Chapter 15 - Homeward Bound

Astron 4

“I really wish you would consider staying another day or two,” Esmeralda said. “I think it would do you good to spend the Anniversary here. Enough time has passed.”

“That isn’t why I’m going,” Frodo said. “With all that has happened, I need to return home and make sure everything is as it should be. If I stay here, I will only worry.”

They were alone in Merry’s room. Frodo was triple-checking his pack, making sure he had everything, convinced he was forgetting something. Esmeralda sat at the desk, watching her former ward with fondness, and waited. She had noticed Frodo glancing at her significantly during first breakfast, which was eaten in the family parlor, and she suspected he had something he wanted to talk to her about. 

Getting Frodo alone had not been easy. From the moment of his return yesterday, Merry and Pippin had been practically glued to his side, not letting him out of their sight for more than a few minutes. They had even wound up in bed with Frodo during the night, snuggled together cramped but cozy on Merry’s small bed. When Esmeralda had asked for a minute alone with Frodo, they had balked at having to leave the room. It finally took their fathers coming in and pushing them out the door to give her and Frodo some peace. Now that they were alone, Frodo did not seem to know how to start the conversation. 

“Out with it, lad,” Esmeralda finally goaded. “I know that look. What’s on your mind, child?”

Frodo fastened up his pack and sat on the bed to face his ‘aunt’. He hesitated another minute or two, then asked, “Do you remember me having any strange dreams while I was living here?”

Esmeralda raised her eyebrows in surprise. This was not the topic of conversation she would have expected, but she considered the question carefully. “You had so many dreams, so many nightmares, especially those first few years. Most of them you could never remember. The rest were typical dreams, I suppose.”

“Are you certain? I never mentioned any dreams that were especially strange?” Frodo pressed.

Esmeralda thought harder, searching her memory. She shook her head. “No, none that I recall. I mean, dreams are supposed to be strange. I don’t see how one could be any stranger than another. What’s this about? Did you have a dream last night you want to talk about?”

“No. I suppose it’s nothing,” Frodo said with a shrug. Whatever his dreams meant, if they indeed meant anything at all, would have to remain a mystery for now. In the meantime, he had something else he needed to say and he rushed ahead before he could lose his nerve. “I’m sorry to have put you through so much worry. That’s all I ever seem to bring you is worry. Sometimes I wonder how you were able to put up with me all those years.”

“It wasn’t easy raising you,” Esmeralda admitted, “but Saradoc and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. It was never a matter of putting up with you. We just didn’t know what we were doing. We ever only wanted what was best for you, and in the end, that was Bilbo. He was the only one who could save you from your sorrow. Maybe we should have sent you to him sooner, after that first incident. Maybe you weren’t ready then. I still don’t know for certain, but Merry was good for you at least. You lit up the first time you held him. It was the first real smile I’d seen on your face in a long time. You were good for him as well, letting him tag along after you.”

“He’s the closest thing to a brother I have, him and Pippin, and you were the best substitute for a mother I could ask for. Bilbo may have ‘saved’ me from here, but he was only able to do so because you and Sara loved me first, and you never gave up on me, even though I am sure there are times you wanted to.”

“Oh Frodo,” Esmeralda said, tears springing to her eyes. “I never could have given up on you. I may have doubted myself quite a few times, but I always knew you were special. You’re the best hobbit I know.”

Frodo quirked an eyebrow in amusement. “What about Saradoc and Merry?”

“Oh, they’re nice too.”

They laughed comfortably, then stood to hug warmly. An impatient knock on the door interrupted the tender moment. “Frodo?” Merry asked worriedly on the other side.

“I’m still here Merry,” Frodo laughed.

“Go on, lad, before they batter down the door,” Esmeralda chuckled and kissed Frodo on the brow. “Take care of yourself and if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask us for help.”

“I won’t,” Frodo said, and meant it.

Esmeralda followed Frodo to the parlor where the others were waiting. Paladin took Frodo’s pack and Saradoc embraced Frodo tightly, mindful of his ribs. “Don’t you scare us like that again lad,” he whispered into Frodo’s ear.

“I’ll not frighten you again, Uncle Sara,” Frodo promised.

Saradoc patted Frodo’s back and ended the embrace with a brief kiss to Frodo’s brow. “Travel safely. Send Merry back home whenever you get tired of him, or in two weeks, whichever comes first.”

“I’ll be sending him home in a couple of days then,” Frodo said with a mischievous grin.

