Here follows a reading from the Book of Frodo, chapter 1, verses 3 through 12.

3 And it came to pass that Eru spake unto the prophet Gandalf, saying, 4 gird thy loins, take up thy staff and go unto the Shire, even unto the land of the Halflings, and speak unto the inhabitants therof as I shall instruct thee.

5 Therefore the prophet Gandalf girded his loins, took up his staff and went unto the land of the Halflings.

6 Now in those days, there dwelt in Hobbiton, in the midst of the Shire, an upright Halfling whose name was Frodo, son of Drogo.  His inheritance was vast, and among his possessions was the great ring most precious.

7 Now the prophet Gandalf came unto the land of the Halflings, even unto Hobbiton, and spake unto Frodo as Eru had commanded him, saying, 8 thus saith Eru, thou shalt take the ring, even the great ring most precious and thou shalt go forth, thou and thy servant Samwise, to the ends of the earth, even to the Mountain of Doom, and there shalt thou cast the great ring into the fiery depths.

9 Then said Frodo unto Gandalf, thou knowest I am short of stature and meek.  Thou art foremost among the mighty and great among the wise. 10  Wilt thou not take the great ring, and keep it or destroy it as thou wilt?

11 Then said Gandalf, do not tempt me, for thou knowest that I have great power, and the ring addeth power to power, thus even the wise may be cast down.

12 Therefore said Frodo, let it be as thou hast spoken.

Here ends the reading from the Book of Frodo, in the King James Version.

Disclaimer:  I cannot take any but the most minor credit for this.  Some time ago, I shared the "Book of Frodo" bit with my baby brother.  He promptly procrastinated on writing up his sermon (he's an ordained Presbyterian minister), and instead dashed off the following.  Being a minister, he naturally has a real feel for the KJV style.  I asked for and received his permission to post this; if you post comments, I'll relay them to him.  I know you'll enjoy:

The Second Book of Bilbo

Chapter 1:1-21

1. And it came to pass in the days of Denethor, son of Ecthelion, Steward of Gondor, that the Halfling, Bilbo Baggins of Hobbiton did make unto himself a feast.

2. Saying in his heart, I have accomplished five score and eleven years. Shall I not make for myself a feast and a celebration to gladden my heart?

3. So Bilbo did send unto his acquaintances and unto his kindred, both those who dwelt nearby, and those who were afar off.

4. Even unto every kind of Bagginses, Boffins, Tooks, Brandybucks, Grubbs, Chubbs, Burrowses, Hornblowers, Bolgers, Bracegirdles, Goodbodies, Brockhouses, and Proudfoots did he send.

5. Unto his dwelling place at Bag End did he summon them.

6. So Bilbo did prepare for himself a feast, making for himself all manner of diversions and summoning unto himself one of the wise men of the kingdom, even Gandalf Grayhame.

7. And when the day was come that had been appointed, the feast commenced.

8. Then there came all manner of Halfling. Even from the ends of the Shire did they come and unto Bag End did they go.

9. And there came also Gandalf, bearing with him diverse sorceries and enchantments.

10. Then began the feasting of which Bilbo had spoken, and then did the Halflings make merry with song and dance, yea verily with eating and drinking did they feast, and then did the sorceries which Gandalf wrought bring light to the heavens.

10. Then spoke Bilbo unto the Halflings saying,

11. My heart doth rejoice, and my spirit is gladdened 12. At the coming of the friends of my youth. 13. For two purposes and for three have I summoned thee hence. 14. My soul is made merry at thy presence, and my five score and eleven years are now fulfilled. 15. Furthermore this day marketh the majority of mine nephew, even Frodo Baggins, who this day hath come of age, being fully thirty and three years of age. 16. He is unto me as a son and it pleaseth me to claim him as mine heir. 17. Now must I make an end. 18. So I say unto you, my friends, Fare thee well.

