For Writerj, who gave me the first lines.

Merry appeared, begrimed and disheveled.

"Everything's under control," he insisted.

From behind him, there was the sound of breaking glass. A wisp of smoke trailed out of the door and into the corridor.

"There's no cause for alarm," Merry said, holding soot-covered hands out in reassurance.

A horrible squealing noise erupted from the kitchen, followed by Pippin's frantic, "Merry! The pig!"

"Just stay calm and let me handle this," Merry hastily said, and disappeared back into the kitchen.

In the corridor, Frodo covered his face with his hands.

"Sir," Sam said with a pained look on his face, "it hurts me to say this, but they're just horrible lads."

"I know, Sam," Frodo muttered.

In the kitchen, Pippin gave a high-pitched squeal remarkedly similar to the pig's. It was followed by a bang and a thud.

"We're all right!" Merry called. "No need to come in here. Nothing happening here!"