Chapter 5, Unexpected Difficulties

The brothers broke camp the next morning after a hearty breakfast consisting of Elladan’s rabbits and various roots and berries.  They started home happily with Elladan and Aragorn walking up front and Elrohir trailing behind.  Since it had been over a year since the brothers had been together, Elladan and Aragorn spent much of the morning catching up on each other’s news.  Aragorn told of his first few exciting missions with the rangers, enjoying the chance to share his enthusiasm with his brother.  But then the mood darkened when Elladan spoke of his journeys during his hunt for Elrohir.  Even now, with their brother walking safely behind them, Aragorn could hear the grief in Elladan’s voice as he described chasing one disappointing lead after another without any hint of success.  In order to distract him from his melancholy thoughts, the young ranger launched into some amusing tales of the small blunders he’d had while learning to fit in with his ranger brethren.  Knowing he was opening himself up for teasing, he considered it well worth the cost when he finally saw the grin on his brother’s face...one that had been absent for far too long. 

The two would periodically try to bring Elrohir into their conversations, but the young elf wouldn’t respond in any way to their attempts.  About half of the time he would have slipped into one of those drugged hazes, but even when he was obviously lucid, he would still simply look at them without reaction--at best there were times when he would show a kind of cautious interest in what they were saying.

Aragorn had grown rather used to this response, or rather lack of it, from Elrohir, but it took Elladan a while to realize that even with his initial success from the day before, they had a long way to go before Elrohir was anything like the brother he knew.  Still, he was certain that with patience they would see steady improvement--a thought that kept him trying to communicate with his brother regardless of his reactions.

As the three brothers walked along the path, Elladan became aware of yet another indicator of just how different things were going to be with his twin.  Since neither of the younger two brothers had mounts of their own, Elladan had chosen to lead his horse rather than ride it.  It was a beautiful animal, full of spirit and strength, but it was also well-behaved and had never made any alarming or threatening gestures to Elrohir.  It was absolutely baffling, therefore, when Elrohir made it perfectly clear that he didn’t want anything to do with it!  When it came near him, he moved to the other side of the path and when they stopped, he was always careful to keep several yards between him and the animal.  This seemed extremely odd from the elf who had such a natural affinity for horses that as a normally obedient child, he had often gotten himself (and sometimes his twin) in trouble by sneaking off to the stables when he should have been elsewhere.  Even as he’d grown up, he had loved being around horses had become renowned for his instinctive connection with even the most difficult of animals.  So it was very strange that he now seemed wary of Elladan’s horse--one that he, in fact, had helped to train.

Since the younger twin could not or would not communicate with his brothers verbally, they were left to try to figure out this puzzle only by watching his behavior.  This method left much to be desired, however, since all it told them was that he didn’t appear to be frightened of the beast, but he absolutely would have nothing to do with it.

Elrohir’s odd behavior with the horse aside, for the most part the first few days went fairly well.  Elrohir still wasn’t very receptive to anything Aragorn said to him, but that instant bond he had formed with Elladan made dealing with the younger elf much easier.  He seemed to be willing to do what his twin asked of him, even when he wasn’t obviously being influenced by the drugs.  Although Aragorn found it frustrating and, yes, a bit sad that they didn’t have an equally easy relationship, he was immensely grateful that his big brother had finally shown up and was there to help him out.  Thus, he accepted with grace the fact that he’d have to work very hard to rebuild his own place in Elrohir’s life.

Yes, the first few days passed relatively quietly as Elladan learned the new ‘Elrohir Rules.’  Number one:  don’t touch.  Even though he had allowed it that first day, Elrohir was still clearly upset by any physical contact and it was easier all around to simply avoid it.  Number two:  when his eyes seemed slightly unfocused, the drugs had the upper hand and he would be extremely compliant and docile.  You couldn’t become complacent, however, since he could snap out of it with absolutely no notice and you would find yourself having to treat him in a completely different manner.  Number three:  when not under the influence of the drugs, he responded much better to being asked to do things rather than being told.  Well, that was just common courtesy anyway, so that was an easy rule.  Number four:  he never spoke and rarely gave away anything through facial expressions.  The only way to really gauge his thoughts and feelings was to look into his eyes.  Interestingly, they were the one clear indicator that Elrohir was still in there somewhere, for at times the brothers would catch an expression in them that was pure Elrohir of old.  Yes, Elladan was certainly kept busy learning these rules and adjusting his behavior to find the best way to connect with his twin.

