“How much farther is it?” Frodo asked wearily.

“Nearly sir, nearly”. Sam helped Frodo up the last couple of steps, worried that perhaps this had not been such a good idea after all. Frodo was still weak from the virus he had contracted, and the healers had said his recovery would probably be slower than most. Still they had ordered sleep, quiet and as much fresh air as could be got into him, and Sam knew just the place for all three.

“We’re here now Mister Frodo”. He put a smile on his face and helped Frodo over to the nearest stone bench. Beside this was a fountain filled pool shaded by trees in full blossom, the water reflecting their colour like a collage. All around them birds filled the garden with song.

“It is beautiful”. Frodo whispered in awe, reaching out with a pale hand to touch one of the flowers nearby. Yellow pollen rubbed off on his fingers, and he blew the loose dust into the air.

“I found it just before…just before you had to go to the healers”. Sam explained. “It’s my sanctuary, reminds me of home, with the birds and the flowers. I think I almost forgot how beautiful it all was”.

“I had forgotten”. Frodo looked at the water, where fallen blossoms floated upon the surface. His eyes became heavier and with Sam’s help he slowly curled up on his side on the bench. His breathing evened out while Sam carefully readjusted the blankets, one as a pillow and the other around his Master’s body, turning away only when the right hand fell into his view. The stump of the missing finger was healing nicely but that made it no less painful to see. Sam began to feel sick, his own hand aching in empathy, and he quickly hid the disfigurement beneath the blanket.

What to do now? His Master was comfortable, he was sleeping peacefully. Sam was a bit tired, but he couldn’t sleep yet. The colour was starting to come back into Frodo’s face. Food! Sam wasn’t hungry, but Frodo probably would be when he woke up. It would not hurt to have some food ready to hand.

Getting up slowly, Sam left for the kitchens.

It didn’t take him long to put some sandwiches and cakes together, along with a small flask of drink. Carefully balancing it on a tray through ease of practice he carried it up the stairs back to the garden, all the while revering the tranquillity of the suburban area.

Until a cry broke out.

Jumping over the dropped tray Sam flew up to the garden entrance. Frodo was lying on the bench as Sam had left him, but now his face was contorted in pain, or fear, and his limbs were flailing as if trying to ward off a blow. “No!” He cried again, though it was quieter this time, defeated.

“Mister Frodo”. Sam gently shook his Master’s shoulder. Frodo sat up so abruptly that Sam fell over backwards.

Frodo took several deep breaths, eyes closed until he felt safe enough to open them. The colours and safe tranquillity of the garden flooded his senses again, and he sighed with relief. “Dream”.

He looked down at Sam, who was still sat on the ground. “Are you hurt?” He asked hurriedly.

“No, you just startled me is all, Sir”.

“You woke me”. Frodo said. “You got me out just like before”.

“Where were you?” Sam felt he already knew the answer.

“I was…I was back there, the tower”. His words became faster. “I wasn’t just dreaming, I was reliving it. Everything was happening again”.

“Now Mister Frodo”. Sam sat beside his Master, placing a hand on his shoulder in comfort. “It’s in the past now, none of it matters anymore. You’re safe, and so is everyone else thanks to you”.

Frodo smiled, but it wasn’t out of joy. “That is what everyone keeps saying. Me. What did I do?” Frodo pulled his right hand out from underneath the blanket, the fingers of his left caressing the stump. “I let the Ring control me Sam. I was too weak to do what had to be done…Sauron came so close to claiming everything. If He had done, it would have been my fault”.

“Sir!” Sam said. “You carried and fought that evil thing all the way to the Mountain of Fire. When you turned it was because you were tired, in too much pain because of what those stupid orcs did. If I hadn’t let you be captured…” Sam stopped himself quickly, biting his lower lip.

Stupid Samwise Gamgee, very stupid

“Hadn’t let me be captured, Sam what are you talking about?”

I’ve hidden the truth for long enough.

“I let the orcs take you to Cirith Ungol. I saw the marks from the whips. It was because of me…”

“It was because of you that I didn’t die in that ghastly place. Where in Middle - earth is all this coming from Sam? None of it was your fault”. Frodo remembered his friend telling him about how he had been hit from behind. When he had come round he had found the Ring dropped on the ground nearby, and tracks leading to where Frodo was being held. “How could it possibly be your fault? You didn’t choose to be knocked unconscious”.

“I didn’t…”

“No, you didn’t. It wasn’t your fault”.

“I didn’t get knocked out”. Sam shouted, jumping up. “I didn’t find the Ring I took It. When you were unconscious after that beast poisoned you I thought you were dead, so I took the Ring and was going to just leave you there and go to the Mountain. You weren’t alone when the orcs came either, I had put the Ring on so they couldn’t see me, I watched them take you away. They said you were alive and I had left you alive. In my heart I had known you weren’t dead, but I was so stupid that I left you lying right there and betrayed you to them. I as good as put you in the tower myself”. By the last line he was screaming his words through a broken voice, breathing hitched as he bit back painful sobs. He fell to his knees, took a deep controlling breath, and then looked up at his Master.

