"...at last he turned and fell asleep again or wandered into some other...dream." - "In the House of Tom Bomdadil".  Frodo’s song from the Old Forest will be quoted from the Red Book. I hope the formatting is not going throw anyone off since I decided to put each different person or group of persons encountered as their own parapraph so much is going to be happening in one paragraph that would normally take up much more. 

The first person Frodo saw as he wondered through the woods of the Shire was a young man with a shining, humming blue blade. The hobbit began to back away for he knew very well what that meant, though the sword looked queerer than any one he had ever seen. The man looked at him anxiously. “Have you seen Leia?” Frodo shook his head and the man bounded off, calling out that name over and over. The hobbit ran quickly the opposite direction for he had no desire to run into any Orcs and right here in the Shire too!

He traveled a little further on and was stunned to see a group of talking animals who were walking upright and most were clothed in various fashions. From a distance, he almost mistook the one with blond curls as a hobbit lass, until he got closer and saw she had a pig’s face. There was a bear wearing a hat and tie and a frog was leading them and a rat and something Frodo had no idea what to call. “Come on, Fozzie, Rizzo, Gonzo, keep up,” the frog said. “Where are we, Kermie?” the pig asked. “I don’t know exactly, Piggy, but all woods must end.” He looked around and there spied Frodo. “Excuse me, sir, but we seem to have lost our way. Can you tell us if this is the road to Hollywood?” The hobbit shook his head. “I’m afraid I’m a bit lost myself. Have you any idea where Mithlond is?” The animals consulted among themselves for a while and then the bear spoke, “We don’t know where that is, but we do know how to get lost in a wood, wocka wocka wocka!” The other animals groaned but Frodo withheld his own; he was a proper gentle hobbit after all. He jumped when the pig suddenly cried out “Hiiiyyaaa!” and vigorously hit the tree beside her. Something fell out with a snarl but Frodo hastily bowed and left with a hurried “thank you anyway” before he could see what it was.

He ran a short way till he reached a hill and his heart lifted when he saw two men there, or as he saw when he got closer, an elf and a man. The man was grumbling to the one with the pointed ears. “I don’t know where the transporter sent us this time, Spock. It isn’t natural to have your molecules all spread out and not knowing where you’re going to end up.” Frodo saw that the elf was holding a rectangular box in his hands and appeared to be studying it. “These are the right coordinates, doctor,” he said calmly, “but I do agree that this does not seem to be the Oxford we were expecting.” Oxford? That was not a Shire name. Where these people lost as well? He approached them tentatively. He bowed deeply. “Mae govannen!” The two looked at him, rather startled. “Can you tell me if this is the right road to Mithlond?” “Sorry, I don’t know where I am,” the man said, “let alone where Mithlond is. Blasted transporter.” The elf (?) - Frodo was beginning to wonder about that more and more since this one didn’t have the long hair the others did and what was that box he was looking at? - looked at him after further studying the box. “I could give you the coordinates for Mithlond, as I think, I have now figured out where we are - or I should say when we are. Fascinating.” “What sort of rubbish are you talking about now, Spock?” “That wormhole we encountered, doctor. It appears we are exactly where we should be, but not exactly when we should be.” “What’s that supposed to mean? I am a doctor, not a time traveler!” Frodo had seen a desk full of wormholes at Brandy Hall, but what did that have to do with traveling anywhere? He started backing away slowly. He had had a moment’s hopeful excitement that at last he had found someone who could tell him where the Grey Havens were, though he didn’t know what coordinates were, but now he thought he was very much mistaken that he had found an elf. He bowed and excused himself as politely as he could and fled the other direction.