Learning to deal with his twin wasn’t what caused Elladan the most heartache initially, however.  That came several days into their trip when Aragorn called over to him late one evening as the young man was building up the fire for the night.  The wind was whipping up and there was a chill in the air, unusual for that time of year.  “Dan,” he called, “could you fetch some more wood?  A storm is building and we may need some extra if we’re to keep the fire going tonight.”

The comment was a simple one, but the reaction it set off was not.  Both Elladan and Elrohir got up at the request and started to head for the trees in search of wood.  Elrohir noted with confusion that Elladan also responded to the request and then stopped dead and stood there looking at him, his eyes opened wide in apparent shock.   

“Ro, what is it?  What is wrong?” asked Elladan with concern.  Nothing had changed in the last few seconds and he had no idea what had startled his brother.

Elrohir was now breathing rapidly and staring at Elladan, moving his lips as if he were saying something, although no sound came out.   

Aragorn looked at the twins and it suddenly hit him in a flash.  “’Dan !’  He’s saying ‘Dan!’” exclaimed Aragorn.  “Oh.......Elladan!”

The older twin looked at his youngest brother in bewilderment, “What?  Why does my name upset him?” he asked.

Turning to his twin, he added, “Did you not know that my nickname is Dan?  You have called me that since we were quite young...and the name kind of stuck.  Just like I call you ‘Ro.’  Is the name distressing you, somehow?”

Elrohir pressed his palms into his forehead as if trying to grind out a painful memory.  When Elladan reached out to him in alarm, however, he put out his hands and backed off, clearly indicating that he wanted his brother to come no closer.  Elladan stood there with his mouth open as Elrohir continued to back off, stopping only when he bumped up against a tree.  With a distinct ‘thud,’ he sat on the ground and then buried his head in his arms, but not before Elladan saw the stunned, bewildered look on his brother’s face. 

Both Elladan and Aragorn simply stood, confused and concerned, as they watched this unexpected scene unfold.  Elladan was torn, wanting to go to his brother but also wanting to respect Elrohir’s clear wish to be left alone.  Something was going on with his twin, but he hadn’t the faintest idea as to what it was or what he should do about it.  Turning to his littlest brother for help, he hoped between the two of them they could decipher enough clues so he could figure out what in all of Arda had just happened!

“Estel...?” he said in a questioning voice.

The ranger winced.  He was fairly certain that he had the answer to this riddle, but he was also fairly certain that it was one that would make Elladan feel bad.  Still, it was something that needed to be told.

Knowing that waiting wouldn’t make it any easier, Aragorn began quietly, “I think the name is upsetting him because it is one that he knows.  I don’t know how I forgot to tell you this, but... when I found Elrohir, he did not use his own name.  Umm...he was using that name...yours...‘Dan.’ In fact, that was the first sign to me that he might be our brother.  It is not an elvish name, after all, and I thought it strange that an elf would use it.”  The ranger paused as he glanced over at Elrohir, still sitting alone by the tree--next was the part that he was afraid might hurt Elladan.  However, he continued, “The men who sold him to Borgas...he was the overseer where I found Ro...well, they told Borgas that his name was ‘Dan,’ because...because that was the only thing that they’d heard him say.”

A quick look back at his oldest brother confirmed that his news had gone straight through the elf like a knife!  His eyes were closed in pain as he said in almost a whisper, “He did call for me.  I knew it!  Something terrible happened to him and he called to me...and I never answered.” 

Elladan sunk to the ground as he shook his head, grief written plainly on his face.  Aragorn sat down beside him, not knowing how to help either of his brothers, but wanting desperately to give his support, if only by listening. 

