Perfect Time

Inspired by the song “Perfect Time” by Maire Brennan on her CD Perfect Time.

*~*~*

I know you told me that I’m not alone.

You know I couldn’t do it on my own.

See my eyes are older now, broken dreams behind.

Fill my heart with precious love,

I know it’s here to find.

(Believe me) I’m not afraid to

(Teach me) to learn your ways

(Carry me) under your wings

In your perfect time

(Only you) can dreams come true

(Only you) can make me shine

(Only you) can days be right

In your perfect time

Free my fears and promise me that you won’t let me go.

You’re the one to comfort me, the past, my God, you know.

*~*~*

I’ve done it. I’ve surrendered myself to Iluvatar. I still tremble when I think of it. I had been frightened to death, but Elrond assured me it would be fine. And I did it.

I am standing on the shore again, but this time I am not overwhelmed with pain and fear, but a strange sense of peace and love, like I often felt when I was resting in my Sam’s arms.

I lay down on the sand and sigh contentedly. This sense of peaces is only temporary, I know, but while it is here, I revel in it.

It wasn’t like this to begin with. When I allowed Iluvatar to have a hold on my life, my first reaction was to panic. I could almost feel the change, and remembered Elrond telling me He would fill me with Himself. I remember dashing all the way to Elrond’s dwelling and falling at his feet in frightened tears. I can still hear his reassurances that Iluvatar would not hurt me, but care for me and heal me.

After a moment I calmed, and it seemed I almost heard a voice say, “Trust me, little one. I will not let you fall. You are safe with me.”

And I began to learn to trust Iluvatar. It is hard. My trust has been badly shaken. I find it difficult to trust others that I do not know well, even here in the Elven land.

But with Elrond’s guidance I have at least begun, and that is what matters. It has taken me nearly a year since I first heard of Iluvatar to come to this place. My footing is still unsteady, but getting better.

As I am thinking of this, I see a shadow cross over me, and sit up to find Lord Elrond standing over me.

“What is wrong?” I ask, seeing the grave look in his eyes.

“It is your uncle. Gandalf believes he will accept the Gift before this night is out,” he replies, helping me to my feet.

My heart flutters. The Gift is the Elves way of saying “death.” As I had predicted, my sense of peace is now gone and I have been reclaimed by the storm that is fear.

Dashing down the road before the Elf can say any more, I enter my home to find Gandalf waiting for me.

Bilbo had been sick on and off this winter, and Gandalf had been around much to help me care for him, but if the wizard knew this day was coming soon, he certainly didn’t tell me.

“What’s wrong with him?” I demand, looking Gandalf in the eye fearfully.

He lets out a small mirthless laugh. “He is old, my boy. Nothing is wrong, but that.”

I turn and hurry to my uncle’s room, and sit by his bedside. He is asleep now, and doesn’t look any closer to death than an Elf.

I don’t notice that Gandalf and Elrond have joined us until Bilbo wakes and smiles up at them. He gazes at me next.

“Well, Frodo my lad, it’s been a long journey,” he says softly.

His eyes seem to dull, and his voice is nearly gone.

“Yes, it has, uncle,” I reply.

“Now it is time for my very last journey,” he states.

My tears will not be held back now.

“Don’t cry! I’ll be all right,” he assures me. “And so will you.”

I take his hand as he breathes his last and is gone.

Why? I wonder. Why, when everything has just begun to make sense to me, did this have to happen? I knew it would eventually, but I am not ready for it now!

My tears flow freely, I cannot stop them. I feel a hand on my shoulder as Gandalf kneels beside me and wraps me in the folds of his cloak.

We sit until my tears subside, then the wizard says, “You know everything happens for a purpose, Frodo.”

I nod afraid to speak, lest I start crying again.

“He is in a better place. It is to be rejoiced, not mourned. Iluvatar loves all his children, and one day you will join your uncle and be reunited with your family again,” Gandalf says, wiping the tears from my eyes. “There is a perfect time for everything, Frodo. Even death.”

“But why?” I ask. “I don’t know what I’ll do without him.”

“Trust to Iluvatar. He is the only one you truly need. He will give you peace and comfort, as you’ve already found to be true.”

I frown, not understanding, or not wanting to. When Gandalf lets me go, I rise to my feet and silently walk out of the room to take refuge in my favorite spot in the trees, where Bilbo and I spent much time together. It is also where I gave my life to Iluvatar.

I remember that moment, and silently as him, “Why?”

I get no answer, but I feel peace and love come over me again. Gandalf was right. It is for a purpose, and, though it may be painful, I must still learn to trust in Iluvatar and his perfect time.

~Finis~