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Tears stung Boromir's eyes and he rubbed them away angrily. He did not want his father to see him weeping and think him weak or childish. Resisting the urge to sniff, he instead wiped his nose with the back of his hand. Setting his face stoically, Boromir pulled back his shoulders and stood tall, hoping it would help him control his emotion -- but to no avail. Another tear rolled down before he could stop it. Beside him, Denethor made no sound, nor gave any indication he saw Boromir's sorrow. What his father's feelings were now, Boromir could not tell. *** Tears stung Boromir's eyes and he rubbed them away angrily. His sorrow was very great, but this was no time to show weakness. He must remain strong if he was to provide support for his bereaved father and his bewildered brother.
Tears stung Boromir's eyes and rolled down his face, but he let them fall unchecked. He cared not who saw him weeping; a grown man could be forgiven a few tears when bidding a friend farewell. Leaning forward, he kissed the cold brow of his comrade in arms -- his friend --- who lay dead in his arms. The battle had been fierce, and many lives had been lost. Boromir, as captain of his men, felt each death keenly and the burden of each loss was heavy. But this loss was especially hard to bear -- Amdir, his companion from childhood, was dead, lost defending his captain from the enemy. "Amdir!" he lamented aloud. "You were fond of reminding me that your name meant 'hope' and that your task in life was to make me smile! You looked at life with joy, always; what will I do now without you to remind me that there is some hope in the world? My hope is diminished, now that you are gone from me!" Boromir bowed his head and let his tears drip down upon the torn tunic of his friend. At length, his weeping was spent and he released the body, setting it down gently. With a sigh, Boromir reached for the sword which lay beside him, cast down in the agony of the moment of finding his friend dying upon the battlefield. Harthad, another word for hope... he thought fleetingly, gazing at the sword in his hand. May I never lose you, for then my despair will be complete! A gentle hand upon his shoulder caused him to look around. It was his brother. "Here is Amdir's mount, Boromir," said Faramir quietly. "We shall carry him home where he will be entombed with all the honor due him." "Thank you, Faramir," replied Boromir heavily, as he rose to his feet. "I... I shall miss him!" "I know," answered Faramir, compassion in his voice. "Do you need more time with him?" Boromir shook his head. "No. I have let him go." "Have you?" queried Faramir sternly. "You are our captain, Boromir, and you carry the weight of great responsibility. It is right and fitting that you mourn our friend and all those who were lost today -- but be careful you do indeed let go the weight of the dead, in time. If you do not let it go, the burden of all you have lost will become too great to bear, even for your strong shoulders!" Boromir heaved another sigh and smiled sadly. "As usual, you speak the truth, my brother!" Boromir declared, turning to face Faramir. "I have lost my friend, but I still have you, my best friend, and for that I am very glad! There is still some hope in the world while we are together!" He gave Faramir a quick, hard embrace, then turned away from the body of his friend. "Come, let us take him home." *** Panting for breath, Boromir wiped blood and sweat from his eyes. He had a moment to breathe in the midst of battle, but only a moment; it was not going well, for he and his men were surrounded and outnumbered. Boromir struggled vainly to quell the fear rising in his heart at the thought that it might be too late to retreat back to the western shore. He gripped his sword Harthad more tightly, as the glancing moonlight shone bright upon the blade. Out of the darkness he could hear the words of memory speaking, the words of his grandfather upon his deathbed: "The hope of your people now lies with you, Boromir. May your own hope remain unbroken." Hope! he thought with a grimace. What hope can there be today? He looked out over the moonlit hill upon which he stood, as if seeking a sign that would give him some hope, yet nothing was to be seen but the teeming armies of Mordor and the dead bodies of soldiers of Gondor littering the ground. What hope can there be today? Boromir thought darkly. We are outnumbered! There is no hope that we can defeat this foe! It is over. I have little hope now that we shall see the light of day... Boromir was suddenly knocked aside by a blow to the head, and his sword flew from his hand. As he lay momentarily stunned, a huge form loomed up and a