Elladan spoke again, not even seeing as he recalled those long ago moments when he knew something was wrong, “I never told you, but when he first went missing, I knew he was in trouble right away, for I had been awakened in the middle of the night by someone screaming my name.  I was so sure that it was Elrohir, calling to me, but Ada told me it was only a nightmare--that no one else had heard anything and I was just upset because Ro and I had had words before he left.” 

After a humorless laugh he continued, “If you remember, we had indeed had harsh words.  It was never my intent to be cross with Elrohir that day, but it just seemed to happen.”

Aragorn watched his brother in interest.  He had known about the twin’s quarrel, but had never heard the details.  He remained silent as Elladan continued.  “In retrospect, it was such a stupid thing to argue over...certainly not worthy of my last words to my twin for more than two years.”  With a small frown, he went on, “Elrohir’s horse had eaten something that disagreed with him and the beast was out of sorts.  That is all that started it.  The horse was not in great distress, but it was simply not at his best and I told Elrohir he should leave him behind and take another on his trip to Rohan.  I only meant it as a helpful suggestion, but Elrohir took it as an interfering, bossy brother telling him how to manage his life.  I have played that conversation over in my mind a thousand times, Estel, and to this day I don’t know if he was right.  Did I, though my tone or words, sound condescending or arrogant?  I do not know.  But Elrohir...well, Elrohir must have taken it that way, for he was quite irritated with me when he left and he said some things and...(sigh)...I said some things.”

Elladan sighed again deeply and looked at his little brother in profound sorrow, “I cannot tell you how many times I wished I could replay those last words and instead of a silly quarrel over a horse, I had told Elrohir how much I loved him and wished him well on his journey.  Never again, Estel,” vowed Elladan, looking into his brother’s eyes.  “Never again will I send anyone I care about off on a journey with harsh words!”

In wordless understanding, Aragorn reached over and squeezed Elladan’s forearm, the quiet gesture acknowledging the pain behind his brother’s words--the years of knowing those foolish words of irritation and anger may very well be the last ever spoken to his twin.

The older twin smiled softly at his little brother for the comforting gesture and then continued, his voice becoming rough with emotion as he forced himself back to the night that he knew something had happened to his beloved twin, “It was about two weeks after that pointless argument that I heard the call in the night.  I swear it was as if Elrohir had screamed my name right in my ear, I heard it so clearly!  And I knew it was he.  It was his voice calling me, and what I felt...”

Elladan’s voice faded away to nothing as he struggled to maintain control.  A strong arm around his shoulders gave him courage and with a deep breath he continued, “What I felt, Estel, was a horrible wave of emotions wash over me... pain, anguish, terror, longing,...despair.  I knew it was Elrohir.  I knew he needed me and I ran straight for Ada’s chambers to tell him.  But then he didn’t believe me!  He wouldn’t believe me...”

Aragorn gave his brother’s shoulders a squeeze.  “Elladan, why did you never tell me any of this?  I was there, after all.  You know I would have given you my support!”

The older brother gave Aragorn a loving smile.  “My thanks, Little One.  But I did not tell anyone because I allowed Ada to convince me that it had been a dream.  Even though my heart told me otherwise, I wanted to believe his explanation because I could not bear it if it were real.  I tried so hard to convince myself that Ada was right, for if I was simply being foolish over some stupid nightmare, then nothing had happened and Elrohir would be okay.  And...perhaps I should have told you, but I didn’t wish to burden you with the same terrible fears that were in my heart.”

Aragorn nodded silently, understanding his brother’s reason, if not accepting his decision to keep him in the dark.  The two sat quietly together for a few moments before Elladan spoke once more, this time in no more than a whisper, “To hear now that he did call for me...Estel, now I know that what I felt was real...and it shatters me.”

With that, he bowed his head in grief and sorrow as he accepted with gratitude the comfort of his human brother’s arms as they both tried to come to terms with what they had learned.

