Pippin: "So what exactly is a disclaimer?"

Merry: "It's a sort of protection against legal action."

Pippin(wrinkling nose and frowning): "Do we really need that sort of protection?"

Merry: "I seriously doubt it but it's better to be safe than sorry."

Pippin: "How does it work?"

Merry: "Well, when you post a disclaimer you make anyone who happens to read it aware that you aren't intentionally offending anyone, you aren't making any money or profit of any sort, and you are using portions of someone else's work and you don't want to be sued for doing so. It's rather a waste of energy really. A great many folks just skip the disclaimer and move on to the story."

Pippin: "Then why post one at all?"

Merry(shrugging): "I suppose it's a sensible precaution in the event that a lawyer reads some of your work and decides to take you to court."

Pippin: "So, if you've posted a disclaimer you can't be sued?"

Merry: "You can still be sued even if you've posted a disclaimer. The difference is you've admitted that you know you might be doing something wrong. You've been honest about it all and so you've nothing to hide once you get to court."

Pippin(shaking his head and looking skeptical): "But if you keep your mouth shut about it all isn't there less chance that you'll be caught? It's like stealing a pie and then bragging about it!"

Merry: "No it isn't. You aren't bragging when you post a disclaimer. You're saying something like, 'I realize that none of the characters in this story are mine. I give full credit to the author who created them. I am not making any profit from this venture and I do not plan to profit in any way. I have borrowed from the talented writing of, J.R.R. Tolkien and all credit for creativity goes only to him.'"

Pippin: "Oh! Rather like admitting to dinner guests that you didn't actually grow the vegetables or cook the meal, you just served it and so if they have any complaints then they should take that up with the kitchen staff."

Merry(smiling): "Or if there are any words of praise those should also go to the original author and not the person typing this disclaimer."

Pippin(looking very confused) "Merry?"

Merry: "Yes, Peregrin?"

Pippin: "It's all quite pointless then isn't it? The person writing this isn't getting any credit or profit for it at all because they didn't really do anything and the author who created the characters probably won't want credit since this disclaimer-writer is using *his* characters without official permission. Also, most folks won't read the disclaimer! Why do any of it at all?"

Merry(sighing): "Maybe the writer of the disclaimer doesn't have anything better to do."

Pippin: "I hope we don't wind up writing disclaimers. It sounds very dull."

Merry: "It can be unless you put a new spin on it now and again. Don't worry, Pippin. We won't have to write any disclaimers. Hobbits don't do much of that."

Pippin: "Do you suppose Bilbo or Frodo had to write a disclaimer for 'The Red Book of The Westmarch'?"

Merry: "Why would they?"

Pippin: "I've read some of it and don't tell anyone that I told you this but both Bilbo and Frodo used JRR Tolkien's characters too."

***See disclaimer included in the above fiction which was not written for any profit and uses characters that belong to and are the creations of JRR Tolkien. ***** GW 01/09/2008

An idea of Shirebounds based on a photo of Sam from the films sitting in a boat and looking less than thrilled. I posted this to my Live Journal and my webpage so this is not really new. Still, if you haven't read it then it will be new to you!

GW 01/10/2008

Another Shirebound plot bunny that bit me when I wasn’t looking. Except for the beginning paragraph, which is underlined and is the starter for this little bunny, this story is completely dialogue. This is Merry, Frodo, Sam, Pippin and a bit of Strider on the Quest. Not Beta’d and written all at one go so don’t expect much in the way of little things like spelling and canon. But then, those of you who know me well won’t be looking for any of that nonsense. (This was originally posted to my Live Journal so some of you have probably read it.)

Here we go;

“Row, Row, Row, your boat, gently…”

“They’re blisters, Frodo,” Merry said. He inspected his cousin's hands carefully. “If you’d spent more time in Rivendell practicing with your sword, and less time reading about Elvish history, you would have had all this over and done by now.”

“Blisters? From rowing a boat for an hour or two? Honestly, Merry, I have rowed a boat on many occasions and for longer that two hours.”

