I'm rating this one PG, to be safe. ^_^

The Evil Necromancer

Reginard is 29, Everard 18, Merry 16, Pervinca 13, and Pippin 8 (about 18, 11, 10, 8 and 5 in Man Years)

1398 SR
 

“Ha! I caught them all!” Pervinca exclaimed.

“You did not,” Everard countered.

“I did too!”

“You did not! One fell under the chair.”

“Please, Everard,” Pervinca said. “All I have to do is open my hand to prove you wrong.”

“Then open your hand,” Everard challenged.

Pervinca pretended to hesitate, regarding her closed hand as if she were reluctant to follow the command, then opened her hand triumphantly to display all seven buttons in her palm. She smiled smugly and waved the buttons under Everard’s nose.

“Beginner’s luck,” Everard said. “You can’t do eight.” He took the buttons from Vinca’s palm and added one from the pile on the floor. Then he held his hand with the palm faced downward and arranged the buttons on it. He threw a challenging glance to Pervinca, then flicked his wrist, turned his hand palm upward and easily caught all eight buttons. Now it was his turn to be smug.

“Oh, impressive,” Pervinca said, clearly anything but impressed. “I’ll do nine.”

“Don’t you think you ought to try eight first?” Everard said, handing the buttons back to her.

Vinca smiled sweetly. “Not everyone is as slow a learner as you are,” Vinca said cajolingly. “Watch and be amazed.” But to her unending embarrassment, her next attempt was not so successful. She only caught six of the buttons, the other three falling untouched to the floor around her. She tried to hide her blush with a scowl.

“Wow, that was impressive!” Everard said with a laugh. “Your backward progression was truly spectacular, not to mention inspiring.”

“Be careful with all those big words, Ev. You might hurt something.”

“I told you it was beginner’s luck,” he gloated and laughed again when Vinca shoved him to his side.

Merry breathed a loud, put-upon sigh and looked up from his book to glare at them. He wished that Frodo and Bilbo hadn't had to leave for Hobbiton that morning. He could be outside exploring, instead of sitting here as his cousins constantly griped at each other. He was developing a headache, and if he had to listen to one minute more of their squabbling, he was likely to pull hair and not necessarily his own.

“Everard,” he said, putting the book aside and standing up to stretch. “Let’s find Ferdi, Cedric and the others. We can get a team together and play some kickball, or go down to the links for a round of golf. I need to stretch my legs a bit.”

“All right,” Everard agreed easily.

Everard was in the process of standing up himself when the apartment door flew open and Pippin came dashing into the parlor. His little face was pinched tight with concern, and his eyes were wide with alarm. He ran right over to Merry and stood fidgeting in front of him.

“What’s the matter, Pipsqueak?” Merry asked. “I thought Pimmie had taken you to get your hair cut.” He eyed Pippin’s still lengthy curls.

Pippin ignored this question and delivered an urgent one of his own. “What was that thing called again?”

“What thing?” Merry asked.

“That thing in the forest,” Pippin elaborated.

Merry shook his head, at a loss. They hadn’t been to any woodland areas since they arrived at the Great Smials last week for the Thain’s birthday. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Pippin stomped his foot and flapped his hands impatiently, his expression becoming more frantic. “That thing, Merry! In that forest!” he said again, as if that would be enough to clarify the situation.

“What thing in what forest?” Everard tried next.

“You’re not making any sense, Pigeon,” Vinca said.

Pippin ignored them both and continued to look up imploringly at Merry, beseeching him to understand. His lower lip began to quiver and tears were forming in his eyes. Now Merry leaned forward in alarm. Something was seriously wrong. “What is it, Pippin?” he asked. “Is someone hurt in the forest?”

Pippin shook his head and stomped both feet, his frustration evident. “No! When Bilbo was with the dwarves and he fought the spiders!” Pippin said.

This gave everyone pause. What could that possibly have to do with anything?

Pippin flapped his hands again and licked his lips. “It was a, uh, a… um… nec- nec-”

“Oh!” Merry said, finally understanding what Pippin was asking, though he was no closer to knowing why he was asking it. “You mean the necromancer?”