spear glinted in the moonlight. A Southron spearman towered over him, poised to strike. Boromir rolled to avoid the blow of the spear, and the Southron fell sprawling atop him, knocking the breath from his lungs. Mailed hands were suddenly at Boromir's throat; he grappled with the man as he gasped for air. Boromir kicked out furiously, and his boot made contact with flesh. The Southron grunted and his grip shifted, just enough that Boromir was able to pull away and roll free. As he rolled he felt Harthad under him and grasped at the sword desperately. He thrust the blade upwards as he came out of his roll, and the Southron, leaping to grab at his foe, fell full upon the sharp point of the sword. Boromir rolled free of the body and wiped his blade clean on the robe of the dead man. A hand under his arm pulled him to his feet at the same time that a voice in his ear spoke; it was Grithnir, his lieutenant. Boromir felt an overwhelming sense of relief at the sight of him alive, and a bit of hope returned to lighten his heart. "My captain, I fear we are outnumbered!" Grithnir gasped. "We are losing ground, even as fresh reinforcements arrive to swell the enemy's ranks! Should we stand or fall back?" Boromir had already made the decision; he needed only enough breathing space to give the order. "Fall back!" he cried. "Fall back to the bridge at Osgiliath! I shall sound the retreat! Get you away and tell as many as you can to make for the bridge with all speed. I shall follow directly. We will regroup and make another stand there! There is still hope that we can delay them long enough to defend the bridge and throw it down." "Yes, my lord!" cried Grithnir, and he sped away. There is still hope, thought Boromir as he grasped his horn and set it to his lips. Not much hope, it is true; but there is a little. And a little is enough for this day... The peace and quiet of Lothlórien surrounded him, but Boromir felt far from peaceful. His heart was sore with impatience, and his thoughts were full of doubt and disappointment. He chafed at delay, urgent to be on the road again, back to Gondor. He worried about what the others were thinking; what would change now that Mithrandir was gone? What would Aragorn do? Would he forsake the people of Gondor and follow another path, leaving Boromir with no more help than he had started with? Had this entire journey been in vain? 'I will come,' he thought. That is what he said to me. Even in the midst of my doubt of him, I felt hope rise in my heart at that confident vow! A returning king and a sword of legend might do much to stir the hearts of those whose hope is waning, whose strength for the long fight is diminished almost beyond recall. Did not they name him Estel there in Rivendell? That is a name which means hope -- the kind of hope that is steady, fixed in purpose, and difficult to dissuade or fall into despair. That is what we need in Gondor, now more than ever. We have done our best, Harthad, you and I! But what can one sword do, though its name be Hope? What can one man do, though he be valiant? Can one alone kindle hearts that have fallen into despair, if the hand that wields the blade is itself weakened and discouraged? If Aragorn would come... if we could but draw our swords together in defense of Gondor, I am certain hope would be renewed! *** Boromir leaned back against the tree, his strength almost gone. Lifting a hand, he laid hold of one of the arrows protruding from his side, and plucked it out. The pain was terrible, but at least it proved he was not yet dead. Merry... Pippin... Forgive me... He turned his head, slightly, ever so slightly -- that was all he had strength to do. The hobbits were struggling in the arms of their captors, beating on them, reaching out for Boromir as they were being taken away. Boromir lifted his head further and leaned towards them, but he could not reach them. He could do nothing but watch them being carried off to captivity and torture. Though his heart willed to watch them until the last possible moment, the effort was too much for him -- his head fell wearily to his chest, and he saw the hobbits no more. Forgive me... His sword was still in his hand, but he could not lift it. He was weaker now than he had been on that day so long ago; that day when he had taken up the sword for the first time and almost dropped it for its heaviness. 