“With a large slightly scruffy Ranger in the stern and a stout hobbit sitting beside of him gripping the sides of the boat as if his life depended upon it?”

“Stout?”

“He’s only teasing me, Sam. I should tell Strider that Merry here thinks of him as scruffy. That should put an end to all of this once and for all. Ouch!”

“Don’t clench your hand like that, Mr. Frodo. It’ll pop them blisters.”

“They certainly are painful, Sam. I truly didn’t think I was giving myself blisters while I was rowing. I mean, my hands were aching slightly at the time but I certainly didn’t suspect that I was developing blisters.”

“You’re out of the habit of rowing. Let’s face it, Frodo. You’re out of the habit of doing any physical labor. Life as the Master of Bag End has been too comfortable and you’ve let yourself go.”

“Do not elbow me in the ribs again, Meriadoc or I shall show you exactly what sort of physical condition I am in by wrestling you to the ground. Now, do behave. I need to get something done for these-“

“Those are dreadful!”

“Thank you, Pippin. Must you sneak up on me and peer over my shoulder like that? It’s very unsettling.”

“Sorry, Frodo, but those are dreadful blisters. Do they hurt?”

“They do when you jab at them like that! Don’t do that, Pippin.”

“I don’t have any blisters.”

“You have to do something in order to get blisters, Pip. Sleeping doesn’t usually give one blisters.”

“I was on watch until we left in the boats this morning and so naturally I slept a wee bit. Boromir didn’t seem to mind.”

“Boromir was probably relieved that you weren’t trying to fish from the moving boat again like yesterday.”

“I don’t know why that should have annoyed him as much as it did. I only thought that we might catch our supper while we were rowing along and wasting all of that time.”

“How many times must I explain to you that you cannot catch fish when the boat is moving through swift current? Honestly, Pip. Sometimes you act as if you were a proper Took and had never even been in a boat.”

“I am a proper Took!”

“Where are you going, Sam?”

“Well, Mr. Merry, I think someone ought to see to them blisters ‘o Mr. Frodo’s. I was goin’ over to get Mr. Strider so’s he could have a look at them.”

“Really, Sam. They are only a few, small blisters.”

“That one on your thumb is huge, Frodo.”

“Thank you, Pippin. I hadn’t noticed that.”

“Ouch! Don’t smack me on the head, Merry! I didn’t do anything. It is a huge, rather ugly blister. Why I’ll wager that when it breaks open it oozes enough liquid to fill a cup!”

“It isn’t that large.”

“Merry, quit staring at my hands! Will you and Peregrin kindly stop wagering on the size of my blisters? Ouch!”

“Don’t poke at them, Mr. Frodo. I’ll go get Mr. Strider. He’ll fix ‘em up for you.”

“Thank you, Sam. At least someone around here has some sense.”

“You should use those fingers for something other than writing once in a while and then you wouldn’t have this problem, Cousin.”

“I will have you know that I do plenty of things other than write, Merry.”

“You bring in the firewood?”

“Well, no. Sam usually does that but-“

“The dishes?”

“Marigold comes over and she-“

“The cleaning such as scrubbing the floors and beating the rugs?”

“Now, see here, Meriadoc! Just exactly how much of that sort of business to you tend to when you are at the Hall? Exactly how many rugs have you hung out on the line and beat?”

“I don’t do that sort of work. I-“

“Then you are the one that brings in the firewood?”

“I chop it from time to time, Frodo. I also row a boat several times a week and I have been known to clean the stables and-“

“Fine! You are positively inundated with hard labor that you must attend to while I sit about in a large, over-stuffed chair taking my ease by the fire!”

“What’s that?”

“What is what, Pippin? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Well, Merry I think you might need to do a wee bit more of the work you’re mentioning.”

“I don’t know what you mean, Pippin.”

“Then get your hands out from behind you back this instant, Merry.”

“Honestly, Frodo, Pippin doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

“Yes I do! I saw it with my own eyes. You have a-“

“I do not! Now, go see if you can find Sam. It’s taking him entirely too long to return with Strider and poor Frodo is probably in pain.”