He ran right into the legs of another man who, after they had picked themselves up from the ground, Frodo saw was dressed much in the same fashion as he was. The hobbit apologized profusely and bowed deeply. “Frodo Baggins at your service,” he said. The man looked at him curiously, drew out his pocket watch and consulted it for a moment before he put it back in. “I shall accept your apology, but I must say you should be more considerate of others on the road. Where are your mother and father that they allow you to run so free?” Frodo gulped. “My parents are dead.” “Then who is your guardian? You can’t just run wild here.” “My Sam takes care of me.” “Then he should take better care, I say.” Frodo stiffened a bit. “There is no hobbit in the world who takes better care than my Sam!” The man looked down at him stuffily. “Hobbit? Never heard such a word before.” He consulted his watch again. “You didn’t run into Lady Catherine, did you?” “No, I’ve seen no lasses at all, at least none that could rightly be called so,” he amended, thinking of the pig. “Well, I shall wait a while longer. Good day to you.” “Good day,” Frodo said with a bow and thinking that the man was rather rude.

The next group of men Frodo heard before he saw them. He ducked behind a tree and looked out. “Here we come, walking down the street,” sang four of them, their arms linked around each other and walking very strangely. “We get the funniest looks from everyone we meet.” Here Frodo hid himself more deeply since he was afraid they had seen him looking funnily at them. “Hey, hey, we’re the Monkees!” The singing when on for a little while longer, but Frodo did not pursue, but again went off in the opposite direction.

A little boy came running out from the wood and ran right into Frodo, knocking them both down. Once they got up, the boy apologized and almost ran right off again, but the hobbit caught him by the arm. "What's your name, my lad?" "Pip, sir. My name's Pip. And please, sir, let me go. I've got to get away from the prisoner whose escaped. He's going kill me if I don't get home and bring him back some bread to eat. He's starving." The boy looked terribly frightened but Frodo had to smile at his name. "Then go on, Pip, my lad. Can't let a man starve." "No, sir, leastways not this one, since he'd squeeze me eyes out or something if I did. He's that strong!" Frodo let the boy go who scampered off as fast as he could. Frodo made his way quickly away as well for he had no wish to encounter that escaped man.

This was the queerest wood the hobbit had ever been in. He wondered if he would ever get out. To comfort himself and raise his spirits, he began to softly sing the song he had in the Old Forest:

“O! Wanderer in the shadowed land

despair not! For though dark they stand,

all woods there must be end at last,

and see the open sun go past:

the setting sun, the rising sun,

the day’s end, or the day begun.

For east or west all woods must fail ...”

He stopped singing when he saw that a man and woman were standing looking at him. “Don’t stop,” the young woman said. “You have a lovely voice.” Frodo colored and bowed. “Thank you, my lady. Frodo Baggins at your service.” The young woman’s mouth formed a silent ‘O’ and she bowed herself then. “I am 99,” she said. Frodo was astonished that this young looking woman was that old. Had she perhaps some Dunedain blood in her? She was about to introduce the man with her when suddenly there was a bell ringing. Frodo was astounded that it was coming from the man’s shoe, The man took his shoe off and answered it. “Yes, Chief, but would you believe we are surrounded by a whole host of KAOS agents? No? Would you believe just Siegfried and an angry dog? How about a pygmy?” he asked, looking down at Frodo who didn’t know what a pygmy was but wasn’t sure he liked being called it “Oh, Max!” the woman said with a jab at the man’s shoulder as he hung up and nearly lost his balance as he put his shoe back on. “He’s not a pymgy. He’s a hobbit and the bravest there ever was too.” Frodo flushed as the woman knelt down and took his maimed hand. “I read all about you when I was growing up. You’re actually the reason I joined CONTROL so I could help against our ages’ Shadow.” Frodo didn’t know what to say. Not even Sam had read everything he had written so how could this woman have and why didn’t she have a proper name and what was control? Things seemed definitely out of control, but the woman was very nice. “99, you never told me you were in love with someone,” the man said. Frodo flushed ever deeper and the woman laughed. “Because I’m not, Max. But I have loved this one for a long time.” She could see that Frodo was getting more and more uncomfortable so she let go of his hand and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for all you did, Frodo of the Shire. You will find your way, but not until your Sam is with you.” She then rose. They bowed to each other once more and Frodo walked slowly away, quite mystified by the whole encounter. He was so wrapped up in thought that he didn’t watch where he was going and bumped into a very large bird. Had he been paying attention, he could have walked right around it. He heard the man called Max say, “Missed it by that much!”

