not only talking about the Young Master’s illness. You have your own heart to think about too, and your leg needs to heal to be fully functional again. It won’t do anyone any good if you don’t rest. As soon as Master Merry wakes up again I am ordering you back to bed.” Daffodil put on her sternest look and held Esmie’s gaze until she subsided.

“You are right, dear,” Esmie said and patted Daffodil’s arm. “I might be the Mistress of Brandy Hall but when it comes to health and what is best for you, your word is law”.

“I thank you for that, Mistress.” Daffodil smiled before turning back to business. “Now, I’d like to know when he wakes up. I would very much want to know more about this illness that ails him.”

“You’re not the only one,” Esmeralda smiled back. “You’re a bright lass Daffodil, and I am very glad you are the one who took over when poor old Pardy died.”

Daffodil blushed. “Thank you Mistress, I had a very good teacher and he is sorely missed.”

“Yes you did,” Esmie agreed. “We all miss him.”

Daffodil finished with Merry and closed the door silently behind her and Esmie went back to watching her Merry-lad sleep. Over the years she had sat many times in this very chair watching her dear lad sleep in that very bed. Mostly the watch had been out of content and love for her child, especially the first years after he was born. She knew she could not have more than this one child. She’d lost a few before Merry finally came, but none had made it to birth. After Merry was born, the midwife had told her quite sternly that she would do well to not attempt any more children for the sake of her own health. She’d been devastated by the news and subsequently loved her only child even more for being the only one she would ever have.

It was known all over Buckland that Esmeralda had a as generous heart as most Tooks and didn’t limit her love to her own Merry but always held a special place in her heart both for Pippin and Frodo in addition to always looking out for the other children residing at Brandy Hall.

There had been times she’d watched Merry sleep during some nightmare or other. More often than not it was Merry who soothed Frodo’s nightmares, coming to hers and Sara’s bedroom waking them full of distress because he couldn’t calm Frodo down. She remembered sitting by Merry’s sickbed too, but those occasions were few even if the memory of them were strong.

Esmeralda looked at her grown son again, taking the time to study his face intently. Merry was pale, and in his sleep all the worry and troubles he managed to hide during the day lay plainly written on his features. Perhaps he was not so free of nightmare and pain as she initially had thought after sitting down to watch him? Esmie hitched herself up a little to study him closer. Hadn’t she noticed before or was he thinner? When had Merry’s cheekbones become so prominent? Perhaps it was only the last inches he had grown that fooled her. Perhaps he had become stretched, become leaner – almost like Frodo was now – and not broader like using all those muscles usually would result in with a Brandybuck?

So much had changed the year he’d been gone and since he and the others came back they’d been busy with setting the Shire back to rights. Had she not had time to study her lad before this? Had she been able she would have kicked herself for being so little perceptive, but she also knew that like the Took she was she wasn’t always as concerned by the outside as of the inside. She could clearly see this in Pippin – Merry had not that part of Tookishness over him, meticulous as he ever was. She cared about looks, of course she did, she was after all a lass. Still she berated herself for not having seen the signs before. They’d been back for months! Granted, they’d all been busy putting everything back to order.

Had she already come to take Merry’s presence for granted again? The fact that she at some point had taken him for granted at all shocked her and she reached over to brush his tousled curls from his eyes, vowing never to do the same again. She had sworn to never take anything for granted after the miracle of Merry’s birth and she held a living, healthy child in her arms.

Merry shifted under her touch and she moved her hand to cup his cheek instead. Merry leaned into her touch and blinked open his eyes. “Mum?”

“Good morning dear. Have you been sleeping well?”

Merry blinked a few more times before nodding. “What are you doing out of bed? You should be resting.” He looked at her searchingly. “Mum! You are in pain. What are you doing here?”

Esmeralda shook her head. If anyone in her family was perceptive, it was her Merry. She’d had time to school her features while Merry woke up still he had seen her distress. “I will when I see you are back on your feet again. How do you feel?”

Merry nodded, remembering all that had happened the last few days. “Is it over now?”

Esmeralda looked at him blankly for a moment then nodded firmly. “Yes, Merry. It is over now.” She reached out and wrapped her son, blankets and cloths and all, in her embrace. “It’s gone now, Merry. The Shadow is gone.”