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Elrohir ignored his two brothers as they talked quietly on the other side of the camp.  He had blocked out everything as he tried to focus on his own thoughts, which were swirling around violently.  For more than two years and up until he was bought by the young man, Estel, his own name had been ‘Dan.’ That’s what the men who sold him to Lord Hebert had called him and that had been his name ever since he could remember.  But no one had known why he had chosen that name.  No one had known that that one word was the only thing he had retained from his previous life--one word that he had held on to as a lifeline when nothing else was familiar.

Elrohir’s first memories were of traveling with a band of men.  Rough, coarse men who took care of him, for he’d been injured, but who also made it clear that he was their property.  The only thing he could focus on during those first few days of pain and confusion had been that word, ‘Dan.”  He hadn’t known what it meant, but somehow it brought him comfort.  He had said that word to the men, but they didn’t seem to know who or what it meant, either.  Perhaps they had thought he was giving them his name, because that’s what they called him afterwards.  There had been no point in correcting them, however, for there was nothing else he knew to be called.

His reaction to Estel just now had been instinctive.  The young man had called him ‘Dan’ only at their initial meetings, but ever since had called him ‘Elrohir.’  However, when he heard the name today, he had just assumed that Estel had meant him--force of habit after over two years of answering to it.  But...when Elladan also responded to the name, it had hit him suddenly that he had meant Elladan, instead.  Elladan was ‘Dan!’  Of course! 

Elrohir was more than irritated with himself for not figuring that out earlier, but mostly he was trying to understand just what this meant.  Why was this elf so important to him that his name was the only thing he had retained after all his other memories had been lost?  The word had been a comfort to him, he knew that, but why?  Now that he had been with the elf and had felt that instant bond with him, he understood better the answer to that question.  This elf was dear to him in some special way--now combined with the knowledge that he was ‘Dan,’ Elrohir finally began to believe what the elf had told him when they first met...he was his brother!  He hadn’t believed until now since, after all, the human had said the same thing when they first met.  When the elf had also claimed to be a brother, he had assumed “brother” meant something different to them than it did to him.  But now...

Having worked through all this in his mind, Elrohir looked up at the other elf in wonder.  That was his ‘Dan!’  He took a deep breath and then opened his mouth to call to him, but stopped himself short when he saw that the young man had his arm around Elladan’s shoulders, comforting the obviously upset elf.  Elrohir didn’t know what was going on now, but he just couldn’t intrude on it.  In fact, a small pang in his heart told him that he may very well be the cause of it!  What had he done this time?  Had he had one of those horrid “fog” periods and done something stupid?  He didn’t remember one, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t happen.  Elrohir watched the two in confusion.  He was so tired of things being complicated and not understanding what was going on!  He was grateful that at least he wasn’t feeling fuzzy-headed at the moment, but the ability to think clearly still wasn’t helping him decide what to do. 

As he continued to study his two companions, another interesting thought occurred to him--if Elladan really was his brother, could the young human somehow be one as well?  The other two certainly seemed close enough to one another.  As he watched his ‘brothers,’ he shook his head in bewilderment and retreated back into his self-imposed shell of silence as his decision to speak slipped away.  Perhaps he should watch and wait just a little bit longer before talking to them... 

Elrohir briefly wondered what he should do now.  If he had tried, he could have listened in on what the others were softly saying, but he decided that he’d give them their privacy.  Instead, he got up and chose to help by fulfilling Estel’s request.  He gathered more piles of firewood while his companions continued their quiet conversation, oblivious of his activities.  When he was finished stacking it near the fire pit, they were still sitting together murmuring softly, so he curled up in his blanket and then fell fast asleep.

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The following morning set the tone for the next few weeks.  At first, when everyone had awoken, Elrohir’s behavior seemed much improved.  He was cooperative and his eyes showed a friendly sparkle that had been missing before--a change that both brothers greeted with absolute joy.  After the emotional evening before, they were ecstatic and relieved that the result had been a much-happier Elrohir.

But that mood didn’t last, to their dismay, and soon his behavior became more perplexing than ever.  Whereas before he had simply displayed different degrees of caution, after his discovery of who ‘Dan’ was, his moods began to vary wildly.  Things would be going along wonderfully, when without notice, he’d suddenly become wary and hostile and following that, slip into his drugged state of obedience, leaving his brothers at a complete loss as to how to handle him.  This pattern repeated itself several times throughout the following days--he was sometimes friendly, sometimes hostile, and sometimes mindlessly obedient. 

