Bandobras Took, Crickhollow,

To Legolas Thranduilion, Ithilien

Dear Master,

Well, that letter was a shocker and no mistake!  Good gracious me, Master, whatever are you thinking?  More to the point though, what is Galás thinking, to wrap this up so quick, that ought rather to be thought over careful-like?  Honestly, I expected better of him; he might be a little silly and all but I didn't ever think he could be so foolish.  Dear me, after all we mortals have to hurry up and wed and have babies because our time here is limited, but you're an Elf, Master, and you've got loads of time – why rush things so?  It's not as though she'll get any less pretty as the years go on – why, look at your mother now; she's old as dirt and still pretty as a young lass.  Prettier, really, I think, and probably the prettiest Elf in the world barring her Majesty Queen Undómiel (see, I remembered her title this time!) though don't tell Seimiel and Hirilcúllas I said so, they might not like to hear that.  And the young lady sounds a fair treat, Master, but even if you're drawn to her like, I don't see the need to hurry to the altar.  Can't you wait, Master?  Can't you put things off for a time?  Cousin Merry told me this Lord Círdan's a mighty powerful Elf indeed, but your dad's no piker and I bet you anything he'll back you up if you want to delay things till you and this Laustairë get to know one another a little better.  Who knows; you may discover she's not what you want in a wife, and better to discover this now than after you're joined and it's too late.  And if you DO discover she's just exactly what you want, why then, a couple years here or there won't make much difference to your kind; you'll be wed forever, after all.

O Master, I don't like this one bit; you sound so unhappy, Master, even if your young lady's so pretty and you like her; you know you're not ready and she's probably not ready even though she says she is and it's just other people pushing you together, it's not like you were just riding along one day and met her and fell in love with her, or even if you'd known her for a while like Seimiel and fell in love slow-like.  (That does happen, you know, Master; that's what happened with Cousin Merry and Estella – played together as children, they did, and didn't realize they were in love until long after they'd grown up.)  Not that I'm pushing Seimiel on you again, Master; you seemed so put out last time I mentioned her, but you know you and she HAVE known each other a terrible long time and though I'm very young I think it would be much, much better to marry someone you know than just some pretty maid from far away.  On the other hand, the Grey Havens are close to the Shire, or so Master Gamgee tells me, so that if you ever wanted to visit your in-laws you could always stop by and stay with us a spell.  That is if she doesn't mind Hobbits – does she like Hobbits, Master?  O please do tell me she likes Hobbits, I don’t think I could stand it if you married someone who didn't approve of me, that would be terrible!  And what about Gimli, Master?  You said most Elves don't care for Dwarves; she's not one of those types of Elves, is she, Master?  She MUST like Gimli or it won't work at all, as well you know it.  And while I'm on the subject you tell Gimli for me that I don't approve of what he called you, I've writ to him and told him off for I don't think it's right at all to say such a thing whether he likes her or not.  "Idiot Elf" indeed!  Makes me mad just to think on it.

Uncle Pip and Mother and Cousin Merry and Master Gamgee are all set upon their ears by this news, Master; why Uncle Pip was so flabbergasted he just sat there with his mouth open, couldn't believe it, you know.  And to get Uncle Pip to be so surprised he can't say nothing is quite a feat – was almost worth the news we got to see him so took aback.  We none of us like what you've told us, for we think it all happened so terrible quick, and it's not like you to sit back and let them run roughshod over you in this way; you've been so busy and worried and put-upon these past few years and I just think they're taking advantage of you in a weak moment, Master, I really really do, and it's terrible unfair because as much as you tell me she's so pretty I can tell from your letter you're awful upset too, and if you're wise you'll take my advice – though really it's not my advice at all, it's Master Gamgee who said it, I was all for loading you up on a boat and shipping you off to Valinor straight away to get away from her – if you follow Master Gamgee's advice you'll put a halt to all of this for a season and let things slow down a bit till you and Laustairë can get to know one another and decide if you truly, truly want to do this.  I mean, dancing with pretty maids at parties is one thing, but mostly it's all nonsense and moonlight, or so Uncle Pip tells me, and after a few weeks you start wondering why you wasted your time so and you regret those kisses stolen behind the barn.  (I'm not talking from personal experiences here, Master, so don't you worry none; this is Uncle Pip talking, you know – he's fallen for more pretty maids than any other Hobbit in the Eastfarthing, though right now it's certainly Diamond making more the impression, which kind of proves his point, for he never danced with her at all at a party, just fell for her sudden-like in the market at Long Cleeve one day, and now he says all them other maids was just for practice.)  And Mother says she thinks you've just had your head turned by a pretty face, what with all this blather and pother about your getting wed these past few years, for if your mother and father and Galás and Kaimelas hadn't of been pushing it on you, you might never have thought on it when you saw her, only thought to yourself, "Now, there's a mighty fine looking maid," and just passed it off like, for you weren't thinking of courting at all, but since it's been naught but talking of your finding a wife for time out of mind it's no wonder everyone jumped so upon the way you looked at each other, and as to your dancing with her three times, well, if she's easy to look at and a good dancer what of it?  You could say that about almost any other woman in your fiefdom, Master, so it means little really, and I think you ought not to get so carried away.