Pippin nodded empathetically, sighing with relief at finally being understood, but he was still gravely upset. “That’s a really bad person right?”

Merry nodded. “They’re sorcerers. From what I understand, it’s the worst thing you can come across. That’s why Gandalf went alone to deal with it. Only a wizard can hope to defeat a necromancer.”

“Can it be anyone?” Pippin asked next.

Merry shrugged, still every bit as baffled as he has been since Pippin first barged in. By the looks on Vinca and Everard’s faces, they were just as lost as he was. Where was this leading? “I suppose it could be.”

“How long would it take to get Gandalf here?” Pippin asked, his worry and fretting mounting again.

“Why would Gandalf need to be here?” Everard asked.

“Did you get into the chocolate again?” Vinca asked.

“No!” Pippin said indignantly, turning his head for a brief moment to glare at his sister before returning his attention to Merry. “I saw one, Merry! I saw one! Right here!”

“You did?” Merry asked, doubtful. Pippin was obviously letting his imagination run away with him again. “Where?”

“Here!” Pippin repeated, his exasperated tone suggesting that Merry must not be as bright as Pippin always thought he was.

“I don’t think so.”

“But I did!” Pippin said, nearly yelling he was so distraught. “I was peeking into the sitting rooms, just because, and I saw one. He was sucking out her soul and she was groaning in pain! We have to save her!”

Vinca shook her head. This is what came of listening to Bilbo’s tales night after night for the last week. As much as she loved her older cousin, she wished he would take into consideration how impressionable some children, namely Pippin, were to his stories of adventure.

Merry and Everard exchanged bewildered looks. Everard came up behind Pippin and slowly, carefully, placed a hand on the lad’s shoulder so as not to startle him. “Who was doing what?” he asked.

Pippin turned his worried green eyes up at Everard and suddenly seemed reluctant to answer. He bit his lip and played with the seams of his breeches.

“Who, Pippin?” Merry asked.

Pippin looked back at Merry and whispered, “Reginard.”

“My brother?” Everard exclaimed in disbelief. That was the last name he had expected to come out of Pippin’s mouth. Reginard was such a prude usually and wasn’t in the habit of imitating evil sorcerers. “What are you talking about?”

“He’s one of them! I saw!” Pippin said. “We have to save her, Merry!”

“My brother is not a necromancer!”

“I saw him!” Pippin insisted.

“I’m telling Mum you got into the chocolate again,” Vinca said.

“I did not!” Pippin shouted.

“All right! All right!” Merry said, holding up his hands for peace. He has seen Pippin worked up like this before and he knew from experience that there was only one way to settle this. He straightened up but continued to look down at his cousin as he held out his hand. “Show me.”

“But we need Gandalf,” Pippin said.

“I’ll take the risk,” Merry said and looked as encouraging as he could.

Pippin finally nodded and led Merry out of the apartment, Everard and Vinca following close behind. They followed Pippin along the eastern curve of the outermost tunnel to the front of the Smials. When they reached the sitting rooms, Pippin slowed and studied the doors closely until he found the right one. Then he held a finger to his lips and knelt on the ground. The others knelt behind him and Pippin reached up and slowly, quietly, opened the door. They peered inside, craning their necks and trying to look around each others heads to see through the narrow crack. Pervinca gasped, Merry’s eyes bulged and Everard’s jaw dropped.

In the center of the sitting room, squeezed into a stuffed high-backed armchair, were Reginard and Opal Stonebow. Opal was sitting sideways on Reginard’s lap, her legs dangling over the side of the chair. As they watched, Reginard and Opal whispered happily to each other, Opal playing with Reginard’s hair and collar. After a moment, they kissed and Reginard trailed kisses down Opal’s cheek to her neck, where a red spot showed out clearly against her fair white skin, and Opal hummed happily.

“See!” Pippin whispered, nudging Merry with his elbow. “He’s a neck romancer! He’s sucking out her soul!”