Trying to keep up with the changes was exhausting!  Over the following weeks, Elladan and Aragorn didn’t know from one minute to the next if Elrohir would accept what they said with good cheer or would lash out violently over nothing.  The drugs were clearly still affecting his reactions and his two brothers were kept on their toes, never quite knowing what to expect as their brother went from one extreme to the next followed by bouts of blind obedience.  Some days passed quietly but most were full of aggravation as Elladan and Aragorn found themselves chasing after Elrohir or even forcibly subduing him after one of his rampages.

The unpredictability of Elrohir’s actions came to be more frustrating than the actions themselves and after several weeks, all three brothers found themselves tired, on edge, and irritable.  At the end of one particularly difficult day, they were all fed up with the entire situation! Elrohir was wary and uncertain, Elladan was finding it painful to deal with this stranger in his brother’s body, and Aragorn was plainly worn out after dealing with this whole situation for months!  It was a very morose and unhappy group that made camp that night, Elladan and Aragorn talking quietly between themselves as Elrohir sat alone.

Elrohir had deliberately sat away from the others as he tried to focus his wandering thoughts.  The periodic drug-induced confusion was adding to inability to control his up and down moods and he felt like screaming in frustration.  If his brothers had been watching him, they would have noted a self-mocking smile on his lips as he imagined their reaction to him screaming.  He almost wanted to try it just to see what they’d do.  He still did, after all, have a sense of humor. He sighed, though, and rejected that idea.  He couldn’t control from one minute to the next how he’d react to anything and wouldn’t risk becoming violent and upset if they reacted badly.  He’d received enough bruises for one day when his brothers had had to pounce on him as he tried to escape--three times just that day!

Arrgh!  He didn’t really want to run off.  Elrohir had been trying so hard to get along with his brothers ever since he had decided that these two, incredible as it may seem, were his brothers. And yes, after watching the two more, he had finally come to believe that somehow Estel must also be his brother.  But even with that knowledge, he’d found the task almost impossible.  When his mind was clear, everything was fine, however, when the drugs started taking over, there were periods when everything would become warped and he saw his brothers’ faces twist in anger and heard their words become laced with hatred.  As time went on, the clear times were longer and longer, but that only meant that he was finally able to guess that not everything he was “seeing” was real.  So how do you react when reality has a way of blending with nightmare visions?  He couldn’t be certain that what he was reacting to was really happening or just a residual drug-induced hallucination.  And then, of course, there were periods when he’d do anything anyone told him.  This created an incredible helpless feeling that only made him more angry with himself as he realized what was happening.

Elrohir was not simple-minded.  No, as both a slave and now as...whatever he was now...that had never been his problem.  He was fully aware that the drugs were wreaking havoc with his thoughts and emotions, but simply didn’t know what to do to control them.  It had never been a problem when he was a slave.  He’d either be wrapped up in one of those hazy cocoons or he’d be guarded...wary.  There had been no need to try to figure out what was real, since there was no great difference between reality and the nightmare.  Now, however, things were different and he found himself absolutely unable to manage his reactions properly.  By allowing himself to begin to trust the others, their “betrayals” hurt him beyond comprehension and he reacted accordingly as his volatile emotions took over.  During the “good” times, he told himself that their betrayals probably weren’t real, but he still found them impossible to ignore when they were happening right in front of him.

Biting his lip in frustration, he looked over at the others.  Maybe he should see if there was any way to explain to the others what was happening to him.  Even if it meant taking that last trusting step and breaking his silence, maybe between the three of them they could find a solution.  These wide mood swings were driving him wild!  Another look in their direction startled him....there they were talking about him, weren’t they?!  Yes, now they were throwing dark, angry looks at him!  What was that Estel was waving at him?  And what was Elladan saying?  Oh, more of those hate-filled words!  They were sitting over there plotting ways to make him suffer!  Estel was probably going to........OH STOP!  This wasn’t real, was it?  He had to break through and see what was really happening......NO!  Any second they were going to come over here!  They were coming after him!  They hated him!  He had to get away!!!