The bird turned its head down at him and regarded him curiously. “Hullo, little fellow,” it said in a mannish voice that caused Frodo to jump a bit. He hadn’t expected the bird to be able to talk, much less to be wearing a cap and something strange around his eyes, but then he told himself he really shouldn’t be surprised after seen and heard all those other animals. He felt a surge of hope though that maybe at last he would be able to leave this strangest of all woods. “Frodo Baggins at your service,” he said with a deep bow. The bird bowed as well. “Orville of Albatross Airlines at yours,” he said. “When would you like to take off and where would you be bound?” Frodo was a little nervous. He had only flown once before. But the bird was very friendly and had kind eyes, even more so than he remembered from the eagle. “I need to go to Mithlond, the Grey Havens. Do you know the way?” The albatross scratched his head under his cap and raised his goggles so he could more properly see the battered and stained map he pulled from his breast pocket. “Mithlond...Mithlond...”he muttered to himself as he unfolded the laminated parchment and consulted it. “Mithlond...Mithlond...” The longer the bird looked, the more the hope dwindled in Frodo’s heart that he would be able to leave. At last Orville looked at him rather apologetically. “I’m sorry, my boy, but I don’t see that anywhere on my maps and I’ve been all over.” “Then...then...could you simply take me home?” Frodo asked. “I just so want to be home.” The albatross brightened immediately. He put his googles back on and tightened his cap. “Well, well, that I can do! Climb on board and strap yourself in and get prepared for take off!” Frodo scrambled abroad and soon after Albatross Airlines took the skies. The hobbit watched in wonder as the forest fell away beneath him and after just a little while, he began to see the familiar sites of Hobbiton again. The bird landed in a large field. It was rather a bumpy landing and Frodo feared they would both slam into his favorite tree, but at the last moment, the albatross swerved and with a screech came to a halt. Frodo climbed down and bowed once more. “Thank you!” “It was a pleasure, my boy! You can fly with me anytime!” the bird said and flew off. Frodo raced into Bag End and into his own bed. There really was no place like home.

Soon he felt someone shaking him. “Mr. Frodo, sir? It’s time to wake up.” Frodo roused. Far beyond time, he thought to himself and opened his eyes to see his Sam looking down at him with a smile. He looked around him and saw the sun shining in from the curtains his gardener and guardian had just drawn back. He had never been so glad to see that dear face and he hugged him tight. “Oh, thank you, Sam! It’s so wonderful to see you! I was having another one of those queer dreams. I really must stop taking that tea.”

Sam hugged him back. “Well, breakfast is all ready for you, Mr. Frodo. We’ll take it easy on the tea from now on.”

Frodo looked outside his window and thought he could see a large bird flying in the distance. He had met some interesting people in his dreams, so maybe he shouldn’t cut it out entirely. “I don’t want to take it every night, but I suppose I can take it at whiles,” he said with a small smile and Sam’s heart warmed to see such a sight and Frodo’s warmed to see Sam’s smile.

_______

The people in the dreams, in case you don’t know:

1) Luke Skywalker from Star Wars.

2) The Muppets - Kermit T. Frog, Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Rizzo the Rat and Gonzo

3) Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy from Star Trek.

4) Mr. Collins from Pride and Prejudice.

5) The Monkees TV show - what they sang and how they walked was playing during the opening credits.

6) Pip from Great Expectations.

7) Agent 99 and Maxwell Smart from Get Smart.

8) Orville of Albatross Airlines from The Rescuers.

I hope I have done them all justice.