Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings is owned by J.R.R. Tolkien, his family, New Line cinema, etc. Not me. I’m not getting paid for this in any way and am only dabbling my unworthy fingers in his magical worlds.

Credit: Rogers and Hammerstein, www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/thesoundofmusic/maria, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sound_of_Music

Note: This song (from beginning to end) follows the tune and metre of ‘How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?’ from the fabulous film The Sound of Music

A sequel, of sorts, to ‘A Pony’s Tale’ (and therefore completely, utterly AU) - prior reading may help.

Summary: Bill the Pony composes a little ode to his ‘friend’ as the Fellowship leaves Rivendell

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Asfaloth?

*

I know a horse called Asfaloth

He’s pretty, clean and white

He loves himself, he thinks he’s great

It’s quite a funny sight

To see him prance around the field

In afternoon sunlight

Imagining that he can bag a Meara

*

The ladies of that noble race

Would really get a fright

To think the prissy Elven horse

Their noble ranks may blight

By chasing all the single mares

And taking great delight

In gazing at his rather bland reflection

*

I know you think that I am being cruel

But really, he’s a fool

*

How do you solve a problem like Asfaloth?

How do you bring his ego crashing down?

How do you find a word that means Asfaloth?

A glorified pony! A smelly old nag! A clown!

*

Many a thing you know you’d like to tell him

Many a thing he ought to understand

But how do you make him stay

And listen to what you say?

How do you let him know he’s not so grand?

*

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Asfaloth?

How do you bring his ego crashing down?

*

When I’m with him I’m bemused

So unfocussed and confused

And I never know if he believes his hype

It was just the other day

That I heard the ladies say

That the prissy Elven horse is not their type

*

He’s a nuisance, he’s a pest

Gives the Mearas mares no rest

With his never ending self-deluded tales

And he’d better watch his back

Lest it comes under attack

From a very angry horde of

Mearas males!

*

How do you solve a problem like Asfaloth?

How do you make the ageing mule see sense?

How do you try to save him from his ego?

No wonder the fatherless warg doesn’t have any friends!

*

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Asfaloth?

Maybe a dose of Gimmy hair would help!

*

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Author’s Note: I know that one of the later lines is slightly out of metre, but it was for the sake of a giggle, so I hope it worked!

Bill wouldn't use a word like 'hype', I know, but I couldn't resist! The faithful pony likes Asfaloth, really.

No, really!

Kara's Aunty ;)