Elladan and Aragorn both gave an identical sigh of disgust as Elrohir bolted away from their camp.  Not again!  With practiced efficiency, the two of them split up and took different trajectories--paths that would bring them both to a point ahead of and off to either side of where Elrohir was running.  If their brother had been thinking clearly, he would never have allowed them to spring such a simple trap on him, but as in every other case where they’d had to chase him, he was only running blindly and once again they were able to easily capture him.

They brought him to the camp, each of them holding an arm firmly and marching him back.  He fought against the contact, but was no match for the two of them and was forced to walk along between them.  When they once again reached the camp, they dragged him down to his knees in the center of their little clearing and then let him go, uncertain what they should do next.  Elladan had absolutely refused, ever, to tie up his brother, but there were limits to even his patience!  However, even as he contemplated doing just that, Elrohir blinked a couple of times and then slipped into his hazy, obedient mode, to the utter relief of his watching brothers.

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Elladan and Aragorn spoke quietly to each other while a docile Elrohir made dinner.  The two brothers were grateful for a peaceful moment in which they could discuss how they should treat Elrohir to avoid another disastrous day like the one they’d just had.  Moreover, they appreciated the chance to commiserate with each other on the constant frustration of having Elrohir back, but not really back. 

It felt good for the two of them to talk through their feelings and realize that they weren’t being disloyal to Elrohir by feeling upset and yes, even angry with him.  They knew it wasn’t his fault, per se, but it still didn’t mean that they couldn’t get seriously annoyed with him when he reacted with hostility to the most innocent of comments or disrupted their plans by running off four times in one day!  Elladan had been growing more and more tired and heartsick as his continual efforts to reach Elrohir met with limited result and needed to know that he wasn’t failing his brother by feeling so discouraged.  And Aragorn needed someone to tell him that some day his tireless efforts would be rewarded and he would one day have his brother back--that the volatile, erratic elf he was dealing with now would someday transform back into the brother he adored!

After talking though some of their anger and frustration and receiving reassurances from each other, the brothers finally did remind each other that there had also been some triumphs as well.  On occasion Elrohir would, through a nod or gesture, acknowledge his brothers and there were indeed periods of time when he would seem actually friendly.  The bad times had somewhat clouded those successes, but they shouldn’t lose sight of how far he’d come from the disgustingly dirty elf who had to be tied up 24-hours a day and reacted with hostility to absolutely everything!  The cathartic effect of talking through their feelings helped them both to come to grips with their frustrations and once they began to speak of the positive changes, the brothers were able to renew their determination to remain patient as they brought their brother safely back home.

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Good intentions aside, real trouble came the next day.  Unexpectedly, it was the mindless obedience of Elrohir and not one of his violent displays that caused it.  The brothers had set up their camp early in order to rest up before attempting a particularly difficult climb up a steep mountainside the next day.  The early stop gave them the chance to cook up a nourishing stew for lunch and once it was ready, Aragorn, still careful not to touch his brother, told Elrohir to sit down and get some food.  The unfocused look in his eyes was a clear sign that he would do exactly as he was told, but Aragorn didn’t realize just how literally Elrohir was about to interpret his instructions.  The young elf did sit down, joining Aragorn by the fire.  But then Elrohir reached out and grabbed the pot nestled in the coals.  He gasped in pain, pulling back and sloshing his hands with the boiling stew as he dropped the scalding pot on the ground. 

He made no other noise, but Aragorn saw what was happening and shouted just a moment too late, “NO!”

The young man sprang into action and immediately tried to wipe the scalding liquid off of his brother’s hands with the cloth that he been holding, planning to use it to take the pot from the fire.  Elrohir, however, shocked back into reality by the pain of the burns, didn’t understand what Aragorn was doing and struggled to pull away from him. 