“Poor Frodo is not in any danger of dying from agony, Merry. Now let me see your hands before I throttle you soundly. Come on. Hold them out here.”

“See! Right there on his left palm just below his thumb and then that wee one over there on the other hand just on his middle finger near the bend. That one will hurt something fierce. Of course neither of them are as large and swollen as the ones that you have, Frodo. Oh! Look! There are two more right there near the center of your palm, Merry!”

“Do not laugh, Frodo. And quit staring at my hands, Pippin! I only have a few blisters and they are hardly worth mentioning at all. In fact, if you hadn’t been so nosy, I might not have even noticed them in the first place.”

“Does he have any that will ooze until they fill a cup, Pippin?”

“Maybe if you pop all of them but I think that large, ugly one of yours would best them all, Frodo.”

“Yes, Pippin. All of that time I spent sitting about not doing anything. I guess both Merry and I have been too lazy.”

“I am not lazy!”

“It’s understandable with me since I am older, but poor Merry really should be in better condition, don’t you think so, Pippin?”

“Merry should have let Boromir or me row the boat for a while but he kept insisted that Brandybucks are at home in boats and that he’d be fine.”

“I am surprised that you were able to hear me say that over noise of your own snoring!”

“I do not snore!”

“You most certainly do, Pippin. And you make this annoying little whistling noise between your teeth at times.”

“I do not! I don’t, do I Frodo?”

“I was in another boat, Pippin. I really didn’t hear you.”

“Ouch!”

“Don’t poke at them, Merry. Remember what Sam said.”

“Thank you, Pippin. For everything!”

************

“I don’t understand why I have to get all of the firewood!”

“I’m busy fixin’ our meal, Mr. Pippin and Mr. Strider wanted to talk with Mr. Boromir for a while before we eat. I think they’re discussin’ which way we go on from here tomorrow.”

“Where’s Gimli, then?”

“He’s with Mr. Legolas. They’re hidin’ the boats so’s they can’t be spotted from across the way.”

“Fine! I’ll just do everything around here. I’ll get the wood and build the fire. I’ve already unloaded everyone’s things from the boats and rolled out the bedding so why wouldn’t I want to get the wood while Frodo and Merry sit about on their bums doing nothing?”

“Mr. Frodo’s hands are completely bandaged on a’count ‘o them blisters. He can’t be gatherin’ wood now.”

“Merry’s blisters weren’t that bad. He’s just using them to get out of his proper share of the work. That’s what he’s doing.”

“If you don’t get us some wood soon then I suspect we’ll not be eatin’ at all.”

“Fine!”

*******

“Do they feel better, Frodo?”

“Yes, thank you, Strider. They are much improved. I do feel silly sitting here doing nothing while everyone is getting us ready to leave.”

“You should be able to remove the bandages and do your share of labor by the time we’ve finished today’s trip down the river.”

“Thank the stars for that!”

“Here, Pippin, while you’re taking those packs to the boats, you can take this one too. I doubt that Frodo can carry anything at all today.”

“Easy! That’s my neck that you’re looping that strap about and I have my arms full in case you’d not noticed! I’m not a pack pony!”

“Pippin seems to be in a foul humor. Apparently he didn’t get enough rest last night. Now what you chuckling about, Frodo?”

“Pippin was teasing Merry and I about our blisters yesterday and so I suspect that he is not at all happy about having to do our share of the work today.”

“Well, he will be even less cheerful when he finds out that he will be rowing the boat along with Boromir. Merry’s hands are not as bad as yours are but I see no reason for him to make them worse when Pippin is able to do his share of the rowing. I understand from Boromir that Pippin slept most of yesterday and attempted to fish the day before. A bit of rowing will be good for him.”

“He’s not likely to see things in that way, Strider.”

“Frodo, I suspect that it is time for us to get into the boat now. Sam is waiting down by the river along with the others. We’ve a long day ahead.”

“But you shall have to do all of the rowing, Strider. Sam had never been in a boat until this and he doesn’t know anything at all about rowing. Also, he is rather frightened of the river.”