His next words were barely above a whisper. “So you see it was my fault”.

It took a moment for Frodo to absorb everything he had just heard, running events through in his head, making sense of Sam’s words and meaning. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Sam shook. “You weren’t yourself. I thought that if I told you the truth you might have sent me away, and I couldn’t leave you alone in that place. So I made up the story to protect you.

“I was going to tell you when the Quest was over. Then I got afraid of what you would think, what others would do, I might still get punished or sent away even though nothing would be as bad as I deserve. I kept the story up, I kept lying, not to protect you anymore but to protect myself, but I don’t deserve it”.

He turned away to face the water, looking at his own reflection and grimacing as if sickened by the sight. “I shouldn’t be here, with all this service and praise and people bowing everywhere I go. They think I’m special, they think I’m a hero and I’m not. I nearly destroyed everything”.

“Don’t say that”. Frodo snapped back angrily.

“Why not, it’s the truth. I’m sick of lying, fighting and hiding, I want to stop being afraid of the dark, of being alone, causing pain. I just want it all to go away”. Sam had withdrawn into himself, tears rippling the water of the pool below like rain. “I just want it all to go away”.

Frodo wasn’t speaking, was he even still there? What if he did send Sam away? The gardener couldn’t return home without Mister Frodo. He could never go home.

He looked over his shoulder and flinched, Frodo was standing behind him.

“Do you want to leave?” His Master asked with his own breaking voice.

“What?” Sam turned his head to face Frodo, wondering it he had ever been so afraid in his life. “No, please I don’t…” He stopped, took a deep breath. That was out of order, it wasn’t his place. “If that is your decision Mister Frodo”. He whispered, looking away and then closing his eyes. He was trying to control his sobbing, but that just made it more painful.

He felt Frodo sit down beside him and tensed, waiting for whatever was going to be said. Instead an arm was placed around his back, gently pulling until he gave in and rested his head on Frodo’s shoulder. The embrace encircled him, rocking gently, and he felt Frodo’s cheek rest on top of his head.

“You ninnyhammer”. Frodo murmured, and for Sam it was as if every single knot and weight within him was taken away, his tears now ones of painless relief, relief from everything dark that had happened between the Shire and the Cracks of Doom.

Neither took much notice of the time passing, but it was a long time before Frodo spoke again.

“You were wrong, saying that you’re not a hero Sam”. He whispered. “Don’t you see it? I could not continue, if you had not left me we would have both have been captured, and the Ring taken to Sauron. The moment you took It from me you saved everything. You could have run away, but instead you were determined to take on the Quest alone. That was a very brave thing”.

“I was scared”.

“Aragorn would have been scared in that situation, even Gandalf. Bravery is not immunity to fear, it is conquering fear and that’s what you did. And now you’re safe, and so is everyone else thanks to you”.

Sam didn’t say anything. After a long pause Frodo started to laugh quietly. “You are not going to get arrogant about this are you Samwise Gamgee”.

Before he knew it Sam was laughing with him. It was spontaneous; out of relief, embarrassment, or simple mirth he didn’t know. Maybe it was all three. Anyway he was laughing and Frodo was laughing, in that musical way Sam had feared he would never hear again.

“Arrogant?” Sam replied with false shock. “Me sir, never in my life”.

Frodo loosened the embrace letting his friend sit up. The gardener dried his eyes on his sleeve, still chuckling.

“We’re forgetting Gollum”. He said. “He was really the one that got It into the fire”.

“Yes the One Ring was destroyed by Its own power over another”. Frodo, himself becoming increasingly tired, shimmied across to a small slope of the ground and laid back, arms folded behind his head. “It is actually rather poetic”.

Sam took the blankets from the bench and put one over him, but before he could do anything with the second Frodo sat up and took it, motioning for Sam to lie down as well.

“You look as tired as I feel”.

“Trouble sleeping”. Sam let the blanket cover him and turned onto his side, facing his friend.

“What ever made you afraid I would send you away? You’re only family after all”.

“Family?” Sam said, raising his head slightly.

Frodo smiled. “Something Bilbo said once. ‘Always in life we have two types of family, relations we are given, and friends that we choose’. If my memory is right, we were discussing you at the time”.

“You and Mister Bilbo said that about me?” Had he not been so tired and comfortable, Sam would probably have jumped up with excitement and pride.

“Did you honestly think you were just a gardener to us?” Frodo rolled his eyes. “No matter what, you will always be part of our family, which means you can stop worrying about stupid ‘punishments’, as if you deserve them anyway”. He covered Sam’s hand with his own. “Promise?”

“Promise Mister Frodo”. Sam nodded happily, and then stifled a yawn.

Frodo raised an eyebrow. “Somehow I know you won’t have any trouble sleeping this afternoon”.

Sam’s rubbed at his eyes but he couldn’t keep them open any longer. Frodo lay back down, closing his own eyes.

“Oh, I meant to tell you”. He said. “I love this garden, thank you for showing me”.

“Thank you for showing me”. Sam said before sleep took him.