Elladan, who had been seeing to a small scratch on his horse’s leg, leapt up when he heard Aragorn’s shout and came stalking over to the two with a look of pure exasperation on his face.  As he neared his brothers, the ruined dinner on the ground tipped him over the edge from frustration into a pointed, focused anger.  Years of worry followed by the recent weeks of stress along with yesterday’s aggravation sent his emotions spiraling out of control as he lost the ability to calmly deal with just one more of Elrohir’s little disasters.  Just why couldn’t the crazy elf realize that they were on the same side for once?!  His renewed determination to be patient fell aside when he’d seen their meal on the ground and his little brother struggling with his twin over a stupid cloth!  Furious at having to deal with one more setback, Elladan gave in to his overpowering feelings.

“By the Valar, Elrohir!  Look what you’ve done!  We have nothing to eat because of you!” he shouted.  “I am sick of this!  Can you not behave for once and stop being so dammed difficult?!”

He grabbed the cloth that both Elrohir and Aragorn had been holding and pulled it out of their hands.  Elrohir cried out as the cloth was yanked across his burns and it was only at this point that Elladan saw the raw burns on Elrohir’s palms and the blisters already beginning to form on the backs of his hands.  He dropped the cloth in shock as he heard his twin’s voice for the first time and also finally saw what was really happening with refined clarity.

Elrohir’s reactions were not at all unpredictable.  Pain from his hands along with the distress from having Elladan, his ‘Dan’, yelling at him, instantly pushed him back down into his world of fear and darkness.  He had been trying so hard to convince himself that his brothers’ anger and hatred were really just phantoms in his mind and that he should trust both of them.  But that had all just changed.  This angry elf in front of him was no phantom nightmare and, ignoring for the moment the pain from the burns, he scrambled back from the fire and then without any warning, leapt into the trees and was gone.

He had moved so fast that Elladan and Aragorn were left briefly stunned before they both dropped everything and raced after their brother--Aragorn on the ground while Elladan took to the trees.  Precious moments had been lost, though, and Elrohir had an enormous head start for an elf.  He may have forgotten just about everything he’d ever known before, but with an elf’s instincts, he still remembered how to move through the trees swiftly without leaving any trace.  And unlike his previous escape attempts, Elrohir was not running in a drug-induced blind panic.  His mind was sharply focused as he whisked through the trees--he knew exactly what he was doing and before long, had left the others far behind.

Afternoon turned to dusk and dusk slowly to evening as Elladan and Aragorn scoured the forest.  Meeting back up every hour or so, they carefully planned their search and hunted for clues to their brother’s path.  At dark it was obvious that they’d completely lost Elrohir’s trail, however, and they returned to their campsite, despondent and tired.

As the two prepared their evening meal, Aragorn found himself in the strange position of having to play “big brother” to Elladan.  This was such a reversal of roles that he wasn’t quite sure how to handle it.  He had to try, though.  Elladan was in great need of some good advice as he sat by the fire and dejectedly stirred the pot. 

Elladan couldn’t believe how brainless he’d been!  Elrohir wasn’t being difficult, he had just had an accident.  His brother had been in pain and instead of giving him help, he had yelled at him!  He certainly hadn’t deserved that!  Elladan kicked himself mentally and cursed his impatience over and over as he thought of his twin, now hurt and alone out in the forest.  And it was all his fault!

“Stop it, Elladan,” said Aragorn quietly.

“Stop what?” was the terse response.  Elladan didn’t even look up as he kept stirring their dinner.

“Stop beating yourself up.  Stop thinking of things you should have done differently.  Stop blaming yourself that Elrohir is missing.  Stop....well, just stop it all.  We will find him!” said Aragorn firmly.  Now was not the time for Elladan to start acting depressed.  They both would need to be at their very best tomorrow in order to continue their search for Elrohir.

Elladan dropped the spoon as he looked at his brother, his expression one of pure self-loathing.  “Estel, do you not understand?” he asked harshly.  “I did exactly what you warned me against!  You yelled at him and after that you could not get him to trust you.  Now I’ve done even worse--I yelled at him when he was hurt and he has run off because of it!  I knew better.  You told me what would happen but I let my impatience and anger destroy my judgment.  And even if you had not warned me, I still knew better!  I was stupid and now Elrohir is off on his own, defenseless, hurt, and it is my fault!”