“Sam does more than his share of things when we set up camp and I am able to do the rowing for the day. You shouldn’t worry so, Frodo. You just come down to the boat and get as comfortable as you are able with those injured hands of yours.”

“I feel so useless with all of these bandages. I can’t pick up anything at all with my hands like this.”

“I will remove the bandages this evening and then you will be your old self again. Today, you are to rest and I am certain that Sam will see to that.”

******

“What happened?”

“What happened? You want to know what happened do you? You were right there all day long, Meriadoc! You should know what happened. That’s what happened!”

“Quit yelling and waving your hands in my face, Pippin. Hold still and let me look.”

“They’re ruined.”

“I’ll wager that you could squeeze a bowl full of liquid out of that one on your palm, Pippin.”

“That’s a dreadful thing to say, Frodo! You should understand. You have blisters too!”

“Have a look at my hands, Peregrin. Strider has managed to heal them up nicely. He just removed the bandages. I could hear you yelling at Merry and so I came over to see what was wrong.”

“Pippin has a few blisters.”

“A few? A few blisters? Merry, I’ve not got any skin left on my hands!”

“Don’t exaggerate.”

“I’m not exaggerating anything. Look at the big, ugly red one just there. This is what comes of making me do all the work! Don’t laugh! It isn’t funny. I worked myself into exhaustion today while the two of you sat about in the boats like great lumps and did nothing at all. Don’t laugh, Merry!”

“Come on, Pippin. Let’s take you to see Strider. I suspect that you will be the one sitting in the boat like a lump tomorrow. Come on, Merry. I think that one or both us will be gathering firewood for Sam’s cooking this evening.”

“I just hope Strider doesn’t bandage Pippin’s hands up so much that he can’t eat properly, Frodo. Pip might not be able to hold a spoon and so he might have to go to bed hungry.”

“I’ve been hungry since we left the Shire. Well, except for that time in Rivendell and-what do you mean I won’t be able to hold a spoon? He didn’t bandage your hands up that much! Or Frodo’s! On second thought, I don’t think I need to see Strider about this.”

“Oh, no you don’t, Cousin. You’re coming with us and letting Strider see to those blisters.”

“Quit pulling on me!”

“Then walk, Pippin.”

“I don’t want my hands bandaged up.”

“Relax, Pip. After I’m done with all of my chores and all of yours then if I haven’t fallen asleep I’ll feed you.”

“Don’t look so stricken. Merry is teasing. I was able to eat last night and my hands were much worse than yours are. Come on, Pippin.”

“Who do you suppose will row tomorrow, Merry?”

“Sam?”

“Hush, Merry. If Sam hears you then he won’t sleep a wink tonight for worrying.”

“Yes, Merry. Leave poor Sam alone. And leave me alone while you’re about it.”

“Are you planning to be angry at me all night, Pippin?”

“I always plan to but I am seldom able to manage it.”

“That, Peregrin, is because I am entirely too charming.”

“Everyone else says it’s because I am entirely too forgiving. Ouch!”

“Don’t poke them, Pippin. It makes it worse. I should know.”

“Frodo?”

“Yes, Pippin?”

“I suppose this is a stupid idea but wouldn’t gloves have helped?”

“Gloves?”

“Yes, like the ones that Boromir and Strider have. Those that have no fingers in them but they protect your hand? Wouldn’t it have been a good idea if we’d all had some of those or am I just being thick about it all?”

“Strider!”

“What are you laughing about, Merry? Frodo seemed as if he might be angry with Strider when he ran ahead like that and left us. What’s so funny?”

“By the time we get to see Strider about your hands, Pippin, they will probably have healed on their own. Oh, and don’t be surprised if Strider suggests bandaging up your mouth too.”

“What? Why would he do that?”

“For mentioning the idea of gloves to Frodo.”

“Oops!”

“I think our older cousin is about to give Strider a stern lecture on being prepared and on providing everyone with gloves. Your blisters are going to have to wait.”

“Merry?”

“What, Pippin?”