'Here do I swear fealty and service to Gondor, and to the Lord and Steward of the realm, to speak and to be silent, to do and to let be, to come and to go, in need or plenty, in peace or war, in living or dying, from this hour henceforth, until my lord release me, or death take me, or the world end. So say I, Boromir, son of Denethor of Gondor.' Yes, he thought. That was my oath, taken that day. Has it come to this? Death and the ending of the world? I have failed then, for my hope is broken. '...this oath do I hear and acknowledge, Denethor son of Ecthelion, now Lord of Gondor and Steward of the High King; I will not forget it, nor fail to reward that which is given: fealty with love, valor with honor, oath-breaking with vengeance...' Oath-breaking, yes... An Uruk warrior had remained by his side as the hobbits were carried away. He laughed at Boromir, and kicked him, before turning away. The pain of the kick was intense, but Boromir bore it stoically. He felt as if his heart had been turned to stone, and it no longer mattered what they did to him. Had he not failed in all he had attempted? He had failed to keep the hope of his people alive, failed to bring help to Gondor, failed even in his attempt to keep the Halflings safe! Suddenly the Uruk turned back, and pulling free an axe from his belt, he raised it high and brought it down hard on the blade of Boromir's sword, which Boromir still held gripped in his hand. The blade snapped, and the broken shard flew away to be lost in the leaves that covered the forest floor. The Uruk laughed again coarsely, turned on a heel, and was gone. Boromir stared helplessly at the broken blade in his hand, and he wept. That was all that was wanting, he thought in despair. There is nothing left now... it is over... Tears stung Boromir's eyes and he moved to brush them away, but he could not lift his hand to his face, he was so very weary. He hated the thought of anyone seeing him cry, for he did not want to appear weak. But there was no one to see him here, and his weakness or strength no longer mattered. Is this how it feels to come to death? he wondered fleetingly. Somehow, I thought dying in battle would be more glorious than this -- more noble. Such glory must only be reserved for those who die well, saviors of their people whose oaths are unbroken. It is not for such as I, who have failed utterly and have no hope left! It is fitting that I die alone... Tears burned him once more, and again he moved to wipe his eyes clear, but there was something in his hand weighing it down. He blinked until his vision cleared, and saw his sword was still gripped in his hand. The blade was broken and dull, stained black with Orc blood. It took him a moment to recall what had happened. "Harthad!" he cried, but his voice was only a whisper. "Alas that you are broken! Now my hope is indeed gone. My grandfather's faith in me has proved ill-founded. If I could not even stem the tide that threatened two small companions, what did I think I could possibly do against the full force of Mordor? It was folly to think that there was ever any hope..." He closed his eyes and began to drift away into darkness, but was drawn back by the sense that someone approached at a run. Boromir opened his eyes slowly, and saw Aragorn bending over him. "Ah, you have come, Aragorn," he whispered. "At least I shall not be alone at the end. That boon is more than I deserve!" "What are you saying?" Aragorn replied gruffly, trying in vain to keep fear and dismay from his voice. "You deserve great honor! You have won a great victory here, conquering many foes..." "Nay," interrupted Boromir. "I have failed and my honor is broken. Let me tell you what I have done!" "Tell me then," said Aragorn. "Tell me, if it will ease your heart. But I promise you, I will take exception, if you belittle yourself and your deeds beyond what is your due. And while you speak, I shall see to your wounds." "What use in that?" Boromir sighed. "I am not worth healing. My end is near. Let it come!" "No!" answered Aragorn sternly. "If it comes, so be it; but I will not let it come unhindered, without any attempt to slow or stop it. What kind of healer would I be if I let the wounded one make such a decision for me? Particularly one who carries such a burden of hopelessness in his heart. I see that much, at least!" "A burden? Yes, it is a burden indeed. Perhaps... perhaps it will be lighter for the sharing..." *** Aragorn listened as Boromir haltingly poured forth his anguished confession -- his succumbing to the lure of the Ring, his attack on Frodo, his inability to save the Halflings from capture. As Boromir spoke, Aragorn sensed an even greater despair lay behind the warrior's lament, one that had been growing unchecked for many days -- if not for months and years. "So proud I was that day my sword was given into my hand," Boromir murmured. "So proud to be called worthy to carry the hope of my people, to bring them through the darkness into the light. I knew I was the one to save them, to bring them help and hope beyond what they had imagined possible. But