Grateful

by Rowan aka Sue DeNimme

Disclaimer: No copyrights were harmed in the making of this fanfic.

~~~

The decision has been made, at last. It feels as if a burden has fallen from my shoulders, a weight I had hardly been aware of, shadowed as it was by that other burden, the one that is gone and yet will always be with me.

The story of our deeds is complete, or all of it that I could put on paper; the rest I will leave to others who can tell it better than I. My affairs are in order. Soon I will be on my way to -- to where I am going.

Now, with no more to write, no more to plan, and no more to say (until the time comes when I must say it), I listen to snatches of Sam's and Rosie's voices as they sing Elanor to sleep. I try to identify this emotion that rises inside me like sap in the spring. Not quite happiness. Not quite peace.

I feel gratitude.

To whom do I feel this sudden thankfulness, and for what?

Thank you, Sam, for holding my strength and my hope for me when I believed they were lost to me forever. Your love is the purest, most honest and bottomless that has ever been seen in Middle-earth, and I rejoice that you now have a family to give it to when I am gone. That family will grow as bountifully as the Shire itself, thanks to your care, and soon you will be far too busy and happy for any regrets that I might leave you with.

Thank you, Rosie, for loving Sam.

Thank you, Elanor, for brightening my home in my last days here.

Thank you, Merry, for not letting me get away with leaving you behind. I felt terrible, all through the quest, for my selfishness in allowing you and Pippin to take a portion of my troubles on yourselves, all because I did not want to be alone. I was unforgivably slow on the uptake, wasn't I? But now I know. Oh, my Merry, I was there when you were born. How did you get so much older than me?

Thank you, Pippin, for your sweetness of spirit. I know that you often felt useless and foolish, and I regret that I was too preoccupied with my own struggles to tell you how important your presence was to me. You and Merry were a reminder to me of what I was doing it for. And you have both made me prouder than I can ever say in words. The two of you, and Sam -- you are the Shire.

Thank you, Bilbo, for giving up your treasured solitude for me, sharing your home and your love with me until I was strong enough for you to leave. I hope that as we take our last journey together, you no longer feel guilty for leaving It for me to deal with. You did the right thing.

Thank you, Gandalf, for never losing faith in me.

Thank you, Strider, for protecting me while you could.

Thank you, Legolas, for your serenity and keen sight.

Thank you, Gimli, for your bluff strength and your steady courage.

Thank you, Boromir, for saving my cousins for me. I hope that wherever you are, you have forgiven yourself.

Oh, there are so many more! Lord Elrond, Queen Arwen, Lady Galadriel, Lord Celeborn. Lord Faramir, Lady Éowyn, King Éomer, and King Théoden as well. Tom Bombadil, Goldberry, Mr. Butterbur, Farmer Maggot, Treebeard, Quickbeam, Beregond, Bergil, Gildor. All the soldiers I never met who bought me time with their lives. My mother and father.

And Sméagol. Thank you, for guiding me, and for doing my task for me when I could not, at the last. I know that was not your intention. But I hope you have found peace at last, and rest and healing, for you suffered so much longer than I or anyone else did. If no one else remembers you and gives you their blessing, take mine, such as it is.

I am ready.

~end