“Do you want to pop the big one just there on my palm and see if we really can fill a cup with the liquid while we wait?”

“Might pass the time. Frodo was very angry. Did you see his eyes? They were all narrow and hard looking. It’s going to be a while.”

The End

09/16/2006

While Tom Bombadil is off gathering the ponies and the clothing, four naked hobbits have a conversation.

Beta by Llinos and Marigold

***As always, not my characters. They belong to J.R.R. Tolkien and I will thank you all to remember that he's the one what undressed them, not me! This was written for Marigold and Llino's Challenge 38. The elements listed below had to be included somewhere in the story. Llinos selected the elements for this one.
Elements are: a dose of castor oil, a marigold, and a flag (My flag may be a bit of a cheat but let's say it's a symbolic flag, shall we?) It must also be said that this story is somewhat suggestive in nature. Somewhat...

The Barrow-Downs from Book One

'Dressed up like this, sir?' said Sam. 'Where are my clothes?' He flung his circlet, belt, and rings on the grass, and looked round helplessly, as if he expected to find his cloak, jacket, and breeches, and other hobbit-garments lying somewhere to hand.

'You won't find your clothes again,' said Tom, bounding down from the mound, and laughing as he danced round them in the sunlight. One would have thought that nothing dangerous or dreadful had happened; and indeed the horror faded out of their hearts as they looked at him, and saw the merry glint in his eyes.

'What do you mean?' asked Pippin, looking at him, half puzzled and half amused. 'Why not?'