“You will not!” Merry protested. “I shall not let you get rid of me that easily.”

“Oh, I fear that’s only too true,” Frodo said, a tortured expression on his face. “I shall never have any peace again.”

“That’s right,” Merry affirmed. “You just best get used to it Frodo. I’ll be by your side night and day for the duration of my stay. As for future visits, I’ll show up when you least expect it, and they shall be more often, and longer, so I can keep an eye on you better.”

“Well, why don’t you just move in then?” Frodo teased.

“I could do that, but then I’d have to travel here to visit Mother and Father, which would still mean leaving you alone, unless Pippin can come up during those times. What do you say Uncle Pally, do you think we could work out a schedule?” Merry asked seriously.

“Honestly, Merry, that’s much too much trouble,” Frodo said, laughing. “Sam could watch me while you’re gone and since he’s there all the time anyway, you can stay here.”

“Trying to get rid of me already are you?”

“Yes, and quite unsuccessfully, I can see.”

“Before you two get carried away,” Pippin interrupted, “I believe the carriage is ready and waiting. We had best be going.”

The tunnels were empty as Paladin led Frodo, Merry and Pippin to the exit nearest the stables. Frodo thought it odd that they did not pass anyone, not even a servant. Usually after first breakfast, the tunnels were busy with hobbits going about their daily business and even the ones that slept in late would be making their first appearances. Yet there was no one about. He soon found out why.

News does not take long to travel through the warren of Brandy Hall, and the more outrageous the rumor, the faster it went. When it was discovered that Frodo, who had yet to be seen by anyone except the Master and his family, Milo Burrows, the healer and a few very privileged servants, would be leaving after first breakfast, the residents of the Hall had made their way outside to see for themselves the miracle of Frodo’s return. 

When Frodo emerged outside, he was scared nearly out of his wits by an outburst of cheering and applause. “He is alive! Doesn’t that beat all?” someone near the back of the crowd shouted, and several others agreed that it did, in fact, beat all. Frodo could only gape at everyone in response.

“Don’t look so surprised Frodo,” Merimac said at the front of the crowd. He nodded towards Merry and Pippin. “You’re the only one who can keep those two in check. You think we don’t appreciate that?”

Merry and Pippin attempted to scowl through their grins, then went with Paladin to wait by the carriage as Frodo said his good-byes. Paladin patted his pony, tied to the back of the carriage, then mounted the coach’s seat to watch the scene.

Most of those assembled, now sufficiently convinced that Frodo was indeed whole and sound, dispersed back to their regular duties, but many lingered to properly welcome Frodo back and send him off. Berilac followed his father, then went Sederic, Hilda, Ilberic, Doderic and Celandine, then Ivory and Gordibrand, then Marmadas and Merimas, and several others Frodo was not even aware held any regard for him at all. Melilot came forward last. “It’s wonderful to have you back Frodo,” she said, and kissed him shyly on the cheek before turning quickly and retreating back into the Hall.

The crowd had gradually thinned during the farewells, so that only a handful now remained. Frodo waved a final farewell to them and climbed into the carriage, where Merry and Pippin were already seated. Merry was looking at his pocket watch, a painfully bored expression on his face.

“I must say Frodo,” he said as the carriage jolted into motion, “you took long enough with that, we might as well stay for second breakfast now. Really, when you said you wanted to get an early start, I thought you meant it.”

“And didn’t he say something about slipping away unnoticed?” Pippin said.

Merry nodded seriously. “Yes I believe he did. He’s clearly lost his touch.”

“I think that bump to the head did something to him,” Pippin added, serious now also. “Next trip we take, I think you should plan it Merry. You’ll make sure we get on the road early and unnoticed, unlike a particular unreliable Baggins we both know.”

“You rascals,” Frodo muttered.

“No, I believe that you still hold the record of Worst Rascal in Buckland, my dear Frodo,” Merry said sweetly.

“For all that you’ve tried to usurp me,” Frodo put in. “You may as well admit defeat now.”

“Never,” Merry said.

“Frodo? The worst rascal in Buckland? I find that hard to believe,” Pippin said.

“Oh that’s because you haven’t even heard half of the stories there are about him. He was a regular delinquent in his day, and those stories are still told to young Bucklanders everywhere as examples of why they should be good little lads and lasses. I’ll be happy to tell you some of them.”

“Don’t you dare!” Frodo said.