Aragorn listened to his brother’s ranting without interruption.  In fact, sadly everything he was saying was true, so there was little hope he could make his brother feel better by denying it.  No.  He had to think of some other way to pull Elladan out of this bout of self-hate.

He carefully picked his words, “You are right, Elladan.  You should not have yelled at Elrohir.  It was the wrong thing to do, but you misunderstood what was happening and I know just how frustrating he can be.  Remember, you are speaking to the one who finally had to tie him up to keep him under control!  Trust me...I know!”  He gave a small laugh, “Truthfully, I am not sure why we are so surprised at how aggravating Elrohir has been.  Honestly, even before all this, he could still be the most stubborn elf I ever ran across.  Well, other than a certain twin of his, of course!” he finished with a sideways glance at his brother.

Elladan’s initial response was an angry glare, but after a few quiet seconds, a reluctant hint of a smile graced Elladan’s lips.  He knew what Estel was doing, of course, trying to distract him.  But, after a moment, he had to admit it was working--as he thought back, his smile grew a bit wider.  Maybe the twins had been stubborn one or two times in the past.  Very well...maybe much more than one or two times.  But it was never just to be obstinate or annoying.  The things that they stood firm about were always things that mattered!  Well...maybe sometimes those things only mattered to them, but...

Deciding to play along, Elladan glanced over at his brother who was watching him hopefully.  “Surely you are not implying that Elrohir and I can be stubborn?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Never!” was the response.  “I would never imply that!  Rather...I am asserting it.”

Aragorn ducked as his brother tried to cuff him and grinned when he saw Elladan rolling his eyes as he smiled.  Mission accomplished!

“Alright, Estel, enough!” said Elladan.  “I am done moping for the moment.”  He sighed deeply before continuing, “But I still am quite angry with myself.  Elrohir needs to be here with us, not running around alone in the forest.”

“Aye,” answered Aragorn, “but you saw how quickly he got away from us.  If nothing else, that tells me that he can take care of himself better, perhaps, than I had realized.  We were always able to outthink him and catch him before...I believe the drugs have worn off enough now that he is capable of much more than we had thought.”

“Perhaps...but did you get a good look at Elrohir’s hands?  I fear he was badly injured and the burns should be treated right away.  And how can he protect himself from the night predators?  Even without the injuries, he has no weapons and I do not know that he remembers how to take the basic precautions,” said Elladan with worry. 

Aragorn nodded with a grimace.  There was really nothing to say to that.  The burns had looked bad and he, too, was concerned about the dangers that could overtake the unaware.  However, wanting to change the subject before Elladan once more got bogged down in guilt, he said, “That stew looks tasty and I am starving.  Is it ready?”

Elladan huffed in exasperation at the painfully obvious attempt to change the subject.  He shook his head and started to continue his thoughts about what could be awaiting a vulnerable elf in the forest but then stopped.  Finally accepting that dwelling on things wouldn’t make them any better, he answered with forced patience, “Yes, Estel...the stew is ready.  Give me your bowl and I will pour you some.”

Without another word, the brothers concentrated on eating their meal since they actually were quite famished--they never had eaten anything for lunch and their long hunt in the afternoon had been grueling, both physically and emotionally.  While eating the nourishing meal, though, each was careful to keep to themselves the thought that Elrohir must be hungry as well.  They tried to enjoy their food without letting that thought spoil it for them and once they’d cleaned up after the evening meal, they both climbed under their blankets and after a few murmured words of good-night, tried to sleep.

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In just a few, short minutes, Elladan could tell that his little brother had fallen into a deep, exhausted sleep.   As tired as he was, though, sleep eluded Elladan until well into the night.  As he lay there, staring at the stars, Elladan found himself wondering just where Elrohir was and if he was warm and safe.  After long hours of helpless worry, though, exhaustion finally dragged the elf into well-deserved slumber, his last conscious thought before falling asleep a soft whisper into the night air, “Hold on, Ro.  I swear I will find you.  Just...stay safe!”

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