But Tom shook his head, saying: 'You've found yourselves again, out of the deep water. Clothes are but little loss, if you escape from drowning. Be glad, my merry friends, and let the warm sunlight heat now heart and limb! Cast off those cold rags! Run naked on the grass, while Tom goes a-hunting.'

~~~~~from: 'Fog on the Barrow-downs' J.R.R. Tolkien

"Thinking of Marigold"

Merry closed his eyes and yawned. The warm sun was indeed doing its work. Old Tom Bombadil had been correct when he had suggested that they cast off the cold, white rags that they had been wearing. At first Merry had been shy about removing his clothing but after thinking it through he had realized that he was being silly. There was no sign of any other living soul within sight of them.

Sam Gamgee had been concerned about the loss of his clothing. He'd found it very distressing that the clothes he'd been wearing before his capture were lost for good and all. Merry supposed this was a natural reaction for someone who worked hard for what he owned. Sam probably had brought his very best things along on this adventure and losing some of them would mean a great deal more to him than it would to Merry.

Frodo had been ill at ease because it was very clear that he felt guilty about the incident and was blaming himself for the situation in which they now found themselves. Merry wished desperately that he could say something to ease Frodo's mind but nothing seemed to help. Frodo did seem to be enjoying the sun just now. Merry noted with satisfaction that Frodo was stretched out on the warm grass on his stomach, resting.

Pippin had surprised them all by being more than willing to disrobe. Pippin had shrugged his shoulders, and grinned shyly at Tom but had slid out of the white garments and the gold jewellery as quick as a wink. Merry's younger cousin had been more than happy to run about in the altogether in the sun. Back in the Shire Pippin was not nearly so casual about such matters. I suppose that all of us have changed in the short time that has passed since we've left our home. I can't expect Pippin to remain unchanged, can I?

"I wish there were a pond here," Pippin said as he sat down beside Merry. "I'd not mind a swim. Wouldn't it be lovely to be able to put our feet in a cool stream?"

Merry smiled but didn't open his eyes. "It might be at that. It is warm enough for swimming."

"I love sunshine," Pippin said falling back onto the grass.

"You also love snow and rain and falling leaves," Merry laughed, turning his head to look at Pippin.

"I do love all those things but today I love sunshine best of all," Pippin smiled. "It is quite a comfort to see the sun after all we've been through recently. It cheers me somehow."

"The flowers are nice here too," Sam remarked. "I seen some marigolds over there in that wide patch o' grass."

"Marigolds," Pippin smiled dreamily. "Simply lovely."

Frodo stirred and sat up. "I noticed some violets and a few wild flowers that I didn't recognize."

Merry was glad to hear Frodo joining in the conversation. "I suspect that Sam knows what all of them are, Cousin."

Sam smiled as if pleased with Merry's compliment. "After years o' workin' in gardens around the Shire I suppose I do know the names 'o most of the flowers."

"Marigold," Pippin sighed.

Merry, Sam and Frodo all looked over at Pippin curiously. "I didn't know you liked flowers so much, Mr. Pippin," Sam said, the surprise evident in his voice.

"What?" Pippin looked over at them and frowned. "Oh, flowers! Yes, well, everyone likes flowers, don't they?"

"You just said marigolds," Merry narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "From the way you said it, it sounded as if those might be your favourite flowers."

"Oh, I think they're lovely flowers but I wasn't thinking about flowers just now," Pippin said absently.

"Pippin, you are being even more vague than usual," Frodo chuckled. "If you weren't thinking about marigolds then why did you mention them?" Frodo looked interested and amused. This pleased Merry and so he reached over and poked Pippin in the ribs to encourage his younger cousin to continue. Anything that could lift Frodo's dark mood was to be encouraged.

"Ouch, Meriadoc," Pippin complained inching slightly away from Merry and rubbing his side.

"Well, what's this interest in marigolds, Pip. Tell us. Are you planning a garden?" Merry grinned. He couldn't imagine Pippin with his own garden. It was true that Pippin had grown up on a farm and Pippin's father had a great deal of skill as a farmer. Merry had often helped in his Uncle's gardens. He and Pippin had worked alongside Paladin on the farm but in spite of this, Pippin did not strike Merry as a farmer. No matter how often he considered the image of Pip out tending to the crops, he couldn't reconcile that Pippin with the Pippin who followed him into mischief.

Pippin blushed as he answered. "I suppose I was thinking of one Marigold in particular rather than the flowers. This Marigold happens to be a lass and not a flower."

"So, this Marigold has caught your fancy?" Frodo said with a wink at Merry. Merry snorted but didn't say anything. In light of Frodo's interest he did hope that Pippin would continue.

"I was just thinking about her," Pippin said with a sigh. "Sometimes I find myself thinking about her for no reason at all."

"There are lots of lasses in the Shire named Marigold," Frodo said. "Do I know this one?"