“Now, now, Frodo,” Merry said with mock concern. “Don’t you worry yourself. I’ll take care of this. After all, the healer said you’re not to strain yourself, so you just sit back and relax. Now where was I? Oh yes. So, there I was telling Frodo I wanted some mushrooms, and so what does he suggest?”

“Meriadoc Brandybuck,” Frodo said as sternly as he could manage, but try as he might he could not hide the grin on his face. It was good to be home.

They crossed the Brandywine Bridge just after lunch. The three friends looked out the window at the River below, their first glance of it since the Storm. The River was running calm and serene, no longer a threat to any who ventured into it. The water level had lowered to its original bounds and the riverbanks were decorated with an array of wildflowers. One would never guess that just a week and a half before, the River had been raging out of control.

The River may not have succeeded in taking Frodo from them, but Merry and Pippin knew they would never regard it with innocence again. It would always appear just a little bit darker now, there would always be danger lurking just below the surface, out of sight. Pippin shuddered and looked away. Merry snuck a glimpse at Frodo and saw on his face the same expression he had seen that day coming back from fishing. Merry understood now what that expression meant. It was grief mingled with forgiveness, anger and acceptance entwined. It was innocence lost.

They reached Budgeford an hour later and stopped at Knob Creek, home of the Bolgers. Word of Frodo’s return had already reached across the Bridge, courtesy of the bounders, and it was a very relieved Fatty who greeted them.

“Folco’s here too,” Fatty said as he led his guests inside. “He was visiting when Porto stopped by and he hasn’t wanted to go home. Estella was baking non-stop the first few days. Now she’s baking and knitting. It just caught us all completely by surprise. When we heard the news yesterday, we didn’t know what to think.”

They entered the front parlor, where Fatty’s parents, Odovacar and Rosamunda, his sister Estella, and Folco stood waiting. Estella hugged Frodo with relief, then went on to hug Paladin, Pippin and Merry. Folco hugged Frodo also, tears springing to his eyes. Frodo patted his friend’s back until he calmed down enough for Fatty to steer him to a chair. Odovacar and Rosamunda were more formal in their greetings, shaking Frodo’s and Paladin’s hands.

Greetings over, they settled into their seats as a servant brought in tea and cake. When the servant left, Odovacar began. “Well, it’s been a very interesting couple of days to say the least. No one’s going to know what rumors to believe.”

“I’m sorry for putting everyone through all this,” Frodo said guiltily.

“There wasn’t exactly anything you could do about it Frodo,” Merry said. “It’s not like you can really argue with a healer. If she had said the word, you’d still be in Bree.”

Frodo made no response but everyone looked at him curiously. “Healer? Bree?” Odovacar ventured. “I think it’s safe to say we’re all curious what exactly happened.”

Frodo told them an abridged version of the story, hitting only the major points, and they listened attentively all the way through.

“I wouldn’t have thought Men good for anything,” Rosamunda said when he finished.

“Was it frightening, being in a strange place so far from home?” Estella asked.

“No, I can’t say I was ever scared,” Frodo answered. “I was asleep most of the journey to Bree and once I got there I never saw anything but the room in the healer’s house, until I left of course.”

“We’re glad you’re back,” Odovacar said.

“And I’m glad that miller was wrong about you,” Folco added in his simple way. “I knew that part didn’t make any sense.”

“What do you mean?” Frodo asked confusedly.

“Porto said that miller saw you step into the river,” Folco explained, “but you fell.”

“Step?” 

There was a long, strained silence. Frodo saw everyone’s stricken expressions, but comprehension only dawned when he looked at Merry and Pippin and they lowered their heads in shame. He felt as if he had been smacked in the face and punched in the gut simultaneously. He felt foolish and betrayed. He breathed deeply to steady himself and said in a disbelieving tone, “You thought I did it intentionally?”

“The miller said…” Estella began but trailed off into another silence.

“And you believed him?” Frodo asked looking still at Merry’s and Pippin’s bowed heads. “How?”

“We didn’t know what to think,” Merry said at length, his eyes still glued to the floor. “You had been acting so strangely and you left so suddenly, without your cloak. Then there was the room.”

“You believed him,” Frodo repeated accusingly, a lump forming in his throat. He could hear Pippin sniffling and could tell from Merry’s stillness that he was trying not to do the same. “You know me better than anyone. How could you think I would do something like that?”