19. When he had spoken these things, Bilbo did vanish

20. And no man knew how he had accomplished this feat

21. Nor whence he had gone.

Here's my brother's (the preacher) new episode--longer than the others, and more serious, and very much in keeping with the KJV tone and that of LOTR.  Please read (and let us know what you think):

The Fourth Book of Frodo

A Reading from the Fourth Book of Frodo, Chapter 1, Verses 42-71

42 Then came Samwise and Frodo unto the foot of Emyn Muil while yet the moon shone in the sky. And as they were faint and weary they did lay them down to rest. 43 But ere their eyes had closed to sleep, 44 behold, Frodo did espy some thing that did creep down the cliff under which they had encamped.

45 Then said he unto Samwise, Lift up thine eyes, oh friend of my youth, and say unto me what thou seest as it creepeth above thy head. 46 And Sam did lift up his eyes, and behold he saw one Smeagol, even he whom men call Gollum.

47 And he answered Frodo saying, Oh my master it is Gollum, he from whom we have fled, lo these many days. Like a spider is he in his descent as he crawleth his way down. 48 I fear lest he should search and find our place of refuge.

49 Then spoke Frodo and said, 50 Be not afraid, Samwise, for behold about thee thou hast the cloke given unto thee by those of elven-kind. 51 Doth it not serve to confound the sight of even those who are near unto thee? 52 Will it not also do as much and even more to this one who is thine enemy?

53 And while they were yet speaking, Gollum did drop himself from the cliff above them, and did fall like as unto a spider that hath been severed from her web. 54 Then did Samwise quickly leap upon Gollum meaning thereby to subdue him. 55 But Gollum did twist himself about and into the neck of Samwise did he sink his teeth.

56 Then rose up Frodo and, drawing his sword, did shew it unto Gollum saying, 57 Take heed, O Gollum thou knowest this blade, even Sting. Put away thine hand from this thy captive and live.

58 Then Gollum released Samwise and spoke unto Frodo in a voice as that of a serpent 59 Saying, Hurt us not, O gentle hobbitses. No harm do we mean unto them. 60 Our precious present art thou. 61 (Even so spoke he, as though to the ring of doom which he did yet covet) 62 Lonely and an hungered are we and seek not to harm them.

63 Thus it was that after he had been released Samwise did entreat Frodo to slay Gollum 64 saying, Hath this creature not been shewed unworthy of thy trust? And will he not plot in his heart vile things against us?

65 But Frodo pondered long in his heart and did bring mind to mind the words of Gandalf concerning Gollum.

66 Many there are that deserve death and yet they live
67 Many there are that deserve life and yet they perish
68 Hast thou been given authority to execute judgment on the one
69 Hast thou been granted power to extend life to the other
70 Even the wisest know not all that shall come to pass

71 Then was the heart of Frodo moved with compassion and he commanded Samwise 72 saying, Stay now thine hand, Samwise, for mine heart is moved within me. 73 Though his thoughts be ever evil against us, yet shall he live.

Here follows a reading from the Book of Frodo, chapter 2, verses 1 through 9.

1 Now Frodo had two kinsmen, Meriadoc of the house of Brandybuck and Peregrin of the house of Took.  2 And these two had conspired with Samwise to know all that had passed between Gandalf the prophet and their kinsman Frodo.  This they did not of evil in their hearts, but of love.

3 Now it came to pass that when Frodo with his servant Samwise came out from Hobbiton and passed through the Shire that they sojourned with Meriadoc and Peregrin before the boundaries of the Shire.  4 And these two kinsmen, knowing Frodo purposed to pass beyond the Shire, even into the Wild, said unto him, with thee we shall go, wherever thou goest.

5 Then said Frodo, know you not that I fly but from danger into greater danger?  Follow me not at your peril!

6 And they said unto him, did not Gandalf the prophet and Gildor of the Elves say unto thee (for Peregrin had speech with Gildor), take those thou canst trust?  Thou mayest trust us to keep thy secrets and thy life, but trust us not to let thee fly alone into the Wild.  7 Intreat us not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, we will go; and where thou lodgest, we will lodge.

8 And Frodo said, as the wise ones have said, so shall I do.  And great is my joy in the company of my kinsmen!

9 Then they made ready to depart even upon the morrow, for fear of the horsemen clad in black.

Here ends the reading from the Book of Frodo, in the King James Version.

PS. Verse 7 is pretty much verbatim from the Book of Ruth, leaving out the bits about dying and burial…