Pippin seemed to be considering his answer. He rolled over onto his stomach and then smiled. "Marigold Gamgee and I do think that you've met her a time or two," Pippin said.

"Sam's sister?" Merry blurted out utterly taken aback by Pippin's announcement.

"She's very nice," Pippin said. "She always speaks to me when I'm visiting Bag End and sometimes she brings me things. She gave me a cherry pie once." Pippin looked immensely pleased. Merry wasn't sure if it was the thought of the lovely Marigold Gamgee or the pie but either way it was comical. Pippin seemed a bit dreamy-eyed. Pie could do that to a hobbit but Merry suspected that this time it was the lass rather than the pie. "She has nice eyes and she calls me Mr. Peregrin as if I were important."

Merry smirked. "And we all know that you aren't."

Pippin glared at him for a moment before continuing. "She has nice ankles too. They're so small."

Sam cleared his throat. "Just what might your intentions be toward my younger sister, Mr. Pippin?" He was trying not to smile as he looked at Pippin. Merry could tell that Sam was amused by Pippin's fondness for Marigold. That was a good thing because Merry didn't doubt for a minute that Sam could be very protective when it came to his sisters. After all, if one had sisters then one did have an obligation to look out for them. Even Pippin had been known to defend the honour of his sisters. In spite of the fact that he was their younger brother he was still the only brother that they had and so matters of defence fell to him.

"Intentions?" Pippin frowned. He looked at Sam and then said, "I hadn't thought of that actually. I enjoy daydreaming about her and she makes splendid pie but I wasn't clear on any intentions really."

"Isn't she a bit old for you?" Merry asked.

"Not really, Merry," Pippin objected. "Your mum is nearly five years older than your father and that seems to be going well enough. I could marry an older lass. I'm mature for my age and so an older lass might be a very good idea. We'd have more in common that way."

"Sam, is Marigold at all interested in fishing or playing beaner?" Merry asked rolling his eyes.

"She can fish," Sam offered.

"I do more than that," Pippin frowned.

"Well, it might work I suppose," Frodo said.

"Thank you, Frodo!" Pippin said.

"Marigold can bake and Pippin can eat," Frodo grinned.

"A match for the ages," Merry said with a laugh.

Sam beamed. "She could do worse I expect."

"Now just a minute!" Pippin said with annoyance. "I admire her a great deal. She has a fine sense of humour. She laughs at all of my jokes."

"She's polite," Merry whispered loudly to Frodo who laughed.

"She's walked in the garden with me a time or two," Pippin said looking very proud of this.

"She's very polite," Merry whispered.

"Honestly, Meriadoc," Pippin said. "Is it impossible for you to believe any lass might enjoy my company?"

"Nearly," Merry said. "Besides, I thought that Marigold Gamgee was too clever to get mixed up with a Took."

Pippin scowled and then replied. "She is clever and she has very good taste in friends. You had best remember that your own father got mixed up with a Took, Meriadoc. Even if you won't admit it, we both know what that makes you."

"I'm a Brandybuck," Merry said firmly. "I'm too sensible to be a Took."

"So you have an interest in Sam's sister, Pippin?" Frodo said. Merry recognized this as an attempt on Frodo's part to keep Pippin and him from exchanging further insults. Merry allowed himself to be distracted. He found Pippin's choice of lasses entertaining and he wanted to hear more. He knew that Marigold Gamgee was too old for Pippin but he did want to know what Pippin thought. At least his younger cousin had excellent taste.

"I just sometimes think I might fancy her," Pippin said. "When I least expect it, I think of her and, and, and it's just something that happens." Pippin frowned. "Lately I've noticed that I think of Marigold and then sometimes I think about a friend of Pearl's who lives in Tuckborough and has the most ample bosom that I've ever seen."

"Lilly Brockhouse," Merry and Frodo said at the same time.

"How did you know?"

"Pip, everyone knows about Lilly Brockhouse and her endowment," Merry said with a wave of his hand. "She's famous for it."

"Well, I never did notice it until recently," Pippin said. "All at once I began to realize that she was much, much, larger there than most of the lasses that I know."

"If you tossed her in the Brandywine she'd float without any effort at all," Merry said grinning over at Sam who had probably not met Miss Brockhouse.

Sam raised his eyebrows and looked interested but was too polite to comment.

"Merry!" Frodo hissed rapping his knuckles on the top of Merry's head.

Pippin smiled that dreamy smile again. "Then there's Violet Greenholm and Sam's sister, Daisy and-"

"How many of Sam's sisters are you interested in, Pip?" Merry laughed.

"Well, it's only that I see them when I come to visit Frodo," Pippin said defensively. "They're about and I see them and so naturally I've noticed that they are all very lovely. Marigold is my favourite but May and Daisy are quite attractive too. I've not talked to them as often so I don't know them as well. Marigold is special and she makes excellent pies."

Frodo lowered his face and Merry knew that Frodo was trying to hide a grin. Merry winked at Sam and then turned to Pippin and said, "Have you said anything at all about this to Marigold?"