Paladin cleared his throat and sat up straight. He regarded Frodo closely and chose his words carefully. “The important thing is that we now know the truth. What the miller reported came as a shock to us all, and that was because we didn’t believe it. We couldn’t imagine you doing anything of the sort. Yet at the lack of any other explanation, we had to accept it, unbelievable though it was. Do not judge us too harshly lad. I’m sure you can remember how grief can make you do and believe extreme things.”

Frodo held the Thain’s gaze solemnly and nodded. “I remember. I understand,” he said and sighed tiredly, suddenly exhausted.

Paladin noticed this and stood. He had promised the healer he would not allow Frodo to grow weary and it was time to leave at any rate. They still had a long way to go to The Floating Log Inn. “Thank you for your hospitality, Rosamunda, but we must be going.”

Soon, they were on the Road again and Paladin was driving them swiftly to Frogmorton. Inside the carriage, the three friends were silent, the earlier jubilance of the morning now gone. Merry and Pippin were contrite and Frodo was withdrawn into his own thoughts. Finally, Merry could stand the silence no longer.

“Frodo we’re sorry. We didn’t want to believe, I even accused Father of lying at first. It’s just…”

“Merry, I understand,” Frodo interrupted gently. “Actually, I have a confession of my own to make. Berwin knew Bilbo and knew where I might find him. He agreed to take me to him. I wasn’t going to come back, not for a good long while anyway.”

“What made you change your mind?” Pippin asked.

“It wasn’t time,” Frodo answered simply.

Frodo gave in to his exhaustion soon after that. He lay down as comfortably as possible and drifted off to sleep. His friends watched him in his slumber, appreciating anew how lucky they were to have him back. To give up Bilbo must have been a difficult decision.

Yet Merry was troubled. He replayed Frodo’s confession, especially his explanation for not leaving. ‘It wasn’t time.’ Which meant, one day, it would be time. Frodo would tire of the Shire eventually, especially now that he had been Outside. The desire to follow Bilbo would one day become too great a temptation to resist. Merry would have to watch him closely for signs of restlessness. He will have to be ready. ‘When that day comes, Frodo will not be going alone.’

Pippin was nearly overwhelmed with guilt. He had given up on Frodo, had given up hope and faith. He had found it easier to grieve than to believe the impossible. He had never really had any courage. Pippin peeked at Merry from the corner of his eye, then glanced back at Frodo sleeping peacefully across from them. He may not have Frodo’s sensibility or Merry’s determination, but he would strive never to let that stop him again. ‘Next time, I will not fail, I will not give up. I will stay true to the end.’

Frodo slept most of the afternoon, waking only when they stopped for tea by the roadside. The exuberance from earlier in the morning, followed by the tension of luncheon, had exhausted him. Merry and Pippin were not feeling very energetic themselves. They looked out their respective windows, dolefully watching the landscape roll by.

Paladin picked a secluded part of the road to pull over and take a midday snack. They hiked a short way to some nearby trees that would block them from the road and spread out a blanket. Tea was more relaxed than luncheon had been. Everyone seemed to have come to a silent agreement that there was no need to talk everything out just yet. That conversation was best left until they’ve all had a good night’s rest. For now, they spoke of their plans once they arrived at Bag End.

“It will be past midday when we arrive,” Paladin said. “I wish now I had agreed to let a servant drive the carriage. It will raise many eyebrows to see the Thain at the reins of the Master’s carriage.”

“It’s too late to worry about that now,” Frodo said. “Besides, word will most likely reach Hobbiton before we do anyway. They’ll be looking out for us either way.”

“Do you think Sam will be there? At Bag End I mean,” Pippin asked between bites of bread.

“I don’t know,” Frodo said. “If he’s not, I’ll have to go down to the Row to see him. I hate to think what he must be going through.”

“We could drop you off at the Row and get Bag End ready for you,” Merry suggested. He was rather eager to see Sam himself. He knew once Sam heard the rumor that Frodo was back, the gardener wouldn’t know what to make of anything. He would be even more confused than Fatty had been.

Frodo shook his head. “No, we’ll check Bag End first, just in case. He was the first you told I was gone. He should be the first to know that I’m back.” Frodo also wanted to be the first to enter Bag End so he could look for the ring, in case it was lying somewhere in the open. He did not want to risk one of his cousins finding it before him, especially without him readily available. Bilbo and Gandalf had wanted him to keep it a secret after all.