“Good.” Merry said firmly and sat up only now discovering the heavy cloths adorning his side and arm. Lifting them a little, he felt with his left hand on the right side of his chest and up to the shoulder and down the arm. “I can feel my arm again.” Unwrapping his arm and hand from the cloths Merry lifted his right hand and wriggled his fingers, testing them and feeling the hand with his left. Esmie took his right hand in his and squeezed gently.

“It does not feel so cold any more.”

“No.” Merry moved to get up and drew back the curtains to reveal the early spring sun. He stood there for a moment, letting the first warm rays of spring warm his face and cleanse him of the darkness that had tried it’s best to swallow him up. The Shadow was indeed gone! Merry felt fine. No dark thoughts, no pain, no lingering nightmare. His sleep had been deep and sound and he couldn’t remember any dreams, not even good ones. Merry smiled.

Merry padded over to the foot of the bed and put his robe on. “What time is it?”

“Close to elevenses I should think,” Esmie said. “Are you sure you are well enough to be up and about?”

“Yes, Mum,” Merry said, sitting down on the side of his bed again. “I am more concerned about you. We should get you back into a comfy bed.”

“All I good time my dear. The healer wanted to see you so you’d better go fetch her yourself,” Esmie smiled. “I’m not of much help at the moment.”

“That can hardly be necessary,” Merry argued. “I feel fine. I don’t need a healer.”

“Perhaps not, but she insisted.”

“All right then,” Merry agreed reluctantly, feeling a little like a stubborn child not wanting to do his chores. He kissed her cheek. “Anything for you Mum. Where is everyone else?”

“Pippin and Sara are sleeping. They have been sitting with you all night and are resting. They carried you to bed themselves and have been with you ever since. I came to sit with you just before first breakfast.”

Merry rose and wrapped his arms around her from behind and hugged her tightly. “Thank you.”

Esmie patted his hair and leaned into his strong embrace. ”It was nothing my dear. Now shoo. Go find that healer of ours and see about some food for your starving mother. Bedside watching is hard work you know.”

“I know, Mum.” Merry laughed and went in search of food, the healer and the rest of his immediate family.

*****

“Merry! You sleepyhead!” Pippin’s shout of welcome sounded across the Great Hall later that day as he saw Merry enter, pushing Esmie in a chair with wheels on, something the Brandybucks had learned from the Tooks after seeing Mistress Lalia being wheeled around in one, and deciding that it would serve well for injured people needing to keep their legs perfectly still, but being able to be up and about. “I see you finally have decided to join the living again.” His voice was light but Merry could clearly see the lines of worry on Pippin’s features. It was the way of hobbits to take lightly on grave matters when they couldn’t – or in this case wouldn’t as the Great Hall was crowded – use the words needing to be said.

“Pip!” Merry embraced his cousin as if they hadn’t seen each other for a long time, but knew just as well as Pippin that the cheerfulness was a mask and that they needed to keep that mask on to keep sane.

“Shouldn’t you be in bed, Auntie?” Pippin inquired.

“Yes, “ Merry answered, “but she insisted on eating at a table and since the one in the private parlour is too small for sitting comfortably by with a wheelchair, she demanded to be brought here.”

“Do not worry yourselves, lads. I have had a good and long nap and I have promised the good healer to be back under the covers as soon as this meal is over.”

*****

Merry and Pippin spent the next days at Brandy Hall, watching over Esmie and helping Saradoc when forced from her room so he could sit with her as much as possible. Merry had felt cheerful and happy again and relished being back to his old self, laughing and singing through the hallways, teasing the lasses and taking a pipe on the porch with his Da in the evenings, musing that day’s events over. It was a habit he and Saradoc had taken up after he came back. He and Pippin had also had a long talk about what had happened and Merry had thanked him many times for being there for him and his parents and they’d both shed some tears.

“Promise me,” Pippin had said after they had dried their tears and laughed a little to lighten their mood again. “Promise me Merry, that you tell me when you feel the Shadow threatening to take control again.”

Merry had looked at him then, locking his eyes with Pippin’s, pouring his heart into the words as he had said “I promise, Pip. I really do.”

With a nod, Pippin had accepted his promise and Merry intended to hold to it as best as he could. Hobbits did after all take promises very seriously.

*****

It was late in the afternoon on the fifth day after Merry woke up when they both were called into the Master’s office. The rain poured down outside again, the sun from the previous two days long gone. “Lads,” Saradoc said gravely, looking each ot them in the eye. “We have a problem.”