"Not really," Pippin said. "I did tell her how splendid the pie was of course."

"Of course," Merry said.

"I might have told her that she looked pretty once," Pippin said leaning his head to one side as if trying to recall. "She was wearing this rather low-cut bodice with little bits of lace sewn into the neckline. If you looked you could see a bit of. . . "

Merry clamped a hand over Pippin's mouth just as Sam's eyes began to narrow. Frodo's head was even lower now. "Pippin, you arse, that's Sam's sister you're talking about," Merry hissed. He pulled his hand away from Pippin's mouth slowly and frowned at him. As amused as Frodo was, Merry couldn't allow Pippin to get Sam angry. Sam could knock Pippin out with one punch and if Sam felt the need to defend his sister's virtue then it would be Merry who wound up fighting Sam. Merry had no desire to tangle with an angry Sam. Sometimes defending Pippin was more trouble than having to defend a sister. Maybe, Merry thought, that was exactly why he was not blessed with any sisters. The Valar probably knew he wouldn't have the time to properly defend a sister or two and still keep folk from attacking Pippin. Pippin was a full-time responsibility.

Pippin swallowed hard. "Sorry, Sam. I didn't mean anything offensive," Pippin said contritely. "I really was only thinking about how lovely the day was and then I saw the flowers just like you did and since the marigolds were the flowers that I saw, naturally I thought of your sister, Marigold and then one thing led to another and the next thing I knew I was thinking about her. . ."

"Pippin!" Frodo and Merry both shouted in alarm.

"Pie," Pippin protested. "I was about to say pie!"

"Let's you and I go for a walk in the sunshine, Pip," Merry suggested. Maybe if he could get Pippin far enough away from Sam he might still avoid disaster.

Pippin looked uncomfortable and mumbled something that Merry didn't quite get. "What was that, Pip?"

"I don't think I should go for a walk just now," Pippin said only slightly louder. It was clear that there was a problem but Merry wasn't certain what that problem might be.

"Why not?"

Pippin cleared his throat and blushed. "I think all this talk of lasses and such has caused me to rise to the occasion if you understand," Pippin whispered nervously.

Merry's eyes widened. "You mean that you've hoisted the flag?" Merry whispered.

"What are you two going on about?" Frodo asked and Merry could see that Frodo was straining to hear what was being said. Sam also looked interested.

Merry snickered but couldn't bring himself to say anything. Pippin surprised him by saying, "If you must know now isn't the time for me to get up because some of me already has." Pippin's face was flushed and he was looking down at the grass.

Frodo closed his eyes and groaned. Merry was unable to hold back his laughter now. Sam was blushing as if he were the one sporting the erection.

Pippin sighed. "I can't believe that none of you were affected by this discussion of lasses. Surely the three of you aren't that old. I can understand Sam because we are discussing his sister but what is the matter with the two of you?" Pippin looked curiously at his older cousins.

"Now, just a minute," Merry frowned. Sometimes Pippin could be infuriating. Here Pippin really should be embarrassed but instead Pippin seemed to be turning the entire thing around so that it was Merry and Frodo who should be embarrassed.

"I'm going for a walk *alone* over there in that high grass," Pippin said turning on his side facing away from Merry and the others. He was doing his very best to hide the portion of his body that had come to life during their talk. "I had best try to lower the flag of the Tooklands before Tom returns," Pippin stood and keeping his back to all of them, walked awkwardly off towards the field.

Merry was seized by an uncontrollable bout of laughter and Frodo was chuckling. Sam just shook his head and said, "That lad needs a good dose o' caster oil."

"What?" Merry giggled. "Castor oil?"

"My old Gaffer always said that if you've got the taste o' castor oil in your mouth and you're worrying about when it will start doin' it's work on you then you've not much else on your mind," Sam said seriously.

Merry howled with laughter again and now Frodo was laughing too. Both of them were probably starting to look like a couple of complete idiots. Sam didn't seem at all bothered by it. He just shrugged. "I hear tell it works."

"You hear it works or you know it works?" Merry laughed.

"It works," Sam smiled blushing again.

"Have we any castor oil with us?" Frodo asked between giggles while tears of mirth streamed down his face.

"No," Sam said. "If you'll forgive, Mr. Frodo. I wasn't expectin' this sort o' thing when we left Buckland."

Just then the sound of Tom Bombadil's cheerful singing could be hear in the distance and Merry looked at Frodo and then turned to shout in the direction of the high grass, "Lower the sails on the good ship Peregrin, Pip! I think Tom's here!"

Frodo collapsed onto the grass again helpless with laughter. Merry saw Sam trying to hide a smile as he stood up and walked over to meet Tom as he came over the brow of the hill.

The End

GW 03/04/2007

Until recently this was my only 'on the Quest' story. Who knew there was more to say? GW