Merry, Everard and Pervinca burst with laughter, scaring the couple in the sitting room to within an inch of their lives. Opal and Reginard jumped to their feet and Opal immediately started straightening her hair and covering her neck with the collar of her dress.

“Everard!” Reginard scolded. At the same time, Pippin looked down at his friends and said, “What’s so funny?”

Vinca sat back and leaned against the tunnel wall for support, wiping tears from her eyes. Merry slumped down to the floor and slapped his hand against the wood boards, and Everard grabbed a stitch that was forming in his side, gasping for breath. Reginard came to the door and yanked it full open, scowling down at his intruders.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he demanded.

Pippin looked between his sister and cousins, thoroughly confused. Why were they laughing? Well, if Merry wasn’t going to do anything… He turned his glare on Reginard and placed his hands on his hips. “We came to save her,” he stated, pointing at Opal.

“Save me?” Opal asked.

Pippin nodded, his face a picture of seriousness. “He was sucking out your soul. He’s an evil neck romancer!”

“What!” Reginard exclaimed, but his question was lost amongst the renewed laughter. His brother and cousins, minus Pippin, were quickly reaching the point of hysteria. Reginard did his best to shout over them and thanked the stars that there was no one in the surrounding sitting rooms to hear any of this. “Does someone want to explain what is going on?”

Pervinca, Everard and Merry struggled to regain control and find their breath, their laughter slowly fading to hiccups and half-suppressed chuckles. Everard wiped his tears on his shirt sleeve and Merry managed enough strength to sit up straight. Pippin kept scowling at them all, not understanding why his Merry was taking this situation so lightly. Opal came up behind Reginard, simultaneously trying to hide behind him and peer over his shoulder to look into the hall.

“What if they say something to someone?” she whispered to Reginard. “Father will not be pleased.” Reginard held out a hand; he would deal with that once he got some answers.

“Well?” Reginard asked. “Does someone want to explain?”

Merry was the first who felt he could talk without laughing again. “Pippin thought…” chuckle “Pippin thought…” chuckle gasp “He thought you were…” giggles “…were a…” Then Merry was doubled over again, laughing so hard he could barely breath.

“I’m losing my patience,” Reginard warned.

“Pippin thought you were a necromancer,” Everard was able to get out.

“He is!” Pippin said indignantly. “He’s a neck romancer!”

“No, Pip,” Merry struggled through his laughter. “Not neck romancer. Necro. Mancer.”

“I don’t get it,” Pippin said, but Merry was in no condition to explain further.

Finally, Pervinca, who was the first to come back to her senses completely, thought of a way to explain it that wouldn’t further confuse her brother. “It’s like there, they’re and their. They’re running late. Their jackets are blue. He’s standing over there. Different words that sound the same but mean entirely different things. So while Reginard might be a neck romancer, he’s not a necromancer.”

“Oh,” Pippin said in a small voice as understanding dawned at last. He peeked up at Reginard and Opal through his lashes, his green eyes apologetic. “Sorry.”

“Sorry?” Reginard said. He took Opal’s hand and led her out of the room and around the group on the floor. He nudged Everard gently with his foot and waited until Everard turned his tear-streamed face toward him. “You and your friends better not tell anyone about this,” he warned.

“Or you’ll do what? Suck out my soul next?” Everard said, still chuckling softly. “You owe us. You owe us, forever.”

“Fine, I owe you but only if no one says anything,” Reginard said and Everard nodded his consent.

Pippin watched as Reginard and Opal walked away down the tunnel then looked down sheepishly at Merry. “So, he’s not an evil neck romancer?” he asked.

“No, Pip,” Merry said, finally sober enough to keep a straight face. “He’s not evil.”

“He’s a good neck romancer?”

“From the looks of it,” Pervinca said and everyone burst into laughter again.

Pippin stood there for a time, frowning down at his friends as they slumped back bonelessly to the floor, then turned and walked down the tunnel to look for Pimmie. Really, he’d rather be getting a haircut than watch his sister and friends roll about on the floor like a bunch of chuckleheads.
 

GF  4/20/06