Nargothrond, FA 465

My dearest Amarië!

I do not know if I still have the right to call you that - not "dearest", for you will ever remain the dearest one in this world to me, but "my"...

I still remember your face when we parted. That memory will be forever carved deeply into my mind. The pain in your eyes haunted me across the cruel ice of Helcaraxë, freezing my heart more than the wailing wind.

You did not weep. You knew I wouldn't be able to look at your tears. You knew I had to leave, and didn't want to make it harder to me. But the unshed tears fell like heavy stones into my soul.

You let me go.

I had to.

The new lands called to me with a voice of freedom and adventure. I could not stay behind. Both restlessness and responsibility to my people drew me forwards, into exile.

I don't regret my decision. It made me who I am now. Through hardship, I found purpose. I knew joy and pain, the thrill of battle, the headiness of victory and bitterness of defeat. I knew also a bitter victory, grief, and friendship stronger than darkness. The only thing I did not know in Middle-earth was love...

For all the long years, my heart belonged only to you. When the sky above Helcaraxë cleared after a cruel storm, and the first stars appeared in the frosty heavens, they reminded me of your eyes. When I finished my work in the caves of Nargothrond, I looked at them, and wondered if you would like the reliefs with trees, and if the halls would not seem too narrow to you.

You are in my thoughts tonight.

Tomorrow, I will leave to fulfil my oath. I will not return, I know it in my heart. But even if I die in darkness, the memory of you will be my light. Yes, I am afraid. I would lie if I said I'm not. I feel the darkness and pain ahead of me. For the word I have given, and for the friendship, I will go. And beyond the darkness and silence of Mandos, I have hope to meet you again.

Maybe you will not want me anymore. I would understand that. I left, leaving you alone. You waited for so long... When I return, I will not be the same. I went through ice and fire and death, I cannot be. Maybe you will look at me, and not like what you see. The decision is your, and I will accept it. But know that no matter how you decide, you will always be in my heart, for you shine more than stars and sun to me. Without you, even the Trees in their glory would seem dull to me. If you refuse me, I will keep the memory of you, and leave again, if you wish so.

But if you accept me, I will stay.

Forever yours,

Findaráto