After tea, they returned to the road and traveled in companionable silence until they arrived at The Floating Log. As it was Trewsday, the inn was only half full of its usual patrons, but it was far from quiet. One hobbit was singing a lively jig atop a table and a half dozen others were cheering him on while the rest sang along. The hobbit on the table had the best vantage point of the door, and when the Thain came in, trailed by his son, nephew, and a very alive Frodo Baggins, he was so surprised he caught his foot on the edge of the table and fell onto the floor. In the resulting commotion, it took many minutes before anyone else noticed the newcomers. Once they did, an uncommon silence settled over those assembled as they stared in disbelief at the Master of the Hill. 

“Are there rooms to rent for the night or not?” Paladin finally asked hotly to the room in general.

At the sound of the Thain’s booming voice, everyone quickly went back to their merry-making but with a noticeably subdued murmur. Frodo knew everyone was discreetly watching him, no doubt discussing the ever-increasing oddity of the Bagginses of the Hill. He found, quite to his surprise, that he did not mind this in the slightest. He knew he would tire of it by the time they reached Hobbiton, but for the time being, he enjoyed standing about casually, looking bored and chatting with his friends, while Paladin made the arrangements. Anyone looking at them would have thought it was just an ordinary day.

Paladin rented two rooms, one for him and one for the friends. They did not stay in the main room to eat, but ordered dinner to be brought to their rooms. As soon as they entered the hall leading to their rooms, the common room erupted in excited chatter. If the patrons had nothing to speak of before, they now had a topic to keep them going long into the night. 

Dinner was brought to their rooms while they were washing up and after a satisfying meal, Paladin said good night and went to bed. Merry, Pippin and Frodo stayed up only a little while longer before following suit. Merry made sure Frodo took his medicine, then let his cousin into bed first. He and Pippin climbed in on either side of Frodo, and the three friends lay next to each other on their backs, relaxed and content.

“Sam will be so excited to see you,” Merry said with a yawn. “I wonder how Bag End fared with the storm. Last time, there was that little mudslide that buried part of your reading garden. Sam was in fits about that for weeks.”

Frodo smiled at the memory. “It was a sore test for him. Gaffer had just retired and he wanted to prove he could do the job on his own, and he did.”

“I think he was more upset for your sake Frodo. You had to suffer reading on the porch for a month, poor soul.”

Pippin sniggered softly. He had heard this one before, but wouldn’t mind hearing it again. “A whole month, you say? How ever did he manage that without going mad?”

“I think Merry’s told enough stories for today,” Frodo interrupted, the smile turning into a grin. “Besides, Peregrin Took, you have your own stories to tell about that storm if I recall correctly. Whatever possessed you to go sliding down the hill on a shovel?”

Pippin shrugged. “I was bored.”

Merry and Frodo laughed until their sides hurt; they both knew how dangerous a bored Took could be. “It had been raining for days,” Pippin said defensively. “Besides, it was Merry’s fault.”

“How? I wasn’t even there,” Merry said, no longer laughing.

“You told me that last time it snowed, you went sliding down hills on a shovel,” Pippin explained. “And you said that next time it snowed, you would take me, but it never snowed.”

“That’s a rather flimsy excuse,” Merry said.

“I was eleven,” Pippin defended, to which Merry started laughing again.

“Well, if age is your excuse for acting silly, you must still be eleven,” Merry responded.

Frodo shook his head. He had heard Merry and Pippin have these arguments before and knew how easily they could get out of hand, and how long they could last. Best nip this one at the bud or none of them would get any sleep. “Well, it sounded like it would have been fun, if not for what resulted afterward. Next time it rains or snows, if we’re all together, we’ll have to try it out,” he said. He yawned widely. “Good night Pippin. Good night Merry.”

“Good night Frodo. Good night Pipsqueak.”

“Good night Frodo. Good night Mer-Bear.”

“How come I don’t have a nickname?”

“You do. It’s… Um…”

“I know it. It’s, well… that’s odd. He doesn’t have one. We should give him one.”

“How about Puff? Because he vanishes like a puff of smoke.”

“Or Dasher, because he dashes off into storms.”

“I’m never going to hear the end of this, am I?”

“Or Fish, because he swims like one.”

“Oh, I know! Blue Ice, because of that look he’s no doubt giving us right now, but it’s too dark to see. Really, you’re wasting a perfectly good glare Frodo.”

Paladin listened to the laughter and murmuring in the next room, a contented smile on his lips as he drifted off to peaceful sleep. 

To be continued…