Now, Master, I don't want you getting mad at me, for I know a fellow gets awful hot under the collar when someone dishes the dirt on a maid what he fancies, and I know I'm just a young Hobbit and not very knowledgeable about Elf marriages and politics and such, but I do love you lots, Master, and I don't want you to be unhappy, and it's unhappy you WILL be if you continue on in this fashion.  Galás and your folks and this Nardanë might think it a right lark to foist the girl off on you so quick but I don't rightly think they're acting in such a way that will ensure your happiness in the long run.  Your letter was awful upsetting, Master, you sound so confused and dejected and couldn't even decide if you were happy or not, so I'm guessing it's "not" and that's not right, you know, Master, for if a fellow's marrying well he'll be a touch nervous but oh so happy, like Uncle Pip is happy – oh yes, by the way your advice worked, he and Diamond are getting married next Summer – but he and Diamond are awfully well suited for each other, and I don't know as you and Laustairë are, and I'll bet you anything you don't know, either.  How could you, Master?  Why, you don't know her at all, and she's from so far away, not even the same kind of Elf as you, what if you don't get on?  I couldn’t stand to think of you married to someone who didn't like or understand you, Master, it would be so awful to know you had made a mistake perhaps, and married too soon.  And what if she don't get on with your other ladies in the court, or with Galás (it'd serve him right, and that's the truth, like to see HIM frog-marched to the altar and married off to someone he don't know), or with your folks, or Lord Faramir and Lady Éowyn, or King Elessar and Queen Undómiel, or Lord Araval or Lord Aldamir or Lord Cirien or Lord Mardil?  You really ought to marry someone who gets on with your friends, you know; that's what Cousin Merry said, for he married a friend's sister and they all know one another in that group and it's quite a lot of fun for them, even Uncle Pip and Diamond like each others' friends and that makes things loads easier, for Mother told me when she married my dad his sister and hers didn't get on at all and it caused no end of ructions at get-togethers and parties for all they did was fight and it made things so uncomfortable for everyone else.  O please Master, don't let that happen; I love you so and I don't want to see you any more unhappy than you already are, which seems to me to be plenty unhappy, for you know in your heart you're making an awful mistake.

I'm sorry, Master, that I'm being so cruel-like, but I'm speaking to you out of love and concern for you and I truly think I'm right, why, even Mother and Uncle Pip and Cousin Merry and Master Gamgee think I'm right, which doesn't happen often I may tell you, for most often I'm wrong and they waste no time telling me, but not this time for even without my being there I can tell this is not what you are meant to do.  O please, please dear Master, do nothing till I can come to you and speak to you face to face; I can hardly bear to be apart from you right now, for it's plain to me you need someone else near you, who'll not be afraid of upsetting things (and you know that's never bothered me, Master) and saying what he thinks (that's also something I'm quite good at).  I'm begging Mother to let me come to you before Uncle Pip gets married, for now they're properly betrothed I'm sure things are settled and there's no need for me to be here any longer – O please, please Master, put this off a while, until I can come to see you!  Getting your gifts was a fair treat but it didn't do nothing to stop up that longing I have to go back to Ithilien and stay by your side, Master, for while I was eating of those olives you sent (everyone's quite impressed with them, I may tell you) it just put me in mind of sitting with you upon the parapet of the White Tower and looking down at the Pelennor, or over at the Ephel Duath, me swinging my feet and looking through my toes at the many levels of the city beneath me, and you leaning back on your hands, singing at the stars while Gimli puffed on his pipe.  O that we could do that tomorrow!  How happy I'd be, Master, if only I could be with you and speak to you, for the letter-writing is well enough in its way but I've got so many arguments and things to say that I'm sure would change your mind in this, and I know you only want a little nudge to set you straight once more.

Well, I've about writ myself out here; you'll be getting letters from all the other folks here too, about saying the same as I have, though you may be certain they'll say it more refined-like, as they've had more practice.

I love you, Master, so please don't be angry with me – I just don't want you to be unhappy, as you are now!

Love,

Your Bandobras