what have I brought them in the end? Nothing! Worse than nothing -- I have brought dishonor! I have failed. It would have been better if I had never taken up sword and shield in defense of Gondor, if all I accomplish in the end is failure and defeat!" Aragorn leaned forward and kissed Boromir's brow tenderly. "You have indeed been carrying a heavy burden, Boromir," he said sorrowfully. "Forgive me for not seeing how it weighed you down and sapped your strength; I should have been there beside you to help bear it -- and I was not. I have failed as surely as you in this! But does our failure make all that we have done or attempted useless or worthless? I think not. Your choices have not all been wise, but does that make you any less valiant? You have served well and faithfully all your life, and accomplished much for your people..." "What good is my service if I fail in the end?" Boromir interrupted. "I am no more use than a broken sword, fit only for discarding." "A broken sword can be mended, Boromir, and mending does not diminish it. Who should know that better than I?" Boromir made no answer. Aragorn looked at him thoughtfully for a long moment. "Are you familiar with the Ballad of the Sword, Boromir?" he said at length. "I know it not," replied Boromir faintly. "It is a song I used to hear sung in one of the halls of Men where I once served. It tells the tale of a warrior who lies dying after a great battle, lamenting his sword, which has broken in his hand. The sword speaks to him and comforts him in his despair." "What... what does the sword say?" Boromir asked, his eyes straying to the broken hilt in his hand. "These are some of the words in our tongue, as I recall them." Aragorn continued inspecting Boromir's wounds, as he began to recite: Once I was bright and keen, Once I was your favored tool Have I failed you by breaking? Brokenness brings pain, Better to be in the field For even a broken sword can still serve; I am broken, but for a reason; Take heart, my warrior! Aragorn fell silent. "Harthad..." whispered Boromir. It was as if his own sword had been speaking to him. "Do you understand what I am trying to say to you?" asked Aragorn quietly. Boromir nodded wordlessly. "Brokenness can be honorable," Aragorn went on. "To break in good service is to end well. It is not failure, nor should you lose your hope because of it. You are not alone -- other blades there are to take up your cause." He laid his hand on the hilt of Andúril and smiled. "Your sacrifice will not be in vain, Boromir. My sword and my oath shall see to that. Minas Tirith shall not fall!" "Other blades there will be," Boromir murmured. "Other blades to take up the cause, when my part is finished..." "Think not that your part is finished just yet, my friend," replied Aragorn sternly. "I have not given you leave to go just yet. I believe there is yet hope for you, even amidst such brokenness. So put aside your despair, if you can. You carry a burden of failure that cannot be forgotten, but there may still be a chance for you to make things right with Frodo. You have done much already to redeem yourself!" In spite of his pain and grief at his failing, hope stirred unaccountably in Boromir's heart. He had indeed failed; nothing could change that. Yet if there was a chance he might live to see Frodo again, that was something worth hoping for. He did not know if Aragorn was consoling him simply to ease his final moments, or if there truly was a chance he could be saved. Nevertheless, he was comforted, for the promise of Aragorn still rang in his heart. There will be no failing! he thought, and a great weight of care was lifted from him. The White City will not fall, and aid will come to my people! Aragorn will see to that. If I live to aid him, and fulfill my oath to my people, that is good; if I am lost, no matter. I am no longer alone in this; the full burden of the task is no longer mine alone. Aragorn is here, he is with me -- he has sworn it! The battle is not yet lost, though I no longer be a part of it. Boromir looked at the hilt and broken blade of Harthad, and blinked back a tear as he recalled how bright the sword had been that day he had taken his oath upon it. 'Remember your sword's name, Boromir; it is Hope,' his grandfather had said. 'The hope of your people now lies with you. May your own hope remain unbroken.' His hope had been broken, slowly but surely, over the long years of toil and striving against the Enemy. Yet perhaps that hope might be restored, even as his broken blade might be repaired and made new. Time would tell, if any time remained to him. Boromir closed his eyes and let darkness take him. Yes, time would tell... |
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